The silent insult was unmistakable. “Let me up.”
His cold eyes stared into hers. “And if I don’t? What are you going to do? Like you said, you hardly know me.”
Amber felt her heart racing. He was trying to intimidate her. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing just how frightened she was.
She pushed hard against his chest. “Get off me right now!”
Her shout startled Joachim. He dropped his toy and began to cry.
Paul made a sound that sounded like a growl, and then pushed himself up. He glanced at the beautiful, half-naked woman on his couch before cursing and going to his son.
He picked Joachim up from the walker, but the little outstretched arms reached past his father’s shoulder.
“Shh, shh.” Paul tried to console his angry baby. “He’s hungry. I’m going to go fix him a bottle.” He spoke to Amber without looking back, then walked out of the living room, heading to the kitchen.
The farther away from Amber he walked, the louder his son’s wails became. He continued to try to comfort him, but never turned around. It was time for Joachim to accept what he already knew. Amber Lockhart could never be a part of their lives.
Chapter 13
As soon as Paul was gone from the room, Amber sat up on the couch. She took a deep breath, before relatching her bra and buttoning up her shirt. It took several minutes for her heart to slow its rapid pace.
She had the eerie feeling of having just escaped potential danger. She didn’t seriously believe Paul would’ve done the unthinkable. But there was a hard edge about him that terrified her. She knew she’d wounded him…deeply.
Her confession had had the opposite effect of her intent. She’d told him the truth to avoid any misunderstanding, and all it did was complicate matters further.
She stood and balled her fists, still feeling the effects of unfulfilled arousal. She just did not understand Paul Gutierrez. Most men would’ve taken what she was offering without a moment’s hesitation. Why was he trying to make it more than it could be?
She’d known him for less than a week. What the hell did he want? A declaration of undying love? Stay with me, Amber. I promise you will never want for anything. Her mouth twisted in frustration.
When Paul returned a half hour later with Joachim cradled in his arm, he seemed surprised to find her still there. The tree lay on its side, and Amber was sitting on the floor, struggling to push the base onto the bottom.
Hearing Paul come into the room, she looked up. “It won’t fit. The tree is too big for the base.”
Paul looked at her, but she felt he was looking through her instead. Without a word, he handed her the baby and began to struggle with the base.
After several attempts, he gave up and sighed. “I’m going to have to cut it down some. I have a saw out in the garage. I’ll be right back.”
He was almost to the door, before she called to him. “Paul?”
“What?” he snapped, turning to face her.
Amber’s heart twisted to see the hurt in his eyes. This was just what she didn’t want to do. To create this unbearable tension between them. For a moment, she regretted every kiss they’d shared. “I just wanted to say—I mean I didn’t—”
“I think it’s time for you to go.”
There was such finality to his simple words, Amber could not believe what she was hearing. “Go?”
“Not tonight, but in the morning, I’ll take you to the airport to get your ticket. I’ll pay for it if you don’t have enough. I’m sure your family is—”
“What? You’re kicking me out? Why? Because I won’t vow to love you forever? This is crazy!” She pointed an accusing finger. “You’re crazy!”
She glanced at the baby in her arms and could see that her screaming was beginning to upset him. As outraged as she was, Amber still worked to control her tone.
She took a deep breath. “Fine, Paul. I’ll leave in the morning.” And she watched him walk out of the room.
Amber looked at little Joachim and found those big, brown eyes looking back at her in bewilderment. It was obvious he sensed something was wrong. Amber hugged him and fought back the tears she felt forming in her eyes.
“I’m going to miss you so much, precious one.” She kissed the top of his curly head, so much like his father’s, just trying to absorb his wonderful baby smell and store it in her memory forever.
Out in the garage, Paul was slamming the trimmer against the wall. At that moment, he wanted to jump outside his body, so that he could punch himself in the nose for being such an idiot. Amber was right, he was indeed crazy—and he had no idea how to stop being crazy.
He leaned against the SUV, holding his face in his hands. Why did he always fall so hard, and so fast? They had only known each other a few days, so why did he feel the overwhelming need to get some kind of commitment from her before they made love? What is wrong with me?
He thought about the scene that had just played out in the living room. He was hurting, and he’d lashed out the only way he knew how. And now…he was stuck with his decision. She’d agreed to go home.
Given his growing obsession with her, maybe it was for the best.
After putting Joachim to bed for the night, Amber tried to follow suit but ended up staring at the ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. Giving up, she padded down the stairs for a late-night snack. Halfway down, it occurred to her just how comfortable she had become in this house in a few days. Far too comfortable. It was beginning to feel like home.
At the bottom of the stairs, she turned to go into the kitchen when she noticed a blinking light reflecting off the opposite wall. It was coming from the living room. She rounded the corner, and a wide grin came across her face at the sight that greeted her.
The monster tree was standing tall in its base and was covered in tiny, colorful, flashing lights. She felt like a kid on Christmas morning, waking to find the evidence that Santa had visited the night before.
She spotted Paul on the other side of the room, pulling boxes of ornaments out of bags. “Wow, it’s coming together.” When she saw his back stiffen, she realized she’d startled him.
He glanced at her over his shoulder. She almost laughed at the disappointment in his eyes as they ran over her completely concealing pajamas.
He stood and dusted his hands. “I still may not have enough ornaments to cover the whole thing.”
“Can I help?”
He hesitated, and Amber thought he was going to say no.
“Sure.” He held out a box of shiny balls.
Amber crossed the room, and with one glance at his face knew that the box represented a truce of sorts. She also knew that he was regretting what happened earlier as much as she was.
Together they worked to cover the tree with dozens of ornaments, and the end result was a festive and cheery Christmas tree. They sat together on the couch, watching the lights glow and shimmer against the glittery balls.
“Thanks for this,” Paul said.
“For what?”
“I would’ve never thought to put up a tree, or any decorations for that matter had you not suggested it.”
She shrugged. “You probably would’ve eventua—”
“No, I would not have.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “These last few years…life with Michelle was not exactly filled with joyous celebrations.”
Amber bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back the urge to ask. She couldn’t. “Is Michelle Joachim’s mother?”
He sighed, and much to her surprise answered. “Yes.”
Amber felt as if she had just jumped some major hurdle. She knew she should stop there.
“Where is she?”
She watched his shoulders droop, and regretted asking the question.
“She died six months ago.”
Amber reached forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh, Paul, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not.”
Hearing the harsh
statement, Amber jumped back away from him. “How can you say that?”
“I know it sounds terrible, Amber. But you don’t understand how it was. You don’t know how many dope houses I had to drag her out of. You don’t know what it’s like waiting to hear a doctor tell you whether your infant son was born with a drug addiction or worse! You don’t know what it feels like knowing the woman you love will give herself to any man with a fat wallet. Or having her run away with your son, wondering if she’ll sell him to the first dealer she meets for a fix, wondering if he’s being abused. And through it all…I still loved her. Can you believe that?” He turned to look at her, and she could see the tears forming in his beautiful eyes. “Can you believe that through all that, I still loved her?”
She reached up and ran her fingers down his cheek. “Love is powerful, Paul.”
He blinked and a single tear slid down his cheek and over her fingers. His eyes ran over every inch of her face. “And unpredictable.” He sniffed and sat straight up as if attempting to regain his composure. “It’s a damn nuisance, if you ask me.”
Amber smiled. She’d never thought of love as a nuisance.
“Anyway, that’s my sob story,” he said with more than a little sarcasm. “It may sound cruel, but these past six months, I’ve had more peace than I’ve known in quite some time.”
Amber didn’t know what to say to that. She’d always been taught not to speak ill of the dead, but considering the pain this woman had put her family through, Amber wasn’t so sure she could say anything good about her, either. She came up with something. “But you have Joachim.”
He smiled, and she felt her heart swell to bursting, knowing she’d caused it.
“Yes, I have Joachim, don’t I?”
“He’s such a wonderful baby,” she continued, wanting to increase his good feeling. She smiled. “And he looks just like you, which isn’t a bad thing.”
“Think so?”
She watched his eyes change right before her. They went from reflective to predatory in a matter of seconds, and even seemed to darken, if that was possible.
Fighting her own instinct, she scooted back on the couch away from him. But a part of her wanted to go to him and finish what they started earlier. She knew better. Amber had no intention of getting into a serious relationship, and with a man like Paul it couldn’t be anything else.
“I guess we better clean up this mess.” She stood and felt Paul’s strong fingers wrap around her wrist.
“Sit down. I’m not going to jump you. No matter how much I still want you.” He chuckled and glanced over her body. “You’d think those ugly pajamas would’ve turned me off, but surprisingly enough…” He shrugged. “Anyway, you were right earlier. We don’t know each other well enough for what I want, and I’m not able to give you the kind of casual relationship you’re used to. It’s just not in me.”
He released her arm and offered his hand. “So, I guess the only thing left is…friends?”
“Friends.” She accepted the handshake. “Does that mean I can stay?”
“Oh, no, you still have to go.”
“Why?” She couldn’t have hid her disappointment if she tried.
He shook his head. “Sorry, angel, you are just too much temptation.” He turned pleading eyes on her. “You can only ask so much of a man.”
Amber wanted to argue, but she held her tongue. After all, it was his house, and therefore, his decision.
After putting up the rest of the decorations around the house, they spent the early-morning hours clearing away the empty boxes and cleaning up the living room. Amber got her late-night snack, when Paul made a few minisandwiches.
They curled on the couch, sitting at opposite ends, and shared stories of their childhood Christmases. Amber told Paul about the joys of growing up in a house full of girls, and he laughed as she described waking up to find the Christmas tree surrounded in pinks and lavenders, and everything Barbie.
She soon found out that Paul’s childhood had not been much better than his adult years. He described how his illegal immigrant parents had come to America when his mother was less than four months pregnant. They’d taken the arduous journey from mountainous Brazil to Los Angeles with the express purpose of having Paul born on American soil.
Shortly after his sixth birthday, following an argument with neighbors, his parents were reported to the immigration authorities and deported. Paul had been left to be raised by an elderly uncle who died while Paul was in the military. What surprised Amber most was the feeling of intense patriotism his parents had instilled in Paul. Even with everything that had happened to them, they still thought America was a great country.
“Do you visit them often?” she asked, taking a bite of one of the small sandwiches.
“Not as often as I would like,” he admitted. “They live in the remote village where my mother was born. It’s kind of hard to get to. I want to take Joachim to see them, but I’ll wait until he’s older.”
“Do you have any siblings?”
“I have two little brothers, Carlos is twelve and Petie is sixteen, and a little sister, Maria, she’s almost ten.” He smiled. “That one’s going to be trouble.”
“I’m sure she takes after her big brother.”
His eyes slid to hers, and his sexy grin made her heart flutter. “Maybe.”
His grin became a frown.
“What’s wrong?” Amber asked.
“I send money to help, but my father just sends it back. I’ve told him I can well afford it, but he says they don’t need much. When I visit, I’m greeted with lots of hugs and kisses, but I always feel like a visiting friend of the family, not a member. Does that sound strange?”
“Not when you consider that you weren’t raised with them. And the fact that you were raised in a completely different culture. I guess it would be natural to feel a bit distant.”
“When Petie turns eighteen, I’m going to try to get him a student visa and bring him here to go to school. If he wants to come, of course.”
Amber studied his face as he spoke, wondering if he knew how much of himself he had revealed with that last statement. The hope and joy she could hear in his voice at the possibility of having one of his siblings with him. She had always taken family for granted, having grown up in a house full of sisters. She could not imagine the loneliness of a boy growing up alone, with only an old man for companionship, knowing that hundreds of miles away he had brothers, a sister, a mother and a father, and they wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with them.
“I’m surprised you never tried to go back.”
He smiled. “I did when I was eleven, right after I received a letter from my parents saying Petie had been born. My uncle insisted he couldn’t afford the trip, but I was determined to see my little brother. I ran away in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, it was a rainy night. By the time my uncle found me the next morning, I had gotten no more than eight blocks away. I was soaked, scared, lost, hungry and more than willing to accept my punishment for running away.”
She laughed. “You poor thing.”
“My uncle didn’t think so.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t sit down for a week.”
She laughed harder.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he said.
That sobered her. She lowered her eyes. “Don’t say things like that.”
“It’s nothing more than the truth.”
Feeling his intense eyes burning into her, she searched her scrambled mind for a different topic, but kept coming up with a blank. All she could think about was, would he move closer? Would he touch her?
Instead, he turned toward the tree, focusing his attention on the flashing lights.
The pair sat in silence for several minutes, before Paul’s deep tenor voice cut through the quiet. “No he soñado siempre para encontrar a alguien como usted, no más de noches solas que nunca lo haré no, a través usted opinión usted satisfará esta parte vacía, he estado buscando pa
ra cuál falta en mi corazón…”
Amber lay her head against the sofa, listening to the softly sung lyrics, and finding herself lost in the sweet melody. “That’s pretty. What does it mean?”
He lay his head back. “Nothing. It’s just a Spanish lullaby.” He listened tensely as she yawned and stretched, but relaxed when she made no attempt to get up. Somehow, just being in her presence was enough.
“It’s lovely.” Her words slurred, and Paul knew she was falling asleep.
He turned his head to look at her. “Yes, it is.”
She faded off to sleep and Paul sat for a long time, just watching her before he felt his own tiredness coming down on him. The lyrics of the popular Spanish song just kept playing over and over again in his mind.
He knew when the morning came, he would do what he planned. He would take her to the airport and put her on an airplane, and never see her again. It would hurt like hell, and he would always wonder what if. But Paul knew the pain of losing her now was nothing compared to the devastation of losing her later.
He’d sung the verses in Spanish, hoping she would not understand the lyrics. But now, looking at her sleeping form, he whispered a few verses in English.
“I have always dreamed to find someone like you, no more lonely nights, I’ll never make it through, won’t you say you will fulfill this empty part, I’ve been searching for what’s missing in my heart.”
He had only one conscious thought before falling off to sleep. How could this happen so fast?
Chapter 14
Paul was awakened by feather-soft kisses across his lean midsection. Realizing the tinkling sensation was caused by someone’s lips flickering over his stomach was one thing. Understanding whose lips was another.
Paul took in his surroundings and realized he was on the couch, and given the sunlight streaming in through the bay windows, apparently he’d slept there all night. A warm tongue tracing the outside of his belly button was all he could stand before he sat straight up and found himself looking into Amber’s golden eyes. He knew she’d been at this seduction long enough to work herself into quite an arousal.
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