Ryann stared at me for a few beats before she blinked, and the warm, teasing expression left. She set her mug on the table and walked over to me. “Do you have a headache from drinking? How can you work through it?”
“Sweating helps me.” My gaze traveled from her face to her legs and back up again. My throat got tight with how much I wanted to touch her. My fingers twitched, and I froze when she sat next to me, staring at the TV.
I never had lust like this, the need to know how she tasted, how she felt, how she kissed. It was maddening that I couldn’t stop my thoughts. She made a noise of disbelief, and I couldn’t remember what I even said.
“Working out helps with your hangover? I’ve never tried that. I usually watch TV in bed all day and replay everything dumb thing I’ve ever done in my life. I still get filled with shame thinking about stupid shit I did in high school.” She laughed, and any traces of heat I swore I saw in her eyes were gone. “Let me join you.”
It took a second for my brain to catch up. Working out. That’s right. “Join me?”
“Yeah. I literally have nothing else to do, and if it helps with this brain fog I have, I’m in. Show me how you work out.”
This was a terrible idea. The worst. But how could I explain that without crossing the line? There wasn’t a way to do it, so I nodded. “Sure. Right. Yeah.”
She grinned, the soft lines of her face making her eyes seem brighter, more alert. I sighed, every muscle tightening at her proximity, and I hit play. The video instructed us to alternate between push-ups, planks, and sit-ups, and my plan was to go through it three more times.
I had my hands together on the floor shoulder-width apart, and I started counting to thirty in my head. Ryann’s soft groans drew me in, and I watched as she did the reps too, her form messy and her face turning red.
“My god. This shouldn’t be that hard,” she said through gritted teeth. “My arms are burning.”
“Do them on your knees.” My voice came out harsher than I wanted, but her floral lotion drove me crazy with each movement. “It’s a modified form that helps.”
“Okay, yeah.” She wiped her forehead, the baggy sweatshirt hanging off her shoulder, and she finished the set on her knees. “That’s it, right? We’re done. It’s over.”
I laughed.
She snapped her gaze to my face with a smirk, but it disappeared. “Wait, it’s not?”
“Not even close, Ry.” Whoa. Whoa. “Ryann,” I corrected. The nickname came out of left field, and I gulped, looking back at the TV. “Next round is sit-ups.”
“Okay, Jo.”
Her comeback made my heart swell. I chanced looking at her again, and she was smiling at me, the little gap in her teeth front and center. She scrunched her nose, almost daring me to complain about the nickname.
The instructor on the TV rambled encouragements, and I flipped onto my back, breaking the connection we had. I put my arms behind my head. “Fifty crunches, let’s go, Reiner.”
She groaned but did the same thing. I sat all the way up, using every muscle in my core and tightening them to complete the set quickly. Ryann struggled, and her face was red, her hair escaping her bun. Moisture dripped from her temples. “Dammit, I’m hot.”
“Sweating out the alcohol helps.”
She wiped her brow and grabbed the hem of the sweatshirt, pulling it over her head and tossing it to the couch. Shit. Shit! She still wore the thin tank top, very much without a bra, and I slammed my eyes shut as her breasts moved with each crunch. It was so not cool to stare, but…she did say she’d watched me.
So maybe it wasn’t inappropriate?
She grunted as she counted closer to fifty, and when she finished, she lifted the edge of her tank top toward her face, using the material to wipe her sweat. In the process, she showed off her stomach.
My god. This girl was hot. Smooth skin, a sparkling belly ring that I desperately wanted a closer look at, and a trail of birthmarks I wanted to touch. My neck burned, and I could barely swallow as my attraction threatened to take over my brain. How long had it been since I slept with someone? Months? Why had it been so damn long?
“Do I have abs yet?” she asked, her eyes closed as she panted on the ground. Each breath made her breasts threaten to spill over the tank top, and my lower gut burned with lust.
“Your stomach looks fine,” I said, sounding like an idiot, and I slammed my mouth shut. Maybe I should open a window to get fresh air in here.
“I feel like I should have a six pack though.” She opened her very blue eyes and patted her stomach over the material of her shirt. “I used muscles I haven’t in years. How many more until I have abs?”
I snorted and wiped a hand over my face. “Uh, quite a few.”
“Great.” She pushed herself up, her perky, pointed nipples making my mouth water the longer I stared. It didn’t matter that her face was flushed or that little pieces of her hair escaped and plastered to her sweaty skin—she looked gorgeous.
“What’s next, J.D.?”
“Thought we agreed on Jonah,” I fired back, my uneven breathing getting louder.
“Ah well, when you make that face, your I’m a million percent focused face, you’re J.D. to me.”
“I’m focused all right,” I said, my voice going deeper than intended. It was filled with innuendos, but Ryann seemed unfazed and unaware of my struggle. She rolled her eyes and jutted her chin.
“What’s next?”
“Planks.” I got into the position, my weight on my elbows and my toes as I used every muscle in my core to balance. “Hold it for a minute, rest a minute, repeat.”
She nodded, modeled my posture, and got into the position facing me. Her shirt hung low, too low, in fact. I could see almost all of her breasts. If she shifted even a little bit, I’d get to see her nipples, and my god, I could think of nothing I wanted more.
She grunted and looked up at me, a determined smile on her face. “My entire body is shaking.”
“That can happen,” I said through gritted teeth. Never in my life had I been turned on during a work-out. It was uncomfortable, and I needed to cut it short. Breathe in, breathe out. I cleared my mind the best I could, but my effort was all for nothing when I opened my eyes again and stared down her shirt.
I had to be the world’s biggest asshole.
“Checking me out, Jo?” she said, her face red from straining. There was a playful glint to her eyes.
“Uh, well,” I said, gulping as my face burned with embarrassment. “Yes. I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t seem to stop.” We held eye contact just as the instructor said time, and I collapsed onto my back, panting. The plank wasn’t why I was out of breath.
“Jonah.” Her voice pleaded with me, and I waited a beat before sitting up and looking at her.
She rubbed her lips together, her pulse racing at the base of her neck. “It’s okay.”
“What is?”
“You checking me out. I don’t mind.” She shrugged, and her heated gaze moved over my chest.
“We shouldn’t,” I said, unsure of what I meant. We weren’t doing anything. Just sitting there sweaty from a workout, yet it was the sexiest thing I’d done in months. Years, even.
“Shouldn’t what?” she asked, licking her bottom lip before her teeth came down on it. Her eyes heated, and her chest heaved. “I’m admiring you. Nothing wrong with looking, Jonah. Plus,” she said, a dangerous lilt to her voice made me tense. “You made it clear we would never happen.”
She threw my words back in my face, and I growled. The need to prove my attraction to her battled with the promise I gave her brother. It was a full-fledged war, but before I could decide who won, she got up, picked up her sweatshirt from the couch, and stood in front of me. I was much taller, so even though I sat on the ground, her face wasn’t far from mine.
“You look furious right now,” she said, frowning and almost looking disappointed. “There’s no harm in us being attr
acted to each other, okay? We’re single, healthy people who checked the other person out. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. I know you don’t have time for distractions, and my brother wouldn’t forgive me, or you, so there are a million reasons why I shouldn’t wonder what it feels like to kiss you.”
“Ryann,” I pleaded, unsure what I wanted her to say. Hearing her state it out loud made me focus on her lips, how full and soft they looked, and sparked my attraction even more. I’d bet my scholarship she kissed like she smiled, all-in, one hundred percent, and god, I wanted to find out.
“I know.” She smiled, reached over, and ran her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and almost groaned at how good it felt. She did it a couple more times before letting go. “I’m capable of ignoring this thing between us and staying friends. I think we make a good pair. But if you feel different and want to go back to ignoring each other… I could survive it. It would suck, but I’d do it because I really do like living here. It’s your call though.”
She didn’t say anything else before going back to her room and shutting the door. The sound of the shower came on, and knowing my ridiculous sexy roommate was wet and naked with a wall between us—I had to take care of this attraction. With inappropriate thoughts of Ryann, I got into my shower and wrapped my fingers around my already hard shaft, pumping and resting my head against the shower wall.
How would her skin feel against mine? Would she groan like she did with the sit-ups? How heavy would her breasts feel in my hands? God, pleasure zipped through me the harder I pumped. My balls tightened, and I cupped them, pulling on them as I came into my hand. Heat spread through me, my skin tingling from an orgasm that should’ve settled me down.
I hadn’t been controlled by lust in years. Sex was a release, a way to pass time, not something I sought out, yet I hadn’t even touched Ryann and I wanted her. This could very much be a problem.
I finished in the shower, feeling dirty knowing I thought of her nipples and her sounds the entire time I jerked off. I threw on a pair of athletic shorts and a long-sleeved shirt before heading into my bedroom without a plan. Not having the ability to leave should’ve stifled me, but instead, it was almost freeing. The pressures to get better, to work out, to skate on the ice all evaporated because I had no choice in the matter.
I wasn’t ready to face Ryann yet, so I plopped onto my bed as my phone rang. “Hey, Dad.”
“My boy, you seem happy.” His scratchy voice brought me back to reality. He sounded tired and worn out. How the hell could I be thinking of Ryann when he was suffering? Was I going to risk my focus, my team chemistry for some girl? No. Absolutely not.
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Well,” he paused and cleared his throat. My anxiety shot through the roof. “Your mom called.”
“Lawyer bullshit again?” I scoffed.
“Well, she, uh, thinks I’ve tarnished your opinion of her.”
“Nope. She did that on her own. All on her own.” I gripped the phone tighter, the familiar rage burning up my chest, making my words come out choppy. “What does she want now?”
“She’s going to reach out to you.” My dad sounded so sad. I closed my eyes. “I know it’s hard, Jonah, but she’s your mom.”
“She left us, okay? I’m never going to forgive her. She chose the coward’s way out and crushed both of us. It’s you and me, Dad. You and me.”
He sighed, and I could hear the relief in his voice. “I know I’m not supposed to want to hear that and I would never, ever make you feel bad if you want a relationship with her. She’s your mom, and if some day you make it work, don’t hide it from me.”
“Dad.”
“Not done.” He gulped. “But all that being said, you’re my best bud, Jonah. I’m pretty damn lucky and thankful you’re my son.”
My eyes stung briefly, and I swallowed down the emotion. “I got lucky with you too, Dad.”
“Now, I didn’t call because of her. Wanted to see if we could get together since it’s your off day.”
“Well, I would, but I’m stuck in our place since the stairs went out. Ryann and I can’t go anywhere.”
“Oh good, how’s the new roommate? He a hockey fan?”
“Ah, well.” I cleared my throat, the guilt of what I did in the shower washing over me. “Ryann is a girl, actually. She’s Michael Reiner’s little sister.”
It was rare my dad was speechless, but his lack of response made butterflies explode in my stomach.
“There was a little name mix-up, and well, he knows and it’s going okay. Better than okay. She’s…awesome.”
“Oh, that makes me happy.”
“Yeah. I wasn’t thrilled at first, but if anyone understands what my life is like, it’s her.”
“Is she starstruck with you?”
“Ha, no.” I leaned back onto my pillow, my lips curving into a smile. “I can’t think of anyone who cares less that I play hockey. It’s weird. She understands the sport but hasn’t asked me about it once.”
“I bet it’s nice having a friend on your side.”
His words hit me in the gut. She was my friend. She was on my side. There was no way I should cross that line and ruin it. I hadn’t had a friend who wasn’t on the team since high school, and even then, the betrayal of my former best friend siding with my mom still stung two years later. “It is nice, Dad. You’ll have to meet her when you stop by soon.”
“Can’t wait. Shit, I need to go. My neighbor said he’d pay me a hundred bucks to take care of their yard while they were on a trip. Gotta get started before the humidity is too much.”
“Love you, Dad.”
“You too, son, and hey, if she calls, you do what you need to. Don’t hold back because you feel like your loyalty’s to me, okay?”
God. It was like he twisted a knife into me. “Alright.”
He hung up, leaving me feeling flat. Moments like these were exactly why I craved the ice, the gym, the workouts. I could channel all my emotions into hockey, making me feel better about doing what I could to help my dad. Without those releases, I felt off-balanced. Unsettled.
Two questions circled in my mind, keeping me glued to my bed, confused as hell. What would I do if my mom tried calling me?
And even though I knew all the reasons why I shouldn’t, what would happen if Ryann and I did cross that line?
9
Ryann
Franklin Smith.
He was the reason for the first and only real fight Michael and I had. Tricking me into being with him just to spite Michael was the ultimate betrayal. My brother had warned me too. Michael lost it and punched him before a playoff game. The coach benched my brother, and he didn’t talk to me for weeks.
Franklin played me for a fool, and I let him come between my brother and me. Never again. I couldn’t afford that no matter what because he was all I had left. Not speaking to Michael every other day was impossible to imagine.
So, my attraction to Jonah was complicated. I told Michael nothing would happen, that this wasn’t high school, and I wouldn’t mess with his team. It wasn’t a lie when I said it…but I couldn’t stop thinking about Jonah’s lips.
Like, kissing him would probably be bad, right?
Or do more than kiss? His hot stare felt more than curious. It was like a caress, and I really wanted to know if Jonah focused on everything like he did with hockey.
Being stuck together in the apartment without an escape seemed to make my body sync with his. His heavy footsteps left his room, and his door creaked. When he stopped, my breath caught in my throat. I slid my attention away from my computer and to his face, worry lines encased on his forehead in a deep scowl.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
The muscles along his jaw clenched, and his nostrils flared as he went to the fridge and pulled out milk, spinach, and strawberries. He didn’t answer as he got the blender out and added protein powder and ice to the mixture. Jonah consumed protein shakes the way I went through chocolate
when I had PMS. Even though his back was covered with a Moo U shirt, his muscles were still visible and tighter than a cord.
Did I do this?
I chewed on the side of my lip and waited for him to turn around. He had to at some point, unless he took the awkwardness up to another level and walked backward to his room. It took a couple minutes, but he made the shake, poured it into a glass, and took a long sip before he leaned against the counter and faced me. His eyes seemed sad or worried, and it jarred me.
I wasn’t used to a sad and worried Jonah. Just focused or confused. “You okay? Did I…say something I shouldn’t have? I’m sorry if I did.” I focused on the tabletop, not his face, and he moved to sit in the chair across from me.
“My dad called.”
I glanced back up at him and tried to decipher what could’ve set him off. “Is he okay?”
He sighed, looking lost and nothing like the intimidating guy the campus knew him as. “My mom wants to get back in my life.”
“Oh,” I said, sucking in a breath. Everything hit me. His worry, the sadness, and the clenched muscles. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” He put his face in his hands, releasing a long, frustrated groan, and remained as still as a statue. “My dad insisted it was up to me and that it wouldn’t change our relationship at all, but how can I talk to her? I go a few days without thinking about what she did to us, but that’s it. I hate her, Ryann. She left without showing an ounce of sympathy or regret. She bled my dad dry in the divorce, so why is she trying to come back?”
I placed my palms on the table, taking a few seconds to try and figure out what to say. This was so messed up. Was it worse than having my parents taken from us in a blink of an eye? I wasn’t sure. My parents didn’t choose to leave us. They loved us, and there was never any doubt. But this? My eyes stung at watching the absolute fear on his face. “Do you want to talk to her?”
“What is there to say? That I won’t forgive her? That she has no place in my life anymore?”
Holdout: A Moo U Hockey Romance Page 8