by Jenny Hale
Ben looked out over the water. Beau was digging a hole down the beach.
She wasn’t sure what to say. Her new feelings for Ben were difficult to manage, and she felt unsure of how to move forward because all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and tell him how she felt about him, but she couldn’t. Her head throbbed and her chest ached with that reality. She was shaking, stunned by her rush of feelings, terrified by the need to feel his touch and to have his lips on hers.
She could tell he was trying to figure out why she’d clammed up before, when she was sure it was so obvious by her reaction now how she felt. If it wasn’t guilt over Ashley, then it had to be something else… That’s what was going through his mind, she was certain of it. Understanding showed in his face—of what, she wasn’t sure.
“Hallie, I get it,” he finally said. “I’m not the guy for you.”
He’d misinterpreted her emotion. He must have thought she was crying because she didn’t love him and she knew how much that would hurt him, when things couldn’t be further from the truth.
He took in a deep breath and put his hands on his knees, hanging his head as if he needed to get himself together. “It won’t change anything between us. It never has before.” He sat up and looked into her eyes. “Like I said, I’ve been in love with you as long as I can remember. And through all your boyfriends and love interests, I’m still here.”
He didn’t understand at all. But then it occurred to her that she could allow him to believe that was the issue. Then she could move on with her life and he could move on with his. Ben would find someone wonderful and have the happily ever after he was destined to have… And she and Ben could go back to being the way they’d always been. It broke her heart, and she didn’t know how she would manage if she did let him believe it, but it made the most sense.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking. She was sorry. Sorry that she couldn’t give him what he deserved. Maybe one day she’d have the strength to tell him why. She wiped the tears that had fallen before losing herself in his blue eyes. “I love you,” she whispered. “I do.”
With incredible composure, Ben leaned over and gently kissed her cheek, only succeeding in tearing her apart, because she knew that he loved her so much that he’d pushed all his feelings down so she wouldn’t feel awful about rejecting him. He pressed his forehead to hers. “I love you too.” He tipped his head back and let out a little groan of frustration. Then he stood and whistled for Beau while grabbing Hallie’s hands and pulling her up. “Time to move forward. No regrets,” he said, looking over at the house. “I’ve got a football game to play.” He produced a smile. “And I need a receiver. You up for it?”
Hallie wiped another tear, chasing them away with a chuckle, but it was followed by a sob. Her breath caught as she cleared it. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” he said, as Beau neared them. “Let’s go.” With the soft wind at their backs, they headed up to Starlight Cottage together, Ben’s hand in hers.
TWENTY-ONE
“We need music!” Ben said, just before running back inside the cottage.
After Ben and Hallie’s discussion, having dinner with the family seemed to lift their mood. Robby’s excitement over their upcoming football game had kept the conversation light and happy. They’d spent most of the dinner hour chatting about the game, Robby talking more than he had all week, deciding with Ben where they should set up the field, dividing the teams, and discussing running plays. Ben made a joke about climbing over Hallie’s shoulders to catch the ball as one of his secret plays, and even Mama laughed, her amusement causing the whole table to chuckle. Uncle Hank had also asked Hallie to tell everyone about the photographs she’d taken with Gavin, and as she told them all her ideas about Coastal Comfort, she could feel the energy that she’d thought had drained away seeping back in. Uncle Hank hadn’t stopped smiling since dinner. The buoyant atmosphere gave Hallie the ability to push her emotions back down, nearly burying them where she wished they’d stay.
Chairs were set up along the edge of the yard for Uncle Hank and Mama, who’d taken their seats for the big game. Mama had her legs crossed, one flip-flop dangling from her toes as her foot bounced with anticipation. She was smiling, contented, reminding Hallie of years past when they used to all sit outside together around the evening fire, toasting marshmallows and telling stories, their faces warm from the fire and too much sun. Today, Mama had popped corn and dished some out for Uncle Hank. Beau was waiting in the wings for any that came his way.
Uncle Hank hadn’t protested when Ben asked him if he’d watch the game outside. He was sitting next to Mama, a tall glass of iced tea in his hand, looking toward the lighthouse on the beach, just like he used to do before pointing out the fireflies when Hallie was little.
Hallie realized she hadn’t seen the fireflies very much this year. They’d been so busy since they’d arrived that she hadn’t gone out to the beach during the slip of time when the sun had yet to completely surrender to night. That was when the fireflies filled the coast. At dusk, when the sky over Starlight Cottage was a brilliant mixture of shades—oranges, pinks, and purples—with all those little white blinking lights from the fireflies dotting the shore, it was an incredible sight. She promised herself she’d spend an evening out there soon. Hallie squinted in the direction of the beach, following Uncle Hank’s line of vision, but she didn’t see any yet.
One of the living room windows slid open from inside the cottage and a speaker surfaced through the screen, the thump of drums rumbling out and over the makeshift football field that Ben and Robby had set up after dinner, using toy orange cones. The sound of horns came blaring forth over the drums, giving the entire yard the musical atmosphere of a party. Robby, wearing the football jersey Ben had gotten him for Christmas last year, was in the center of the field, knees bending, hips moving, arms flailing around in dance. Sydney joined him, wiggling her shoulders to the beat.
Hallie was glad for the distraction.
Ben jogged back down the front steps with the football under his arm. “So, we’re playing to five! Robby, do you have the coin?”
Robby rummaged around in the pocket of his shorts before holding up the quarter that Ben had given him at dinner.
“Heads or tails?” Ben asked him over the music when he met Robby on the field, setting the ball down in front of them. Hallie and Sydney gathered around them. Ben must have noticed Hallie’s contemplative mood because he grabbed her hand and gave her a quick spin to the music to make her smile.
“Heads!” Robby nodded excitedly to Sydney. Then he put the coin on his thumb and flipped it into the air. It fell with a small thud onto the ground, Robby jogging over to it. “It’s heads!” he called.
Ben plucked it from the grass and tossed it over to Mama. “Okay, then! Your choice: who gets the ball?”
“You start!” Robby picked up the ball and lobbed it over to Ben.
“All right! Take your places!”
Robby ran over beside Sydney and put his hands on his knees, waiting for the play. Hallie lined up behind Ben who had the ball in both hands on the ground, ready to hike it. Ben lifted the ball, and it flew into Hallie’s hands. She darted playfully around Robby just as Ben scooped him up and swung him into the air before gently pretending to tackle him, laying him on the grass. Hallie ran to the end of the yard for a touchdown.
“Oooooh!” Ben teased Robby and Sydney, as Hallie spiked the ball. “You’re gonna have to answer to that!”
Robby grabbed the ball and ran to the center of the field. “We will! You better watch out, Ben! Mama, get ready!” Robby placed the ball on the grass, his little hands barely reaching across the surface of it. Hallie and Ben took their spots on defense. “Hike!” Robby called as he sent the ball sailing toward Sydney, who caught it and started running. Robby dodged Hallie, and Sydney threw the ball over her sister’s head right into Robby’s arms. Ben was just behind him, but with a wink to Hallie he faked running with all his might, letting Robby reach the
end zone.
“One to one!” Robby sang, dancing around in time to the song that was playing.
“It’s a close game!” Uncle Hank said from the sidelines. He had his iced tea in one hand and a fistful of popcorn in the other. Mama was clapping beside him. “It’s the little ones that surprise you, Ben!” Uncle Hank said with a chuckle. “They’re faster than you think!”
“That’s right!” Robby said, handing the ball off to Ben to start the next play.
The game continued the same way it started, until Hallie and Ben were one point down to tie it at five to five. Robby had his game face on, the hair at the back of his neck wet with perspiration and a huge smile on his face. “You can’t get past me!” he taunted Ben.
At the start of the play, Ben took off with the ball, passing Robby. Like a flash, Robby’s little legs working overtime, he threw himself onto Ben’s back, wrapping his limbs around Ben. Ben could’ve easily run to the end of the yard, but instead fell to the ground as if Robby had tackled him, dropping the ball and rolling onto his back. “You got me!”
Robby stood up and cheered, his arms pumping. “We did it, Mama!” he called to Sydney. Then, as Ben sat up, Robby threw his arms around his neck, and as Ben twirled him in the air, the delight was clear on both of their faces. In that moment, Hallie was sure that however difficult it was for her, she was making the right decision letting Ben go.
* * *
“What’re you up to?” Hallie asked Sydney when she came into the living room.
The others were all in bed and Ben had gone to the guesthouse for the night. Hallie curled up on the sofa beside her sister, who was typing on her laptop. Sydney closed it and exhaled an anxious breath.
“You’ve been so concerned with having to complete Aunt Clara’s list, but I’m kind of envious of it.”
“What?” Hallie folded her legs under her and grabbed the afghan that Aunt Clara had always kept on the arm of the sofa, draping it over her legs. In the summer, that room was always chilly at night from the air conditioning, and Hallie’s thin T-shirt and pajama shorts weren’t enough to keep her warm.
“In her letter to me, Aunt Clara gave me money and told me to quit my job and do something I loved. She knew I hated being a paralegal.”
“We all knew you hated it.” Hallie grinned.
When Christian left, Sydney had to have her own income, and with her degree she landed a position at a small law firm. At the time, she’d been so relieved to be able to pay the bills, but the more she got into it, the more she realized it wasn’t what she should be doing with her life. To make matters worse, she had an awful boss who barely ever let her take time off for Robby, and always seemed put out when she’d have to take a sick day.
“And when I blabbered on about how much I hated it, you’d say, ‘You need to find something else.’” She picked at a piece of fringe on the afghan and then pulled a corner of the blanket over her own legs, sharing it with Hallie. “I didn’t find something else because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Aunt Clara didn’t give me any ideas like she gave you. The two of you were so close that I feel like she worked a little harder on what to give you than she did the rest of us. Look at how your photography is coming along; it’s leading you where you want to go. You’re extremely talented and I can’t wait to see what happens when you put Coastal Comfort out there.”
Hallie had thought the exact opposite about Aunt Clara’s instructions, but now her sister’s point of view seemed just as valid.
“Too bad I didn’t write a list when I was twelve,” she said. “I wrote letters to boy bands instead, trying to get them to do events near me.” Sydney laughed at her own comment.
“You could be a publicist,” Hallie said with a giggle.
“Very funny.” Sydney shook her head, amused. She opened her laptop again. “I was looking at jobs…” She paused. “Here at Firefly Beach.” She met Hallie’s gaze.
“Are you thinking about staying?”
“Maybe. Uncle Hank could use someone to take care of the cottage and Robby’s already comfortable here. It just seems like the perfect place to be right now.”
Hallie couldn’t imagine not having her sister just down the road in Nashville, or seeing her popping into Mama’s house when Hallie and Mama were having coffee, like they did on the weekdays when Hallie was out running errands for the agency. She always made a sneaky stop by Mama’s and had a little chat before heading back to work. But then again, everything else seemed to be unrecognizable about her life. Hallie tried not to let her unease about it show.
“I wondered if Uncle Hank would let me pay rent so Robby and I could live in the guesthouse.”
“I doubt he’d charge you a thing.” Hallie shifted closer to her sister. “What jobs were you looking at?” she asked, nodding toward the laptop.
“There are a few office jobs, but none that really hit me,” she said. “I’ll keep looking though.” Her face brightened. “But guess what I did see! The Firefly Beach fair is opening tomorrow night.”
“Ben told me! I want to go.”
Sydney’s face dropped in concern at the mention of Ben’s name. “You two okay? You both were putting on a brave front at dinner but I could tell something was going on between you two.”
Hallie felt the ache inching its way back in. “We’re okay.” She abruptly stood up and folded the afghan. “It’s late,” she said. “Mama will have us all up bright and early for breakfast, so we’d better head to bed.”
Sydney could obviously read between the lines because she set her laptop on the table, stood up in front of Hallie, and gave her a hug. “Everything has a way of working out.”
While she wanted to believe that, Hallie wasn’t so sure. But what she needed to do was hold on to the idea that she could still make the best of what life had given her. Standing there in a room that was filled with glorious memories, she thought about Aunt Clara. She hadn’t had any children and her life had been amazing. Aunt Clara had made an impact on everyone she met; most importantly, her family. Hallie vowed to give it everything she had and do the same.
TWENTY-TWO
An eight-year-old Hallie was in her favorite yellow sundress and brand-new tap shoes that Aunt Clara had bought her. She was dancing, her new shoes pattering against the hardwoods, the dress fanning out around her, while Uncle Hank played the piano. Aunt Clara took her hands and spun her around, and Hallie wondered if the potatoes were going to burn on the stove, their sizzling coming through during the pauses in the music.
“You are really something, my dear,” Aunt Clara said, beaming. “Don’t ever be afraid of anything. Just jump in…”
Knock. Knock.
Hallie was aware of crisp sheets under her.
Knock. Knock.
The sun shone through her eyelids and she realized she’d been dreaming.
“Hallie?” Mama’s voice came from her door, which was cracked open. “I’ve got potatoes and eggs on the stove so I have to hurry, but I wanted to get you up. Breakfast is almost ready. I had Robby run out and tell Ben in the guesthouse. Come on down, okay?”
“Okay,” she said, her voice groggy.
After Mama left, Hallie squeezed her eyes shut and tried to see Aunt Clara’s face again. She wanted to drift off, back to that place and that time when everything was all right, when the music played. And for a second, Hallie thought she had fallen back asleep until, with a jolt, she realized that she wasn’t dreaming. Someone was downstairs playing piano, and the only one who knew how to play like that was Uncle Hank.
Hallie sat upright in bed, threw the covers off her legs and ran downstairs, stopping at the bottom to find Uncle Hank in the living room, his back to her, his fingers moving fluently on the keys, the glorious music of her childhood flooding the room. Just the sight of it brought tears to her eyes. That was the Uncle Hank she knew. She ran over to him and threw her arms around him.
His fingers stilled and he looked at her. “I dreamed of Clara last night,” he s
aid. “She told me I’d better get in here and play.”
Hallie choked back her tears, finding it more than a coincidence that she, too, had dreamed of Aunt Clara. She racked her brain to try to remember what Aunt Clara had said, and then it came to her: Don’t ever be afraid of anything. Just jump in. It didn’t make any sense to her. But that didn’t matter because Uncle Hank’s dream did mean something to him.
“Lookin’ good, Miss Flynn.” Ben’s voice came from the hallway.
It took her a minute to realize that his crooked smile was at her expense. Hallie had been so excited to hear Uncle Hank playing that she’d run downstairs without even a peek in the mirror. With a quick glance into the kitchen, she realized that everyone else seemed to be ready for the day. She ran her hands through her tangled hair and went over to him as Uncle Hank began playing again, this time more softly.
He looked down at her affectionately. “No, I mean it. You’re lookin’ good.” He broke out into a huge smile, and kissed her cheek.
Hallie rolled her eyes, but she liked his playfulness this morning. “Oh, now that the cat’s out of the bag, you’re going to be openly flirty with me?”
“I’m not flirting,” he said with mock offense. “I’d say that to anyone.” He stepped down the hallway. “Morning, Syd! Lookin’ good!”
“What?” Sydney leaned over the table to see what he was up to. When he didn’t say anything more, she shrugged it off and went back to talking to Robby.
“Why are you so spunky today?” Hallie asked, soaking it in.
He hung back from the kitchen for a minute to answer her. “I shouldn’t have dropped all that on you—I’m sorry. Sorry for leaving without a word and sorry for putting you in the position I put you in yesterday. But it felt good to get it off my chest. Remember what I told you when we were kids? I said that whenever you’re upset, I’ll make you feel better. That’s my job. I just forgot for a second.”