“How do you think you’ll make me love you, Maz? I’ve had many men; but never felt more than fond of them. Men who were better looking, more intelligent and more skilled in bed than you are. I’m not being cruel but love-sick slaves are a pain. You could be happy in Zenina if you accepted life here. We’ll probably have to send you to one of the Empire planets.”
“I won’t go, I won’t leave you, I love you.” He said rushing to her and trying to embrace her but he just sort of bounced off.
“You must accept I’ll never love you in return. I am sorry Maz, but your love is just a fantasy.”
“If you don’t love me, I’ll... I will kill myself.”
“I was expecting that,” Marina said looking at her fingernails. “You will not be the first and probably not the last.”
“I mean it I will kill myself.”
“They always mean it. Rather final way of curing a crush, I always thought but if that is what you wish to do, I’ll not stop you.”
Belabeza entered without knocking intending to talk to Marina before supper and caught the last few sentences. Maz catching sight of her, dashed out. Belabeza turned to run after him but Marina stopped her.
“He’s going to kill himself Marina, he must be stopped,” Belabeza said.
“Why? When you stop them they only try again. I think that makes it crueller.”
“But it is silly to kill yourself. It is so pointless. Life is always worth living no matter how bad things are.”
“Not what you said after Charles wrapped you in a sheet and took you to Vellina. If Adelza were dead would you still say the same thing? To Maz, Marina is as good as dead. I’ve told him I’ll never love him. What hope has he left?”
“But it seems so cold-blooded to let him die.”
“It does to me too. I can tell when they really are going to do it several sentences before they say it and no matter what I say, nothing changes that intent. I’ve tried everything. I thought I was getting too old for them to do it, because I have had a full three months without a suicide. Do you want to come and help me cut him down? He is dead now.”
Maz had flung a rope over a beam in the cowshed, climbed up over the manger to where the fodder was thrown down from above and jumped, having tied the rope around his neck. He was hanging from the beam, it was an ugly sight but he was definitely dead. Belabeza went to help but was sick as Marina cut him down.
Belabeza mourned for Maz in an abstracted way. She had not known him but his death brought home to her, how cruel suicide was to those who are left behind. She was mourning her own death that never was. She realised suicide always left a bad feeling behind. Maz was buried by Father Debenden on the farm on Marina’s orders. He protested about burying a suicide in consecrated ground but Marina said she would give him to the farm girls to play with if he did not, so he thought better of it. Irzina was informed of his suicide through official channels although where he had died was not mentioned.
Marina did not seem to mourn, but she was quieter and less jolly. She worked and trained even harder. If you did not look closely at her face, you would not notice there were shadows under her eyes.
Maz was not the only reason for her restlessness; she had been having the dreams again. She dreamt of death; her own and her mother’s, dreaming of her dead lovers calling her to join them. Death was joyful and was in love with her, death told her he desired her as they did. Maz was amongst those dead men but looking as she had last seen him when she cut him down and cradled his cooling body; she half wished it was permitted for her to love as others loved.
***
Prince Ga’Mazadeh mourned his Princess, but King Ga’Mishrin would not be denied. Ga’Mazadeh was given three scant weeks to put his affairs in order, then he must go and find Marina. He buried his Princess with ceremony and ordered an elaborate tomb erected over her grave. He searched the orphanages finding four children; three boys and a girl. These he tutored night and day. He sent them off with a specially employed tutor and a large guard to stay with his mother. His second and fourth son he hid in a farmer’s family deep in the country. His daughter and his third son he sent with a travelling family of entertainers which he hoped would not be too hard a life for them.
His eldest son he took with him, although there was some protest about a battle-ship not being a suitable place for a child. Ga’Mazadeh dismissed it.
“I will teach my son myself. I won’t risk leaving him behind.”
Life on the farm continued. Bromarsh and Charles came down at the end of the work period and enjoyed themselves. Charles was happy because he occupied Marina’s bed. Bromarsh was content because he could ride and worked on his reports. He enjoyed a number of the farm hands in his leisure as he did not have Charles’s fastidious nose.
He got Marina alone, “Did you intend Charles to be trained in combat?” For to him Charles’s training was as important as his other work.
“Is he any good?”
“He is so quick to learn it astounds me.”
“Yes, it has been my wish but Charles had to ask, it couldn’t be suggested by me. Charles and I have at most a year left to us, he’ll need another life. He must learn to make his own decisions.”
“Charles seems to make a lot of decisions for you in the background.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t have the confidence on his own behalf. Your training may help boost his confidence. I know it is important instinctively for him. I do what must be done.”
Bromarsh did not seek Marina’s bed and Marina did not offer. There was an unspoken understanding between them, that when he had slept with her mother, they had terminated their affair. Their liking deepened and strengthened. Bromarsh began to understand how emotionally strong Marina was. How she followed her duty and cared for people if they suffered whether slave or free, old or young. She loved them all. She gave her love to so many she had little left to spare for a love of her own.
Sometimes at night she transported back to Hemithea and did a couple of hours work in the Department whilst the farm slept and if she then visited Riyal, at least Charles was no longer quite as worried about being replaced.
Chapter Thirty - Golden Boys
Ga’Mikkal’s skin started to flicker so Zadina escorted him to the hospital, she stayed as he changed colour, praying to her Goddess he would make Gold and survive. It took three days before he became Gold. He regained consciousness, looked up at Zadina and smiled.
“I’m Gold, I really am Gold.”
His jubilation was short lived. He slipped into fever and remained unconscious. For three days Vellina and her doctors tried to pull him out of fever, back into the world. They could do no more, but Vellina still had hope.
“I’ve done all I can,” she said, “perhaps Marina will succeed where we failed.” She called Marina from her pastoral interlude to save Ga’Mikkal’s life. It was night in Hemithea but Marina came, transporting herself into his hospital room.
“I will save him if I can. Leave us and switch the screens off,” she said.
Zadina protested not trusting Marina being left alone with him, but Vellina said it was his last chance. If the fever did not abate in the next few hours, he would drop into irreversible coma. Zadina resentfully left with the others.
Marina undressed and climbed in beside him. “So Mikkal you get me after all. I may kill you or save you, but either is better than a half-life. It might be better for Zenina if you die, but as a doctor I have to try and save you.”
Marina switched on her shimmer; the hospital sang with the force of it despite the shielding, Ga’Mikkal barely stirred. She held the shimmer on for a few minutes, but he showed no further response. She sat crossed legged, closing her eyes, breathing deeply, slowly letting her mind clear of thought. She slipped out of her flesh into trance. Deep into her sub-conscious mind she slid.
Marina shimmered once more but this time it started slow like the whisper of a breeze through the leaves of autumn trees. Then drawing energy from all arou
nd her, the shimmer grew. The earth trembled, the trees shook and a sudden drain was felt in Hemithea’s power system. She shimmered so brilliantly it would have blinded the eyes of any who watched.
The speed of vibration was so fast it could not be clearly seen like the wings of a fly, the glow around her seemed solid, motionless. In the hospital around her, in Hemithea and further afield, even in the sea, men and women responded to her shimmer in the most primitive of ways. Nine months afterwards Hemithea had the greatest population explosion for generations; half the women who conceived could not recall making a decision to have a child.
Ga’Mikkal opened his eyes and looked around him. “Marina,” he said reaching for her dragging her down into the bed beneath him. She made no resistance for she was not there, but to Mikkal starved and lovesick for her, it made no difference. In his strange state with voices shouting in his head, he did not know what he was doing, but his body did what it must. As the force of her shimmer subsided, he collapsed again but this time into natural sleep. The fever had fled. Deep in his sleeping mind he knew he had had Marina, but she had beaten him. For all he had of Marina was the shell of her body, without occupant, like making love to a corpse.
Those waiting outside felt the shimmer and its cessation. Zadina and Vellina rushed in, to find their bodies still entwined. Ga’Mikkal sleeping naturally, but Marina stiff as dead.
“Is she dead?” gloried Zadina.
“No, she’s catatonic!”
“How long will she be like that?” Zadina asked.
“I can’t tell; a few hours, a few days, a week or two. She was three days last time.”
“She has done this before?”
“There have been episodes since she was fourteen. That was the worst; she was out for a month.”
“Why wasn’t I told, insanity will debar her from the throne.”
“Marina’s perfectly sane, she has just overstrained herself. She used herself as a conduit for external forces. She went past the bounds of what is humanly possible. She has given you back your boyfriend at a risk to herself. Take him and get out.”
Zadina hefted the sleeping Ga’Mikkal over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and stalked out. Vellina sat beside Marina and worried. It was not the first time, she told herself. It was just Marina’s way of coping.
Not long before Marina fell unconscious, Riyal went to bed unusually for him on his own. His friends commented on a glowing of his skin colour, but he dismissed it as a trick of the light. It could not be colour-change yet, Marina had thought it was three weeks off, but he did not feel well, so decided a good night’s sleep would put him right. He fell asleep and woke 38 hours later with a headache like he had been drinking heavily for a week. He looked at his watch. It could not be right. He had slept a day and a half. He stumbled to the bathroom to drink and lose some water. He washed his face and rinsed out his mouth. He glanced at the mirror and a stranger stared back.
He did not recognise his own face. Where was his pale blue skin? Where was his royal blue hair? Starring back at him was a Gold-skinned, black-haired man who looked extremely tired. He looked down at his hands and the rest of his body. Was it a practical joke by his mates? Had they spray painted him? He sat down sharply on the side of the bath. Surely it could not happen this quickly. Marina had said he would be ill. Apart from this appalling headache, he did not feel ill. He examined the headache, isolating where it was centred in his head. It was lots of people all shouting at each other.
Instead of being able to read the surface thoughts of a few people close to him as he was used to, now the whole of Hemithea were all yelling. Why did they have to shout? He tried to contact Marina at the farm, but her manager said she was in Hemithea. What next? He supposed he had best see this Vellina as Marina had told him to. He hoped she would not be too angry with him for not coming in before.
Ga’Riyal took the transporter to the Brain Hospital. He had a few strange looks from people he passed in the hotel as he walked to the transporter. He thought they were staring because of his strange colour, but when he materialised at the other end, he realised it was because he had been so distracted by the headache he had forgotten to dress. The nurse who greeted him the other end seemed amused at his embarrassment.
“I see lots of naked men, it is no problem,” she said
“I’m sorry but I just woke up like this, I slept 38 hours and I’ve changed colour. Princess Marina said I was to see Vellina before I changed. I am not ill, but I have got this chronic headache. Can you find me something to wear and take me to Vellina please?”
“You’ve just changed?” She sounded worried and felt his pulse and touched his forehead.
Steering him into a hover-chair, she took him to a nearby room and put him straight into bed. Another nurse was detailed to guard him.
“I’ll fetch Vellina, don’t move.”
Chapter Thirty-One - New Vision
Vellina did not keep Riyal waiting for long. Gold adult changers were a fairly rare occurrence and were treated very seriously. Vellina entered the room and walked to the bed. She looked down at the handsome young Gold man for the first time.
“What name do you go by?”
“Carina,” said Riyal “You cannot have forgotten me?”
“You are mistaken, Sir. I’m Vellina not Carina. Carina is dead, this is her body; she left it me as a bequest. Bit complicated isn’t it? Marina thought I should change the face, so it wouldn’t cause confusion.”
“Do you know where Princess Marina is? I want to see her!”
“First things first, your name?”
“Riyal.”
“Just Riyal?”
“Just Riyal. I’m a bastard.”
“I won’t crack any jokes then. Age?”
“34”
“Zeninan or Kurgian years?”
“Kurgian.”
“Now you said to Nurse Tenza you just woke up changed?”
“I went to bed feeling a bit off colour. I mean not quite right. Some of my friends said I looked strange before, but Marina said I could be three weeks more but I should come and check with you. I never got round to it. When I woke up it was 38 hours later and I had this shocking headache. Then I looked in the mirror and I look like this. It’s real, isn’t it? It’s not a joke? I’m not mad or something?”
“No, it is real. People, who think they’re going mad, rarely are. The mad ones think they are sane.”
A nurse came in, took his temperature, wrote it down on a form whilst Vellina checked his pulse and listened to his heart.
“Have you Zeninan blood?”
“My grandmother is Zeninan.”
“Do you know her colour?”
“No, though she is a smashing lady. Grandma still looks as young as mother and she’s only 46.”
“Your mother was only eleven when she had you?”
“Yes Grandma Kelzina brought me up, even suckled me, so she says. My mum Relzina was only a kid herself,” Riyal said in Vellina’s mind finding talking that way much easier.
“That explains a lot of things Riyal. It’s been a long time since Kelzina left Zenina. She fell out with Queen Kerina’s grandmother and found it politic to leave. Your grandmother is Gold as is your mother, if her name’s anything to go by. You have had an easy change because your genetic code is in part Zeninan. You were not born Gold because second generation children born off Zenina rarely are.”
“Somehow the mother gives enough of the Zeninan factor to her children to ease the change. But the children usually take the colour of their sires at birth, changing colour after a spell in Zenina like other immigrants. They also sometimes change sooner, so Marina might easily over-estimate the time you had until change.”
“Well am I all right?”
“You are fine, I’d like to run some tests for our records and you will need to take some psychic suppressant to reduce the noise for a few days until you learn to shut it out. Pain killers don’t help.”
“You kn
ow where Marina is, don’t you?”
“Yes, she is here in the hospital.”
“Can I see her then?”
“She is not conscious at the moment.”
“She is asleep? Sick?”
“She is catatonic, in a trance. We can’t wake her up.”
“How did it happen?”
“I asked her to help Ga’Mikkal through change-fever. She could not drag him into consciousness with her own strength. She drew on the energy around her. In the earth, the trees, the sea. The ground shook and Ga’Mikkal awoke. It really was that dramatic. You slept through it. He’s now learning to cope with his new colour, like you he is Gold, but Marina remains unconscious. It is probably not as bad it sounds, she has a history of catatonia. This will be her sixth episode. She’s always come out of it so far.”
“She should’ve let him die. The universe would be better off without Ga’Mikkal. How long do you think she’ll be unconscious?”
“Marina was of a similar opinion about Ga’Mikkal, but the doctor overruled both the politician and woman in her. I don’t know how long she will be unconscious; she has been 34 hours already.”
“You wear more clothes than Carina but your mind is not at all like hers. Her body would still have the hormones of a young Zeninan woman. You must find it a strain.”
“You are the first person to mention it, but it feels strange. I have not needed a man for over a hundred years, but this body has not forgotten men yet. I have been trying to tell it such things are transitory and irrelevant, without much success.”
“You have a very beautiful mind, Vellina.”
Riyal had used a phrase which Zeninan males use approximately to telling a woman they could make beautiful music together. It being pretty daft to tell a woman you considered her beautiful when all the other women were too.
Vellina laughed and said “Are you making a pass at me Riyal?”
“No, ma’am. Not yet, but I promise I will, when Marina’s finished with me.”
Heroine of Zenina Page 15