by Tara Pammi
She was addicted to his pleasure. Drunk on the power she felt for the few minutes when he needed her so desperately. When his control balanced on a serrated edge.
And she needed that tonight. She needed him to want her as desperately as she’d needed his touch.
His features hardened when she sucked his finger into her mouth. A shudder went through him at her caress. The raw pleasure etched on his hard, implacable features turned her on as if he had touched her again at her core.
She had lived for those moments. She took each callused finger into her mouth one after the other, knowing that it drove him crazy.
His silvery gaze devouring her, he undid the clasp of his belt buckle. The soft rip of the zipper punctured the sound of her harsh breaths. His trousers fell from his hips with a shy whisper.
She had no will left. Her gaze dipped down to his groin. Heat broke out over her skin again, instant, explosive, like lightning appearing over a dark sky in the blink of an eye. She stared, greedy for the sight of him.
Reaching out boldly, she pushed his shirt up until a patch of his ripped abdomen was visible. Dark skin stretched taut over defined musculature delineated with a line of hair. Even the V at the juncture of his groin was well defined.
His cock—she blushed at thinking the word he’d made her say in the second week of their marriage—thickened and lengthened under her hungry gaze, the soft head already glistening wet.
He hustled her back toward the glass again, his hands kneading her buttocks. His mouth buried in her neck again. Her nipples, hard once again, poked at his chest. His hands were everywhere. Even after he’d given her release, he wouldn’t just take her. No, he built her body into a frenzy all over again.
If he had been a selfish lover, if he’d denied her pleasure even once, maybe she wouldn’t have become such a slave to it. And to him. But no, he pushed her again and again to the edge. To release.
Rough hands pushed her dress all the way down. “I need to be inside you. Now. Valentina.”
The question in his statement jerked her head up. He wouldn’t assume, he wouldn’t take.
“No!” The stillness that came over him had such restrained violence in it that she shivered.
In a fluid move, she sank to her knees.
His curse ripped the heavy silence when she wrapped her fingers around his hardness. Velvet-coated steel, he was so soft and yet so hard at the same time. His thigh muscles tensed like rocks when she braced her hands on them.
“Valentina, you don’t—”
“Will you give up control for a few minutes? Will you let me in?”
She didn’t wait for his answer. Bracing herself for the taste of him, she licked the soft head.
Salty and masculine. She looked up, her mouth open and ready. Tension etched onto every angle of his face. Such raw need and longing written on every hard plane of it that satisfaction pulsed through her.
Tilting her head down, she took him in her mouth this time. Another curse burst through the air. His hips jerked forward until he was filling her mouth.
Instantly, he pulled back. He was losing control. The thought spurred her on like a wild fire in the forest. Bene, she wanted him to lose control.
She repeated the movements of her mouth and hands. He said nothing, made no demands. When she glanced a look up at him, he growled an animalistic sound that sent shivers up and down her spine. But his body spoke for him. His hands had reached into her hair at some point. Every time she clasped him harder, he thrust a little into her mouth. Every time he hit the roof of her mouth, his thighs clenched a little more.
His body betrayed him, his need took over just as hers had done earlier. Using it, Tina sucked him harder, faster, intent on blowing his mind apart.
Her mouth felt hollow, her knees dug into the hard marble, her wrists were beginning to hurt from the repeated action but she didn’t care.
Every discomfort was worth it for now her husband had no control left. His hands in her hair directed her mouth where and how he wanted it. Deeper and faster and harder.
And then suddenly, he pulled out of her mouth. Rough hands grasped her under her shoulders and pulled her up. She swayed, her knees shaky, and he held her fiercely close with one arm while he stroked himself.
His roar of pleasure vibrated around them as he came against her belly.
Tina looked up, a fever of arousal in her muscles at how completely undone he looked. Silence beat down around them, punctured only by his harsh breaths. His head bent against her shoulder, his breath hit her in warm strokes. His powerful body was still shuddering against hers.
She had no idea how long they stood like that. The scent of his release and hers cloyed the air, leaving her no escape from it. When he looked up at her, she closed her eyes. His thumb traced the line of her jaw softly, almost with reverence.
Her eyes flew open when she felt his fingers on her belly. He wiped her tummy with a napkin he produced from somewhere and then gently righted her dress. Heat swamped her cheeks.
His hands shook as he zipped up his trousers and buckled his belt. She tucked her hands to the side but the little tremors wouldn’t subside.
She couldn’t pretend that the whole experience hadn’t shaken her. She truly was naive. Drawing satisfaction by seeing his control shatter, by bringing him to his knees like that, the raw intimacy of his actions...it had only seared him deeper into her psyche.
She looked away from him just as his gaze turned toward her. She walked over to the refrigerator on trembling legs and poured herself a glass of water. She drank the whole thing in one gulp, her mouth parched.
She felt him come to a stop right behind her. Hesitation, so uncharacteristic of him, charged the air. “Valentina—”
“Please, Kairos. Take me home.”
He stared at her for what felt like an eternity before he nodded.
CHAPTER NINE
SHE HAD BARELY reached their room and changed out of the stupid dress, then come down for a cup of hot tea when he cornered her.
“I want to sleep. I’m... I can already feel the headache beginning.”
He took hold of her wrist, tugging her into the study he had taken over from Theseus.
The smell of wood and cigars instantly reminded her of her grandfather Antonio. Another man who had thought she would amount to nothing.
While she stared into the empty fireplace, Kairos came back with steaming black coffee, cheese and perfectly cut apples.
“Eat.”
Her stomach roiled so she took the plate from him and dutifully ate. He sat down on the step of the fireplace, his long legs bumping into hers until she shifted and the line of them grazed hers.
“Valentina, look at me.”
Concern and something else glinted in his silver gaze. She forced a fake smile to her mouth. “My knees are a little the worse for wear, but, si, I’m perfectly fine.”
He flinched then, whatever he saw in her eyes making him draw back. As if she could hurt him!
“I’ve never... I didn’t ask you to do that for me.”
“You did it for me.” Just mentioning the day when he had put his mouth to the most intimate part of her sent shivers through her.
He scowled. “Why today?”
She looked at him and then away, afraid of what he would see in her eyes. “I was frustrated, feeling reckless.” She looked down at her locked fingers. “The release you gave me took the edge off before I did something stupid. So I returned the favor.”
A dangerous glint appeared in his eyes. One brow arched on his arrogant face. “Took the edge off? Was that what I did?”
His gaze dared her to shrug, to cheapen it.
He pinned her to the spot with his penetrating stare, as if he could see into her soul.
She swallowed and looked away. The endless silence, his painful indifference—it was all gone and there was a different man watching her. A man she’d always sensed beneath his ruthlessness but could never touch.
She s
truggled to make her voice casual. “Compared to my history of making a spectacle of myself every time I get upset, giving my almost separated husband a blow job is probably of minor consequence, si?”
“You do not fool me, Valentina. What happened at the nightclub couldn’t have left you untouched—” he placed a broad palm over her chest “—in here.”
Her heart pounded away under his touch. “Because only you can be casual about sex? Not I?”
“I’ve slept only with two women in my entire life. You and one other girlfriend. It was a convenient relationship I fell into and we went our separate ways when it wasn’t more. I have never been casual about sex. I told you I don’t fall into relationships easily. I had Theseus’s support but when I left him, I had to start all over with little to my name. Careers like that don’t leave room for relationships.”
“You proposed to Sophia.”
“Because I thought we would suit. Because we were friends and I admired her.” He blew a breath, the light from the chandelier caressing his rugged features. “She was wiser than I was, which is why she said no. I realize now she had felt like a safe choice.”
Every word out of his mouth mocked the wall she had erected.
She couldn’t bear his tenderness, this concern. She couldn’t fight her own need for him like this. Especially not today. “If I had known a blow job was all it would take to get you to open to me, I would have gone down on my knees long ago,” she said flippantly.
When she would have shuffled away from him, he clasped her arms. “Stop being so glib! Stop acting as if that didn’t mean anything.”
“What did it mean then, Kairos?”
He looked as if she had slapped him, not asked a simple question. But when she thought he would shut down and walk away, he looked thoughtful. “It meant that you and I are not done with each other. And not just sexually. It meant that...this is not just about Helena and Theseus and our stupid deal or the divorce anymore. It is about us.”
Her breath left her, her heart thudding against her ribcage. When he opened up like that, when he let her see what he was feeling, thinking, she... No! She couldn’t.
Tina had never been so terrified by her own vulnerability, by her own stupid hope.
She wanted to break through the barriers he had erected between them, wanted to find the sweet man who had bought her a gift he knew she would love.
She wanted that Kairos in all the moments, not just every now and then. She would always want him. But would the way he saw her ever change? Could she give herself to him completely if he didn’t respect her?
No. She couldn’t.
She strolled onto the veranda, trying to get a grip on herself.
He settled down next to her on the small wicker sofa. Hesitation shimmered in his eyes. “I...shouldn’t have kissed you today. I shouldn’t have lost control. I want you every minute of every day. But only today I realized that what I...planned for you is wrong. What I thought about you is wrong.”
“What did you plan for me?”
“I thought I would work you out of my system in these three months. I was angry... I felt betrayed when you left. My ego was definitely bruised.”
Laughter burst out of her. “Oh, please...don’t look so guilty. I meant to bring you to your knees by rubbing your nose in my fabulous self. I was going to make you regret ever leaving me.”
Elbows on his knees, he bent forward. He sighed and studied his hands. One thick lock of hair fell forward onto his forehead, his shoulders bunched into a tight line. It was a rare glimpse into his true self that she couldn’t help but drink in.
Her heart clenched when he looked up and smiled.
“I knew, even that night when I couldn’t find you, that it wasn’t just your fault our marriage had failed. I just...my pride wouldn’t let me accept it, accept that while we both have flaws, what you gave me is priceless. You didn’t throw it away on a whim or an impulse.”
It felt as if they had reached a crossroads. “Look at us, all grown up, si?” she said trying to lighten the moment. “Being adult about a breakup. Maybe we can be friends like they show in American sitcoms?”
A blaze lit up in his eyes and she looked away. Of course, it was a foolish suggestion. But the thought of having to walk away all over again, especially when she was finally getting to see beneath the rigid exterior...the very thought of it made her shiver.
“Will you please tell me what happened, Valentina?” He exhaled roughly. “I promise you I won’t be cruel or mocking. I want to understand.”
With one promise, he knocked all her barriers down. For Kairos never promised anything he didn’t mean. “Chiara fired me. Only I could get fired from an unpaid internship, si?” The words fell over themselves to come out now.
“What? Today?”
“Right before you called me. I was...putting away my stuff. I feel like such a failure.”
His arm came around her gently.
Tears pooled in her eyes and she inhaled noisily. “Don’t be kind to me.”
“What was the stupid thing you would have done today? Run away again?”
“Crawl back to my brothers. I miss them today.” She swallowed the ache down. “I miss Leandro’s tight hugs. Luca’s corny jokes. I miss Alex’s calm acceptance, Izzie’s wet kisses. I miss Sophia’s quiet support.”
“They adore you, don’t they?” he said softly.
“For years after Leandro brought me to live with them, every time something went wrong in my world, I would throw one hell of a tantrum.” She laughed through the tears, realizing how insecure she’d been to doubt her brothers’ love for her. “I’d push them to the edge as if to test them.”
“To see how far you could push them before they rejected you? And if that was going to happen, you’d rather know sooner?”
The depth of his perception stunned her. “Si. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through the debacle of our marriage, it’s that I process everything that doesn’t go my way by acting out. I think I did it at regular intervals—either when I thought Leandro was distant or when Luca disappeared for weeks. I would wreak hell and they would rush to reassure me that I was indeed loved and wanted. I was so...needy and vulnerable and they spoiled me to make up for losing my mother, for how terrified I had been when they found me after her death.
“There was nothing I wanted that couldn’t be mine. Leandro even tried to protect me from the truth, si? And then I met you and you wouldn’t dance to my tune...and all my insecurities came pouring out.”
“Today, you wanted your brothers to tell you that it was okay to get fired at a job?”
“Yes. That I wasn’t a useless waste of space. I wanted them to protect me from you.”
He groaned and she laughed at the regret pinching his mouth. “I was such a—”
“Uptight, self-righteous ass?” she supplied. When he nodded and laughed, her heart slipped a little out of her reach. “Sophia’s words.”
“The last time I spoke to Chiara, she told me that your team all adore you. That you’re taking them by storm.”
She nodded. “I’ve been enjoying it. Chiara’s not easy to work for but she’s so talented. You were right, I was learning so much. We’ve been preparing for the fall collection. I’ve been liaising with designers and their assistants, and PR people to put a marketing campaign together. She let me put the outfits and accessories together. I even handpicked the models to showcase each different outfit. I talked to the photographers, the lighting assistants. A hundred different things have to come together perfectly for the collection to be showcased. I...honestly don’t know how it happened. I double-checked and triple-checked everything. I spent most of the previous evenings calling every personal assistant and designer checking to make sure things would go smoothly. I...”
“What went wrong?”
“Honestly, I’ve no idea. I must have messed up something because we ended up with ten boxes of swimwear. Which is a disaster because it’s October and the same or
der was shipped to about eleven different stores. Instead of Burberry coats, we have Bermuda shorts. Instead of designer pantsuits, we have sleeveless tops and shorts. Everything was wrong. The catalogs are not even ready. Chiara had a nightmare to fix on her hands and no inventory. Her phones kept going off. I tried to stem the panic from store managers waiting to figure out what to do. I... When I went into her office, one of the vice presidents was ripping into her. I told him it was my fault, not Chiara’s. I... I quickly put together a letter of resignation and walked out.”
“So she didn’t really fire you then?”
He squeezed her fingers softly. “She was so buried that she didn’t get a chance. We were alone for a moment in her office. She looked up and said she knew she shouldn’t have taken me on. She knew I would only bring trouble.”
“Valentina—”
“I... I had a simple job to do. And I messed it up.” She rubbed the base of her palms around her eyes. “You were right. I should just accept that I’m not good for anything—”
Kairos tilted her chin up until she looked at him. “That’s not true. I was a cruel bastard to say that.” He’d always thought her weak-spined, a slave to suggestion, but only now could he see the strength that had always been there. “Valentina, listen to me. Making a mistake in a job is not the end of the world. What you do after is what matters. How many times you pick yourself up after you fall...that’s what matters.”
“Then I failed in that, too, si?” She laughed and the sound couldn’t hide the frustration she felt. “Don’t you see, Kairos? Letting you kiss me, touch me, letting myself get physically close to you...what I did today was not cheap, no. Was not meaningless. Seeing you undone—” her gaze landed on his mouth, his eyes, and he felt burned by the intensity of it “—it’s a high I could chase again and again. But it is self-destructive behavior. It is harmful to me. You are harmful to me. Every little bit of your past you give me, every small admission you make about what you feel for me...it comes at a high price. It comes with a fight, it feels like squeezing blood out of a stone. I think that’s just how you’re made. And if I’ve learned anything by watching my brothers and their wives, I know it shouldn’t be this hard. You broke my heart last time and if I give you half a chance, you will do it again.