by Emily Lowry
Tyler brought out the best in me.
And before I could tell him that, I brought out the worst in myself just to drive him away.
44
Tyler
I strummed the strings of my guitar, squinting at the chord sheet that was open on my phone screen.
G major, C major, A7, D7, B7, E minor — the tune of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” was harder to play on guitar than I’d thought. I probably should’ve started with something simple. Like “Hot Cross Buns.” Or “Three Blind Mice.”
Not that it would have mattered. In my current mood, I wouldn’t have been able to get any song right.
I’d picked up my guitar to keep my mind off Nina, but, if I was being honest, nothing could keep my mind off Nina. Even if our relationship wasn’t real, it had been the best relationship I’d ever had. I used to chase girls like Parker – girls that were pretty but had no depth.
And then Nina came along, and I’d fallen for her. Fast. I’d cannon balled right into the deep end, and now, without her, I felt like I was drowning.
I missed her laugh. Her witty comments. The way she glanced at her fingernails when she was embarrassed. Our fake relationship had given me a taste of what life could be like if we were more than friends. And that was the life I wanted.
I strummed my guitar again, then set it on the couch beside me. There was no way I was doing this. I’d stumbled into the best thing that had ever happened to me, and then I’d stumbled right back out. I just hoped that we could still be friends. At least that would be something, wouldn’t it?
My phone buzzed.
My heart sped up. I scrambled for my phone. This could be it – my chance to make amends. I’d been giving her space since our “breakup,” but maybe now –
The text wasn’t from Nina.
It was from Amber. Maybe this is the wrong time, but I heard you and Nina broke up. I’m so, so sorry.
She wasn’t the first person to send her condolences. Apparently, word had quickly gotten around. That wasn’t surprising – Parker would’ve told Blair, and Blair would’ve walked through Beachbreak High broadcasting the news with a megaphone.
I didn’t want to deal with small talk via text, so my reply was short. Thanks.
Amber replied quickly. No prob. If you need to keep your mind off things, me and some friends are going to have a bonfire at Hideaway tonight. J will be there.
“J” was short for Johnny – a wide receiver on the J.V. football team that Amber had been crushing on all semester. I only sort of knew him – the senior team almost never practiced with the J.V. team – but, occasionally, some of our players helped coach them during lunch or on the weekend. I’d met the dude a few times, and he seemed like a nice enough kid. Amber was always wondering if he was talking about her.
Another text. And I have a few friends that would love to meet you.
I winced. Her heart was in the right place, but unless one of those girls was Nina, then I didn’t care. I was done flirting with girls on the beach. I replied. Thanks, but I’m gonna stay in. Don’t feel like getting into anything right now. Good luck with J.
Thank you! Amber texted. Hope you’re okay!
I sat back on the couch and sighed.
I knew I’d blown it.
There was only one Nina.
45
Tyler
Christmas Eve came sooner than I would’ve liked. It had only been a few days since Nina and I had staged our breakup. School was out for the holidays, so I hadn’t seen her. We’d barely texted, other than me sending her a quick “good luck!” on the night of the Christmas Concert.
We decided that it was best if I skipped the concert. Going meant an awkward encounter with her mom. Or worse, sitting beside her family. And if they started asking questions, what would I say? Yes, I’m in love with your daughter, but we broke up? Or, what if Parker saw me with Nina’s family? That would also raise questions. It was too risky.
So instead, I moped at home, doing what I did best in life: annoying my little sister.
She and Mason were in our kitchen, blaring Christmas music at top volume. Scents of vanilla, cinnamon, and sugar wafted from the oven. Scents that were making me hungry.
I wandered into the kitchen, only to find them making out on the kitchen counter. They were surrounded by flour, sugar, and mixing bowls full of half-made cookie dough.
I coughed.
They jumped apart.
“If relatives keep catching you two making out, you’re going to run out of places to hide.”
Zoe’s face turned scarlet, and she punched Mason on the arm. “You told him?”
“He did.” I scooped a spoonful of cookie dough into my mouth, and mid-chew, I realized something. “Dude – are you two wearing matching pajamas?”
Now, it was Mason’s turn to blush. They were both dressed in red and green flannel pajamas covered with smiling cartoon snowmen.
Mason looked at me blankly, no response ready.
Zoe glared.
“Adorable,” I said. Before they could say anything, I whipped out my phone. “Smile!”
The shutter clicked.
“If anyone on the team sees that…” Mason said, trying to look menacing. Which was impossible in flannel snowman pajamas.
“You’ll what? Buy me a matching set?” I slipped my phone into my pocket and patted it. That photo would come in handy if I ever needed a favor from either of them. I’d have to remember to email it to myself to save a copy.
Zoe’s eyes narrowed. “It’s Christmas Eve. Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“Than torture you two? Nope.”
“You’re an idiot.” Zoe rolled her eyes. She put her hands on her hips and glared. “Shouldn’t you be at Nina’s?”
I winced and looked away. Even the mention of her name was enough to make me hurt. Like the sting of peeling off a scab that hadn’t quite healed. “Why would I be with Nina? We broke up last week. She’s free.”
“Free?” Zoe snorted, exasperated.
Mason chuckled. “Come on, dude… put it together.”
I tried to steal another spoonful of cookie dough, but Zoe pulled the bowl away.
“No,” she said. “Idiots don’t get cookie dough.”
Now they were annoying me.
“What is with you two?” I asked. “You need to give up this whole Nina thing. You, of all people, should know that she doesn’t want a boyfriend. If Zoe knows, then you should know too, Mason. Don’t you tell each other everything? Communication’s important, you know.”
Mason smirked. “See, Zoo? He knows that communication is important.”
“Too bad he’s too stupid to actually do it,” Zoe snapped.
My frustration grew. “What is going on?”
“She’s into you, idiot.” Zoe looked at me like I was the dumbest person in the world.
Granted, I was feeling like the dumbest person in the world. Was Nina into me? I shook my head. “No, she just wanted to get out of that date with Edward Stewart.”
Mason raised his eyebrows. “Was I this clueless before we started dating?”
“Yes,” Zoe said. Then, she patted him on the head. “But you’re improving.”
She turned her focus back to me. “She likes you, Tyler. She was going to say something until she saw that love note from Amber.”
And once again, I felt like I was missing something. “What love note?”
Zoe rolled her eyes. “She was talking to you at your locker and a note fell out. Had a little heart on it?”
Oh.
OH. Ever since she’d seen that note, Nina’s demeanor had changed. When I dropped the note, I’d hoped that she hadn’t seen it. But looking back now, that was a turning point. From then on, Nina had repeatedly insisted that she was only going through with the fake relationship to get out of a date with Edward Stewart. She’d been different. Less friendly. And more insistent on us breaking up.
I didn’t know what to say.
>
“Which is my second problem,” Zoe said. “Why do you have a love note from another girl? Like I know you weren’t in an official relationship—”
I finally found my voice. “It’s not from Amber.”
Zoe narrowed her eyes. “Then who’s it from?”
“It’s not from anyone,” I said.
Zoe looked to Mason, then back to me. “What? Is it, like, a secret admirer?”
“No,” I said. “It’s not from anyone… because I wrote it.”
“So…”
“It’s for Nina.”
46
Nina
My house was decked out for Christmas. Ropes of silver and gold garland twirled around the bannister. Stockings packed full of goodies hung above the fireplace. Our Christmas tree flashed in the corner; the lights synchronized to Mom’s Christmas playlist. Current song: “Jingle Bells.” Even Oscar was getting in the spirit. My orange tabby was busy perusing the party in his own ugly sweater, begging for treats from anyone who came in the kitchen.
My family packed the house. Some wore fancy dresses, some wore ugly sweaters, but everyone was merry – probably from an excess of Holiday cheer… and eggnog. The only person who wasn’t smiling and laughing like a cheerful fool?
Me.
I sat in the corner of the room in my party dress, partially hidden by the Christmas tree, staring out the window into the backyard. It was a strange sensation, to be surrounded by so much cheer, so much beauty, and yet feel nothing. It felt like something was missing, and I knew just what it was – Tyler. This whole Christmas Eve party was about Tyler, wasn’t it? I’d used my fake relationship to ensure that Edward Stewart wouldn’t make an appearance, and now that he hadn’t, I was truly alone.
I could’ve dealt with the loneliness if I was on my own.
But it was a lot harder to deal with loneliness when everyone around you was pointing out how lonely you were.
Aunt Tammy peered around the Christmas tree, a puzzled expression on her face. “Why’re you hiding in the corner, Neen? And where’s that boyfriend of yours? Don’t tell me that he couldn’t make it?”
“He was busy,” I snapped. I was feeling awfully defensive tonight. “People have things to do on Christmas Eve. They can’t all be at my beck and call.”
My uncle Robert popped around the Christmas tree, standing behind my aunt. “Busy? Busy doing what?”
His voice was loud. And worse – it was attracting the attention of the rest of my family. Gossipy bunch that we were, we all loved a good showdown. Especially around Christmas.
My cheeks burned as more and more relatives looked my way. I could tell what they were thinking – oh, look, it’s poor Nina. Her boyfriend can’t come to Christmas Eve. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t actually have a boyfriend. Maybe it’s because she never actually did. Or maybe, he just doesn’t love her enough. I tried to shake the thought away. No one thought that.
My uncle rested his hand on my aunt’s shoulder. “So what’s his excuse?” he asked, half-yelling. “We’ll need to give him a hard time the next time we see him.”
Ugh. An excuse. I hadn’t bothered to plan one out. Naively, I’d hoped that when I told them Tyler couldn’t make it, they’d let it go. At most that they’d feel a moment of pity and then move on. But that was not the way my family did things. They wanted to know every detail.
“His family has their own traditions,” I said. “Him, Zoe, and their mom all get together to watch Christmas movies and make gingerbread houses. We thought it was too soon to be together on Christmas Eve. We’ve only been going out a few months.”
Honestly, I thought it was a good excuse. I thought my family wouldn’t press harder.
I thought wrong.
“Well, why don’t they come over here?” Uncle Robert shouted, his words ever so slightly slurred. “The more the merrier, that’s what I say!”
Shouts of agreement from the rest of my relatives.
My uncle beckoned my mom.
“Oh no…” I muttered, sinking lower in my seat. My mom wasn’t close friends with Zoe’s mom, but they were friendly. How could they not be, given the amount of time Zoe and I spent together? If they talked, my mom would discover that I’d lied about their Christmas Eve plans. And then there would be an even bigger fire for me to put out.
“Monica, why didn’t you invite Tyler’s mom over for Christmas Eve?” My uncle put his arm around my mom’s shoulder. “We could’ve gotten to know the whole family.”
“I didn’t know that I was supposed to.” Mom raised her eyebrows and looked at me. “But I can call them right now.”
“No!” I leaped out of my seat. If anyone in my family wasn’t paying attention before, they sure were now.
“Why not?” Mom asked. “Don’t you want to spend time with your boyfriend?”
“It’s not that,” I said, fumbling for words. How the heck was I supposed to explain this?
Everyone was watching me. It was like I was onstage, sweating under a spotlight and trying to perform a play, but I’d forgotten the lines. Could I do this? Could I layer another lie on top of my previous lies? How could I admit – to my entire family – that I faked a relationship just to get out of some stupid family photo? My family loved me, and they’d forgive me, but they’d never forget. At every family dinner, at every Christmas, someone – probably my uncle – would bring up the time that “Nina had a fake boyfriend for Christmas.”
“I… uh…”
“Neen, don’t be silly, I’ll just call them.” Mom held up her phone.
“You can’t call them,” I blurted. “Because…”
Mom waited patiently, her phone on the “Send” button.
This was it.
I was going to have to unveil the whole truth and suffer the consequences – even if it meant being the family joke for the next decade. No one could save me now.
I took a deep breath, summoned my courage, and—
The doorbell rang.
“We’ll finish this later,” Mom said, pocketing her phone. She meandered through the silent crowd, opened the front door, and laughed. “You said Tyler couldn’t come.”
“Because he can’t.”
“Then why is he standing outside our front door?”
WHAT?
I shot through the crowd, almost bowling over my aunt and uncle – a move they were used to doing to others during the Christmas season. My heart pounded. Tyler? Here? Now? It was impossible. I swiftly checked my phone – not a single text. What was he—
I pushed past my mom and stepped outside.
And there was Tyler. He stood in the middle of my front lawn, bathed in the glow of a thousand Christmas lights. He was dressed in an ugly Christmas sweater, but that didn’t detract from how handsome he looked. His beautiful tan skin and bright green eyes were highlighted by the twinkling lights. His guitar was strapped around his shoulder.
He looked at me sheepishly and shrugged. “Sometimes, you have to put yourself out there and do the embarrassing thing.”
47
Tyler
I stood on Nina’s front lawn, my guitar slung over my shoulder. I’d never been this nervous in my life. Not even during the state championship game last week. Not even during the last play of the game, when Mason had tossed the ball in my direction, and I’d caught the game-winning touchdown. Winning a championship was nothing compared to winning over the girl you loved.
I shook like a dry leaf in a winter breeze, about to blow away.
“Oh, Tyler, are you Christmas caroling by yourself?” Nina’s mom asked.
“Something like that,” I said. My voice was hoarse and dry. How did Zoe and Mason convince me to do this, again? When I’d said the idea out loud, when I told them what was on that little scrap of paper, I thought they’d talk me out of my insanity. But they encouraged it. And it was like Nina had told me long ago – if you wanted people to truly love you, you needed to show them your true self. It meant showing them the parts of yo
urself that you were most embarrassed about.
And it meant playing the song you wrote for the girl you loved, even if you couldn’t sing.
Nina stared at me, her jaw on the ground. She also didn’t know what to do or say.
Unfortunately, her mom did. She called back into the house, “everyone, come outside! Nina’s boyfriend is going to do some caroling for us.”
Wait.
What?
EVERYONE?
Nina’s entire extended family filed out onto the front lawn and made a circle around me. Most of them were holding mugs of eggnog or glasses of wine. Some of them were leaning on each other for support, their cheeks red, their eyes a bit glassy.
Now I’d done it. This was one heck of a way to introduce myself to Nina’s family.
“I don’t think that he was planning on caroling,” Nina said, her gaze drifting around the circle.
“Nonsense,” her grandma said. She pointed at me with her cane. “He brought his guitar. And he has the voice of an angel.”
Her uncle shook his head and whispered something to her aunt. Probably something about her grandma’s hearing aid not working correctly if she thought I had the voice of an angel.
“Don’t get your expectations too high,” I muttered. Man. Could I do this? Could I play guitar – and sing – in front of Nina’s entire family? I’d never been onstage, so I’d never experienced stage fright before, but I was definitely experiencing it now. If the earth could have opened up and swallowed me, that would’ve been fine with me.
“You don’t have to do this, Ty,” Nina whispered.
Being on display in front of her family was terrifying. Knowing that they would all talk about this little performance for years to come was even more terrifying.
I looked at Nina. She looked beautiful, standing there on that perfectly decorated front porch in a gold, shimmery party dress. Her black curls framed her face like a halo, highlighting her delicate features and wide, dark eyes. She looked breathtaking. Beautiful.