Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

  “Monday, I came here and told you some things about Shauna and basically threatened you if you weren’t especially nice to her. Then I warned you to stay away from her and that was wrong.

  He couldn’t help interrupting her. “Uh, which part are you apologizing for?”

  She rolled her eyes. “All of it. I know you’ve always been decent and respectful to women so I hope what I said didn’t come off sounding like I was accusing you of being a letch.” He would’ve responded, but she seemed to be on a roll so he just let her go on.

  “I know some of what you’ve been through and personally, I don’t know how people bounce back from something like that, and even though I see you in church on most Sundays, I still often wonder how you make it through.”

  “It’s God,” he said. “Church on Sunday is something I’d definitely miss because of some of the people I get to see that I otherwise wouldn’t, and there are the sermons. Neither of those things would’ve brought me to where I am today without me having a relationship with God.”

  “Oh.” For a moment, she looked as though she were searching for something to say. “Do you talk to Him?”

  “Yes. All the time.”

  “I don’t mean prayer necessarily.”

  “Neither do I in the technical sense, but isn’t that what prayer is; communication with God?”

  Kimmy shrugged. “I guess, but I mean idle things, not just the praising and asking for stuff.”

  “Yes. Everything.”

  “Does He talk to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “How do you know it’s Him?”

  “When your best friend Rachel calls you and talks to you, how do you know it’s her?”

  “I know her voice.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Huh.” She looked thoughtful so he sat quietly for a while.

  “As I said, Shauna had a traumatic experience her first year of college which resulted in a number of panic, then anxiety attacks.”

  “You said that already, but you didn’t elaborate. Her father gave Mr. Murphy some details, but I’d rather get it from her point of view. ” He stopped in the doorway of the stables to look at her.

  She paused for a moment. “You haven’t asked her? I thought as part of the therapy you would’ve asked her where her anxiety stemmed from.”

  “I can’t discuss anything said in my sessions with Shauna.”

  “Well, it sounds like you didn’t discuss it, so is it still really off limits?”

  “It is now.” He gave her a look he knew brooked no argument. For such a dowdy and timid creature, she surprised him with her display of intensity. The depth of her emotion for her friends made him a little envious.

  “You know, for a kind of shy and quiet woman, you sure have had a lot to say the last few days.”

  “She’s my friend and I want to make sure she’s happy.”

  Not for the first time, Zach thought he should consider switching clients with Ryan.

  “Not that this is any of your business.” He saw her eyes brighten and her demeanor change. “But she’s a very good horsewoman.” He deliberately drew out each word slowly and saw the moment she understood that he wasn’t sharing anything from his and Shauna’s time together. Her shoulders hunched.

  She took a deep breath and glanced back from where they came. “I wasn’t sure she’d return to school, but she refused to let her experiences keep her from obtaining her degree.” She avoided his eyes. “She’s as strong as she’s fragile, but I don’t expect that you’ll see that side of her while she’s here.” He watched as she fiddled with her fingers. “I just want to let you know that I had no right to interfere and the reasons for me telling you not to approach her aren’t relevant anymore.”

  Zach didn’t know if he should’ve stopped her sooner, but now he was just confused.

  “Huh?” He’d started walking through the stable with her but stopped again.

  “I shouldn’t have told you that she was off limits.”

  “But she is.” Why was she telling him this? Did Shauna already reschedule to have her therapy with Ryan?

  “Why would you say that?” Kimmy asked.

  “Well, unless she has gotten another therapist, it’s unethical.”

  “Is that why you’ve been such a...” Her cheeks brightened and she cleared her throat. “Why you’ve been so rude to her?”

  It was Zach’s turn to feel abashed. “I might have been a little distant with her.” He started walking again and led the way to the meeting room.

  “Rude,” she volleyed

  “Short,” he replied and she nodded. “But I planned to amend my interaction with her today. We just got off to a bumpy start.” He could barely believe he was sharing this with her, but if he’d had someone that would go to bat for him like she was doing for her friend, he’d be grateful or annoyed.

  “Why is she no longer off limits?” He watched her more closely.

  “It’s not really that as much as me not having the right to interfere.”

  “So why did you feel the need to interfere where I was concerned?” he said, sitting across from her.

  Kimberly looked crestfallen. "I messed it all up."

  "As an acquaintance/friend, I think I should let you know that you’re sounding a little loose in the head."

  Zach could tell that she didn’t want to say it straight out, but he looked at her pointedly and she capitulated.

  She took a deep breath. “I was trying to matchmake.”

  At first, he thought he heard her wrong, but when the words unscrambled themselves in his head, he wanted to groan. He considered their conversation the other day and couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “Why would you chance offending me by telling me to leave her alone if you actually wanted us to be together?”

  “I read that some men would run if they thought you were trying to set them up with your friend. So it was best to dangle something in front of them they thought they couldn’t have.”

  “Where did you read that horse manure?”

  She waved a hand in dismissal. “Somewhere.”

  He coughed away his next laugh then looked her straight in the eye. “Was this your first attempt at matchmaking?”

  Kimmy shrugged. “Yeah.”

  “Make it your last because you’re terrible at it.”

  Kimmy’s face fell once again. “So, I was wrong. You aren’t attracted to her,” she said more to herself than him.

  “I’m talking about your matchmaking skills, Kimmy.”

  Her countenance brightened. He wished he’d let well enough alone.

  “So, you do like her.”

  “Like her? I don’t know her and it’s still unethical for me to help her through her sessions and hit on her at the same time. She needs to feel safe enough to be transparent, otherwise her therapy won’t work.”

  Kimberly bit her thumb as she contemplated his words.

  “There is also the fact that her life is five hours away in Chicago, which she’ll get back to just as soon as she’s out of danger.” He delivered the last words with a raised voice and eyebrow. “Do you see now why this all might be a bad idea?”

  He saw Kimmy gearing up for one last-ditch effort.

  “Kimberly, I’m warning you.” He hoped the use of her full first name would cause her to hesitate. He should’ve known better.

  “Couples have withstood much more adversity to be together.”

  “Are you listening to yourself, Kimmy? I just met the woman. I could put my job and license in jeopardy. You were right.” He stood. “She’s off limits and we’re done here.”

  “She thinks you’re hot,” she said, keeping her seat.

  “I’m warning you, Kimmy. Not another word,” he said, leaning over her, hoping to intimidate her enough to get her to close her mouth. She closed her mouth, but her eyes pleaded with him. He took an exasperated breath.

  He rubbed his eyes. “Why is this so important to you?”

 
; “I think you could be the man to help her heal.”

  “No, Kimmy, that’s no pressure at all,” he said sarcastically as he took her hand and pulled her up.

  “A man who can love like you can, with everything you are, would be perfect for her,” she blurted in a rush.

  “A man like me who has loved with everything and has lost it wouldn’t have much left to give,” he said quietly before leading her to the door of the meeting room. “Bye, Kimmy,” he said as politely as he could before closing the door. He walked back to one of the club chairs in the middle of the room and let out a deep breath.

  Darn that woman for showing him things he had no business wanting.

  Zach went through his early-morning paperwork and chores, working and reworking his schedule with Ona and Giovanni, then moving out to work in the stables. Fifteen minutes before his session was due to start with Shauna, he went back to his cabin to take a quick shower. He was in the middle of drying off when the change in his routine brought him up short. Why was he showering for a client? He’d never showered for a session with a client before. Then again, he’d never had a client like Shauna before. Client, client, client. He chanted to himself. She was a client. He finished getting ready and braced himself against the roiling emotions that hadn’t been quiet since his talk with Kimberly. Before their talk, if he was going to be honest with himself.

  He made sure Olive Oyl went out to the corral before walking out to his desk in the corner of the arena. He checked his watch and noted he had two minutes to spare. He took a deep breath to further compose himself, but it was all for naught, for when she walked in with those long strides flanked by her bodyguard, he was struck again. What was it about her that mesmerized him? He tried to take a proverbial step back so he could study her features more objectively.

  Her hair was pulled together in a French braid that reached between her shoulder blades. Her cheekbones were more prominent with her hair away from her face and they set off her eyes in the most spectacular way. By the time they reached him, he considered it a success that he had the presence of mind to remember to offer his hand to both of them in greeting. Shauna reached out with a small smile on her lips. It was alluring and caused him to scowl before he shifted his gaze to Michael. Kimberly’s words crossed his mind when he noticed the small crease between her brows. Be nice.

  “Good morning.” He inclined his head to Shauna then Michael. “Dr. Nathan, Mr. Gross. How’s your stay so far?”

  Michael looked at him for a moment before answering. “Entertaining.”

  He couldn’t keep his smile from faltering at the knowing look Michael gave him. He turned back to Shauna. “And you? How are you enjoying your visit so far? Have you had a chance to see all of the ranch?” he said in his most polite voice.

  He could tell he startled her by her delay, but she quickly recovered. “Yes. Mr. Murphy has done an amazing job here.”

  He nodded in agreement. “Yes, he has.”

  She shrugged, her lips no longer tilted at the edges. “It has its good moments.”

  He raised his brow at her answer. “I hear Zeus has taken a liking to you.”

  Her eyes lit up. “He’s the most magnificent horse I’ve ever had the pleasure of riding. He’s such a dear.”

  Zach couldn’t keep the snort back. Zeus had been nothing but trouble since he’d alighted from the wagon two years ago.

  “What’s the snort for?”

  “Did Ona tell you about him?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you still chose to ride him?”

  “I like a challenge,” she said, raising her chin slightly in defiance.

  He tamped down on the thoughts her action provoked and took a few steps back. Her mannerism at that moment was so much like Michelle’s, he was struck dumb. It took a moment for the haze to lift, but thankfully when he came out of it this time, the pain didn’t assail him. It did help to douse some of the heady infatuation. He ushered her over to his desk to go over any of her concerns regarding her therapy from the day before and go over the day’s therapy.

  The counseling part of the therapy wasn’t an issue. He could separate himself from his feelings enough to give her his undivided attention. He wasn’t afraid to admit that she intrigued him, and even though she had yet to share the initial cause for her panic attacks, he could tell she was used to facing her challenges head-on.

  The challenge was watching her interaction with Olive Oyl. Her whole countenance changed and the effect was arresting. He had to work harder to seem aloof and unaffected, especially with Michael’s laser gaze.

  By the end of the two hours, he was emotionally exhausted. Never had his feelings and thoughts been so conflicted. He’d tried everything he could think of to seem more cordial and approachable. He thought Shauna was warming to his new way of dealing with her, but as soon as the session was over, she waved a quick goodbye and headed out.

  He was walking toward the tack room to put away the saddle when Michael called his name.

  He turned and saw that the man was right behind him. He glanced around him to see if Shauna had come back, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  “We need to talk, Zach.”

  The tension emanating off Michael told him he wouldn’t enjoy what he had to say.

  Chapter 15

  THE SOUND OF THE GROWL pulled Zach’s attention from Michael and took the level of tension up a notch. He could see Sebastian’s nose peeking from under the desk where he’d stayed during the session.

  Michael took a step back, out of what may have been considered threatening range.

  “It’s all right, Bass. I think he’s a friend,” Zach said, looking back at Michael warning him with his eyes to stay still and relax. “Come on out and greet my friend Michael.” He snapped his fingers and Sebastian came from around the desk, his gait slow and his ears shifted forward, showing less aggression. He walked up next to Zach and sat on his haunches. Michael obviously took the gesture as an invitation, and squatted down and raised his hand for Sebastian to sniff.

  Sebastian leaned forward and sniffed Michael’s hand then sat back and leaned against Zach’s leg.

  Zach watched the interaction between them. They weren’t going to be best friends, but Bass had calmed.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be watching Shauna?” Zach said.

  “She’s going back to the cabin to get showered and changed,” Michael responded as he stood. “It’ll be a moment before she’s ready to eat.” He gestured to the meeting room at the back of the stables. “Do you mind if we talk in there?”

  “No, not at all.” He led the way down the hall feeling like he was headed to his own execution.”

  Sebastian followed them down the hall, but stopped and laid down at the entrance to the room.

  “Would you like something to drink?” Zach asked after showing Michael to a set of chairs in the middle of the room.

  “Sure. I’ll take water.”

  Zach reached into the mini-fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. “Glass or bottle?” he asked, holding up a drinking glass and bottle.

  “Bottle,” Michael answered and took it from him before settling in the seat across from him.

  Zach took a long drag from the bottle. The cool liquid went a long way to soothing his dry mouth and throat but did nothing for his nerves. He sat back trying to look as calm as possible and waited for Michael to start.

  “I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised if I told you we ran a background check on you.”

  Zach’s heartbeat took off. He’d known there was a good chance Shauna’s father would run an extensive check on anyone getting near his daughter. He just hoped he wouldn’t be asked about their findings. He nodded his head to let Michael know he was following him.

  “I’m bringing it up because I wanted to know what type of man I’m dealing with.”

  Zach couldn’t help the puzzled look he was sure he wore on his face, but he remained silent.

  “I was hired by Sh
auna’s father to keep her safe, but I also feel protective of her.”

  Zach’s emotions went from bewilderment to pained. So, they were involved. It didn’t matter. He was her therapist. She would’ve been off-limits regardless.

  “I feel a brotherly protectiveness for her,” Michael said, his lips twitching almost imperceptibly. “And I think you’re fighting a losing battle.”

  “Wait, a losing battle. What do you mean by that?”

  “Your attraction to Shauna is plain as day so don’t bother denying it.” He held up a hand when Zach would’ve protested. “I’m not accusing you of any wrongdoing or ulterior motives. I’m saying that I see your struggle, and though you may not have any plans to approach Shauna outside the confines of your daily sessions, I’d like you to relinquish your sessions with her to Ryan.

  Zach was dumbstruck. His first reaction was to deny everything Michael had said and guarantee that there would never be anything between Shauna and himself beyond their sessions. He’d gone out of his way to make sure he wasn’t where Shauna was when they weren’t in session just to avoid any temptation to watch or approach her. His second reaction was one of relief, to his surprise. He needed to think about why that was. It wasn’t as though it turned on some proverbial green light for him, but it might allow him to interact with her without measuring every thought and word before speaking to her.

  “This will in no way count against you. If you must know, I think you’ve handled this better than many men I know, but it’ll only get harder with the more time that passes.” Michael took a sip of his water. “I’ve been there.”

  Zach’s eyes shifted from Michael’s water to his face. What was he saying? “Was there something going on between you and Shauna?”

  Michael shook his head quickly. “No. She’s like a little sister. I was speaking of another situation.” He leaned forward, rolling the bottle between the palms of his hands.

  “I want to know if you’re the type of man that’ll do anything to save face or one who will listen to your thoughts and emotions and do something that’ll benefit both you and Shauna in the long run.”