My knees buckled beneath me and the cold hard wooden floor caught my body. I began to sob into my hands, and there was no one around to comfort me. Penn was tired of it all, tired of me, tired of this—my panic attacks, my breakdowns, my hardships.
I knew it right then and there.
Our relationship, our marriage, our promises were over.
He tilted his head in my direction and seemed unfazed by it all. “Maybe you should go somewhere else tonight. For a while, actually. A few weeks, a few months… Go figure something out because you staying here isn’t going to work out anymore.”
“Where will I go?” I choked out, confusion hitting me fast.
“I don’t know, Kennedy. Go to your sister or something.”
Yoana…
I hadn’t seen her in over a year. What would it look like having me show up after all this time without a word? What would she say? Why would she give me comfort after all this time, after I’d gone MIA? All she received from me were text messages here and there telling her I was okay even though I wasn’t. She owed me nothing but still kept giving me everything. She’d write me long messages telling me about her life, keeping me up to date on any and everything. All I could do was send her a few emojis every now and again because while her life was moving forward, mine was standing still.
The last message she’d sent was about her honeymoon, which she was finally about to take after two years of marriage. The one before that was requesting that I come to visit. Before that? She left a long voice message about how she and Nathan flipped a house and were about to put it on the market. Since the two of them had gotten married, they’d both been so into the idea of flipping houses. The fact that they were able to work together and still be so happy reminded me so much of our parents. Mama and Daddy had been the same exact way.
Penn and me? We couldn’t have been more opposite. When I told him I wanted to be an author, he laughed at me, telling me I didn’t have the right education to do so. When I received my first book deal, he said it was luck. When my royalty checks came in, he told me not to spend them because more probably wouldn’t come.
Penn walked to his office and came back with a package of paperwork. “I was going to give these to you before the accident, but I held off. Just sign on the dotted line and leave them in the front hall when you go.”
Then he exited the room, leaving me sitting there with my too emotional self as he placed a nail in the coffin of our marriage. Divorce papers.
I signed them all as my chest ached.
I packed my things into three suitcases, taking only the important things, only the items that meant the world to me. Then I called myself a taxi and began the forty-five-minute ride to see a sister who didn’t have a clue I’d be showing up on her front porch to beg her to let me in.
After the driver dropped me off at her home in the town of Rival, Kentucky, I dragged my suitcases to the front porch.
A sigh of relief washed through me when I saw their car parked in the driveway.
I hurried and began knocking on the door. It was past ten at night, and there was a good chance Yoana was already sleeping. She’d never been a night owl, always an early riser.
“Who is that?” a deep voice questioned—Nathan’s, of course.
I spoke up a little. “Yoana, it’s me,” I choked out, sobs sitting heavily in my throat. “It’s Kennedy. I, well, I need…” I swallowed down the fear in my chest and shut my eyes. “I need you.”
The door flew open and there she was, standing there in her pajamas, looking at me with the most concerned stare ever.
My older sister looked like a goddess even now when she’d been awakened in the middle of the night. Gosh, I needed her. I needed her so, so much it made my stomach physically ache to see her eyes staring back at me…the eyes that looked so much like Mama’s.
“Are you okay?” she asked, and those three words cracked the shell of my hurts wide open. The sincerity in her voice hurt me more than I could say—the care, the gentleness, the love. I’d spent the past year lying to my sister about my well-being, out of stupidity and struggling with internal demons, and still, without a moment of hesitation, she was asking me if I was okay.
My lips parted, but no words came out. Tears began flooding my eyes, and I covered my face as I sobbed uncontrollably into the palms of my hands. “I’m sorry, Yoana,” I cried, shaking my head in embarrassment and pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
She didn’t seem to need my apologies. She didn’t hammer me with questions about my situation. She didn’t scold me for pushing her away. Instead, she stepped forward, wrapped her arms around me, and held me so tightly in her grip.
“You’re okay, Kennedy. It’s okay. I got you. I got you.”
She held on tight. For the first time in the past year, I begun to breathe again, and my sister didn’t let me go.
As she held me, she asked me a very, very important question—probably the most important one I’d heard in a very long time. “Wine?”
“Yes.” I laughed, and I was taken aback by how genuine it sounded. “Wine.”
2
Kennedy
New beginnings should come with a warning label.
Warning: fresh starts won’t stop old memories from flooding your brain, resulting in panic attacks, social discomfort, and waves of every emotion possible stemming from depression, crashing into gratitude, and crackling into sparks of anger. No feelings are left behind.
It had been three days of me sleeping in my sister’s guest room, and Penn hadn’t reached out to me once. I tried my best not to reveal the confusing thoughts playing through my mind. I didn’t want my heaviness to weigh too heavily on my sister and Nathan—they didn’t deserve that. They deserved the me who was only thankful, not the sad girl I’d been for the past year. That was the problem with Penn—he saw my sadness and proved that side of me wasn’t worth loving. So I was working harder and harder not to let that side of me slip out. I didn’t want to push people away with my grief anymore.
I wanted people to stay.
Fake it till you make it, Kennedy.
It’s a proven fact that if you smile more, people will think you are happy. That’s basic science. I’d been smiling so much for the past few days since I’d arrived at Yoana’s that my cheeks were sore. Sometimes, I’d excuse myself to the bathroom just to let the smile fade for a moment before I pasted it back on my lips.
I hadn’t been called out on my fake smiles so far, which meant those smiles deserved an Oscar.
“Okay, don’t peek!” Yoana warned as she guided me down the streets of a small town called Havenbarrow. The town was only fifteen minutes from her home, and she said it was the cutest small town ever. For the past few days, all she talked about was the cuteness of the small town.
I couldn’t have peeked even if I wanted to thanks to the bandana covering my eyes. We’d been walking for a while, me stumbling every few minutes while Yoana tried her best to keep me from dying.
“Is the blindfold really needed?” I asked, a bit confused by all my sister’s antics while guiding me. The moment we parked her car in town, Yoana ordered me to close my eyes. Then, she took me on an adventure.
“Yes! Now hush and keep going. We’re almost there. Wait! Stop! Car!” she screeched, yanking me backward.
“What the hell!” I hollered, causing Yoana to burst out laughing.
“Just kidding. We’re nowhere near the street. I just thought it would be funny.”
“Oh, how I’ve missed your sense of humor.” My tone was joking, but I really had missed her sense of humor. I’d missed pretty much everything about being around my sister, and since I’d come to her for help, she’d been nothing but a saint to me.
“Only one more left turn,” she told me with her hands on my shoulders—then she whipped me to the right. “I meant right, right! Okay, a few steps forward…two steps back.”
“Are we doing the dance routine for Paula Abdul’s ‘Oppo
sites Attract’? Because if so, I need to change my shoes,” I told her.
“Shush, woman. We’re here. Just move a little to the left.” I scooted. “A little more.” I shuffled my feet some more. “Okay, good, good. Now a liiiittle to the right.”
“Yoana!” I hollered.
She laughed, and the sound alone made me chuckle. “Okay, okay, sorry. I just want the surprise to be perfect, that’s all.”
“Okay, so tell me what to do. Can I see the surprise now? Not that you had to get me anything because you’ve already done more than enough by letting me sleep in your guest room. Plus, the fact that you—”
“Kennedy.”
“Yes?”
“Shut up.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, thank you. Now on the count of three, I’m going to take off your blindfold to show you the most exciting thing ever. One…two…three!” She ripped the blindfold off and revealed that we were standing in front of a house. A very cute house that was freshly painted with a picket fence surrounding the yard where wild foliage grew rampant. On the front steps of the house was Nathan—Yoana’s husband—with two bottles of champagne in his hands and the biggest goofy grin I’d ever seen on his face.
I glanced over at my sister, confused as sin. “What exactly is happening?”
“Surprise!” she squeaked. “It’s your new home!”
“My new…” I whipped around to face Yoana as my jaw dropped. “My new what?” I exclaimed, bafflement hitting me at a new speed.
“Your new home. As you know, Nathan and I have recently gotten into flipping houses, and this was our latest flip in the cutest small town known to mankind. We were about to put it on the market but decided to hold off so you’ll have somewhere to stay that’s just yours.” She was talking as though everything she was saying wasn’t complete insanity as she walked forward toward the front porch. “The yard hasn’t been done yet, but the landscapers will come start on it in a few days, and there is little to no furniture. Okay, there’s nothing inside, but I ordered a few pieces I think you might like and they are arriving over the next few days. I picked out a washer and dryer that will be delivered, and for now, there’s a top-of-the-line, old-school blue refrigerator in the kitchen that you have courtesy of Nathan and me from our garage. I also had Nathan run to the store and get you some essentials—a nice queen-size blow-up bed, some dining items, a cheap kitchen table, all the bathroom basics, and—”
“Why would you do this?” I choked out, completely stunned and confused by all this undeserved kindness Yoana was showing me. “This is insane.” I didn’t deserve this. I couldn’t stay in a house they were about to put on the market. I couldn’t take so much from my sister when I had given her so little over the past year.
If anything, I’d taken the most important things from her life already.
“Why would I do this?” she asked, surprised by my question. She placed her hands on my shoulders and narrowed her eyes. “Kennedy…you’re my sister. I’d do anything for you.”
When I thought of earth angels, my older sister was always the first one to come to mind. Yoana was a saint beyond saints, a doer of good. Hearts like hers were so few and far between. She was beautiful both inside and out even though most people noticed her outer beauty first. Yoana McKenzie Lost was the spitting image of our mother. She had Mama’s tight black curls, espresso skin, doe eyes, and the deep dimple that carved out her left cheek. Whenever I missed my mother, I was lucky enough to be able to look into my sister’s eyes.
Me, on the other hand—I was the perfect blend of both my parents, the embodiment of their love story. I’d received Mama’s smile and Cupid’s bow. I had Daddy’s crooked, slender nose and his chipmunk cheeks. Mama and I had matching birthmarks on our shoulder blades and the same dimple in our chins. My loose honey-colored curls were a mixture of both of my parents’ genetics.
And my eyes? They belonged to my father. I had Daddy’s golden-kissed eyes that had slivers of browns and greens dancing within their irises. Whenever I missed him, I looked into my own mirror. Some people would look at me and call me biracial but I simply called myself Aaron and Renee’s daughter.
My sister and I were the living, breathing proof of our parents’ epic story—their greatest love of all. Even though Daddy wasn’t Yoana’s biological father, there was no doubt that he was her dad. When my mother was lost and all alone with a two-year-old, Daddy swept both girls off their feet, and he loved Yoana as if she was his own the moment he laid eyes on her.
It takes a special kind of man to love a child that isn’t his by blood. There was never a split second when my father treated Yoana any differently than he treated me. Sometimes, when I was younger, I even felt as if he loved her a little bit more than he loved me. He didn’t do it on purpose, of course, and the older I grew, the more I understood. Yoana had a missing link in her life’s novel, and Daddy made sure she knew her storybook was still filled with love even though she’d never know her biological father.
She was his daughter—maybe not by blood, but most definitely by heart. Their hearts beat in sync, and sometimes, I could’ve sworn Yoana had Daddy’s smile.
Not a day passed when I didn’t miss my parents, but luckily, I had my sister to hold me up now. I wished I had realized that sooner. Instead, I had pushed her away because I figured she blamed me for the accident.
It was because of Yoana that I felt as if the overcast sky that’d been following me around for the past year was finally clearing up to sunny days and calmer nights. For the rest of my life, I’d owe her for the unconditional love she bestowed on me.
They showed me around the house, leaving me shocked by how beautiful it was, especially based on the before photographs they’d shown me. When it was almost time for them to go catch their flight for the honeymoon, Yoana made sure to give me a to-do list for while they were gone.
“Now, repeat back what I’ve told you,” she ordered.
“Meditate morning and night, no matter what, even if only for five minutes to breathe. Yes, Mother,” I sarcastically groaned in annoyance, but truthfully, I was so thankful for Yoana’s love.
She had so many of Mama’s heartbeats in her soul. Being around her felt like being wrapped in the warmest of weighted blankets, instant comfort.
“And those woods behind the house—don’t be afraid to walk through them. I know they aren’t your property exactly, but I doubt the man who owns them will care or notice. When Nathan and I worked on the property, we got lost back there, and it reminded me so much of when Mama and Daddy would take us hiking as kids. Remember how often we’d get lost?”
I snickered. “Oh yeah, and when Mama would get nervous about the sky getting darker, Daddy would say, ‘You can’t be lost if you’re surrounded by nature. Nature is our home.’” I smiled at the memory before my lips began to turn down.
“I miss them,” Yoana confessed.
“Me too.” More than words. I had no doubt I’d find myself wandering those woods for some meditation sessions.
When we were younger, my parents would have my sister and me ground our energy every morning and evening. Daddy taught us yoga and Mama taught us breathing techniques. Those lessons truly helped shape my life, but when things went wrong, meditation was the first thing that disappeared from my daily routine. Funny how people lose their main principals and beliefs when their world is turned upside down.
The other tasks on my to-do list from Yoana?
Find one thing to make me smile each day.
Journal in order to slowly dive back into writing.
Get daily sunlight when the weather allows.
Explore Havenbarrow.
Yoana nudged me in the side. “Now that all that is handled, do you want to go out to grab something for dinner?”
“I’m actually getting a little tired. Besides, don’t you have a plane to Costa Rica to catch?”
A slack expression washed over her face as she glanced at her watch. “Oh, right. That.�
�
“Yes, that.” I chuckled. “Only the first leg of the most epic honeymoon of all honeymoons.”
She gave me puppy dog eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”
“Uh, no. Trust me, I’m not above being a third wheel to the movies with the two of you, but tagging along to travel the world would be crossing the line.”
“Fine. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without you for so long. I feel like I just got you back.” She paused and nibbled on her bottom lip as her eyes grew wet and dull. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
“Don’t worry. When you get back, I’ll be even more of myself. You won’t lose me again, ever.” I sniffled a little, watching Yoana get emotional. “Don’t you start crying because you know I’m a sympathetic sobbing queen. Just hug me and get lost, will you?”
She pulled me into a hug. “I’ll call you every day, okay? I don’t care about the time difference. We’ll check in on every social media outlet, and if you need me, no matter what, Kennedy, I’m there for you.”
“I know. Thank you. Now go!” I ordered, waving the happy couple toward the door. I leaned in, kissed Yoana’s cheek, and gave Nathan a tight hug. “You take care of her or you die, okay?”
“Aye, aye. captain. Listen, the town here has some great places to eat and check out. Don’t be afraid to reach out if anyone gives you a hard time, either. I know how these small-town people can get—rude. You’re my sister now, and I’m not afraid of kicking someone’s ass from overseas.”
I laughed. “Go, you guys. I love you, be safe, and do like Mama and Daddy always said on their adventures—don’t be afraid of the unknown.”
“Same goes for you, sister. Don’t be afraid of the unknown,” Yoana echoed.
Nathan said goodbye then walked outside to give Yoana and me a moment alone. My chest ached at the thought of her leaving me, but I did my best to hide that pain.
“What Penn did to you was cruel, and if I could, I’d absolutely cut off his dick, but that chapter of your life is over. Remember what Mama and Daddy said to do when someone makes you feel weak?”
Southern Storms Page 2