“How are you holding up?” the kelpie asked, accepting his own bundle. He’d removed his hat and pulled his thick facial covering down. Fine wrinkles branched crookedly from the corners of his eyes and fine, dark hairs scattered across his cheeks and jaw. In all my weeks of knowing him, I’d seen him frantic and stressed, jovial and joking. But I’d never seen him exhausted.
“I’m fine,” I answered shortly, dropping to my knees and fumbling with the materials. I removed the longest of the tent poles and soon found my rhythm. The scent of roasting meat teased my nose and my stomach growled.
“You’re lying.”
I looked up sharply. “What makes you say that?”
“Because I’m not fine.” He licked his chapped lips to emphasize that fact. “And I’m the only other water elemental of our lovely little party here.”
I didn’t argue.
The kelpie sighed, holding our stare for another solid ten seconds. “Why do you think I didn’t travel in my second form? It’s too draining.” Come to think of it, I had wondered that. I felt foolish for not having thought of him suffering similarly earlier.
I opened my mouth to respond, but he couldn’t see it behind my bandanna.
“I know you’re miserable. If I feel this awful…” He swallowed heavily, glancing over my shoulder where the pack camels were staked. I recognized the longing, one thick with a need that couldn’t be fulfilled. “I can only imagine how you, the person who commands it all, must feel.”
I’d given up on my tent. While the poles were still in my hands, they were little more than weights holding my arms down. My mind was racing.
“Zara, you don’t need to be so proud. You aren’t alone in this; you don’t need to isolate yourself.” His green eyes glimmered. “We won’t think you’re weak because you’re human.
“I know that you need time to figure things out between us, but I need to be honest with you, too. And it hurts me, Zara.” He splayed his hands wide across his chest. “It hurts me that you won’t trust me… or anyone for that matter. Someday I hope you realize that you don’t need to bear all that weight by yourself.”
I’d barely processed his words and had reached up to pull down the bandanna, stupefied by his confession, when he turned and walked toward the fire around which the pixies and nero gathered.
He didn’t look back.
Chapter 18
“So this is where you’ve been hiding,” I said, sizing up Kaleal’s shadowy figure with her back resting against the iron door. Flames that gave no heat bracketed one side and a dry, cracked lakebed framed the other. The ancient God didn’t so much as glance my way as she stared out over the barren wasteland.
“I’d think you’d be more grateful,” she responded. “I’m here for your sake, anyway.”
My gown of ash brushed against my ankles. Today there was no fire licking my heels, no dresses of lit gasoline. Part of me missed the riot of color and feeling. I hesitated, then slid down beside her, our legs extended and splayed like forgotten dolls in a child’s room.
“I’ll bite. Why are you hanging out here?” I folded my hands in my lap.
The shadowy features of her face didn’t so much as twitch. “Close your eyes.”
I obliged, not sensing any hostility or manipulation coming from her. For a minute there was nothing aside from the beating of my heart, the steady rise and fall of my chest, the blissful silence I couldn’t find in my everyday life. Then I twitched, goosebumps skirting my arms, what I’d heard too quick to interpret.
It came again.
Three sharp raps vibrating the door against my back. I stiffened as it seemed to morph in my mind’s eye, pulsing and heating and moving like a living, breathing thing. The raps came again, someone on the other side asking for entrance into my mind. The obsidian knob jiggled.
I scrambled to my feet, arms raised, fists clenched, waiting for the door to swing wide. Kaleal didn’t so much as cross an ankle.
“He’s not the pushiest Hand I’ve ever encountered,” she said, eyeing her shadowy curls of fingers as if checking for chipped polish, “but he’s still fairly effective at pressing each and every button marking my frustration.”
I wished I could see her face to get a gauge on what she was, what she thought, what she felt. I wondered at her state of being, half-human and half… poltergeist? How lonely she must be, trapped in there all the time. I almost couldn’t blame her for taking control of my body occasionally, even to break some of the monotony of her existence.
Three more raps against the iron door, but this time I didn’t start. I toyed with the slender bracelet of water around my wrist. I wondered why Kaleal returned here, tucked in the back of my mind. Why wouldn’t she stay out there? In the real world? It was clear that she was capable, but I didn’t know her true strength. Maybe… maybe she couldn’t.
Not yet, anyway.
I shivered at the thought.
“He stops by once an hour, though not always at the same time,” Kaleal said, oblivious to the dark turn of my inner ponderings. She stared down the length of the hall. When I’d last walked it, my path had been clear. But now several openings branched outward, offering additional avenues into my head. I wondered if I traversed them if I would or could get lost.
“Don’t fear, Zara, it’s locked for now,” Kaleal said, calling me back to this particular spot, this particular reality. I flattened against the door, my ear pressed to the metal as the raps seemed to hammer against my head. Geoffrey. He was there. I could sense him.
And if I was aware of his presence…
A rumble of icy laughter.
Then a whisper, “You can run…”
He didn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t need to.
“The Fates messed up when they chose him, didn’t they?” Kaleal pondered, though I barely heard her as I lingered, breath barely touching my lips, wondering who, between the creature trapped at my side and the other barred against me, was more dangerous.
Chapter 19
My encounter with Kaleal had me second-guessing everything. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust the ancient God, but I still hadn’t unearthed her motives, whereas Geoffrey’s desires were clear cut. Even though Kaleal apparently wanted to bring him down, I had to remember that didn’t necessarily make her my ally.
To handle the challenges both beings presented, I needed to swallow some of my pride and make things right with someone who, for as long as I’d been with him anyway, had stood by my side and supported my decisions. Also, as one who’d been on the receiving end of Kaleal’s awful manipulation, Finn, I figured, stood a better chance of figuring out what was going on in my head than anyone else.
Not talking about her was eating me alive.
I untied my camel from the train and, with a twitch of the reins, moved the beast up the line. I’d rehearsed my words so many times they were practically etched on my tongue. Despite knowing that, strategy had never been my strong suit, so this was new territory for me.
I nudged my way between two other camels who grunted at the inconvenience.
“Hey, guys,” I said, quieter than I’d intended.
Ryder flashed his signature grin, his eyes shaded by the brim of his wide hat. Finn remained stoic, his back stiff.
I tugged my scarf down and allowed my hood to fall back, revealing my face for the first time in days. The braid I’d carefully wrapped in a ball at the back of my head felt frayed, my cheeks overheated, and my head light, but I persisted.
“Ryder, I’d like to confess another truth,” I said.
His gold eyes glimmered. “You never have to ask permission, you know.”
“In this case I do,” I said. His grin faded and his eyes glowed hotter. “Because this truth isn’t for you.”
His gaze skirted past my shoulder. “Alright.”
I caught the kelpie glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “Finn, I’ve operated on my own for most of my life. You met my parents; you saw what they were like. They loved
me, but they kept me at arm’s length.” My throat closed up at the thought of them, of the painful way I’d lost them, but I swallowed past the lump.
“I’ve only ever known a world where weakness represents an opportunity for someone to knock you down, to steal your accomplishments, to push you out of history books.” I tugged at the fingers of my gloves, sliding the soft material down my hands. “You’ve seen me at my weakest, and you never judged me for that. So I guess I felt it was time for you to see me at my strongest… because I hate when people I respect see me as anything less than what I aim to be.”
I gritted my teeth, forcing my spine to fuse, my head to turn, my eyes to meet and hold his. “I’ll try harder to trust you, to put my faith in you. In Ryder and Rose and Joseph and whoever else might come along, too. But this isn’t easy for me, so I may need you to help me figure out how to do that.”
“Z—”
I shook my head, though his nickname for me warmed something in my chest, but I needed to get this out. “You were right. I am hurting. It does hurt being away from water. I can’t cool down no matter how much I try.” I bit my lip and carefully raised my hand, exposing the blistered fingertips. Horror limned his features as he grabbed it, careful to avoid the injuries. “The fire has a mind of its own, and I think I need the water to balance it out. I’m figuring it out, but it’s taking some time.”
He protested when I tugged my hand away and pulled my glove back on.
“You want me to open up, and I’m going to try, but…” I tilted my head at the front of the line where a figure on a white horse had shifted sideways to monitor us. “But while I may eventually be ok with you seeing me weak, I’ll be damned if he gets to see that part of my soul.” I hesitated, then extended my hand, pinkie out. A promise. Everything inside me trembled as I waited for Finn to speak.
Fierce, green eyes burned into mine, hot and wide on his pale face. Before he had a chance to snag my finger with his own, to deliver his verdict, another man shouted my name.
“Zara, please join me at the front of the caravan,” Phenex called, his voice cold as a winter wind. The command stunned me. In four days, he’d barely spoken a word. Around us, the nero watched, eyes hard and dark as they parted the long rows of camels. I glanced at Ryder, who shrugged, and carefully made my way to the front.
Whatever flippant thing I’d thought to say to the djinn fled when my attention snagged on the bright lights flickering ahead. They weren’t stars like I’d thought from the middle of the pack. Red magic snapped to attention, falling into line for the first time in days. No, this was something more earthly, more tangible.
“It’s fire.” The words dripped from my lips like the water I so craved.
“Very good.”
I swung around. “I thought you said few knew these trails.”
“Few do.” He scrutinized me and I remembered I’d forgotten my bandanna. Too late now, I could only hope I didn’t look as ill as I felt. “Fortunately, I recognize this particular caravan.”
Music plucked from a stringed instrument drifted across the sand. I shivered beneath my many layers of clothes. Phenex clucked the flat of his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and our animals surged forward. He rode uncomfortably close, our legs nearly brushing.
“I wanted you to be the first to meet some of my most highly skilled employees.” He waved a hand at the bulky tents and picket lines. “Should you wish to make your presence known, you’re certainly welcome. No doubt, their scouts have spotted us by now.”
Make my presence… “You want me to use my magic? To disturb them?”
“If it pleases you,” he said dryly. Shouts sounded from the camp and a number of forms clustered around the bonfire rose to gather weapons and mount horses. “I figured you’d want the option. It may help smooth things over.”
“Are you high?”
“I’ll take that as a no.” He hummed. The shouts stopped when a wave of sand rose ahead of us. “What a pity. I do appreciate a good spectacle.”
Rose appeared at my elbow, whip in hand and wings whirring furiously as the nearest horse galloped close. Her inky eyes narrowed as she asked, “Who are these nero?”
“Phenex claims to know them,” I said, stoking the flames in my belly higher as the first rider stopped short of the djinn. “And he’s apparently all about spectacles.”
“Sounds like someone else I know.” She grinned, surveying the closest man who had dyed, scarlet hair. His hard gaze met mine unapologetically, then returned to Phenex.
“I didn’t think you ever left your castle,” the man said by way of greeting. “And with such a large group to boot.”
Behind him, two riders with long guns pulled up, faces grim. All three swirled with the sand magic I’d grown accustomed to, though I hadn’t seen any nero address the djinn so casually before.
“I was expecting you a week ago,” Phenex drawled, leaning against his pommel.
“Problems happen, issues arise. You know how it goes at the Lost City.” The stranger’s accent was warm and full-bodied like honey. Though unlike honey, it lacked all sweetness. “I’ve done the best with what I was given. It’s why you trust me, right?”
“Careful, Maat,” Phenex said. “Mind yourself in front of our guests.”
“Sure thing, boss.” He kept his gaze fixed on me, one brow raised, and I drew up tall in the saddle. He sneered and I noticed a scar ran the length of his nose. The hand he’d casually draped across his thigh shifted to the butt of his revolver. In my periphery, Rose raised her whip, but I signaled for her to wait.
“Did I do something to you?” I asked.
“Hard to say, since I don’t even know who you are.”
“Zara ring any bells?”
His horse huffed and danced, bringing Maat’s other side into my line of sight. His hand curled around a second revolver, his index finger hovering dangerously close to the trigger. “It might.”
Joseph drew up beside me, his relaxed posture forced as he surveyed this latest arrival. “And I’m Joseph.” He raised his hand in a half-wave.
Phenex cut him off. “Yes, Maat, as modest as they might be, the Gods of Water and Air are my companions. You’d do well to remember that, lest you inadvertently play with fire.”
I snorted, covering my mouth.
A bark of laughter burst from the nero. “You may call yourselves Gods, but you haven’t done anything for anyone.” Maat spat at the hooves of my camel. “Until you do more than prance around spouting fancy titles, you’re not deserving of my respect. Though if you want to stay at camp, I can’t exactly stop you now, can I?”
Coals of hatred burned in his eyes as he shot me another look, then he squeezed the sides of his horse with his knees and galloped back to camp. The two men flanking him followed suit.
“Forgive him,” Phenex said. His utter calm confused me. He raised an arm and the caravan advanced. “Maat has had a long a few months on the road and is in dire need of a break. He’ll come around.”
“Doubtful.” Joseph didn’t bother whispering despite knowing everyone was listening to us. “Whatever that guy’s deal was goes deeper than being sick of work.”
“You said it.” I patted my camel’s head and questions knotted my insides. Maat’s words should have ignited my usual fury, but that didn’t feel right. In fact, nothing about anything had made sense since we’d arrived in Egypt. From Phenex’s motivations to Kaleal’s sporadic behavior to understanding my overall mission, even that emerald back at the djinn’s home still left a rancid taste in my mouth.
I forced the confusion down and smiled weakly at Joseph. “Since when do you say ‘guy?’”
“Since yesterday.” He pulled a leather tie from his hair and shook out his mane. “I like its ambiguity.” As he blathered on about the underlying meanings of parts of speech, I focused on the sleek tail that was Phenex’s hair. He’d wanted me to see that exchange. He’d gotten something out of it, something that he was convinced cost me something in
return.
Not even ten minutes later, we arrived at the camp. Roughly a dozen nero gathered around the fire, though they’d put away the musical instruments. As I slid from my camel, grateful to be on solid ground, I smiled at the nero who came over to lead her to a trough filled with water. I watched greedily as the animals drank their fill.
Ryder approached from my left, but before I could so much as call out to him, a cup of warm water knocked against my battered knuckles.
“Here,” Phenex said. “Drink up. There’s more than enough to go around.”
I highly doubted that since we were a handful of days out from any reasonable source of water, but I chilled the glass with a thought and drank deeply. It was barely enough to fill the cracks in the basin that was my soul, but it would have to do. Finished, I smacked my lips and froze, embarrassed when Phenex chuckled.
“Your efforts to conceal your misery have not gone unnoticed.” He guided me to his tent that a handful of nero were finishing setting up away from the others. I smiled reassuringly at the pixies, signaling for them that I was alright. I needed to know what Phenex was after, and it seemed that he may finally be willing to open up. “I can hardly imagine how I’d fare surrounded by nothing but sea.”
“There’s earth beneath the sea,” I responded, lowering myself to the red and blue patterned rug. It was a relief to not sit on hardened leather or gritty sand for once. “If necessary, you could reach it.”
“Like I’m sure you could tap into the water the earth conceals around these parts if you truly tried.” He removed his hat. “Why you don’t is astonishing to me.”
I had. Repeatedly. I’d sunk my magic deep into the depths of the sand but had come back empty each time. The reservoirs were too far down—not that he needed to know that.
Fan the Flame Page 11