by Alana Terry
Kimmy stared at her for a moment. “You were fifteen minutes late? Maybe that...”
“No,” Shauna interrupted. I was only seven minutes late. It took another eight to get over his looks. The rest of the time I spent trying to get over his attitude.”
Shauna watched as Kimmy struggled to keep a straight face. “Don’t you do it! Don’t you laugh.” Her threat was spoiled by her inability to keep her frown in place. She finally gave up and quirked a smile. “Well, maybe it wasn’t as dramatic as that, but he was definitely more than standoffish.” She thought about those first few seconds again and admitted something to Kimmy.
“I don’t think it would bother me so much if he didn’t look interested initially and the fact that he looks like a cowboy from dreams I wish I’d had. It didn’t help my ego. I guess I was mistaken.”
Kimmy sobered. “Are you sure he wasn’t interested? What did he do when you first walked in?”
“His jaw was almost as low as yours was a moment ago. I thought it was because he felt as I did when we were standing in front of each other, but I guess it could’ve been surprise. I get that sometimes. People assume I will look older.”
“Huh.”
“Huh, what? What’s his story anyway?
Kimmy looked at her and the sadness in her eyes made her heart drop.
“It’s not my story to tell, but if you hang in there with him for a week and try to see around the gruff manners, I think this will clear itself up.”
Shauna blew out a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can get through a whole week. He’s supposed to be helping me with my anxiety, not causing an episode.”
“I think you surprised him with your beauty and he just didn’t know how to react.”
“Well, enough speculating,” Shauna said with a wave of her hand. “Let’s talk about something more interesting. Let’s talk about your love life.” She saw Kimmy cringe slightly, but then her features evened out.
Kimmy sat back and seemed to take on a whole other persona. “Right now, I’m seeing a man named Ryan.”
“Really? You didn’t mention him before. Is he from here or out of town? How did you meet him?”
Kimmy crinkled her nose prettily. “No. He’s not from here. I met him when he was staying at the hotel in Bourbonville with some friends. They’d been planning to get together for a while and figured it was out of the way, but still thirty miles from a pretty big city. A couple of friends talked me into going over to Bourbonville for a drink at Dupree’s where they have the best bourbon chasers, and that’s where we met.”
“Is he cute?”
“No. There’s nothing cute about him.”
Now it was Shauna’s turn to pick up her jaw from the floor. Who would’ve thought that the shy and awkward Kimmy would be so bold as to meet a man in a bar?
“What happened next?” Shauna leaned forward.
“I did what any other hot-blooded woman would do. I took him home.”
Shauna reared back. This wasn’t the Kimmy she knew. “You took him home?”
“Yep, and do you know what we did when we got there?” Kimmy’s eyes sparkled.
“Uh...” Shauna hesitated.
“We read to each other.”
It took a moment for the words to register, she was so afraid of what Kimmy would say.
“What?” Shauna knew her face displayed her puzzlement, but she couldn’t help it.
Kimmy broke into laughter. Shauna stared at her, wondering if her friend had been committed while they’d been apart. Then her memory snapped back to some of their Saturday nights.
“Are you still writing?” she asked, sounding more hopeful than she intended.
Kimmy pointed one forefinger at Shauna and placed the other one on her nose, letting her know she’d guessed right.
Once Kimmy regained some of her composure, she pointed at Shauna again. “You’re so funny. You should’ve seen your face when I asked you what we did when I took him home. It was priceless. What were you thinking? You looked like you were afraid of the answer.” Kimmy started laughing again.
Shauna chuckled at Kimmy’s odd sense of humor. “I was.” Then she was afraid of how it sounded. “I know people change over time and if you’d developed this type of boldness toward men, I wouldn’t judge you.” She looked at her friend earnestly. “I’m just going through so much right now it’s nice to be with someone from whom I know what to expect.”
Kimmy reached out and squeezed her hand.
“Okay, for real this time. Have you been seeing anyone?”
“No, but I’m hopeful.”
“Why? I mean do you have someone in mind?”
Kimmy shrugged. “No.” She was silent for a moment. “Do you think there is someone for everyone?”
Shauna considered her question. It wasn’t that she’d never given it any thought. She’d just never come to any conclusion on the matter. Shauna shrugged in return. “I’m not sure.”
They were both caught up in their own thoughts for a few minutes before Kimmy looked over at her.
“I’m glad you’re here, Shauna. You look like you need a break.”
“Not you too,” Shauna groaned.
Kimmy smiled wanly. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you get some relaxation.”
Shauna figured her dubiousness showed on her face because Kimmy patted her hand and snickered at her.
Shauna looked at her sideways. “Remember in college when I told you some of your good intentions came off sounding creepy?”
“Yep,” Kimmy said. Shauna watched her get up and go to the mini fridge. She came back with waters for both of them.
“You’re doing it now.”
“Yes. I figured, otherwise you wouldn’t have brought it up,” Kimmy said, unfazed.
Shauna shook her head. “I missed you.”
“Yep,” Kimmy replied, and they both burst out laughing.
Chapter 13
HE SLOWLY WALKED AROUND the room, running his fingers along the edges of the cherry wood furniture. It felt rich, even in the dark. His bare toes clenched and relaxed around the plush fibers of the carpet. He wondered if she did that when she came home from work. He wondered if it soothed her after a long day, or one of her episodes. He smiled wanly. He remembered the look in her eyes the day she’d gone out in the middle of the street. Her fear and obvious paralysis caused his heart to pump with excitement. He watched with anticipation until the car caught her attention and ruined the moment. The stupid kid wasn’t even watching the road, he was so fascinated with whatever was on his phone. He definitely would’ve hit her if that linebacker of a security guard hadn’t rushed her. In the end, he may have ended up causing her more harm than the car did.
Idiot.
Well, the kid was obviously a detriment to anyone on the road, so he had to fix that. All it took was one perfectly-timed text right before a blind curve. He’d make sure it would happen.
He moved from the living room to her bedroom, staying in the shadows so any cameras her overbearing father may have added since her accident wouldn’t pick up his movements. Begrudgingly, he had to admit that he was impressed with the way the man tried to protect his family. His dad had always said, “Family first, family always. You do what you need to do to keep them and you never leave them.” It was a rule his mother betrayed and paid for with her life.
He stood in the doorway of her bedroom, watching the moonlight cast rays across her bed. There was just enough light to make out the placement of the furniture. He moved around, looking for anything that would tell him where she went.
He spent twenty minutes in her apartment. It was a great deal longer than he knew he should have, but he was willing to take the risk if it meant finding her. He knew he should’ve placed a listening device in her bedroom, but he couldn’t take the chance of one of those goons finding it. He wasn’t used to feeling regret. He lived his life in a way that kept him far from that feeling. It left a bad taste in his mouth and that bloomed into somet
hing hot in his chest. He rubbed at it as he walked around the side of her building, blending into the darkness as a patrol car rounded the corner.
He’d find her. He had more places to look. It was funny how much of themselves people left behind when they felt safe, and with a father like hers, how could she not? He’d go by her job in a few days if she didn’t show up. He had time, but the more time she was gone, the harder it would be on her when he found her.
Chapter 14
SEVEN YEARS. SEVEN years of discipline and keeping himself set apart from situations that could prove hazardous to his emotional stability. Seven years of fortifying himself and guarding his heart and in seven seconds, she’d wrecked him. He knew it sounded dramatic. It felt dramatic, but it was true. Moment after moment, day after day, Shauna had eroded his control like waves crashing against a rock cliff. With each smile, stride, croon, and word she spoke to her mount, he suffered. Where did the woman get off being so alluring? What was wrong with him? He knew his attraction to her was superficial, he knew practically nothing about her except for what she said during their sessions, which was all the more reason he shouldn’t be having the thought he was wrestling with. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this type of pull. Even when he’d met Michelle. He put the brakes on that line of thought and tried to shut his mind down again.
He thought of the sermon from the week before, which was perfectly fitting for what he was going through just now. The pastor had referenced Philippians 2:5
“Let this mind be in you that’s also in Christ Jesus.”
The pastor had used the Scripture to help reinforce his appeal that they treat each other as Jesus would treat them. That at home, at play, at work—and yes, also in church—that they treat each other with love, respect, and patience. He pressed that it should go spirit-deep so that their reactions, words, and thoughts be like Christ’s. He gave them ways to apply the word in order to achieve such unity with Christ. He encouraged them to stay in prayer and have a constant and open communication with God at all times. When Zach looked back on his notes Wednesday night, he felt like he’d come across a buried treasure. It was curious how the same sermon spoken on Sunday would hold so much more relevance on the following Wednesday.
He looked through the Bible for verses that referred to thinking like Christ. If Christ could teach him how to love himself and his neighbor or friends, then he could also teach him how to expel the thoughts.
Last night, he’d found the Scripture he’d been searching for in Philippians as well. It was funny how he’d heard Philippians 4:8 so many times with its prompting for men and women to think on things that were honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, but he’d never continued onto the promise of Philippians 4:9. That whatever he’d learned, seen, and heard from Christ he should put into practice and the God of peace would be with him. And boy, did he need peace. His elation was short-lived because when he laid down that night and was prompted to pray, he was told in no uncertain terms that what he was searching for wasn’t peace, but a way to escape.
“I will be a refuge in your time of need and I will allow you to guard your heart, but I won’t allow you to hide in my robes like a child because you wish to avoid feeling because you fear what it will bring about.”
He came close to pleading with God to allow him to hide, but even as the thought came to him, he understood the denial and relented. He would have to deal with his attraction to Shauna and find a way to cut it off before she found a way any further under his skin.
Zach watched Sebastian as he ran back and forth between the cabin and the stables. He knew Sebastian wanted him to take Falyn out and normally it would be a perfect morning for a ride, but he needed to be stationary to get his mind and emotions in control.
He sipped his coffee as he watched the sun come up over the trees to the east and took a deep, soothing breath of the slightly frigid air. The sun lit up a spectrum of colors differently every day, and Zach considered it better than television to witness such a beautiful creation before many artists had even opened their eyes.
For what seemed like the hundredth time, the thought went through his head that this was his church. This was where and when he felt the closest to God. This was where he could hear Him the loudest if he felt like listening. The nightly visits from his wife and daughter were more than enough to get his attention. He knew there was plenty he hadn’t dealt with regarding his past, but the fact that he wasn’t in the corner of his closet rocking himself after waking from the dreams every morning was a huge improvement.
He took another sip of the strong coffee and let its heat seep into his bones. He knew he had only a few more early mornings like this to sit out in jeans and a sweatshirt before the temperature made it hazardous. He’d soak up as much of this early morning bliss as he could for as long as the weather held out.
He watched as Sebastian slowly trotted back to him, finally realizing that Zach wasn’t moving from the porch anytime soon. He came over and licked Zach’s hand before sitting next to him. “To what do I owe the extra affection?” Sebastian wasn’t a kisser, especially when Zach didn’t follow his cues. Maybe he thought Zach’s lack of response was due to the recent dreams. Little did he know the only dreams Zach had this morning were of a smooth, milk chocolate-skinned woman with dark-brown hair and beguiling eyes who wrapped him up in feelings that both excited and soothed him. It seemed like an oxymoronic state, but for the first time in almost a month, he woke up with a smile on his face instead of tears.
Zach returned his focus on the sunrise and the sounds that accompanied it. This was what he needed to keep focused on. The beauty of God and his ability to help people overcome their fears and troubles.
It was the same pep talk he’d been giving himself for the last two years, but today it seemed more important than most. He’d have his fifth session with Shauna today and though they’d definitely made some progress, he knew if he didn’t get over this infatuation soon, he’d have to talk to Bernie and Ryan about switching clients; something he was loath to do.
He enjoyed Shauna, not only as a client, but as a fellow horse person. Her laugh when she dealt with Olive Oyl was contagious and her sharp wit kept him on his toes when she was observing and tending to the horse. If their sessions in the first hour hadn’t revealed so much of her inner turmoil, he never would’ve thought she hid so many struggles. He worked hard to keep his feelings hidden deep enough that even Michael didn’t suspect anything, but he was pretty sure he failed in that area. Every now and then when he caught himself looking at Shauna just a little too long, he’d chance a glance at her bodyguard and catch the telltale sign of a smirk.
A particularly close-sitting bird began singing and pulled his attention back to the present. He shifted in his chair and let the sound lull him back into the peace of the morning as he idly stroked Sebastian’s neck and back.
The sound of gravel crunching up the lane fifteen minutes later caught his attention. When Kimmy’s burgundy Camry rounded the bend, he sighed heavily. He wasn’t in the mood for any drama this morning. Hopefully, she’d continue on to Shauna’s cabin. His hopes were dashed when her car slowed and stopped just before reaching his cabin.
He noticed that Sebastian didn’t move when she got out of the car, though he could feel the tension that ran through the dog as he rubbed his heavy coat. She alighted on the top step before he spoke.
“Kimmy.” He inclined his head slowly and took in her multicolored, pastel skirt which had way too much material for her to be on a ranch.
“Hi, Zach.” She looked uncomfortable and the fact that her eyes kept shifting down the row to the other cabins gave him a good idea as to the cause of her insecurity. He saw her glance at his coffee wistfully, but he was reluctant to offer her a cup.
“Could we talk?”
He looked down at Sebastian then back at her. “I thought that’s what we were doing?”
“Could we take a walk up to the st
ables? I need to tell you something and I’d rather do it with a little more privacy.”
“Why don’t you just come inside?” He pointed his thumb at his cabin door, knowing she wouldn’t take him up on his offer.
“Not that private.” She looked toward the other cabins then back at him. He sighed. “Okay. Let me get my gear.”
He walked back inside to throw out the rest of his coffee and get his gloves, hat, and chaps for later. He noticed that Sebastian padded close behind him. He must’ve felt Zach’s tension as well. He wasn’t looking forward to this ‘talk,’ but if she thought it was urgent enough to come up here before seven a.m., he’d give her a few moments.
They were halfway to the stables before he prompted Kimmy to start speaking. “Go ahead, Kimmy.” He looked at his watch, deciding where they’d talk. No one would be in the meeting room next to the tack room this time of the morning.
Kimmy took a deep breath. “I owe you an apology.” Her voice was quieter than normal and he decided to have a little fun.
“What? I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” he said as he leaned a little closer.
She looked at him, narrowing her eyes at him. “I said I owe you an apology.”
He watched as she looked at him. He’d probably pay for this later, but he couldn’t resist. After a few more seconds, he spoke up. “I’m waiting.”
She blinked. “For what?”
He purposefully tightened his lips in what he hoped was a look of impatience. “You said you owed me an apology. I’m waiting for it.”
“Oh, you’re so exasperating sometimes.”
He pointedly looked at his watch again. “Yep.”
Kimmy threw up her hands and growled. Zach almost laughed, he was so surprised by the sound. Sebastian’s head snapped up and his ears went back in preparing for any hostility from her. He reached down and gave his friend a few strokes and a pat on his neck to soothe him. “It’s okay, Bass. She didn’t mean to threaten me,” he said, looking up at Kimmy. “She’s just easily frustrated.” He continued walking, but just as quickly relented, knowing he’d gone far enough. “What did you come to apologize for?”