“It’s the right time. People want to see positive images of queer people. Pair that with the music and enough money for promo, and boom, you’re at the top of the charts.”
Sid looked as if smoke was about to come out of his ears. “Shut the fuck up! Who are you even to tell us what we should do, or decide for Dusk when he should come out?” He looked around. “Can no one else see just how wrong this is?”
Dusk stroked Abe’s shoulder, pulling him out of his stupor. “I mean… I guess it is a bit shit, but if it works, then—”
Sid crossed his arms. “A bit shit?”
“What if it actually works? Wouldn’t you be happy?” Dawn asked in a soft voice.
“It’s about the principle,” Sid mumbled, but backed off a step, as if Dawn’s gentleness scared him.
Stan zeroed in on Abe with a wide smile. “Are you staying around? That could make some phenomenal publicity. After these photos exploded, people are sharing them everywhere. I finally got the green light from my editor to feature you guys in an upcoming issue of Noise, which will be focused on queer elements in modern music. An interview, a little photoshoot, the works. He was looking for a rising star that the magazine could promote. This, my friends, is gonna be you. Are you still angry?” Stan asked with a smug smile.
Abe stilled, unsure if he understood Stan’s question interwoven with a bunch of words the guy shot from his mouth as if it were a machine gun. It felt like he was falling into a void, and he didn’t know how deep it was. “What?”
Dusk cupped Abe’s face and caressed his cheek with his thumb. “Fuck, babe, this would be amazing. Are you in a rush to do your thing? Can you stay?”
Abe stopped breathing, feeling panic sink its claws into his flesh. Dusk’s smile was the meanest hook of them all. “I—I have no money. I need to find a job.”
Mage exhaled. “Well, if this worked out, we could pay you.”
“Make him a hooker,” Sid said with a smirk, but he shut up when Dusk kicked his shin.
Dusk’s gaze was so intense Abe felt he was falling into it without ever thinking of safety measures. “Nothing like that, Lolly. Just paid for sticking around—”
“So like an escort,” Sid butted in.
Dusk growled. “Stop pissing me off. He’s liked me when no money was involved, so it’s all good.”
Abe swallowed hard, looking at the faces filled with expectation. As if suddenly his presence had a purpose beyond being a fun, temporary addition to the group and Dusk’s fuckbuddy. It felt weird. But at the same time, what guarantee did he have that he’d get any better offers in a city filled with people who came here with big dreams? He had little skill beyond his amateur art, no friends who could help him find work as an artist, and here he was being offered money for accompanying a group of cool people for a while longer. It really didn’t sound that bad, all things considered. Even if it was kinda like escorting.
At the end of the day, he wouldn’t be paid for sex but to be seen, which didn’t make it completely fine but he could work with it.
“What do you say, Lolly? Do you want to be the new boyfriend of music’s hottest new beefcake?” Stan asked with a grin.
Dusk’s smile widened at the flattery, and he leaned closer to nuzzle Abe’s nose. Why was he so fucking irresistible? “Boyfriends?” He wiggled his eyebrows as if it was all a joke, which made Abe all the more confused.
So many things ran through Abe’s head. He was being sucked in by a whirlwind of expectations that he wasn’t ready for. He’d started this adventure over a year ago, and so far he’d avoided the dangerous shores of relationships, avoided people putting a claim on him, but this situation was so unusual he didn’t know how to treat it.
His gaze met Dusk’s, so shiny with excitement and joy, and he found himself smiling back despite all the doubts growing roots in his brain.
He really liked Dusk. He was fun to be around. He was an amazing partner in bed. He had friends whose company Abe enjoyed. But most importantly of all, he did not make plans. He went with the flow and enjoyed the ride the same way Abe did.
They were similar that way, and so he thought staying around a little bit longer to earn extra cash, see new things, and help out The Underdogs kickstart their big career wasn’t such a bad idea.
Abe crossed the half inch of distance and gave Dusk a kiss. “Boyfriends.”
Chapter 7
Four days later, the love and excitement showered on The Underdogs online far outweighed the hate they got for Dusk’s unexpected outing. While Sid still wanted to keep his sexuality to himself and Dawn preferred to retain his privacy to the point where he had never even come on stage, the photo got people talking as it spread online like a virus.
Lolly didn’t have to look for a job just yet and could stay on tour with them, which was great, because Dusk really liked him. It was as if just the knowledge of Lolly hanging around somewhere worked like blinders that prevented him from noticing anyone else.
Dusk coughed up the cash to get them a separate room at the motel the band was staying for their next gig, just so they could be all over each other whenever they felt like it. On the bed, in the shower, on the carpet. Any flat surface would do when Lolly looked at Dusk as if no one else in the world mattered.
And whenever Dusk thought back to that precious smile, he couldn’t stop his mouth from mimicking that expression and his heart from getting giddy. But being on tour wasn’t only fun, sex, and games, so he ended up going outside to practice. Still, even without Lolly around, his mind kept going in and out of focus, alternating between putting all its attention into music and thinking back to how good it had felt to doze off on top of Lolly after a quickie in the early morning hours.
Warm wind tousled Dusk’s hair as he struck the strings of his guitar, experimenting with an alternative way to play the song. His voice was soft as he sang along, closing his eyes to immerse himself in the world created by his brother’s words.
Familiar lyrics hit Dusk like they never had before, but not only did Dawn’s song resonate with him in a completely new way, but it also sparked ideas. Strings of words appeared in Dusk’s brain, and he desperately missed a piece of paper to write them down. He rarely came up with lyrics, and although what he had now was just bits and pieces, he couldn’t help the sense that he’d hit the jackpot.
With sentences ringing in his head, he pushed the instrument into its case and stormed back to the hotel, straight to the room where Dawn, Sid, and Mage were staying. When he barged in, his brother looked up with a slightly dazed look, but then frowned.
“You ever heard of knocking?” he asked, but Dusk had no time for petty issues.
“You cracked my heart in half, and now it’s bleeding strawberry jam,” he said breathlessly, afraid the lyrics would evaporate if he didn’t spill them fast enough.
Mage, who sat next to Dawn on one of the beds, raised an eyebrow so high it went far above the frame of his glasses. “Okay man, I know you’ve got feelings for me, but we haven’t even been out on a date.”
When Dawn started laughing, Dusk grabbed a shoe off the floor and threw it at Mage.
“It’s an idea for lyrics, you dumbass! I… know it’s a bit raw, but I want to incorporate it into one of our songs.”
Dawn shrugged and pushed back his hair as he caressed his guitar with his other hand. “Which one? Tell me more? Where did the idea come from?”
Dusk closed the door and threw himself on the bed between Mage and Dawn, to have all of their attention. “I don’t know. I was just practicing ‘Without You’ and it came to me out of nowhere. Is that how you get your ideas?”
Dawn squinted. “Uh… no.”
Mage rubbed his scruffy chin and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t think it can just come out of nowhere. Dawn’s music is so good because he spends time looking for inspiration. Isn’t that right?” he asked, looking at Dawn, who hugged the guitar.
“I try to be authentic about my emotions. I l
ook into my heart and try to express what I feel.”
Dusk glared at Mage. “Why are you taking his side? You’re my best friend.”
“We’re all best friends,” Dawn said.
Mage cleared his throat. “Do I really need to pick a side on your guys’ opinions now? I just agree with him that it’s difficult to build a song around a one-liner when you can’t tell us what inspired it.”
Dusk stared at the crack in the ceiling. “Okay, okay.” He kept silent for a while, trying to work out what exactly he wanted to say through the lyrics, or why they spoke to him so much, and he was glad that Mage and Dawn gave him the breathing space for that. “I think it was because my mouth still tasted of strawberry lube.”
Mage and Dawn looked at one another above him, and Dusk frowned. “Hey, what’s that about? TMI?”
Dawn gave a short giggle and pulled the baseball cap lower over his face.
“So... you want to sing a song about Lolly?” asked Mage.
Dusk sat up abruptly, unsure what he thought of that idea. “I… I mean, not like a serenade or something. Would that be weird? And it’s an abstract concept anyway, right?”
Mage coughed and tapped his knees. “Well, you know... it’s been a while and you two seem to be having fun together.”
Dusk smiled. “So it’s not weird.”
There was a little smile ghosting across Dawn’s lips. “Unless you call it ‘I luv Lolly’.”
Dusk tried to reach out and grab him, but Mage pulled him back, laughing. “Come on, man! It’s just a joke.”
“It’s not funny. This is our band, our songs, and our future. I don’t want it all to be about me and Lolly all of a sudden.”
“Why not?” asked Mage, piercing Dusk with his dark gaze. “Is something wrong between you and him?”
Dusk was under the spotlight and didn’t like it for once. “I didn’t say that,” he mumbled. “It’s all good. I’m… I guess I’m a bit nervous about the whole public relationship thing. I want us to be recognized for our music, not for being ‘that band with the gay guy who dates that pink-haired guy’.”
Dawn sighed and slowly put his hand on Dusk’s arm. “It’s been less than a week, and if he inspires you then what’s the problem?”
Mage, however, stayed silent, pretending to examine his long dreadlocks.
Dusk rubbed his face. “Maybe I’m just overthinking it. He’s just so…” He made an incoherent shape in the air, unsure what he wanted to express.
Both Dusk and Mage stayed silent, and they didn’t need to tell him to finish the sentence. The silent pressure was still there, biting at his nape.
“...iridescent,” Dusk said in the end.
Dawn gasped. “That’s... a great title, Dusk.”
Dusk grinned and jumped to his feet. “Will you write a song about it?”
Dawn nodded, readjusting his guitar. “Actually, we were working on this little thing with Mage—” His fingers danced over the strings so effortlessly Dusk envied him despite being a proficient player himself. But when Dawn took an instrument in hand—whichever one out of the wide array he knew how to use—he seemed to melt with the wood and metal, as if his entire body turned into an extension of the instrument. The melody he played was calm and yet playful, bringing to mind summer and carefree days at the beach. It made Dusk think of Lolly’s smile.
“Just… don’t tell Lolly about it, okay? I don’t want it to get weird,” Dusk said once Dawn finished playing the short melody.
“Why? You want to surprise him with it?” Mage asked, watching Dusk inquisitively, as serious as when he was in the process of cracking a tax issue for the band.
“I just don’t want him to think I’m getting all sappy over him.” Dusk crossed his arms, unsure why this rattled him so much. He always just let things go with the flow.
Dawn bit his lip, watching Dusk with a slight frown. “Oh, I thought he liked you too.”
“He does!” It came out a bit tense, and Dusk scolded himself for it. “He does. You two should stop making it all so complicated! I got you the lyrics, a title, and a theme. Make it work.” He rushed for the door, but it did feel a bit like fleeing the battlefield.
He shut the door after him and leaned against the wall, taking deep breaths as unwanted thoughts sank their claws into his brain. There was no need to make things difficult. He enjoyed his time with Lolly. Lolly liked having fun with him. It was all good. All good.
Everything was fine.
The sudden need to pull Lolly into his arms was so overwhelming he ran down the corridor and prayed for Lolly to still be in their room. Dusk took another deep breath to appear cool and suave when he entered with a wide smile.
Lolly looked up from behind his laptop and closed it as soon as Dusk entered, putting an electronic pen into a pink sheath. He wore washed-out blue skinny jeans that had been dyed a pale pink, which created an interesting mixture of colors that went so well with Lolly’s personality. A loose Hufflepuff tank top revealed colorful tattoos over toned muscle, and when Lolly looked up and smiled, Dusk’s heart might have stopped beating for a moment.
“Hi. How was rehearsal?” Lolly asked, leaning back in the chair. The daylight came in through the window and made him look somehow even more unreal—as if his ethereal beauty meant he’d one day just turn out to be a figment of Dusk’s imagination.
Dusk came closer and stroked Lolly’s hair, unsure of what he would do if he weren’t allowed to touch him anymore. The thought alone made him lean down for a kiss, and he trapped Lolly in his seat, putting one hand on the desk, and the other on the back of Lolly’s chair.
“It went really good. Might have come up with a new song. But Dawn has to put it through his brain-grinder.”
“Sounds exciting. What is it about?” Lolly asked, looking up at Dusk with a soft smile ghosting across his lips. He raised his hand and tickled Dusk’s chest through the shirt.
The question made Dusk regret mentioning the song in the first place, but he leaned into the touch. How was he to put it into words? “About being happy? It’s lame when I say it like that. You’ll see.”
Lolly grinned and slowly gripped two thick bundles of Dusk’s hair, twisted them in his hands and pulled Dusk in for a kiss. When their mouths met, it always felt like electricity streaming through Dusk’s body, making him all warm and tingly.
“I’m sure you’ll make it something great.”
“I could fuck you right now, but I’m so hungry. Wanna go out?”
“I wanted to ask you the same thing. My stomach has been rumbling for the last hour nonstop,” Lolly said, raising his top to reveal the lovely flat belly dusted with blond hair.
“We can’t have that, can we?” Dusk ran his thumb over Lolly’s navel. He didn’t have all that much money, but still wanted to provide Lolly with anything he could possibly crave. Every need Lolly expressed had to be satisfied right away, or Dusk wouldn’t stop thinking about it.
Lolly looked up at him from beneath those endlessly long lashes. “Are we having hot dogs?”
“You’re only having one hot dog, as far as I’m concerned.” Dusk grinned, already pulling Lolly to the door.
Their fingers intertwined, and Lolly pushed against him gently, bringing their bare arms together. “We could go to the food trucks at the festival, or to the diner two blocks away. Any preference?” he asked, opening the door.
“Food trucks, and then we could listen to the music?” Dusk said, still a bit wary over being out with Lolly in a place where they were about to perform.
“I should have put on my flower crown,” Lolly said with a low chuckle as they passed into the corridor.
“Do you have one? I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” Dusk squeezed Lolly’s hand.
Lolly grinned at him, visibly excited as they walked down the stairs and toward the lobby. “I have this small one, but I really want to get one of those huge crowns. I’ve seen one with fake antlers interwoven with the flowers. It looks amazing.”
>
“How would you even fit that into your backpack?”
When Lolly had appeared in Dusk’s life, he’d been traveling with a single medium-sized piece of luggage, but it seemed that with the extra space he had on the bus, the bulk of his stuff had expanded to fill an additional gym bag. It made Dusk think that maybe it was Lolly’s intention to stay with them longer.
Lolly’s mouth relaxed, and he dropped Dusk’s hand to jump past the last five steps of the staircase. “I’d have to always wear it.”
Dusk laughed at the image of Lolly trying to hitchhike wearing a flower crown with antlers. From afar, he might look like a girl, but his features were boyish rather than feminine. “Or you’d have to leave it with me for safekeeping, and there would be no way you could just disappear on me.”
Lolly glanced over his shoulder. “At least you’d have something to remember me by.”
A flood of sadness made Dusk stumble on the last step. His whole body screamed ‘no’, and he grabbed Lolly’s hand tightly, even though he had no idea what he might say.
Lolly cuddled up under his arm, as if he hadn’t just sliced Dusk’s chest open. “What’s up with the guys? Is this gonna be a romantic lunch for two or are we calling them?” he teased.
“I can’t find Sid, and Mage and Dawn are busy with the song. I’ll text them in case they want me to bring something back.”
They walked out of the motel and into the sunlight, so Dusk put on his sunglasses. Still, he couldn’t miss the five pairs of eyes following them from a bench across the street.
Lolly pushed his own star-shaped glasses down to his nose and listened to the echo of music coming from the festival site nearby. He pulled on Dusk’s hand, seemingly oblivious to being watched, and only stopped when Dusk wouldn’t move and kept him in place with the firm hold of his hand.
The group of teenagers shuffled closer, as if they were one black-clad, stud-wearing being with a blue-haired boy leading the way like the pack alpha. His gaze was as serious as the tight set of his mouth, but the moment his eyes met Dusk’s, his expression changed, and he started loudly hyperventilating. Still, the boy approached, followed by his wide-eyed entourage.
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