Dawn’s world came to a standstill, and his gaze shot up to meet Mage’s. He had nothing smart to say, so he choked out, “what?”
Mage’s face displayed a complex range of emotions that passed over it like clouds changing shape during a storm. “I only liked a couple of guys this way, and I wasn’t dating any men, so it didn’t feel like it was a big deal. So… you shouldn’t think this way.” He took one more step toward Dawn, so tall and steady when he moved Dawn couldn’t look away.
He stood there with his lips parted, unable to comprehend the enormity of what he’d just found out. Mage was… an option? Did Mage actually like him as more than a friend, or had last night been a spur of the moment kind of thing?
The truth was that it didn’t really matter because Dawn had gotten so overwhelmed in a sexual situation that he couldn’t even handle being touched on his naked thighs. Mage had clearly wanted to take things somewhere, and Dawn wasn’t able to follow his lead. If Dawn ever wanted another shot with Mage, he needed to stop being a failure at human contact.
“Oh,” he choked out.
Mage licked his lips, but they heard doors open loudly upstairs, and when the noise was followed by a stampede of feet, he stepped away in time to see Dusk chase Lolly down the corridor and then around the large dinner table. They both wore plaid pajamas and fluffy robes they must have taken from Asher’s cupboards.
Dawn knew he should’ve been annoyed by their presence interrupting such an important conversation, but maybe it was for the better. The distraction would give Dawn time to process what he’d just heard. Mage was bisexual. He glanced at his brother, wondering if Dusk knew. He wouldn’t have made so many straight jokes if he did.
Lolly was finally captured when Dusk slid across the table and grabbed him around the midsection.
“Guess who had the best night?” Dusk asked as soon as he dropped to the sofa, taking his partner with him.
Certainly neither Dawn nor Mage, though it was a rhetorical question.
Lolly grinned. “It’s me. Now you owe me some French toast. I’m dying for sugar!”
Dusk laughed. “You know I can’t cook. Ask Uncle Mage.”
Lolly hugged Dusk. “Uncle Mage, pretty please!”
Mage inhaled a large gulp of air, but his attention shifted to two more pairs of feet coming down the stairs, and his expression of mild frustration was replaced by a small smile. “Sid, Ash? I’m gonna be making French toast. It’s an exception, so you might want to have some.”
Dawn’s first instinct was to express gratitude with a hug, but he stopped himself mid-move. Would things between them ever be the same again? “I’d like some too,” he said in the end and buried his hands in the sleeves of his massive sweater. To think that just last night he’d had the chance to touch Mage all over and he’d blown it.
Mage smiled at him. “Would you like to help, or are you still not well?”
The words pulled him out of the trance. “I’m okay, I’ll help.”
Asher walked in, already dressed in jeans and a Scandi-style sweater, so much more put together than he’d been last night. He had his hand on Sid’s hip, and they walked so close, the stormy breakup seemed like a bad dream. And along with the tidy hair and clothes, Asher’s focus on business was back. He nodded at the idea of French toast, but his mind was clearly somewhere else, even with Sid quietly sitting under his arm.
“We have to think. In your statement, you said that the tour’s first gig is not going to happen because of unforeseen circumstances. I’ve done a quick search this morning, and there’s been a bit of backlash.”
Mage, who was in the process of preparing ingredients, stiffened over the pan and warily looked toward the sofa. “I should have thought about it.”
Lolly spread his arms. “Come on, anyone can have an emergency.”
Asher leaned back, gently rubbing the underside of Sid’s jaw, as if he were petting a cat. “You need to make the fans feel sorry for you. We need to brainstorm.”
Dusk sat up in alert. “Okay. So you posted about you guys being together yesterday. How about we spin it as this grand love story drama that culminated around the time of the gig, which it kinda did. I bet the fans would eat that up.”
The sole idea made Dawn ache on Sid’s behalf, but he was glad because it meant his own issues faded into the background. “You can’t just decide that for them.”
“Why not? Back when Lolly and I were just starting to date, Asher outed us and made our relationship into fan bait. Can’t see why he can’t be the one to make sacrifices.”
Asher took a deep breath and glanced Sid’s way. “What do you think?”
Sid shrugged. “Fine by me.”
Mage cracked open an egg and dumped the contents of the shell into a bowl. “I disagree. Some people will consider this enough, but we are professionals. Why don’t we say that one of us had a medical emergency of some kind?”
Dusk snorted. “Like that I broke my jaw trying to—”
Lolly laughed and put his hand over Dusk’s mouth. “No!”
Dawn imagined what his brother could have wanted to say and felt the flush creep up his neck. Why could everyone else find being sexual so easy when he was trapped in a vicious circle of lust and anxiety? It wasn’t like he didn’t want to do things, so he felt both supremely embarrassed for Dusk, and jealous of him.
The following minutes passed with making toast and discussing their options, though Dawn’s attention was far away from the topic at hand. Mage stood close enough to excuse accidental touch, and the warmth exuded by his body devoured all of Dawn’s focus. He could practically smell the musky scent of his friend’s skin when he watched the strong hands in motion.
Mage’s cooking was glorious. Not complicated or fancy, but tasty and focused on nutrition. Every now and again, Mage would prepare food for the two of them, since the remaining band members preferred their meals as processed as humanly possible, and whenever Dawn bit into the homemade lunch, he could taste Mage’s care in every single bite. After last night, he wondered if the many evenings spent in each other’s company could have been Mage’s attempts at gentle seduction. But then again, Mage knew Dawn was gay, so if he really were interested, why hadn’t he made a move ages ago?
Had he not tried to get into Dawn’s pants because he considered Dawn a blushing flower that should be left untouched? So maybe Dawn was cripplingly shy around strangers, but that didn’t mean he was incapable of reciprocating interest. He wasn’t asexual, just inadequate.
He remained drowned in thoughts throughout breakfast, missing most of the conversation. The only thing he remembered was that Asher stated he’d need a personal assistant to keep up with promoting The Underdogs, while also seeing to his other business.
So what was the final version of their apology to fans? He’d likely read it online once Mage wrote it up. He wasn’t surprised in the least that Dusk and Lolly dodged doing the dishes because they urgently needed to have a snowball fight, or that Asher excused himself because of a phone call he had to make. Sid didn’t even try to make up an excuse, and let them know he was going out for a smoke.
“I’ll help with the dishes,” Dawn offered, eager for some alone time, now that he’d had time to think. Sure, he was still nervous about the conversation they needed to have, but also too curious to let it go. What had Mage’s intentions been last night?
“Thanks. You’re the only one with a sliver of responsibility,” Mage said, grimacing as he collected the plates.
Dawn joined him in the kitchen, unable to take his eyes off Mage’s silhouette. So strong, so handsome, yet so gentle and caring. Mage was the full package.
“Mage… so last night. I’m not really sure what happened,” he said, but the last words were barely a whisper, no matter how much he craved to scream about his affection.
Mage gave a quiet laugh and raised his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Alcohol sometimes drives you to things you might be later ashamed of, but it’s all fine. We�
�re friends.”
Dawn stared at him with a half-smile plastered to his face, words stuck in his throat and blocking the airflow. Of course. Mage wanted to back out as fast as possible from the virgin who got a panic attack at getting his dick touched. Dawn had no idea how he would live with himself from now on.
He faced the sink, rolling up his sleeves. “You’re sure?” he whispered, struggling to be heard over the sound of water dripping from the faucet.
Mage shrugged, busy packing all the plates and cutlery into the dishwasher. “I don’t want you to worry about it. Who hasn’t done anything weird when they were drunk, right? Even I can’t claim innocence.” And as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he bowed down and kissed Dawn on the back of the head.
He might as well have kissed him on the forehead.
Dawn nodded despite his whole being screaming. It had taken him years to work up to courage for that kiss, and he’d messed it all up. His heart bled all over the dishes and he couldn’t come up with anything worth saying.
Chapter 5
Mage left the lobby of the excessively nice hotel Asher had booked for all of them on the night before the new first-gig-of-the-tour. It was a crisp evening, and he quickly zipped up his hoodie, walking along the driveway to talk in peace.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, pressing the phone to his ear.
“I’m just calling to find out how things are with you,” said his mom. “Hillary’s daughter told me she follows your band on Instagram. Does that mean there’s actual progress?”
Mage stuffed his free hand into his pocket and looked at the cloudy night sky. “Mom, we were on TV last summer!” Granted, the less famous acts were shown past midnight, but he still had a friend record it and send a copy to Mage’s parents. “Didn’t you get the DVD?”
“Yes, I think your dad has it, but it’s not exactly our kind of music. I just want to know you’re doing okay. It’s such a chaotic lifestyle to be on the road like that, and the money comes and goes. There’s no stability.”
“Oh. I kinda thought you’d want to see me play,” Mage said, kicking a small pebble. Performing at a big festival like BoomFest had been the fulfillment of Mage’s dreams, the proof that their band was heading in the right direction, and it had convinced Mage that he’d done the right thing ditching the boring law course he’d never wanted to do in the first place. He wouldn’t bother to hide his annoyance.
“Honey, it’s not like that. We just worry about what you will do in a few years when the band things die down.”
Sure Mom, just drive that knife in deeper and twist it. At times like this he regretted he’d never gotten into smoking.
“We’re only starting out. It would be nice if you believed in me once in a while.”
“I do, but the music industry is so fickle. Have you established any connections with major record companies yet?”
Mage’s jaw clenched, and forcing it open sent an ache trailing down his neck. “We’re negotiating. Why do you have to be so negative every time we talk about this?”
“What’s with the attitude, Magnus? I just want to talk about your future.”
“I am trying to talk to you about my future, and you wouldn’t even see a recording of my concert? Why would I listen to any of this? You clearly don’t want to hear any counter arguments,” he said, increasingly annoyed.
“Since when do you talk to me like this? Maybe your friends are on a first name basis with their parents, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m still your mother!”
He rolled his eyes, somewhat glad she wouldn’t see it. “I said nothing I don’t mean. I might be your son, but I’m an adult, and I think that maybe it’s time you and Dad start respecting my decisions.”
“I can hear you’re having a bad day. I’ll call another time.”
“I’m having a fantastic day. The tour starts tomorrow.”
“Good luck then. Keep us posted,” she said without any enthusiasm, and hung up not long after.
To think that Mage had been dragged out of a band meeting for this. This stupid call sent his adrenaline through the roof, as if he wasn’t stressed enough over the tour, and making sure all was fine between him and Dawn.
Typical. Even if The Underdogs achieved the stardom level of the biggest names in the industry, Mage’s parents would have still only seen the negatives. Why wasn’t Mage at the front of the stage? Why wouldn’t he start a solo career if he had a nice voice?
Why wasn’t he a lawyer like everyone but him wanted? After all, he’d been such a promising student before he’d started hanging out with ‘those Hill boys’.
He pushed his cell phone into his pocket and turned around, ready to head back, when his gaze met the familiar small eyes of Asher’s new assistant. The guy couldn’t have been more than twenty, and had only joined them a few days ago, but he was everywhere, always on his phone or computer, with one of those annoying headsets in one ear.
“Are you ready to go back, or should I let everyone know you’ll take your time?”
What was he called? It was something odd, like one of those celebrity kids’s names.
Gulliver. Yes, that was it, though Mage didn’t know anyone with a name less fitting than this city rat named after an adventurous book character. Gulliver also sported the old school Spock hairdo yet somehow made it work, with the minimalist clothes he always wore. Maybe his parents should have just named him Spock?
Mage didn’t know how to feel about being spied on when he’d left his friends to get some privacy in the first place. “How long have you been here?”
Gulliver’s sharp eyebrows drew closer as if he needed to think about it. He looked down to his phone. “Seven minutes.”
Mage gritted his teeth but counted to ten and exhaled his initial anger. Gulliver couldn’t help that he was… well, weird. “Have you heard of private conversations? I’d appreciate it if you didn’t follow me like this in the future.”
Gulliver nodded and started typing on his phone. “I will make a note of your request, but it can’t always be helped.”
Mage let it go, making a mental note himself. To ask Asher why out of all people under the sun did he choose Gulliver as his PA. He went straight upstairs, to Sid and Asher’s room, which was really more of an apartment, since it had a separate leisure area. His mood worsened further when he noticed the absence of the familiar baseball cap. Lolly sat on his own, sketching something, but Dawn and Abra were suspiciously absent.
It was almost as if Dawn had been waiting for Mage to leave in order to make his escape.
“Finally back!” Asher said, raising his arms in frustration.
Who made him the manager king? Then again, he did work around the clock for the band—voluntarily—so Mage had no right to take his anger out on him.
“Sorry, had to take it.”
Dusk stretched and put his feet on the glass coffee table. “What was it this time, that you should reconsider your future? Or, you know, something new?”
Mage scowled, but ended up taking a seat in the armchair. Gulliver opened his mouth but Mage glared at him, and that drove the message home, Gulliver went back to his phone.
The brainstorming for branding the tour continued, but how was Mage to focus when Dawn was somewhere out there with Abra, of all people. Their fans were already in town, and while most of them were sweet and enthusiastic, some acted like rabid beasts and wouldn’t give them a rest. If any of those people accosted Dawn, the precious bunny of a boy could end up spooked, or worse—with another panic attack.
And Abra, who’d been sheltered in a cult all her life, wasn’t exactly the best bodyguard. When neither replied to his messages nor picked up his calls, Mage asked, “hey, any of you guys know where they are?”
Sid frowned, as if his little sister wasn’t among the missing.
Asher rubbed Sid’s nape and leaned forward. “Why?”
Mage pushed his phone into his pocket again. “It’s been an hour.”
�
��They’re adults, and Dawn’s with her,” Sid said, though his tone made it sound more like a question.
Mage rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. We both know they’re a bit unprepared for what could happen if they met the wrong people.”
The sudden silence made Mage cringe. They all thought he was crazy, he could feel it.
Lolly looked up from his sketchbook. “A little bit of rock and roll before she leaves won’t hurt her.”
Mage sat up. How had he missed that? “She’s leaving?”
Sid nodded. “Asher helped her find a job back in LA. She hasn’t been loving the tour life.”
Mage sat still for a second, but his brain wouldn’t let him think. “So they said nothing?”
Only Dusk understood Mage’s real meaning. “Mage, they’re fine. Dawn isn’t twelve anymore.”
“Yes, but he can’t take any kind of confrontation. You know that.”
Asher frowned. “Mage, you need to let him grow up. He’s what, twenty-one?”
Dusk nodded. “We need to talk over this stuff first. If you want, I can search for them with you later, but you need to get your head in the game. You’ve been out of it lately.”
Mage blinked. “What the hell does that mean? And since we’re talking about the band, then Dawn should be here, since he’s also a member.”
Sid spoke with a groan. “He is, but you know he’s not into all this business stuff. He just wants to write songs.”
“Which is a shame,” Asher said. “Because he’d be great on stage.”
Mage thought so too. “He could even wear a mask, or something.”
Asher raised his finger. “Yes! Yes, that’s exactly what I said!”
Sid rolled his eyes. “Not. Gonna. Happen.”
Mage pulled out his phone again and called Dawn. No matter how hard he tried to focus, his mind wouldn’t stop warning him of what might happen if Dawn found himself cornered by eager fans. He couldn’t possibly escape. Not with that anxiety-prone personality.
The Underdogs Box Set - Books 1-3 (gay rockstar romance) Page 47