by Talya Andor
"So," Lucas said, clearly trying to sound casual, "Sloane's pretty cool, yeah?"
Soren looked up. "Yeah. My mom may complain that I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are golden. I'm lucky."
Lucas shook his head, a faint smile on his face.
"What?"
"She's open-minded," Lucas said. "That can be a rare thing on this campus. Brandon may've made a big deal over how I didn't tell him, but that was the worst thing he could say. Lots of other people would want to shut the door and lock it on that subject, and quit being your friend for good measure. It's pretty touchy."
"Tell me about it." There was more than one reason that Soren was so deeply closeted. He thought about it some more. "I didn't tell Sloane I'm gay, at first. Then, as we became closer friends, I realized even before I told her that she kind of already knew."
"That sounds like Sloane," Lucas said with a nod. "She's a perceptive girl. You know, she was telling me today that the customers pick up on the fact that Aaron gets testy with the store crew."
Soren shrugged. "I never really noticed."
"That's 'cause you're too focused on the espresso bar during a rush, and Aaron gets bitchy when the rush is on," Lucas said with a teasing smile that fell away. "God…something's got to be done about him."
"Why do you think he's such an ass? When you're shift super, what's he like on your crew?"
Lucas grimaced. "That situation hasn't come up that I can remember. Aaron usually works longer hours—I'm usually five to seven hour shifts—and the one with the longer shift is usually shift super." He shook his head slightly. "He's just pissed because I'm younger and I'm a better supervisor." He leaned back, looking self-assured.
Soren laughed. "Well, I won't argue. Speaking of Sloane, my mom flipped out last night when you dropped me off. She thought I was cheating on Sloane."
Lucas stared, then blinked. "Your mom…"
"I think she's getting a little desperate," Soren said cheerfully. "After all, I'm twenty years old and I haven't brought a girl home—not the way she wants, at any rate."
Reaching out, Lucas wrapped a hand around Soren's, his expression considering. "What do you think she'd say if you brought home someone like me?"
"'What a nice friend you have,'" he said. He curled his fingers around Lucas's.
Lucas looked thoughtful over that, nodding and tucking the corners of his mouth down. "You think, on some level, your mom might know?"
Soren pursed his lips. "She just worries, I think. Ugh, I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Lucas tugged on his hand. "Let's move to the couch, then, shall we?"
Snagging both cans, Lucas disposed of them and led Soren back to the recreation area. A pale wash of sunlight filtered in through the western window. Alec had left the TV on, although Soren hadn't realized until that moment; the volume was on low. The apartment was thick with silence.
"What if Jack walks in again?" Soren asked, releasing Lucas's hand to go for the remote.
"Simple enough," Lucas replied with a shrug, leaving Soren's side to lock the door. He returned and sank down onto the couch beside Soren, running his hand over Soren's knee and settling it comfortably on his thigh. His fingers dug softly into the muscle there, rubbing, but not moving any higher.
"That's better," Soren said, sliding his hand higher on Lucas's stomach. "You feel good." He stretched luxuriantly against Lucas's side.
"You feel irresistible," Lucas said, and his hands were low, pleasantly low. When their lips touched this time, heat thrilled down Soren's body and centered in his groin. "Enough talking," Lucas said against his mouth, "you taste good."
"Suits me," Soren murmured, and lifted his face to Lucas's kiss.
They kissed until Soren was breathless, and Lucas slid his hands under Soren's shirt, though he paused to look at him before he did it. Soren nodded and leaned in for more kisses. Soren was brushing his tongue against Lucas's, dabbling with increasing pressure, when an unwelcome buzz went off in his back pocket.
He broke away with a gasp, and rested his head against Lucas's neck, breathing his scent in. Lucas's hand flexed on his stomach.
Soren's phone buzzed again, and he pulled away with reluctance. He extracted it from his back pocket and turned it on, pulling up his new notification.
"Shit."
Lucas tensed beside him. "What?"
Soren groaned and lapsed against the back of the couch. The move pulled Lucas's hand out of his shirt. He lifted his phone and squinted at the display again, hoping for some ambiguity or loophole. "My sister has a study group, so my mom wants me to go to campus and get the family car, and pick up my little brother."
Lucas was silent, and pulled his other hand out of Soren's shirt. He was frowning.
Soren peeked over at him, wondering if he was mad. Part of him was grateful for the interruption. The apartment was so quiet, so deserted, but for the two of them, that Soren could have been lulled into going further. He wasn't sure he was ready. That didn't mean he wanted to mess things up with Lucas when they'd been going well, though.
"Duty calls, huh?" Lucas said, a smile tugging at his mouth.
"Sorry," Soren said, sheepish. He began to tap out a quick reply text to his mother. "Angie and I share the car. Lame, I know, but it's better than no car for either of us. I'm sorry, I don't—"
"It's okay. You don't have anything to be sorry for." Lucas drew Soren in with an arm, holding him close as Soren finished up his text.
"It's so hard to find time alone," Soren muttered, shifting and leaning back against Lucas's chest. He opened a new text, this one to his sister to ask where she'd left the car.
Lucas kissed his ear. "Yeah, I barely get the chance to have my wicked way with you. Don't worry about it—I'll take you to campus, okay? Just…I was happy I finally had you to myself this afternoon."
Soren nodded and bit his lip. "You will, again. As soon as we can manage it."
"But probably not as soon as we want?"
Soren didn't even have to glance at his calendar to know that was the case. "Never that."
Seven
The days passed in a blur of work and classes, as usual. Soren wanted to move the heaven and earth of his schedule to make time for Lucas, but he was painfully aware of the obligations of his coursework with the load of homework all of his professors were piling on him. The greater the stack got, the greater his anxiety became. It was a good thing Sloane was there to keep him on track, otherwise Soren might have blown it all off for the easier path, taking his stolen moments with Lucas and indulging himself with all the kisses and petting he could get.
He left the store with Sloane the next day, after she booked a study session with him following their shift. The fact that Lucas was in class took away whatever guilt he might have felt at using the time to catch up on papers instead of making it up to Lucas for leaving him early the day before.
"You're such an ass!" Sloane exclaimed, denting Soren's arm with a fist.
"Ow," Soren complained, rubbing at his arm and shooting her an injured look. It hadn't hurt, but that wasn't going to stop him from playing it up.
Sloane sniffed. "You ignored me for weeks."
"It wasn't that long. A week and a half, at the most. And be honest—you were busy too."
"Weeks," Sloane repeated dramatically, sounding crushed. "I didn't even see you at work, because you were usually scheduled mornings and I was closing. You couldn't even be bothered to text me."
"Didn't I? Well, I'm sorry. I was—"
"Was that so hard to say?" Sloane tilted her nose up and put on an imperious air as they walked down the block to her car.
"Ah, excuse me, princess. I wasn't aware I'd trampled on the royal feelings. I'm sure it gave you plenty of time to booze it up and go clubbing without me."
Sloane punched him in the arm again, harder this time. "That's not the only thing I do! I missed you, you ass. Now I'm starting to wonder why."
"Because I'm your favori
te."
"Some favorite," Sloane said, giving him an arch look. She pointed her key at her car and unlocked it for both of them. "Abandoning me for weeks."
Soren made a rude noise, but gave no further reply on that subject.
"What's new with Soren?" Sloane asked as she guided her car along the streets to the apartment she shared with a roommate. They had agreed to go to her place this time, because Soren didn't want to add fuel to his mother's fire over her imagined romance between the two of them.
"Boyfriend," Soren said, with a happy sigh.
There was a pause, and Soren could all but hear the eye roll that Sloane made in response to that. "Yes, and what else is new?"
Soren had to think about it. "Fall merchandise at the store?"
"You're such a dick," Sloane said, laughing. "Seen any good movies lately? Did you catch that new album that dropped last week? What's going on in your life, Soren? I've barely seen you online lately."
"Same goes to you…well, I don't think I told you, but I went to Voodoo Doughnuts for the first time ever."
"Did you? What did you have there? Oh man—did you try the Cock and Balls?"
"Why has everyone heard of that but me?" Soren said, but he laughed along when Sloane burst into giggles.
They spent the drive chatting and catching up. Soren learned that Sloane had been busy too, and her roommate was driving her nuts. They had a two-bedroom apartment near campus; it allowed pets, and her roommate had gotten a cat without asking Sloane first.
"She's out all the time, so she's never home to take care of the poor thing," Sloane said. "I think the pitiful baby thinks I'm her mama."
"Didn't you room with her last year?" Soren asked as they walked up the short sidewalk toward the square building of apartments. "I thought you guys knew each other pretty well."
"I thought so too," Sloane replied darkly. "Once we got out of the dorms into an apartment, though, everything has changed. She doesn't clean up after herself, she doesn't pay bills on time—I've had to send in a check myself, to make sure our power doesn't get cut off."
"Sounds like there's a lot more involved with living in an apartment, huh?"
"God, yes. Dorm life is so sheltered. Even though my parents give me money for room and board and stuff, I still have to do everything myself. It feels like I really am on my own, though I know my parents will always support me."
Soren bit his lip. He wanted that same kind of certainty. He knew Alan and Claire loved him, but would they still support him the same way if they knew he was gay? Sloane would always have a safety net. Soren didn't necessarily have that assurance.
"Everything okay?" Sloane asked. "Oh, what's new with the career search stuff?"
"Nothing," Soren said, casting his hands up. He followed Sloane into her ground-level apartment, looking around curiously. He'd been to her dorm, but never her apartment. It was a small, dingy place, with beige paint on the walls and an olive wallpaper in the kitchen, which was visible from the door. To their left was a nook with couches and chairs arranged in a horseshoe shape, all facing a low oblong coffee table. The far corner was faced in brick with a fireplace screened off by black mesh. Beside it, a big blocky cathode-ray tube television perched on the gray ledge in front of the fireplace. The overall effect made Soren think of an earlier era, seventies or eighties.
"Wow," Soren said, squinting into the dimness.
Sloane switched on the light beside the door. The yellow overhead light that illuminated the room wasn't much of an improvement.
"It's terrible," Sloane said in a bright voice, "but rent was so cheap, you wouldn't believe it."
"I'd probably believe it."
She swatted him playfully. "Oh, go sit down and get your homework out."
Soren picked out a seat on the couch and set his bag down, but stood for a moment and looked at her. "We're just going to get down to business?"
"Yes?" Sloane said, raising her brows at him. "Oh, did you want a drink?"
Soren smiled faintly. "You're not going to ask me anything about it?"
"About what?" Sloane asked, but her expression was far too innocent to be genuine.
It was Soren's turn to roll his eyes. "Me and Lucas." He untucked his shirt and sank onto the middle cushion of the couch.
Sloane dumped her bag at the narrow end of the coffee table and sat on the floor, kicking her shoes off. "Are we talking about that, now? I thought you were ignoring the whole subject, and me—"
"For weeks," Soren said, exaggeratedly anguished. "Sorry for keeping it to myself for so long. Really."
"I was busy," Sloane admitted, "but I did miss you, kid. You're one of my besties."
"Only one of them?" Soren said. He shook his head and laughed.
"Seriously, you are," Sloane said, bringing her knees up. "So why wouldn't you talk to me about it before?"
Soren shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know…" he began, and frowned. Claire had always told him that was a cop-out answer. He thought about it a little more. "I wasn't sure where it was going. Like, we could have gone out on one or two dates and then it might have been over. So, I didn't know if there would be anything to tell."
"And there is now?" Sloane asked. She looked curious, but not intrusive.
"He's my first boyfriend," Soren said quietly. "But he's bisexual…he's been with girls…yeah, I have some misgivings." Why would he want to stay with me when he could be with a girl? It was such a small-minded thought he couldn't voice it.
"You've talked to him about it, though, right?"
Soren bit his lip as he shook his head. "No, not really." He thought back to the day before, and being relieved when a change to his sister's plans had pulled him away from Lucas's side. He hadn't told Lucas about that, either. "And…I dunno. I'm worried I won't be able to, well, do it for him, because I don't know how to do anything."
Sloane's eyes grew wide. "Soren," she said in a no-nonsense tone. "You've got to talk to him about this stuff, or it's not going to work. Communicate. It's important."
Soren frowned at her. He had brought up the subject to begin with, but it had taken a turn he hadn't expected. He got enough unsolicited advice from his mother. "We talk," he said stiffly.
"Yeah, about boy stuff, maybe. You pull away, though, Soren. You go limp when sometimes you should stand your ground." She pointed a finger at him. "You can't just pull away with Lucas. He can't read your mind. You're going to have to tell him."
"I know that," Soren said too quickly. He turned his attention to his book-bag, beginning to pull out textbooks.
Sloane sighed. "You're doing it right now."
Soren ignored that, which was probably childish and proved her point. On the other hand, he wasn't like Sloane or Lucas, ready with snappy retorts and quick defenses. Sometimes he needed to process something before he was ready to talk about it. "Are we going to get some homework done, or what?"
"Yeah, homework time, I get it." Sloane tossed a pen at him. "See if I ever talk boys with you again."
*~*~*
Finishing a history assignment had never been such cause for celebration—not only because he no longer had that workload hanging over his head, but because he was free to invite Lucas out, this time. When Soren got off his Monday shift, Lucas was waiting for him.
"Where to?" Lucas asked as Soren slid into the passenger side.
Soren checked over his shoulder at the store, even though he knew that Aaron wasn't working that day. "How does sandwiches, followed by a trip to the Rose Gardens, sound? I brought my camera." He patted his bag as he settled it into the footwell.
"This sandwich shop, or did you have another in mind? Because I'd have to park, like, now."
"Oh! Sorry. There's a nice place across from Jeld-Wen Field, it's just down the hill from the Rose Gardens." Soren gave Lucas a quick set of instructions, the fastest route according to his father, and settled back in the seat. Sandwiches might lose their appeal pretty quickly, but it was within his budget. The Rose Gardens w
ould be free.
"Sounds good," Lucas said. "We can take advantage of this nice weather before the rains sweep all the sun away."
"That's the plan."
They chatted lightly in the car, familiar subjects, schoolwork and Jack's latest antic and bits of news ranging from political initiatives on an upcoming ballot, to celebrity trivia.
When they parked on the street again, Soren wondered if he ought to be offering to pay a share of the parking for their dates. He recalled Sloane's admonishment, communicate, and touched Lucas's arm as he joined him.
"Can I give you some money for parking?"
Lucas wrinkled his nose. "I don't think that's necessary."
"Yeah, but…fair share, and all that," Soren said. "I invited you out, you know? I want to pay."
Lucas broke into a grin. "You're paying for the sandwiches. And when you pick me up in your car, some time, I promise I won't pay you a cent."
Soren laughed. "Fair enough. And it's not mine; it's the family car."
"But it's your car to use, right?"
"Yeah, when Angie's not using it. Or Cassie. She's got her license too, but Angie and I are the primary drivers."
"Doesn't that drive you crazy?" Lucas asked.
Soren's brow creased. "What?"
"Having to split like that. Is it fifty-fifty, or have you got a schedule, or some other way of working that out?"
"You…have never had to share stuff, have you?"
"Only child," Lucas said, crooking a thumb at his chest.
"Obviously," Soren said, a smile tugging at his mouth. "No, it doesn't drive me nuts. I've been sharing stuff with my sisters since forever. Well, as long as I remember. Plus, my dad has drilled into all of us that it's not our car, it's a family car. If any of us tries to hog it, we're cut out of driving privileges until we agree to be reasonable."
"See, that would drive me nuts."
Soren shrugged. "I've never known any other way to do things. I don't get much to myself, even space or time. Thank God my dad made sure I got my own room when I hit a certain age, that's all I'm saying."