“Rachel,” I said, hating myself for even attempting this to placate a teammate. “I’m sorry, I don’t… I don’t want to upset you or lead you on. I… don’t do this.” I winced and wiped a hand over my face.
She smiled and reached over to squeeze my forearm. “You don’t need to be nervous.”
“I’m not nervous, well a little. I don’t date or have relationships, so I think I’m going to go say hi to a friend. You seem great. Nice, cute, uh… but I don’t flirt. Best of luck with everything.” I stood without looking at her face and shoved my hands into my pockets. That was brutal, and I had no idea how people flirted or small-talked every weekend.
My brain hurt, and my heart beat too damn fast, and staying at this cookout was the last thing I wanted. But Ryann was here.
My roommate propped herself up onto the deck railing so her bare legs dangled down, and Lex was telling her a story about something when I approached them.
Lex grinned at me in surprise. “Hey, it’s great you’re here, J.D. Glad you came.”
“Thanks,” I said, meeting Ryann’s amused expression over his shoulder. “This sort of thing happen a lot?”
“Nah, just once or twice before the season starts.” He shrugged and winked at Ryann. “Gotta help Reiner on the grill. The dude thinks he can cook, but he burns something every time.”
Ryann snorted at him as he departed the deck and that left me and my roommate, two feet apart. My heart beat fast in an entirely different way than moments before.
She smiled up at me, amusement dancing in her eyes. “It’s great you’re here, Jonah.”
“I didn’t mean to have that girl talk to me,” I said, making her blink and sit up straighter. “Patrick didn’t leave me a choice, and she walked here with me, and I just… I didn’t even know what to do.”
She licked her bottom lip for a second before laughing. I would’ve enjoyed it if it wasn’t at my expense.
“What’s so funny about this?”
“You.” She scrunched her nose and leaned closer to me. “It’s good you came with her.”
“Wait. What?” Did that mean she would flirt and be with other guys? Did we need to talk about that or was I totally out of the loop?
“The team does this thing where they hang out, shoot the shit, and bring girls. It’s bonding. It looks like you’re trying.” She waved as one of the other seniors said hi to her. It made me grit my teeth at how she knew all of them well.
How did I not notice her last year? She was hard to miss.
“You’re not—” I paused, my throat dry and uncomfortable. My face flamed at what I had to say next. “Mad? At me?”
She pursed her lips but never got a chance to respond. Michael walked toward us with a plate of hot dogs. “Can you get the buns, Ry?”
“Sure thing.”
She waltzed inside, leaving her brother standing close to me with very hot tongs. He smirked as she came back, and there was no way he couldn’t read my mind. How could I look natural after sleeping with my teammate’s sister? I forced myself to relax my posture, and I counted the bricks stacked on the side of the yard. Every part of my body was taut, and sweat dripped down my temples.
“Thanks,” he said to her, grabbing the bag once she returned, and then he set everything on the table. “Time to eat, all!”
Various team members got up from their position, and a line formed for the food, but I didn’t move. Ryann stood waiting and being near her felt too intimate right now. She still hadn’t answered me about being mad, which made me overthink everything.
Did she expect us to be exclusive or no? It wouldn’t be a problem for me, but it could be for her. The thought of seeing her go on dates or be with other dudes while we were in our arrangement sent a ball of hot jealousy through me. I needed to clarify that the first chance I got.
The moment didn’t happen until after we ate and the seniors brought out coolers of beer. She joked around with everyone who walked by her, and each smile she handed out grated on me. She wasn’t grinning at me like that, and I had to make sure I didn’t ruin whatever we had. Rachel wasn’t someone I was interested in, and Ryann needed to know that. Our friendship was too important.
Ryann got up from the chair and stretched her arms over her head for a minute before heading inside. I volunteered to get ice the next second. It was perfect.
She frowned at her phone for a second in the kitchen and shoved the device into her pocket.
I tapped on the wall before entering. “Hey.”
She startled and put a hand on her chest before grinning at me. “You scared me.”
“We need to talk,” I said, unsure what was coming over me. I sounded barbaric. “We didn’t get to finish our conversation earlier.”
“Okay?” she said, frowning, and her brows drew together. “You good?”
Someone’s laughter sounded right by the kitchen, and I took her elbow in my hand and dragged her into the hallway that led upstairs.
She leaned against the wall and looked up at me, concern swirling in her eyes. “Jonah, what’s going on?”
“Are you upset with me?”
“No.” She tilted her head to the side. “I mean, were you going to bring her back to our place?”
“No. No.”
She bit her bottom lip, and heat entered her gaze. She reached up to my shirt and picked a piece of lint off me. The gesture was so innocent yet meaningful because she didn’t touch people she didn’t trust. “Is this why you looked so uptight out there?”
“Yes,” I said, admitting the truth. “I was afraid I ruined everything.”
“You didn’t.” She scrunched her nose again and shook her head with a small smile. “I think it’s safe if we agree to not hook up with anyone else while this goes on.”
Thank god.
I sighed in relief, not caring that months from now she could date someone else and aim all those stunning smiles and joy at them. I’d worry about that later.
“Agreed.” I took a step closer, wanting to be near her again. Her breathing hitched. She smelled like flowers and outside, and I wanted to feel her skin again. Maybe it was infatuation and it would fade after a week. It would certainly be easier if I wasn’t so drawn to her. Her hair covered her shoulder, and I reached out, about to brush it off when footsteps came out of nowhere.
“Hey, what’s going on here?” Patrick asked, his voice like a shot of Patron first thing in the morning—unwelcome and jarring. I jumped back, slamming my head into the wall. All the blood left my face.
“We had a roommate disagreement, and I didn’t want to hash this shit out in front of everyone,” Ryann fired back, not missing a beat. She had a slight blush on her neck, but that was the only clue.
“Oh, about what?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at me. He wasn’t an idiot. He saw how close I was to her, how I was leaning over to touch her.
How could I be so goddamn stupid?
“His rules. You saw that damn list,” Ryann said, the lie coming off her tongue so easily it almost made me nervous. She was talented and quick on her feet.
Patrick laughed, and his eyes lost the edge, letting me relax just a hair. “What’s J.D. demanding now?”
“He thinks it’s fine to bring girls home, but I can’t bring friends over because of his hockey fame. Double standard.” She rolled her eyes and made a real scene about it. “I wanted to negotiate.”
“Oh, I like that. What are you betting?” Patrick asked, seeming quite content at staying right next to us. It was irritating as hell.
She chewed on her lips and narrowed her eyes at me. “We were mid-discussion when you interrupted.”
“You did look a little close.”
“You mean intense,” she said, her face not giving a damn thing away. I froze my expression.
Patrick nodded, and someone said his name from another room. He gave us a parting grin before taking off. My pulse pounded in my neck, and my head buzzed from the fact we almost g
ot caught.
I opened my mouth to talk, but Ryann cut me off with a glare. “Not here.”
She was right. Shame consumed me, head to toe. If she wasn’t pissed at me before, she was now. I almost blew it.
She would never forgive me if I was the reason Michael found out. I needed to apologize, to do something so she wouldn’t look at me with fire in her eyes. But I didn’t get the chance. Ryann avoided me until she left an hour later.
She departed by flipping me her middle finger, causing her brother and the twins to laugh, and I counted down the seconds until I could leave.
15
Ryann
Patrick almost saw us.
And for what? Was he going to kiss me? There? At the damn hockey house?
I shook my head and clenched my fists at my sides on the walk back home. He had no business looking at me with heated eyes and hope on his face. His explanation about the girl was cute and made my insides feel all warm and gooey because he freaked out, but if we were both around any teammates, we had to act like roommates.
Strictly, roommates who bickered.
Flipping him off wasn’t my best idea, but it did the job. Patrick laughed hard, and it would stifle any suspicion he had about why Jonah and I were talking alone in a hallway with his fingers an inch from my face.
I blew out a breath and walked faster, hoping to change into work clothes and head out before he got home. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk to him or see him, because I did, but the distance was needed.
It didn’t take me long to put on black jeans, a gray T-shirt, and closed-toe shoes before pocketing my phone and making the walk toward the café. Hannah had a date tonight for the first time in years, and I volunteered to work from four until midnight. It would be a long shift, but it helped both of us. The extra cash from tips would ease my growing worry about money, and she could have a night out.
Plus, not seeing Jonah until tomorrow would be better for both of us. I wasn’t entirely sure I could keep my hands off him when we were alone in the house.
The café only had a few patrons when I arrived, and Hannah greeted me with a huge smile. “Ryann, you’re early.”
I rolled my eyes and clocked in with the card she gave me to track hours. “I want you to have time to get ready, have a glass of wine, and enjoy yourself. I’m so damn excited for you and want all the details of this date tomorrow.”
She smiled, and her entire face softened. “I’m so glad we’re friends. It’s been awhile since I’ve had someone happy for me, you know? My parents live too far away and are great, but my world has been my ex, Preston, and this café. I didn’t realize I was living in a bubble of despair.” She winced. “I love Preston. Hope that didn’t come across poorly.”
“I know what you meant,” I said, grabbing a towel and wiping down the counters since there wasn’t a line at the register. “I’m glad we’re friends too.”
“We haven’t checked in at all about your new place, the roommate, or you telling your brother you moved out of the dorms. I feel so bad.” She pushed her hair out of her face and stepped closer to me. “Is it going okay?”
“It’s… going,” I said, biting my lip to prevent a nervous giggle from escaping. It would be wonderful if I could tell Hannah everything—the friendship with J.D. and the worry about Michael. Plus, I was nervous about Michael leaving next year. I needed to have my shit in order, and I wasn’t sure I could do it. But this overworked, tired woman had a date, and she needed a night out. “We can talk, just not now. You deserve all the wine tonight, so go. Take a bath, shave your legs.”
She twisted her lips to the side before her shoulders relaxed. “Thank you, Ryann.”
I waved her off as she headed out, and I busied myself with all the tasks I could find. Cleaning the coffee machine, reorganizing the pastries in the pastry case, sweeping the foyer. Sitting still gave me time to think, and that meant my brain went to Jonah.
It was quiet—which unless it was finals week, Saturday nights meant only a few people hanging in the library working on stuff. It would’ve been me if I didn’t have this job, and I frowned. I should’ve brought a textbook. Hannah told me I could study if there wasn’t anything to do, and now I had hours before leaving.
I could text Jonah…
I pulled out my phone which already had two texts from him.
Jonah: Are you coming home soon?
Jonah: Please don’t avoid home if you’re mad at me. I can shut myself in my room.
Ah, my roommate felt bad.
Good. He should, but I wasn’t vindictive or cruel.
Ryann: I’m working all night—not avoiding home. I have a huge favor to ask you actually.
Jonah: Name it
Ryann: I’m stuck here until close, so probably midnight, and it is SLOW. Could you bring me my psych book?
Jonah: Midnight?
Ryann: Yes. We close at eleven, but it takes an hour to clean up sometimes.
Jonah: I’ll head there now.
Great. I’d have a book to occupy the boring parts of this shift and could get some studying done while making money. It was a win-win for sure. A group of girls walked into the café in comfy clothes, all wearing glasses and large backpacks. The sight of them made me smile.
“Hey, we all need caffeine or what?”
They laughed. “Yes, just put it in my veins please,” the shortest one said. “We’re here all night for a group assignment. It’s only the second week of school. Why do we have projects already?”
“I hear you. I have a ten page essay due Tuesday. What the hell?” I said, taking their orders and preparing ten different versions of coffee. Some wanted ice, black, sweet, topped with whipped cream, and one wanted tea. They all left a dollar tip which was great, and they took off toward the library. It was open twenty-four hours.
When I scanned the café to see if anyone needed a refill, I found Jonah sitting at a table watching me. My face heated at his gaze, and I raised my brows in greeting.
He had my book on the table, but also his laptop.
“Are you… staying here?” I asked, not making any moves to leave this side of the counter. There was something about him that made my brain forget my rules. It could be his soft brown hair or the long lashes, or the fact that I received a rare smile from him. Either way, the sight made my chest tighten and my fingers twitch to touch him.
“I have to study and figured here was as good as home.” He ran a hand over his jaw, not breaking eye contact with me. “You said midnight, right?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want you walking home alone with cash.”
It thrilled me more than it should to hear him get protective over me. My chest got tight and warm as he said it, but I willed the giddiness away. He nodded toward the tip jar, and his brown eyes hardened. “Do you work this late often?”
“Not usually. It depends on what helps Hannah. The only times I can’t work are when I have classes, so I fill in during the times she needs me most.” I traced my finger over the countertop, giving me something to do to get rid of this nervous energy. “Thanks for bringing me my book. You don’t… have to stay here, you know?”
“I understand.” He shifted in the chair and seemed to bunker down, like he really wanted me to know he was staying. A professor-type guy approached the counter, and I quickly got him an iced tea and cookie before daring to leave the register. Jonah was the only patron in the café besides me.
We were alone.
I swallowed hard as I neared his table, and he stopped whatever he was doing and sucked in a breath when I sat across from him. His gaze dropped to my lips for a beat before he sat up straighter.
Why was our chemistry so strong? I shouldn’t be thinking about kissing him again while at work. What was wrong with me?
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice deep. Concern swirled in his eyes. “I-I don’t know what happened at the house. It won’t happen again though.”
I sighed and pressed my li
ps together, holding the psych book against my chest. “We have to be careful.”
“I know, I just…Patrick put me in an awkward position with that girl, and I was so worried about it upsetting you since we just…you know,” he said, blushing so red he matched the apples on the counter. “I hate going to parties because of that stuff. The small talk, the flirting because I play hockey. Talking to you is so much different.”
My entire body warmed at his compliment. “Jonah, I’m not upset about you having a conversation to another person. Girl or not, we’re not…” I stopped, trying to think of the best term for it. I got his worry though. I had no plans to flirt or date or show interest in another guy while we continued to succumb to our chemistry. “We’ll be honest with each other. If someone does come along, we tell the other and stop this.”
“That won’t happen with me,” he blurted, his voice getting louder. “I guarantee it.”
His insistence and confidence made me nervous because of how much I liked it.
“Even so, it’ll make us both feel better if we agree.”
“Agreed then.” He narrowed his eyes and scratched his chest with a free hand. “So, flipping me off was for fun? You’re not actually mad at me?”
I snorted. “Correct. Not sure if you saw Patrick’s reaction to it, but he laughed. It worked, or at least cast suspicions away for a bit.”
Jonah nodded, and his shoulders seemed less tense. “Good. That’s good.”
“Yeah, so knock it off with the heated looks in front of the guys, okay?” I said, kicking his shin under the table.
His eyes got wide. “Did you kick me?”
“Yes.” I laughed, enjoying the way lines appeared on the sides of his eyes as his lips curved up. “It got you to smile, so it was worth it.”
He shook his head and gave me a long, warm look, just as another group of students entered the café with excited chatter. I got up and went behind the counter to take their orders, glad for the break from Jonah. He was worried about me being mad, wanting to make sure I knew the girl wasn’t his idea. It was dangerous to enjoy his concern because that meant feelings were involved—which they couldn’t be.
Holdout: A Moo U Hockey Romance Page 14