by KT Webb
When she finally answers, tears spring to my eyes. I’m surprised at my reaction. I didn’t realize just how much I missed hearing her voice. Beyond that, hearing her greet me reminds me that I’ll never hear grandpa speak again.
“Hi, Nana,” I say, my voice quivering.
“Blake? Oh, my word! How are you, Honey B?” I can hear the emotion in her voice too.
“I’m okay, better than okay, in many ways. How are things going for you? I’m sorry I missed grandpa’s funeral,” I have a feeling she knows why I didn’t attend.
“Oh, Honey B. Don’t you dare be sorry for that. You know as well as I do that grandpa had plans for you. Speaking of that, how is Kinnitty?” Her voice carries a hint of longing when she asks about her hometown.
“I have a lot to tell you, Nana. Before I do, I need to talk to you about Old Roald,” the moniker is out of my mouth before I realize she probably hasn’t heard his name in years.
Nana chuckles from the other end of the line, “I guess he would be pretty old by now.”
“I call him that to differentiate between the Roald’s. His son and grandson are also Roald. But what I need to know is what happened between you, grandpa, and Roald.”
“That’s ancient history, and it’s not that exciting of a story. Why do you ask?”
With a sigh, I realize I’m going to have to fill Nana in on the entire saga in order for her to understand why I need to know. She listens carefully, stopping me to ask for details or share her dismay at the things I’ve dealt with at the hands of Old Roald. I leave out the information about my budding romance for now. We’ll talk about that too, but I want to focus on Old Roald for now.
“First, let me tell you I’m relieved to hear you’ve made some friends and have started building relationships with your cousins,” Nana’s light tone soon turns more serious, “Now, we need to talk about how to deal with Roald.”
Nana goes on to tell me about her superficial relationship with her brother-in-law. As it turns out, Grandpa had his eye on Nana from the beginning, but Roald asked her out first. Nana had no idea Grandpa was harboring feelings for her until she and Roald got into a particularly upsetting argument. Roald treated her about the same as he treated the woman he ended up marrying. He didn’t love Nana anymore than he loved his wife later on. But, when he realized that Nana and Grandpa were interested in one another, he decided he wanted to keep her instead. It was too late, and he didn’t want to accept that. So, from that day on, every opportunity that presented itself left Roald feeling slighted by his brother.
“When we emigrated to America, it was the final straw for him, and he did everything in his power to keep the family from staying in contact with us. Some still maintained correspondence and made the occasional phone call, but it was few and far between. Eventually, the only interaction Brion had with his family back home was business-related,” Nana tells me with a sigh.
“I thought as much, I just wish there was a way for me to get Roald to see that he doesn’t have to act like this. I’m not his enemy.”
“Honey B, it doesn’t matter. He’s too far gone in his bitterness to see any sense.”
Now I have to touch on the part I’m afraid to address. I need to know if Nana thinks I’m going to be just like Roald if I don’t repair the relationship with my parents and Maeve. I’m afraid of what she’s going to say, but I know I have to ask.
“Nana? I don’t know how Roald knows about what happened with my family, but he drew connections between our situations. I’m left wondering if I’m the Roald to Maeve’s Brion. Am I bitter if I don’t want to open my heart to the people who shut my feelings down when I needed them most?”
“Now, you listen to me, Honey B. There is no way you could ever be anything like Roald. That man is vile. He’s never been a positive person and he leeches off negativity like others breathe oxygen,” Nana pauses, “I know why you’ve distanced yourself from your parents and sister. I wish you didn’t feel like you needed to, but I understand. Let me ask you a few questions to help you see how different you are from Roald.”
“Okay,” I reply, already feeling my fears dissipate.
“Have you forgiven your sister for what she did?”
I’ve thought long and hard about this particular subject, so I can answer with absolute certainty, “Yes.”
“Have you forgiven your parents for siding with your sister and Vince, even though they were clearly wrong?”
“Yes.”
“Have you closed yourself off from love?”
“No. I still love them, Nana.”
“That’s not what I asked you. Of course, you still love your family, I never doubted that for a moment. What I’m asking you is if you’re still open to finding love?”
“Well, about that,” I tell her all about Gannon and how we confessed our love at Menlo Castle.
“Girl, you’re practically living in a classic romance, aren’t you?” Nana giggles.
“I guess I am,” I say with a smile of my own.
“Okay, so, back to your concerns. Honey B, what you must recognize about Roald is that he never knew what he wanted, so he settled for wanting what other people had. He’s spent his entire life holding onto the bitterness born of the loss of something that was never his to lose,” Nana’s voice is stern. “But you didn’t let the heartbreak keep you from moving on with your life and taking chances. You’re far too intelligent to fall into the same line of thinking as Roald Molloy.”
Everything she said reassured me that my fears were unfounded. I may have been hurt profoundly, but I didn’t let it stop me from finding happiness. By the time we’ve finished talking, it’s nearly time for the pub to open. I promised Gannon I’d make an appearance tonight. I bid Nana farewell and promise to call again soon.
As I look around the cottage, I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. Nana made me feel much better about my own insecurities. It puts me at ease, just knowing that Nana doesn’t see a comparison between Roald and me. I didn’t tell her about our plan to confront Roald. I’m not even sure it’s a good idea myself. If we were in the United States, we’d be able to turn him over to the police without having to take him on. In Kinnitty, it’s been made clear that the Garda doesn’t take anything Roald does seriously. If this is what it will take to make them see what he’s been doing, then I’m willing to take the chance.
At the Wolfhound, my nerves are still on overdrive. I’m staring at nothing, completely zoned out while the place was buzzing around me. A whiskey on the rocks appears on the counter in front of me.
“You look like you could use a drink,” Pat brings my attention to him.
“Thanks. I’m sorry I’m not more fun tonight. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“It’s okay, we understand. Just don’t shut us out,” Pat winks at me and gestures toward Gannon on the other end of the bar.
Gannon is pouring shots for a rowdy group of young men, but he keeps giving me furtive looks. I’m sure he’s worried that my preoccupation has something to do with him. I take the glass of whiskey and drink it down. I look at Gannon as I get up and head to the backyard, knowing he’ll follow me when he can.
As the fresh night air hits my face, I take a deep breath. Sarge sees me and comes bounding up for attention. I get down on my knees, scratching behind his ears. I’m still giving him a belly rub when I hear footsteps behind me.
“You’re spoiling him,” Gannon laughs softly.
“He deserves to be spoiled, he’s a good boy,” I croon as I find the spot that makes his back leg involuntarily kick.
Gannon crouches down next to me, “Is everything okay? How did your phone call go?”
“I think everything is going to be fine. I needed to call my nana. It was so good to hear her voice. I really miss her.”
Gannon doesn’t respond for a long time. I finally stop petting Sarge and turn to look at Gannon. I can tell he’s warring with himself. There’s something he wants to say but doesn’t know how to say
it. I stand up, pulling him to his feet with me.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I implore.
Gannon touches my cheek, and I lean into his hand, “If you don’t want to go through with this plan, I completely understand.”
“No, I’m obviously nervous, but I think this is our best option. That’s not what’s bothering me. I asked Nana a question, and she gave me an answer I didn’t expect.”
“Oh?” Gannon urges me on.
“I’ve been struggling with the similarities between the grudge Old Roald has held onto all these years and the way I feel about my family. The more I thought about it, the more I started thinking I’m just like him,” I admit with a shake of my head.
“Oh, Blake. No. Your situations are not the same. I know on the surface it may seem like it, but there is no world in which I would ever compare you to Old Roald.”
“Thank you, and that means a lot. My nana said much of the same. But she pointed something out to me that I hadn’t considered. Old Roald has closed himself off from love; if he ever experienced it at all. Despite the pain my family caused me, I still love them,” I look into his eyes before continuing, “She also pointed out that I have left myself open to finding love. Gannon, everything she told me only made me realize that you’re what saved me from falling down the same bitter path as Old Roald.”
Gannon gently kisses me. His beard is always soft against my face. I breathe deeply as we kiss, taking in the scent of the man I’ve fallen in love with. When he brings the kiss to an end, he runs his hands down my arms and rests them on my hips. I could stare into those sparkling blue eyes all night. Unfortunately, Gannon has work to do, and I can’t keep stealing him away from the pub.
“You know, even without me, you could never end up like Old Roald. You have a beautiful soul, Blake. I saw it from the moment I met you, I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself.”
I know he means what he says, but I can’t keep the grin from creeping onto my face, “Are you trying to get in my pants, Mr. Fitzpatrick?”
“Not right now, Ms. Molloy. I have neither the time nor space to do that at this moment.”
I release an exaggerated yawn, leaning away from him as I stretch. “Well, I think it’s time for me to go to sleep. I’m exhausted and would hate to distract you any further.”
With a chuckle, Gannon pulls me close again and whispers in my ear, “You know, my bed is available at the moment.”
“Oh, and you know the best part about your bed?” I ask flirtatiously.
Gannon shrugs, “The high thread count sheets?”
I shake my head, kiss his lips, and turn to walk toward the back door of his cottage. I toss my hair over my shoulder and turn back to look at him.
“No, the best part about your bed is you’ll be in it too.”
Blake and I are waiting at the pub for mum to text her. Our nerves are on edge as we try to think about anything other than what’s about to go down. Blake is pacing back and forth. I’m sitting at the bar wishing the windows weren’t boarded up so we could actually see what’s going on outside. I glance at the clock on the wall, church will be letting out any minute now.
“Hey, come here,” I gesture for Blake to sit on the stool next to me.
“I can’t sit down right now. I feel like my whole body is vibrating.”
“I told you not to have three cups of coffee this morning, but you just wouldn’t listen,” I tease.
Blake gives me that look that tells me she finds me amusing but isn’t in the mood to joke around. I chuckle as she starts pacing again. I keep telling myself that once we’re through this, things will be easier for her and, in turn, more manageable for us. The bells start ringing from the church, signaling the end of mass. Blake’s eyes immediately find mine. A silent understanding passes between us. Soon, we’ll be going from planning to acting and there will be no going back. The ringing of Blake’s cell phone nearly causes us both to jump out of our skin.
“Hello? Okay, I’m on my way.”
Blake hangs up and looks at me, “Okay, this is it. You leave in fifteen minutes. By then, I’ll have met up with Roald, and we’ll probably have been talking for a few minutes.”
“I will be there. I won’t let anything happen to you,” I give Blake a kiss just before she leaves the pub.
The next fifteen minutes are going to be utter torture. I make my way to the back and grab some of the bottles I know need to be replaced on the bar. On my way out after my second load, I hear the door open. It’s only been six minutes. Is she back already? I quickly set the bottles down and rush toward the front of the pub. It’s not Blake.
“What's the craic, stranger,” says the girl who broke my heart in this very room eight years ago.
“Mads,” it’s the only word I manage to form.
“What do you say we have a drink and catch up?”
The voice in my head is screaming that this is a terrible idea. Someone is counting on me. There’s somewhere I need to be. But all of that is wiped away in seconds. Madigan heads straight for that long-forgotten booth and takes a seat. There are so many things I have to say to her, so many times I’ve imagined this very moment. My body reacts by slipping into autopilot and heading back to the storeroom to retrieve the dusty bottle of whiskey from the top shelf. On my way back out, I grab two glasses and place everything on the table before taking a seat like a helpless robot.
“What are you doing here?” I finally ask.
“I’ve been trying to make things work in London. I had a great life for a while there. But, in the end, I knew you were waiting for me here. I came back because I realized how stupid it was to leave in the first place.”
She’s got to be fucking with me. Hot rage washes over me at the audacity of her statement. Madigan really has no idea what she put me through. This woman is insane. Despite how much I want to throw the whiskey in her face, I pour us each a glass of whiskey neat.
“I do have to say I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to speak to you again,” I say carefully.
Madigan reaches over and touches my hand. Even though I know I should pull away, the only thing I can do is stare at her hand in disgust. She’s delusional.
“Gan, I’ve never gotten over you. I wanted you to go with me, but you said some awful things that day, and it hurt me deeply,” she offers me the pout that once had an immediate effect on me.
I shake my head, “Mads, do you even remember what we talked about the day you left?”
“Of course! I told you I didn’t want to settle down and get married in Kinnitty. You had this image in your mind that would leave me raising babies while you worked at a pub. Now that I’m here with you again, I’m actually relieved to see nothing changed here.”
Her mouth is running faster than my brain can process the selfishness she’s spewing. I always knew Madigan was a little on the crazy side, but I never thought she was utterly insane.
“Do you really think I’ve been sitting around waiting for you since you left? Like time just froze in Kinnitty when you walked out, and now that you’re here my life can finally start? Madigan, you are insane.”
Well, shite. One thing mum always told me is you may know someone is nutters, but you should never point it out to them. Madigan goes from being her typical flirtatious self to a wild-eyed woman as soon as the word “insane” came out of my mouth.
“You think I’m insane? Do you have any idea what it took for me to forgive you for the way you behaved? I did whatever I had to do to help you become more than a bartender, and you threw it in my face. You told me to leave!” She’s practically screaming at this point.
For a moment, all I can do is blink in response. Madigan thinks the terrible things she did were to improve our future. The anger building inside me is going to find an escape soon, and I don’t know that I’ll be able to act like a mature adult when it does. The first thing I have to do is force myself to take a calming breath. I won’t be able to talk to her if I don’t.