I almost dropped dread. My hair was curling and frizzing in spots. My face was the color of over-ripe tomatoes and my eyes were glassed-over. I slipped the coat off and opened the bathroom window. The cold breeze wafted in with the smell of snow and I breathed a sigh for the first time the whole night. The sweat dried and I tried to forget about Michael and Elena and my aching heart.
My eyes fluttered shut as I leaned on the windowsill, dreaming about a perfect world where my soul mate wasn’t falling for one of my friends.
Not sure how long I sat there when voices drifted my way, catapulting me from my fantasy. My heart leapt into my throat because it was Jasper and Michael. Maybe the poofy coat thing was a blessing after all. Lucky for me, they were talking outside on the deck, right next to the window, and I had a front row seat.
“Yeah, man, she’s the most interesting girl I’ve met in a while,” Jasper said.
“Really?”
I frowned because Michael didn’t sound convinced. I hoped Jasper had more ammunition than that or he was the worst liar ever. No wonder he was an awful writer. No creativity.
“Gosh, yeah. We have the best conversations about football…”
I kept myself from groaning. It felt like someone punched me in the gut. What if this whole plan backfired? Clearly, I needed to give Jasper a teleprompter. I kicked myself for not telling him about Michael’s interests or at least giving him some ideas. I’d just told him to lie.
Michael interrupted him. “I’m going to get back to the party.”
“But wait, have I told you how good she is? You know…”
Right there I died on the spot. I didn’t need to imagine what gestures went with those words.
“Cassidy isn’t like that. She might be a little eccentric but she’s not like that,” Michael stated.
My spirits soared. Michael stuck up for me! He’d defended my honor!
Just to prove himself, just to follow my directions, just to get that A on a paper, Jasper went into detail about how good I was—in the kissing department, of course.
Any thrill at Michael defending me faded, and I slid down the wall until I was sitting in a miserable heap of humiliation. So much for this night. I’d had enough.
I marched back into the party before Jasper or Michael could come back inside, not caring that I still looked like a tomato, not caring about my shirt. I grabbed Elena and pulled her to the side.
“Will you tell Jasper I had to go?”
Elena studied me. “Are you okay?”
I blinked back the tears building fast and furious. “I’m fine. Just tell him I was tired and left early.” Without any other explanation I left. Part way down the street, the music fading, I realized I left Mom’s coat in the bathroom and the first flakes of winter were finally swirling down from the dark skies.
Blinded by the hot rush of tears, I kept walking. The snow fell harder and the wind whipped through Jules’s shirt like I wasn’t wearing anything. I spent a mile trying to convince myself that everything was okay, that I could repair the damage done tonight.
For being such a girl magnet, Jasper knew nothing about girls. Maybe his good looks were really a curse. Because he was able to get girls so easily, he never had to work at it, to really figure out girls out, so that’s how he turned into a big fat jerk. And girls kept falling for him.
Which reminded me that Michael was my soul mate and that I’d been right about him all along. But somehow I’d messed that up and now he thought I was easy, and he liked my friend.
When my toes had turned to ice cubes and the snow was clinging in icy clumps to my hair and eyelashes, I broke down and called Zeke. Within minutes he picked me up with a to-go mug of hot cocoa. My heart couldn’t help but melt.
He smiled. “You sounded cold.”
I broke down all over again after taking the first few sips. “Don’t say a word. I don’t want to talk about it.”
He drove me home and didn’t say a word.
In the driveway, I stuttered out a thank you, my voice hoarse and cracking.
Before I could open the car door, he stopped me with a gentle touch of his hand on my arm. With his other hand, he brushed the last of my tears from my chin.
“Hey, it’s okay. That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Right,” I whispered.
Chapter 20
That night, my house was quiet and still, the silence wrapping around me like one of those blanket/zipper/snuggie things I’d seen on television. Carter was still rocking on at the party and my parents were out to dinner.
The hot water spurted from the tub tap and when it was just scalding enough, I left it to fill the tub. I never take baths, or I haven’t since I was a little girl. But after the party and the humiliation and the fact that I couldn’t stop shivering, I needed to be completely immersed and forget everything.
In my room, I slipped out of my clothes, remorseful that I hadn’t chosen my own clothes for the party, and shrugged on my bathrobe.
The water was practically boiling, and inch by inch I lowered into it. Except, the years had taken their toll. Instead of it playing out like a movie where there was soft lighting and classical music in the background, I barely fit in the tub and couldn’t get my whole body under at the same time. So I rotated. First, my legs were totally under and then I sank down to my chin and my knees poked out. After enough of that, I dried off and put on my yoga pants and hoodie. Complete comfort clothes.
Jasper texted me. Sorry you left but I took care of everything. You’re in. The boy is madly jealous.
Then another text came through. Paper due on Monday about theme and symbolism. Pick a classical movie and explain. Three pages. Thanks!
I stared at my phone, lost in the words of his texts. I knew what to do and I knew what our agreement was but Jasper was so clueless, and in my mind, he had totally screwed up. I’d return the favor.
Furiously, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore, I typed out a paper. I shared the document with him, assuming he’d never even read it.
***
Mom shook me awake the next morning and sat on the edge of my bed. A smile lit her face and she stroked my arm. I mumbled and rolled over.
“Dad told me you had date last night.”
I yawned. “The date was great. Better than I imagined.”
“How serious is this? Anything a mom should be concerned about?”
With a masked huff, I rolled back over and peered through blurry eyes. “No, it’s not that serious. Just a date. And, yes, there might be a second one.” Technically, I had a feeling there wouldn’t be another date with Jasper but she didn’t need to know that. “Can I go back to sleep now?”
She hesitated, probably reining in all outdated dating advice she wanted to give me. “I don’t think so.” The bed squeaked as she stood. She spoke again from the door. “Jules called and said she’ll be here in ten minutes. Something about a shopping trip. So get dressed and come on down.”
She’d agreed? Mom was about to feed the machine and encourage my new behavioral pattern with clothes. Maybe I should buy my prom dress now while I had the chance.
The whole way to the store, Jules babbled happily. Once again, we talked about everything except what really mattered. She flitted from one subject to another—prom committee, the Valentine’s dance, Zeke and I dressing up. She couldn’t stay focused and couldn’t stop talking. Kinda like me.
We pulled into the mall and found a spot relatively close to the entrance since it was early. We scurried into the warmth of the shopping plaza and wandered the halls. A few older women walked with their groups in jogging suits and small weights around their wrists.
“Jules?” I asked as she picked her way through sales racks. She’s the master at finding great deals. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the money for full price, but she loved searching for bargains, a natural talent I wished I had. And she knew I couldn’t afford full price. “What’s this all ab
out?”
She popped up from squinting at a label then squeezed a shirt back on the rack. “Are you kidding me? I heard all about it from Ava who heard from Elena, and—even though I’m so mad you never told me or didn’t trust or me whatever—” she grasped my shoulders. “Who cares? This is cause to celebrate.”
“Oh, okay. Are you talking about what happened with Jasper?” Not that I wanted to talk about him or even remember last night.
“Yes! Totally!” She studied me, taking in my disheveled appearance. “Hmm. Why don’t we start with a coffee?”
“Sounds good.”
As we waited in line, she kept the conversation going. “I’ve hesitated about talking with you about this kind of stuff, because well, you didn’t seem very open to it. Anyway, once I heard, I knew we had to talk about it.”
We took a seat on high stools at a table for two in the back of the coffee shop. I breathed in the smell of hazelnut.
“I want to know everything.” She leaned forward, the gleam of curiosity in her eye.
I sighed. Resigned to the fact that she wanted all the details about my date with Jasper, even though I wanted to forget the whole night. One phrase came to mind. “It was hot.” I should’ve taken that coat off the second I walked through the door, dumb shirt or no.
“Of course, you were with Jasper!” She waved at her face like she was overheated.
“Yeah, well he’s totally overrated. I mean I know he’s all popular and everything and he’s got those dimples but that shouldn’t count for everything. That shouldn’t make the experience.”
Jules stared at me with wide eyes and carefully sipped her skinny latte.
I just kept going, letting my thoughts pour out about the party. “Gosh, I mean halfway through I was a mess and my hair looked like I’d slept on it for a year. I was embarrassed. I know Jasper has a ton of experience in this area, but it’s just not for me.”
“Really?” Jules squeaked and then couldn’t seem to get anything else out.
“I mean I don’t think I said one word the whole time. I just wanted to scream in frustration and get out of there.”
“I think all girls feel like that. It gets better. I promise.”
“I don’t think so.”
Jules glanced left and right, then leaned over the table and whispered, “I have a book you can borrow. You’ll have to hide it from your mom but it explains everything they don’t tell you in Health class. Because you shouldn’t let one bad experience keep you from trying it again. Maybe Jasper was just wrong for you. Maybe with another guy sex would be better—”
I spit out a mouthful of coffee—and after apologizing profusely and offering a thousand napkins—I thought back over our conversation and last night. “What are you talking about?”
For the first time ever, Jules looked uncomfortable. “What were you talking about?”
“The party!”
“You and Jasper didn’t…?”
“No. He kissed me once that’s it. I left early.”
“Oh. That’s not what Ava heard…”
The sick feeling of regret washed over my body. I clasped my trembling fingers under the table. That rumor was probably zipping along through every social media known to mankind.
But, that’s how rumors get started. All it takes is one lie, one well-meaning lie to get a guy jealous and my reputation is done. What I didn’t want to think about was how that conversation got past the two of them. A small voice inside said that Michael must have told Elena, and Elena told Ava, and Ava told Jules. Who else knew? And how could Jasper do that to me?
Understanding passed over her face and she broke down laughing. I laughed too as we recounted all the things I said that she took the wrong way. But inside, a part of me shriveled up, wanting to hide from the truth.
I begged off being tired and Jules drove me home. After pulling into my driveway, I needed to get something off my chest. I wanted to say thanks for wanting to celebrate with me, but when I make a commitment to a guy it’s not going to be after a first or a second date. It’s going to be when I know I’m in love and when I know it’s forever and when I know the guy really cares for me and isn’t going to say stupid stuff to his friends.
“When I…” I couldn’t finish…because that’s when I realized that the guy I just described didn’t sound anything like Michael, the one guy I felt sure was destined to be my soul mate.
“Hey, I’ll stop by later this week with your costume for Valentine’s Day, ’kay?”
“Sure.”
Then I was walking into the house and she was driving away.
And I couldn’t see through the cloud of confusion that had just fallen over my heart.
Chapter 21
I expected that back at school, I’d hear and see the whispers, the knowing looks, the rumors. Little Miss Innocent and rock star God Jasper. They went to a party together. She’s easy. Or maybe even other choice words.
But that’s not what happened, and I was positively floored! I stepped out my door in the morning to a clear and cold but bright sunshiny day. The first thing I noticed was a car, sleek and black, purring at the end of my driveway. Jasper waved from the front seat.
This sounds terrible, but I turned around and went back into the house. With my back against the door, I breathed deeply, in and out. Carter slid down the banister and landed on his feet. He studied me and then peered out the window.
“Jasper’s here.” He said it more like a question.
Mom bustled in with a raisin bran muffin. “Here you go, sweetie.” She kissed the top of my forehead, then went back to the kitchen.
Carter was speechless for a moment while everything sank in. Then he whispered, “He’s here for you?” He pulled me aside. “Are the rumors true? Because if they are…” His fingers clenched into a fist.
“No!” I hissed out in one frantic breath. “It was one big misunderstanding. Don’t do anything.” Yeah, sure, I was mad at the guy, but I didn’t want my brother beating up on him.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his fingers slowly relaxing.
I nodded emphatically.
A mischievous smile broke out, letting me know he wasn’t going to pound Jasper into the ground. He pushed me out the door. “Be careful, today. I’ll have your back.”
Tentatively, I edged down the icy driveway. Jasper even got out and opened the door for me. “Careful, it’s slippery.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Thanks.” I climbed into the front seat and made sure to slam the door. He probably didn’t even realize the damage he’d done.
He got in the driver’s seat and reached toward the back. “What kind of coffee do you like?”
“Any kind will do,” I said with a layer of frost on my words.
He handed me a to-go cup, filled to the brim with steaming coffee. And it was hazelnut. “Actually, I asked Jules what you like.” He reached back again and came back with a box of donuts. “I ordered a bunch. Jules wasn’t sure about this.”
“Thanks.” I plucked out a strawberry frosted donut with sprinkles. Obviously, he didn’t know about my sugar-free diet, and I wasn’t about to tell him.
A guy had never gone out of their way like this for me. I peeked at Jasper, who pulled onto the road. The early sunshine slanted through the window, highlighting the light scruff on his chin. I wondered if—after he ruined everything with his big mouth—I’d still get the floaty feeling, the one I got when around him and when he turned his eyes on me. Not that I had a crush on him, but it was Jasper. He took me to a party. He picked me up for school. Okay, fine, we had a deal but no one knew that. I gulped at the thought of the paper.
He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek at a stop sign. “You were pretty speedy with the paper. Thanks.”
I couldn’t eat the donut or accept his gifts until I set the ground rules. I couldn’t be too furious with him, because it was partly my fault for being so vague, assuming Jasper wouldn’t royally screw it up. “No more lies to Michael or
anyone else about anything we’ve done in the kissing department, especially when it’s not true. Got it?”
He flashed me a sideways glance. “Yeah, sorry about that. It didn’t go as planned.”
I held back an annoyed grunt. Guys can be so clueless. I’d thought about breaking up with him, but then how would that make me look? Even worse! So I had to ride this scheme out and repair my reputation.
After a closer look at his face, I noticed a yellow and purple bruise around his eye and the fact that he wore make-up. I almost coughed donut over the dashboard of his spaceship and that wouldn’t have been good.
“What happened to your eye?” I asked, picking at the rim of my coffee.
He gently touched it with his fingers and grimaced. “At the party, I slipped on the steps and landed on the corner of a bench seat after talking to your guy.” He winked. “But anything for you, darling.”
I decided not to mention the make-up and that it was the wrong color for his skin tone. Even I could see that, and I wasn’t a make-up expert. I also didn’t mention my real thoughts. Jasper was a gifted athlete—what were the odds he’d trip?
From the bathroom, I’d heard Michael’s tone of voice. What if Michael punched him a good one—for my honor? That’s something a soul mate would do. But even with that thought to console me, the gnawing doubt remained.
Jasper smiled the whole way to and into school. And why not? He thought he was going to ace a paper for the first time in his life. Maybe…. Regret started creeping in and I had second thoughts about writing his paper when I was emotional and tired. I possibly should’ve waited until morning to read it over a second time.
This charade didn’t end there. He walked me through the halls, his arm draped over my shoulder. He stayed with me until just before the bell rang and he was waiting for me as soon as I stepped outside the classroom. By fourth period, I was wondering how these girls did it all the time.
My cheek muscles were sore from smiling at everyone who talked to me, and at Jasper who flashed a constant smile, probably so his dimples would work their magic on me. Before lunch, I’d had it. I pushed into the bathroom and slumped down on a toilet, exhausted and drained of all energy.
Prom Impossible Page 12