He still felt Dusk’s hands on him, and the slight burn of the rough fuck teased him whenever he moved, but they’d said goodbye, and kissed. That was it. And he couldn’t help feeling regretful about it. On the surface, he knew they were doing the right thing. Dusk’s passion for him would eventually evaporate, and he’d be left with nothing but memories, but still, Abe wished Dusk had asked him to stay.
He would have rejected such selfish requests, of course, and maybe then leaving would have been easier, but no, Dusk had to be the bigger man about it. He’d even encouraged Abe to go and reach for his dreams despite revealing with so much vulnerability that he loved Abe, and that he’d miss him.
No one had ever shown Abe so much tenderness.
Abe’s aching heart beat faster when the crowd cheered. He looked at the giant screen spread out in front of a whole crowd of tents, and at once he couldn’t breathe when the familiar face appeared in its giant pixelated glory.
Dusk was the first to enter the stage, his guitar held high and the wide smile in place. The public screamed louder, and lights exploded overhead as Mage and Sid took their places.
Abe took a deep breath, so completely focused the earth might have shattered beneath his roller skates and he wouldn’t have noticed.
He would miss Dusk. He would miss him more than anyone ever.
“We’re gonna start this set with a new song,” Dusk said in that warm, husky voice that made Abe’s knees melt. “It’s been simmering for a while, but we’ve finished it just yesterday, and you guys will be the first to hear it! It’s called Iridescent.”
Dusk smiled wider, as handsome as ever on the massive screen. Untouchable and distant as if he hadn’t been panting into Abe’s ear just minutes ago. As if it wasn’t him who told Abe he loved him or held him tenderly. As if he wasn’t the man who’d confessed he couldn’t bear parting from Abe.
The Dusk Abe saw on the screen was a star. A man who would eventually get the fame he wanted. He would leave Abe behind like yet another pleasant memory from the past, but Abe couldn’t help but choke up thinking about it. His entire being longed to wait for Dusk backstage. To watch the gig and tell him how amazing he was once everything was over.
Sid started a slow rhythm on the drums, and the camera zoomed in on Dusk’s guitar when he joined in, adding a melody. As always, Dawn was assisting them from backstage, switching on samples whenever they were needed, which left plenty of negative space in the middle of the set, making Dusk seem even taller, even more muscled as he stood in front of the mic, creating soft music with his fingertips.
Abe was so focused on the fingers that had caressed him not so long ago that he only spotted the bracelet on Dusk’s wrist when it sparkled in the pink light flooding the stage when Dusk started singing.
Like pink lightning
You struck my heart
Like pink lightning
In a cotton candy storm
I fell apart
Dusk wore the charm bracelet Abe had swapped with him when they’d first met. The pink and gold one with Aladdin-themed charms. The one he’d claimed he wouldn’t wear because it didn’t go with his style. The one Abe was sure Dusk had lost and was too afraid to ask about, in case his worries were true.
He gasped, hypnotized by the glistening beads swaying with every movement of Dusk’s hand on the neck of the guitar.
Dusk briefly closed his eyes, but his voice seemed to become more powerful with each note. When Dusk looked at the crowd again, on the screen, pupils as huge as Abe’s head seemed to look only at Abe, somehow finding him in the crowd thanks to the wonders of technology.
It was as if lightning struck Abe and screwed his roller skates to the ground.
When the storm came
We held hands
Pink lightning struck
When we held hands
We fell apart
He couldn’t let this go. How could he not have seen it? Dusk had made room in his life for Abe from the second they met. He’d gone above and beyond to accommodate Abe. Even if the online breakup idea had been a train wreck, or if Dusk had been too hasty, or too blind when he believed it to be a good idea, his heart had been always open to Abe. And Abe ripped it out.
He needed to make amends.
His feet carried him forward, away from the longing in Dusk’s eyes, so heartbreaking even on the screen, but the moment he passed the first few tents on his way, Abe regained focus and slalomed between groups of drunk people lined up like an obstacle course on his way backstage. The smell of burnt oil from the food trucks and intense perfume filled his nostrils, but he only had two thoughts left in him.
Get backstage. Tell Dusk the truth.
He was lucky he’d kept his pass, because he had no time to lose and no time to come up with a better plan. All he could think of was that charm bracelet on Dusk’s thick wrist. Dusk must have added an additional fastening to it to even make it fit.
Dusk’s warm voice resonated in Abe’s ears like a siren call, and Abe was now regretting that he’d put on his roller skates but couldn’t waste time on taking them off. It was as if a cloud had been lifted off his eyes. Dusk needed to know that if only he still wanted Abe, he could have him. Could have all of him for as long as he wanted.
The moment that bracelet, such an unexpected sign of tender feelings, appeared on Dusk’s wrist, everything changed in Abe’s brain. Suddenly fear of being abandoned again played little role. It was a feeling to fight off, not a reason to deny himself a relationship that might well last. He wanted it to last so much he needed to tell Dusk.
Right.
This.
Moment.
A guy stumbled out of a tent and crashed into Abe, turning his world by 360 degrees. The asphalt rubbed hard against Abe’s knees and bare palms, but he shoved away a hand stretched out in an offer of help and just pushed himself up, half-skating, half-running through the thickening crowds. The large tents that housed the backstage area were so close he could taste the smell of smoke in the air.
The bodyguard wanted to stop him at first, but he must have recognized Abe, because as soon as Abe waved his pass, he was allowed through.
And now we’re both
Iridescent
Iridescent
Iridescent
Iridescent!
The song reached a pivotal moment, with Sid going all out on the drums, and the audience deafening Abe with cheers.
Abe reached the stairs leading to the scene and could already see Dusk’s back. He bent over to place his hands on the steps and walked up on all fours, hardly keeping his balance once he was all the way up. Hesitation was only a flicker at the back of his mind before he skated into the spotlight.
Someone hissed behind Abe, and fingers brushed his shoulder, but the person wasn’t able to grab him. Instead, he crashed into his target as Dusk sung the last few words.
Abe hugged him from behind.
Sid was still destroying the drums, but the sound from Dusk’s guitar abruptly died.
Dusk looked back with a frown, probably expecting an overzealous fan, but then his face went blank. “Lolly…” he uttered, and the sound of his breathy whisper carried, since he still had his microphone attached.
Abe’s mouth went dry and his mind completely blank. He could hear a choir of voices somewhere beyond the world where only Abe and Dusk existed. And in this world, there was perfect peace.
Abe’s heart throbbed, and he swallowed hard, moving his hand to stroke Dusk’s cheek. “I—I’ll be back.”
Dusk didn’t seem to care that everyone could hear them. His smile widened, and his eyes lit up with hope. “With me?”
Abe nodded, stupidly happy when he smiled and pressed his lips against Dusk’s, swept into his strong arms. The audience exploding with unrestrained cheers, which matched Abe’s heart overflowing with all the things he felt for Dusk.
Dusk put his hands on Abe’s face, deepening the kiss, as if to make sure Abe really meant what he’d said. His to
uch spoke of more love than the song, the bracelet, or any words ever could.
Abe had never felt so wanted, and he smiled into the kiss before slowly moving his mouth to Dusk’s ear. Heat coursed through his veins as he clung to Dusk, wishing to soak as much of his warmth as humanly possible. “Will you wait? I’ll call.”
Dusk didn’t even flinch. “I’ll wait.”
“I love you, Dusk!” yelled someone from the audience.
Mage laughed, and his warm baritone bathed the whole audience. “Sorry girl, looks like he’s taken.”
“I love you Dusk,” whispered Abe, looking straight into his eyes despite the turmoil in his chest.
The words were quiet enough to not be transmitted through the microphone. They were for Dusk only.
Dusk leaned in for another kiss, but as soon as his lips touched Abe’s, Abe forced himself to pull away. He still had a flight to catch. He could have both his dreams and Dusk.
He used Dusk’s chest as a springboard, and despite the impossible longing already curling around his throat when he saw Dusk at a growing distance, a smile wouldn’t leave his face. For the first time in his life, he felt at peace.
“Talk to you soon.”
Epilogue
After BoomFest, the popularity of The Underdogs exploded, and that meant additional gigs that they simply couldn’t refuse. The two weeks during which Abe had been supposed to work on the mural stretched into five after his one commission moved on to become several more, as the restaurant owner decided his other businesses needed a change of style to draw in new customers.
Both Dusk and Abe had been cheering for one another’s success. They had both been incredibly lucky, and yet the long-distance relationship was making their longing worse each day.
Video conversations or messages couldn’t possibly replace holding each other, so Dusk’s time away from Abe had been pure torture. The success of The Underdogs was a distraction from the longing, but knowing that Abe was waiting for Dusk, no matter how many miles were between them, was what had made the weeks apart somewhat bearable.
Dusk hopped on the plane the moment he got the chance, ready to surprise Abe with his arrival. He couldn’t wait to touch his boyfriend. No amount of Skype sex would compare to the real thing. Despite being apart, they reactivated the Dully Instagram and both posted on it. Abe even said he’d had fans visit him at work.
As the cab drove Dusk away from the airport and through the peaceful neighborhoods dotted with people’s homes and the occasional bar, he could hardly contain his excitement, but he’d already asked the driver how long it would take them to arrive, so he couldn’t justify doing so again. They drove past a large park with play areas and a basketball field, but it seemed they were finally approaching the city center.
Dusk’s skin tingled. He was sure Abe would kiss him the moment they saw each other. He lived for those pretty lips. Never before had he actually agreed to a long-distance relationship. He’d always felt it wouldn’t make sense. He wouldn’t want to cheat, so he’d have to break up with the person online or over the phone, and that was shit, so it was better to just part sooner.
But not with Abe.
Abe was like glitter. No matter how hard Dusk were to try, he’d never be able to shake all of Abe off. It was almost as if the knowledge that Abe existed had gotten inked onto Dusk’s skin. A permanent part of him, and now he was itching to reunite with this missing element.
Just last night he’d Skyped with Abe, and they had another one of those lengthy discussions that seemed to have neither a beginning nor end. They talked about the future, about ghosts and other dimensions, about just wanting to hold each other’s hands.
Abe didn’t know it yet, but it would happen soon.
Dusk’s heart skipped a beat when the cab pulled over by a modern building with a facade decorated with irregular colorful blocks.
“We’re here.”
Dusk got so excited about getting to see Abe that the cab driver had to call him back to the car when he forgot to pay.
He took a deep breath and looked up at the name of the restaurant. Grill Zoo. Apparently they served exotic meats like zebra, crocodile and the like. At first Dusk was sceptical, but then Abe told him he had to try the kangaroo burger one day and today would most likely be that day. After he got his fill of Abe of course.
The windows revealed the scale of the refurbishment—almost all items seemed new and shiny, with furniture neatly stacked on one end of the vast room and covered by a basketball court’s worth of plastic sheets. Two men in work clothes were busy painting the window frames on the inside, but the splash of color at the back—fantastically wide and rich in its depiction of a party in the jungle where all the animals danced, gossiped, and had drinks, could have only come from one person’s hand.
Dusk grinned at the sight of it. He’d only seen designs and some partially completed work. Photos were nothing in comparison to the scale of the real thing.
“Is Abe in?” Dusk asked one of the guys painting the frames.
The man gave his friend a long look with his eyebrows raised and snorted. “He only gives autographs after hours.”
Dusk rolled his eyes. “So he’s in, thanks.” He didn’t wait to be invited and walked in straight through the door.
The entire floor was covered by plastic sheets, and he flinched at the intense smell of paint, but his gaze was instantly drawn to a window across the room where on a wooden terrace stood Abe. Dressed in faded denim dungarees and a baby pink T-shirt he was leaning against a balustrade with his face turned away from Dusk.
Dusk grinned wildly at the opportunity he was getting handed to him on a silver platter. All he had to do was approach his prey quietly.
Trying to make no sound, which wasn’t easy with all the plastic, he made his way to Abe, silently hoping Abe wasn’t holding a hot cup of coffee he’d splash in his face.
Abe was humming. His hair was tightly woven into the pink boxer braids that Dusk had fallen in love with, his position relaxed as he watched the tiny garden sandwiched between the terrace and another building. A mural covered the wall behind it as well, so big and breathtaking Dusk stood still, watching it in awe. Parrots, toucans, and other exotic birds were gathered to play music on classical instruments—all dressed to the nines in tuxedos and pretty dresses. Some of the coloring wasn’t yet finished, but Dusk would recognize Abe’s work anywhere. He’d actually jerked off to some of the erotic art Abe did.
Trying to breathe as little as possible, Dusk approached Abe from behind. The plastic necklace Dusk had won for him at the fair triggered memories that almost made Dusk lose his determination to surprise Abe. But he managed to keep his mouth shut, inching closer, and when he was sure Abe wasn’t holding a scalding beverage or a pair of scissors, he hugged him with a happy groan and picked him up.
Abe shrieked, instantly bringing his legs up and landing his feet on the balustrade. His face turned, and the surprise in his expression quickly softened, replaced by the sweetest, most overwhelming smile Dusk had ever seen. He was sucking on a lollipop, just like the first time Dusk saw him. Flexible like an otter, Abe twisted in Dusk’s arms and ended up awkwardly kneeling on the railing before he jumped off, hugging Dusk so hard his ribs might have creaked.
“Surprise!” Dusk announced hugging him back. “I know you still have work to finish, but we’re done for two weeks and I had to see you.”
Abe’s eyes shone as if there was glitter in his irises. “For real? You’re staying here for two weeks?”
Dusk picked him up in a hug once more, his skin already aflame with the surge of love that came to him when touching his unicorn. “For real. I can’t wait for you to finish work tonight.” He lowered his voice by Abe’s ear. “We’re gonna fuck all night, and then again in the morning.”
Abe gasped and pushed his mouth against Dusk’s. He must have forgotten the lolly, because all of a sudden plastic and candy were in the way, but as soon as Dusk pulled the thing out, he was agai
n welcome to sample the sweetest lips in existence.
“Cotton candy,” he murmured at the taste and closed his eyes. “Can I call you Lolly?”
Lolly’s mouth stretched into a smile.
The end
Just Here for the Pain
Just Here for the Pain
K.A. Merikan
---. Whips and chains - not optional .---
Sid. Drummer for The Underdogs. Secretly yearning for pain and submission.
Asher. AKA Stan. Stalker. More than meets the eye.
It’s hard to find good hookups while on tour. Sid wants pain, humiliation, and the kind of sex that isn’t easy to get from one-night stands. So for now, he’s given up, settled for an online Dom to get his rocks off, and focused on his band instead. The Underdogs are getting increasingly popular, but there is one fan who has followed Sid since before he even joined the band, and he’s driving Sid mad! Rich, spoiled hipster brat looking for the bad boy experience. If he knew what Sid was really into, he would run for the hills.
Asher is convinced that Sid is The One, his One True Love, his endgame. Years ago, Asher lost his virginity to Sid, and from that moment on, he knew it was meant to be. They had a spark, that honest connection that couldn’t be faked. The members of Sid’s band call him a stalker, but all he wants is to offer Sid his love. When Sid finally chokes out what he wants, Asher is more than ready to unleash it on him.
But the last time Sid was out as gay and submissive, he got badly burnt when his former band kicked him out, and the doors to many opportunities slammed in his face.
Asher wants the whole world to know that he’s dating Sid. Problem is, Sid would much rather keep the relationship as pain-with-benefits.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
Themes: rock band, alternative lifestyles, tattoos, BDSM, commitment, family issues, coming out, life on tour, friends with benefits become something more, first love, stalking, fanboy
The Underdogs Box Set - Books 1-3 (gay rockstar romance) Page 15