by Talya Andor
He spent a moment longer gazing at his screensaver, then realized he was squirming on his chair and got up with a self-conscious laugh. He was fidgeting, stalling and putting off the inevitable.
"Time to get serious," Soren said, cracked his knuckles, and went in search of the textbook he needed to enable his studies.
Sixteen
The Wilkenson house was dark and silent, and Soren tossed in the remnants of circular, pleasurable dreams before finally pushing his way free of tangled blankets. The rapping sound made him think indistinctly that the alarm had gone off to a strange tune before he realized it was knuckles on his door. 4:48, little more than ten minutes before he'd have to wake.
"Come in," Soren called out, lifting his head from the warm pillow with a great deal of effort. He sat up halfway, sleep-disordered hair seething around his face where it had pulled free of his hair tie.
Claire pushed the door open, shuffling into his room half-asleep, a blue kimono thrown over her green satin pajamas. She held out the phone without waiting for an answer, then moved with the same dreamy quality toward the door once more.
"Thanks," Soren mumbled to her departing back. He hadn't even heard the phone ring, but he supposed that might have been what had woken him up, beyond the vague heat of dreams he couldn't remember. He held the phone to his ear. "Yeah?" His voice was scratchy and he felt as if he were still sleeping.
"Soren, hi!" The chipper voice in his ear was Sloane, and she was far too enthusiastic for five a.m.
"Why are you calling my house phone?"
"Cause you didn't answer yours, duh. Must have it muted."
"Yeah, because I was sleeping." He rolled over, up onto his elbow, and pushed hair out of his eyes. "Sloane…I haven't even gotten out of bed yet. What do you want?"
"I'll make it quick. How'd you like to stay in bed this morning?"
"What do you mean?" Soren mumbled, glancing at the clock again. In a minute he would have to turn the alarm off and get ready for work.
"Switch shifts with me? Today for your Saturday." Sloane sounded entirely too awake, as if she'd planned this, and had woken long before, now needing only his permission to jump in her car and head for the store.
"Why?" Soren said, lucid suspicion surfacing. He wasn't very willing to give up a rare Saturday off. He always felt as if he'd earned them.
"Well…I…I made plans with someone."
Soren blinked, piecing it together. "Oh. I see."
"And we're going out Friday night…it's a rave, so I know we'll be out really late, I'd probably get home an hour before I'd have to turn around and go to work so…so I need Saturday off! I already got it approved by this morning's shift super, now I just need you to agree…"
"Must not be Aaron," Soren mumbled, removing a strand of hair from the corner of his mouth. He rolled onto his back and thought wistfully of a warm bed that included the length of Lucas pressed against his backside. In fact, they might be able to do things once they woke up… "Why didn't you call me last night?"
"Tried! You had your cell switched off, I guess…so…will you swap?"
"A rave, huh? From the person who was just advised me to keep things balanced?" Soren mused, drawing it out simply because he had to. Sloane hadn't gone on a bona fide date in ages. "I don't know, I think I had plans for Saturday…"
On the other end of the line, Sloane bit off an impatient, vaguely profane-sounding exclamation. "Pretty please, Soren? I'm really into this guy. I want to try him out, at least."
"This all-night rave thing, though," Soren continued, wondering if he could press Sloane to the cracking point. "For a first date? Sloane…"
"Oh, just say yes or no!"
"I'm for bed, thank you."
"Thank you! Wonderful…I'll see you later, then. Are we studying tonight?"
"I don't think so. Lucas and I…"
"Right, I know. Just don't get so caught up in him that you forget everything else, okay?"
That provoked a rueful smile from Soren. "I won't. I promise." Morgan and dinner the night before had reminded him that there were other things in life, and that remaining balanced was necessary.
After they hung up, Soren reset his alarm. No one, not even Lucas, would be overjoyed to see him at the ass-crack of dawn after a late night of homework.
Upon waking at a reasonable hour, showering, re-loading his duffel and readying his book bag, Soren informed his sister Angie that he was appropriating the car and he'd drive them all to school for a change.
"Ooh, Soren, assertive," Angie teased, wrapping bacon and toast in a napkin and hitching her back pack over one shoulder.
"Everyone ready?" Claire surveyed them all with a harassed eye. "Soren, your hair is down."
"I know, Mom." Soren reached up to finger a lock. He had a tie in his pocket, but seeing as he was going to wake Lucas up and he liked Soren's hair loose around his face…His mother would appreciate it if he kept that train of thought to himself.
"Fine, get out of here everyone, before Ricky's late for school," Claire said with a sigh, seizing her own insulated lunch bag, heels clicking across the floor. "See you tonight, children!"
Children. That was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? Soren preceded his siblings on the way to the car, loaded down with enough paraphernalia to prove he, at least, would likely not be returning for the night. To Claire, no matter how old he grew, he was still a child. He had never made a serious effort to break out of that mold before.
Soren tossed a grin over his shoulder. "Fasten your seatbelts, kiddies, you're in for a wild ride."
"Don't you dare," Angie said, tone sharp.
"As if I ever could."
Dropping off all four siblings was the work of nearly an hour, but with that accomplished, he was free. There was parking on the street outside Lucas's apartment complex, and he made use of this, hoping there was someone, maybe Lisa or Brandon, still around and inclined to let him in for the sake of surprise. Breath steaming, rubbing at his jacketed arms, he knocked on the door and rethought his plan. It wasn't much of a plan.
He should have called ahead. He began to dig around in his pockets for his phone.
Before he'd found Lucas's number, though, the door swung inward and Jack's sleepy, stubbled face greeted him, eyes sharpening with recognition after a second. "What the hell?"
"I'm here to see Lucas," Soren said, fingers tightening on the strap of his bag. Of all the options, being confronted with the worst hadn't crossed his mind.
"Lucas, huh? What do you think you are, his boyfriend or somethin'?" With that remark, though, Jack stepped away from the door with a wave of his hand and returned to the rec room area, where a sleepy-looking brunette was swaddled in a blanket on the middle sofa. The girl laughed at Jack's nasty comment, a high-pitched giggle that grated on Soren's nerves.
"Ha ha," Soren said flatly. "Actually, yeah, I'm pretty sure I am his boyfriend. Thanks for asking." He untied his shoes and left them by the door, intending to turn his back on the couple and pursue his goal.
"Well," Jack said, bending next to the sofa beside the girl, looping an arm around her and nuzzling her neck. "He must not take you too serious as a boyfriend, then. C'mon, babe, let's go and get breakfast." He began to tug her to her feet.
The girl released a trill of laughter again and let herself be pulled along.
"What the hell do you mean by that?"
Jack laughed, brushing past him to grab his coat and a pink thermal one, passing it to the girl. "If he ain't gonna tell you, why should I?" He turned his back on Soren.
"Nice meeting you," the brunette told him, rolling her eyes. She and Jack left the apartment arm in arm, chuckling over some low-voiced sally of Jack's as he shut the door.
Soren took a deep breath and reminded himself that the guy was, after all, Jack-ass. The apartment was otherwise empty and silent as he traveled down the hall to the second bedroom on the left, slipping into Lucas's bedroom and placing his bags noiselessly beside the dresser.
<
br /> Asleep, buried in the welter of sheets, Lucas's handsome face was slack and vulnerable, lacking the mix of good humor and mobile expression that comprised half his charisma. His mouth was slightly parted and he slept on his side, one arm outstretched as if reaching for someone on the other side of the bed. Soren smiled and shed layers until he was bare-chested. He climbed onto the four-poster bed facing Lucas, gently moving that arm out of his way and lying beside him.
He kissed that parted mouth, slowly at first, then slipped his tongue inside. He grimaced for a moment at the shared morning breath between them and Lucas's arm crept over his waist, tightening around him in a reflexive movement. He grinned against that mouth and sought beneath the comforter, seeking and finding the lean lines of side and hip and smoothing over the obstruction of boxer shorts.
"Good morning," Soren whispered against his mouth.
"'M dreaming," Lucas mumbled. "You're at work, and this is a tease. In a moment I'll wake up with a hard-on and an empty bed."
Soren shook his head, hair tumbling over his shoulder with the movement. "Sloane asked me to trade shifts with her," he said, and would have said more but was cut off as Lucas began to kiss him with more enthusiasm.
"I missed you," Lucas said.
"Me too," Soren replied simply, inhaling the scent of Lucas's mussed hair. Their bodies fit neatly together and Lucas rubbed at his mouth for a moment, then withdrew. "So what's the plan for today? You're off work, right?"
"Mmm…classes, then debauchery," Lucas proposed. "Sound about right?"
"I like the way you think."
They remained like that for a moment longer, wrapped together in stillness, before Soren drew away, lifting himself on one elbow. "Jack let me in."
"Oh? Hope he wasn't too much of an ass," Lucas said, toying with a handful of Soren hair, fascinated like a child.
"He said…" Soren frowned. He didn't want to bring it up, but it was like peeling away a scab. "He said something about you not taking me too seriously as a boyfriend. Then he disappeared with that girl from yesterday. They were both laughing."
Soren watched Lucas's expression closely, and leaned back from the anger that flowed over Lucas's face like water, face paling, lips thinning.
"So, was he just being a Jack-ass?"
Lucas looked away, jaw clenched.
"What's going on?" Soren asked, pushing away, wanting the space. Confusion and hurt jangled his nerves. He had brought it up to be soothed.
Lucas's hand encircled his wrist. "I went out dancing the other night, remember? I went out to a club with Lisa and Brandon and I was out on the floor, staying out of it mostly. Then this girl came up to me, Kerri, someone I dated a couple of months ago."
"Go on." Soren said, expressionless. So there was something.
"She kissed me. And pawed at me…I think Jack must have been there, must have seen it and taken it the wrong way. Dunno how else he would have known. I pushed her away, and left right after." Lucas shook his head and looked as if he might say more, but fell silent.
"Did you…want her to kiss you?"
"No!" Lucas exploded, releasing his wrist, gripping his shoulder instead. " No, I didn't encourage her in any way, I told her I was with someone…she totally ignored me."
There must have been something in his face, doubt, hesitance, because Lucas's expression turned frantic. "I told her I had someone now, a boyfriend. Someone I'm serious about." He sat up and raked a hand through his tangled hair. "Please, I didn't mention anything before because it was so stupid, I forgot."
"All right," Soren said. "I believe you. Your word is all I need." Who was he going to believe? Jack-ass, who'd been a dick since walking in on them at day one? Still, doubts lingered. He didn't know what else to say.
Lucas tugged him back down to the spread, hooking him close with an arm around his waist. "Look," he said hoarsely. "Look. I haven't loved many people, God as my witness, so when I say it, I mean it." He gripped Soren tighter.
Soren nodded.
"I love you," Lucas murmured. "Okay? I love you."
Soren stared. For a moment he was mute, and afraid. It's too soon. He wanted to close his eyes, but he couldn't look away. What do I say to that? Soren's lips moved. "I love you," he replied helplessly, and then they were kissing, and Lucas's hand smoothed over his hip and lingered at the small of his back.
Lucas pulled away first, licked his lips, gave him a small smile. "Okay?"
"I think so. I thought I'd feel different but I…I think I feel a little scared."
"It's all right to be scared." Lucas stretched and nibbled his ear. "Just so long as that's not the only thing you feel."
"No," Soren mumbled, low. The feeling swelled and burst all at once. He loved Lucas, and his love was returned. He nuzzled close and Lucas stroked his hair.
For a moment, that was all. It was enough.
"Besides," Lucas said, "if I were interested in fooling around with someone else, I'd get your advance permission."
Soren peered at him for a heartbeat then caught the way Lucas's mouth trembled at the corner, holding in a smirk. For that, he'd fight dirty.
"Ahh!" Lucas batted his hands away, squirming. "Don't tickle!"
He could set his doubts aside so long as Lucas didn't give him reason to distrust him.
*~*~*
At eleven thirty-five in the morning, Lucas turned down another ardent admirer: a girl from his accounting class, long-legged, slim-breasted, with a fall of chestnut hair that had a tendency to curl around her sweet face. She approached him while he was gathering the last of his class paraphernalia.
Pen and notebook stowed, Lucas turned to find himself all but pinned to the desk behind him with her admiring, very intent eyes.
"Lucas," Anna began, taking a deep breath, then giving him a smile that seemed intended to reassure herself as much as charm him.
"Anna." Lucas had been asked out often enough to know when it would happen again, and today seemed to be his lucky day. He would laugh over this chick-magnet phenomenon later if he wouldn't worry it would make that insecure, distressed look cross Soren's face again.
"We haven't had much chance to talk all semester, so…" Anna reached up and twiddled a piece of hair between thumb and forefinger.
"That's true," Lucas said, giving her a brief smile. He wanted to speak up, to say something to forestall whatever she was going to ask, but that kind of presumption was almost worse for the feelings of the girl involved, he'd discovered. He had been avoiding Anna the whole semester because she was so nice, so very Catholic, and he was bad news for every girl he'd dated.
It was too bad. Anna was hot, under normal circumstances, just his type. It was never the right time.
"Would you like to go out, I mean, for lunch or maybe dinner some time?" She tumbled her words one over the other in a rush as if he'd stop her as soon as she began.
Lucas smiled again, this time with sympathy. "Anna, I have someone I'm with right now, someone serious."
Her expression crumbled for an instant before she smiled. It was a tight, shiny-eyed expression. "Oh! I'm sorry, I…" She began to back away.
"It's all right," Lucas told her, shaking his head. He felt bad now, as if he'd led her into a trap. "I'll see you later, okay, Anna?"
"Sure." She fumbled with the strap of her bag and left the room fast.
As he left the building, backpack hitched over his shoulder, he picked apart his phrasing. I'm with someone. Was it so hard to say he had a boyfriend? It was Anna, he argued, someone he didn't know well—a nice girl, the type easily filed under the category 'Catholic schoolgirl.' Because he didn't know her well…
Just as with Stephen, he was finding excuses not to be open. It was too easy to do that because it was so hard to explain his sexual identity to the casually curious—he wasn't gay, but he wasn't straight. There was an angry part of him that got fired up over the thought of someone assuming he was gay if he said, "I have a boyfriend."
Wasn't that the reasona
ble assumption, though? And if he was with Soren, did it matter?
Did sexuality have to be so carved in stone?
Dismissing those thoughts for now, he pushed open the door to the Cove, looking around. He milled in a knot of other students while waiting for food as he scanned the tables.
"Hey! Over here!"
Lucas turned with a tray in his hands and spotted Soren, waving to flag him down. After sliding into the seat opposite, he settled his backpack onto the chair beside. "I hate long breaks between classes. You're done for the day, aren't you?"
"As it so happens…" Soren trailed off with a satisfied look.
"Well, I can't skip today; I already did that on Friday."
"Sorry." Soren's lips twitched as if he contained a smirk. "At least I didn't have to go to work this morning, huh?"
Lucas leaned his head against one hand, picking at his fries. "At the rate work is going, I'd be happy if neither of us had to go back. They asked me some pretty pointed questions about my relationship with you. It pisses me off. It's like Michelle, of all people, is implying I'd steal or help you steal because all of a sudden we're dating."
"That's stupid," Soren said. He hesitated. "I—I don't even know if we should be talking about this…"
"Confidentiality?" Lucas waved a hand, scowling. "They're just trying to make sure we don't compare stories for mistreatment."
"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Soren leaned forward, dark hair spilling over his shoulders, and set his chin in his hands. "What can we do? I think it's pretty clear that the truth doesn't matter right now, and I—or both of us—are going to get fired for being gay."
Lucas straightened in his chair. "Hey, wait, I don't think that's the case. I mean, Danice is a lesbian."
"I know." Soren steepled his hands. "I guess that's why Michelle had her sit in on every meeting, huh? To prove that point. But you're right."
Picking at his fries again, Lucas mulled over the likelihood of anyone in the store trying to get him fired. "It's Aaron," he said at last. "I mean, we've been at each other's throats since day one, but…why you, Soren? Why's he trying to get you fired?"