by Maisey Yates
She whimpered, pressing herself more firmly against him, wiggling until she brought that thigh between her legs where she had wanted him in the first place. She arched against him, seeking satisfaction for the ache that had settled at her core.
He drew his leg back, his expression hard, unreadable. “Not yet,” he said.
“Well, that’s crap,” she responded, reaching up to grab his head, lacing her fingers through his hair as she arched up to kiss him.
He tilted his head back. “You said you could handle it. Were you lying to me, baby girl?”
“I can handle you.” She lifted her chin, her heart thundering. “Don’t hold back.”
“Sweetheart, you have a lot to learn. Sometimes holding back is half the fun.” His hands moved slowly over her body, his expression immovable. Then he reached down, his fingertips drifting to the waistband of her jeans, one fingertip easing beneath the denim, slowly, slowly teasing her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Did you forget how?”
“If you’re a brat it’s only going to take longer,” he said, stopping his movements.
She bit back a hiss and stilled, and that was when he started to move again. And then she decided she wasn’t going to just sit and let him control things. She reached out, putting her own hands on his belt buckle.
“I don’t see why we can’t both play,” she said, working the leather free and letting it fall slack. She tried to disguise the trembling in her fingers as she unsnapped the jeans, then unzipped them, staring at the bulge she could see there behind the stretched black fabric of his underwear.
She was not going to let herself get all virginal and nervous. She knew what she wanted. If it was ever going to happen, it was going to be with him. And that had always been the truth of it.
He was the man she wanted. And it didn’t matter what the circumstances were. Sure, when she had been younger, a stupid teenage girl with a thousand silly fantasies, she had dreamed of marrying him. Of being in love with him.
She’d spun fantasies around that kind of thing when she was a kid, but what she wanted had changed. As she’d gotten older, she’d understood. Marriage was a terrible, horrible trap. Her parents had both been caught in it, and neither one had been happy.
Neither one able to escape.
And Bea didn’t want to be owned by another person, not ever again.
This was what she wanted. Just this. This might just be what they both needed.
“Careful,” he bit out.
“Why? Because I might be too much for you?”
Gritting her teeth, steeling her courage, she reached into his underwear and wrapped her hands around his very hard, very thick length. She fought to keep the look of surprise off her face. Fought to keep herself looking strong and steady and supremely relaxed.
“Shit,” he said, his hips bucking forward, his whole body on high alert.
“Oh yes,” she said, supreme satisfaction rolling over her as she slid her thumb over the length of him, copying the way he had teased her breasts. “I think you’re afraid that I might be too much for you.”
That was how she found herself being pressed onto her back, her jeans being dragged away from her body, until she was left in only a pair of flimsy panties that matched her now ruined bra. Dane kissed her collarbone, the plump curve of her breast, sliding his tongue down over one tightened bud before sucking her in deep.
“Oh,” she said, shaky as he teased her with his hand, with his mouth, as he moved his free hand down between her legs and pushed it beneath the lacy fabric, his middle finger driving down between her slick folds, over that sensitive place no one but her had ever touched. Her hips moved involuntarily, her whole body strung tight as he sucked and stroked, drawing the tension inside of her up tight like a bowstring.
She whimpered, completely at his mercy and unable to even be upset about it now, because it felt too damned good. Because it was Dane, and he was touching her and it was perfect.
He shifted, twisting his wrist and continuing to stroke her as he worked one finger inside of her, the invasion unexpected and foreign, causing her to gasp. But he kept on kissing her mouth and making her mindless, making her crazy, kept on driving her desire up higher, hotter, like he was stoking a campfire with slow, expert precision.
He worked a second finger inside of her and she whimpered, the feeling of fullness almost too much to bear, quickly swallowed up by need as he increased the pressure on his thumb, as he sucked her tongue deep into his mouth, and then turned their kiss slow, deep and steady, an easy devouring that made it seem like there was nothing else he wanted, and nowhere else to be. She began to shake, her internal muscles pulsing around his fingers, the threat of desire in her stomach pulled so tight she was sure it would break. Or that she would break. All of her.
She had told him she wasn’t fragile, but she felt like a pane of glass, perilously close to shattering, the cracks around the edges working their way toward the center until she knew... Until she knew she wouldn’t be able to sustain much more.
“Yes, baby,” he whispered against her lips. “Beatrix.”
And it was her name that sent her over the edge. Her name on his lips, and that wicked, knowing sound, and she shattered completely, pleasure pulsing through her body like a wave. But to her surprise, she felt stronger. Felt renewed. He moved away from her, taking his jeans off quickly, and it all happened so fast that she didn’t know where to look.
At that strong, masculine evidence of his desire for her, which was more beautiful and terrifying than she could have imagined. At the angry, horrible scar on his leg that went from his thigh down past his knee in a tangled-up mess that made her wonder how the hell he walked at all.
To the condom that he pulled out of his bedside drawer, which brought her focus straight back to that part of him that she wanted most. He tore the packet open quickly and rolled it over his length, and Beatrix didn’t have much time to think before she found herself being pressed back into the mattress, kissed again on her swollen lips, which felt raw and sensitive and like a strange kind of magic.
He pressed that head of his arousal against her body, flexed his hips forward and primed her slick flesh with it, until she was aroused again, until she was full up of need again, so soon after her release that it didn’t feel possible. He rocked like that against her body until she was whimpering, until she was pushing back, until she was pleading with him against his mouth to put them both out of their misery.
When he pressed against the entrance of her body it burned almost immediately and she panicked. So afraid that he would notice, that he would stop, she pressed her hands against his backside and pushed her hips forward. “Please,” she begged.
And on a growl, he slammed home, a swear word on his lips as he did.
Their eyes met and held, and she was forced to face up to the moment. It was Dane. Inside of her. Dane, the man that she had wanted for as long as she had known what wanting had meant.
She was getting what she wanted, and she realized she had no idea how to handle that when another person was involved.
It hurt, she supposed, having him stretch that untried flesh of hers, but the pain wasn’t anything compared to the huge knot in her chest.
To the emotional echo in her body that she couldn’t quite shake.
But then, she didn’t have to. Because he was kissing her again. Because he was moving slowly inside her, gently at first, just enough to stoke the desire that had been lost during the intense invasion.
She clung to his shoulders, kept her eyes focused on the familiar curve of his jaw, the golden stubble that covered his skin, the way his familiar mouth was set into a firm line, like it always was when he concentrated.
And then that beautiful mouth kissed her again, and she was lost. She moved her hands up and down his back, over his muscles, over his scars. She wrapped her legs
around him, arching against him, meeting his every thrust. That knot inside of her chest began to ease, as everything in her body began to unravel, the slow build of pleasure inside of her deeper this time, lower and more centered. It felt right. It felt natural. Nothing about it new or foreign. Like it was something she’d always known how to do, at least with him. It didn’t feel like a virgin and a rake.
It just felt like Bea and Dane.
Like all the changes that had happened in the last few months had been leading to this moment, and like each and every one of those changes had been a lesson. How to do this. And how to be this for him. And so she let go of everything that scared her and held on to him. She wasn’t afraid to cry out her pleasure, wasn’t afraid to whisper in his ear.
“More,” she demanded. “Harder.”
And he obliged, bringing his hands down beneath her ass and lifting her up as he thrust down deep.
“Dane,” she whispered. He shuddered above her, bracing himself on the mattress as he froze, his arousal pulsing deep inside of her as he growled against her neck. His big body shook, that last little pulse of desire releasing the tension inside of her, her climax shocking her as it gripped her, gripped him, and they held each other. She was somehow more in tune with this man, who she had been yelling at not long before, than she had ever felt with another human being.
She traced a line down his bicep, enjoying touching him like this. Feeling how strong he was. Just being able to touch him. He was naked and pressed against her, and just beautiful. She felt stronger and more powerful right then with this boneless, sated man on top of her than she ever had in her life.
He rolled over, away from her, on his back, his arm thrown over his face. She wondered what he was thinking. If it had been good for him. If he was angry at her now, if he had regrets or if he wanted to do it again.
She waited. Waited endless seconds for him to say something. And that was when she noticed that he was breathing deep, his chest rising and falling slowly, evenly.
“Dane,” she said, slapping him on the chest.
He jerked partway up, his fingers flexing, then relaxing. “Yeah?”
She blinked at him. “Did you fall asleep?”
“Not really.”
He had totally fallen asleep. She pushed against his shoulder. “You...you big stereotype.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, rolling onto his side and looking at her. “I haven’t done that in a while. Knocked me out.”
She should be annoyed probably. But instead something inside of her melted. Because Dane Parker was lying next to her in bed, naked, and he was looking at her like she was special. She didn’t have any room inside her to be mad. Not at all. “I feel... I feel like I should maybe be offended by that.”
“But you aren’t,” he pointed out.
“I might be. But I can’t decide if I’m offended you fell asleep or offended that you only fell asleep because you haven’t...done that in a while.”
“Bea, I’ll be right back.”
He turned away from her, his broad, bare back filling her vision as he sat on the edge of the mattress and pushed himself up into a standing position.
From this vantage point she could see his butt.
It was a very nice butt. His whole body was gorgeous. Even the places that were marked by scars. Maybe especially those in some ways. She winced as she watched him begin to limp toward the bathroom door. Okay, so in that way she couldn’t enjoy the scars at all. She watched him intently, making a point to look at the one on his leg again as best she could while he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.
She flopped back on the bed, feeling sulky that he’d left.
She couldn’t believe the past few minutes had happened. Couldn’t believe it was her life. Dane Parker. Her Dane. He had... They had...
A smile curved her lips.
All she wanted was to do it again. With him. As soon as possible. She had waited a long damn time. She was twenty-four years old and she had never even kissed a man and now she had... Well, she had had the best sex anyone had probably ever had. It had been with the object of her most beloved fantasy. How could it be anything else?
She could do this. She could have a perfect affair with him. Physical. Raw like this. She wasn’t a child. She was a woman, and she deserved to have this.
Dane returned then, the protection dealt with, and with him still naked. She gawked at him shamelessly, utterly and completely fascinated by his body. By the way his muscles moved when he did, by the way hair sprinkled over some of him, dark and thick on his chest, thinning out to a line as it went over his abs.
“Yes?” he asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “I’m just looking at you.”
“As long as I can return the favor.”
“I don’t want you to worry about me,” she said, sitting up, completely unembarrassed to be naked in front of him. It felt right. It felt normal somehow. And even though what had happened tonight was sudden in some ways, in other ways it was years in the making. He might not see it that way, but she did. There had been a shift in their relationship also. A slow, steady turning that had been waiting for all of these things to lock into place. That seemed clear to her now. She only hoped it was something he understood too.
“I wasn’t actually feeling that worried about you,” he said.
“Oh,” she said, a flush of pleasure overtaking her. “Good.”
“Might have been good if we had a conversation before that happened.”
“We did,” she said. “It was just that we were yelling at each other.”
He nodded slowly. “We might have talked about the fact that you were a virgin.”
She laughed. “Did you not know?”
He looked sheepish, shrugging his shoulder. “Honestly, I figured you probably were. When I thought about it. Which wasn’t very often.”
“But you did think about it.”
“It crossed my mind. Mainly around the time that I saw your breasts through your dress.”
“You liked that.”
“You’re gorgeous,” he said. He shook his head.
“I’d never even kissed a guy before you, you know.” He cursed. “Are you flattered?”
“I’m...I’m... I know this is a change.”
“More for you than for me,” she said cheerfully.
“How is that? I wasn’t a virgin.”
“No,” she said. “But you are the one that seemed to be unaware that one of us was an adult. I was never under the impression that you were a boy.”
“I’ve known you were a woman this whole time, Bea. But it’s a hell of a lot easier with someone like you to pretend that I don’t.”
She wrinkled her nose. “What do you mean by that? Someone like me?”
“You know. I’ve got a certain thing that I go for when it comes to physical relationships. It’s not you.”
“Well, but you think I’m attractive.”
“Yes,” he said. “That’s not the thing here.”
“Well then what’s the thing?” She sat up straight, taking great joy when his eyes dipped down to her breasts and his body started to harden again. She felt her mouth curve upward.
“Don’t do that,” he said.
“What?”
“You have to be careful. You can’t... You can’t be tempting me to do it again. You’re inexperienced and I could hurt you.”
She was fascinated by the very idea. “How?”
“Bea, I swear...”
“I like it when you’re bossy and naked.”
“I thought we were having a conversation.”
“If you can handle it,” she said.
“I travel. And I like my relationships as transient as my lifestyle. If we were to do this...”
“We’ve done it,” she said, wavin
g her hand between their naked bodies. “It’s too late.”
“What happened tonight was a heat of the moment thing. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it didn’t matter that it was you. It did. What I said about wanting any woman... That was bullshit. I went out drinking with Gabe Dalton and I didn’t want any of the women there at that bar. Any one of them could’ve kissed me and I wouldn’t have been tempted. I want you,” he said. “The problem is that there’s nowhere it can go.”
“I don’t want it to go anywhere,” she said. “Plenty of women have physical-only affairs and they’re completely fine with it. I don’t see why I can’t be one of them. Really. I couldn’t exactly stay a virgin for the rest of my life. And let’s be honest, Dane, I’ve had a bit of a crush on you for a long time.”
He jerked back, his eyes going wide. “You have?”
Well, that wasn’t the reaction she had expected. She tried to look cool and she waved a hand. “Yes. I mean, in that way that I’ve been somewhat sexually fascinated by you. But believe me, I’m no more interested in a relationship than you are. Look at my family. It’s a disaster. I don’t want anything to do with that kind of thing. My parents didn’t do anything but hurt each other. Ever. That’s all they do still. I’d never want to waste my life like that. Even more than that, I don’t really want to be beholden to anyone. I grew up like that. Doing what my parents wanted, trying to be something they wanted me to be. I’m finding my freedom now. I spent so much of my life trying to be invisible, Dane. To hide my feelings. To hide what I wanted. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to have an affair with you. I want to set up the animal sanctuary. I want to live a life on my terms. I don’t want to worry about what other people think.”
“Yeah,” he said. “But here’s the thing. Lindy can’t know.”
“Why not?”
“She would skin me alive. She would absolutely skin me alive if she knew that I touched you, Bea, and I think you know that.”
Bea made a ferocious sound. “Well, that’s not fair. She got to sleep around with Wyatt.”