by Daisy Burton
Doug laughed along with her as they recounted their funny experiences; he had received his fair share of offers in his time, but he took his job incredibly seriously and when he was on tour, the job was the only thing on his mind. Sal got the impression that he was a one-woman type of guy. She had never heard a single on-tour story about him from anyone else, whereas most of the crew had at least one unsavoury groupie tale that haunted them.
The conversation naturally moved onto past relationships and Doug finally shared some of the pain he’d gone through when Annika had left him for her old school friend. In typical Doug style, he wouldn’t bitch about her but reasoned that he was away so much on the road that life was lonely for her in a strange country, away from her family. It became clear to Sal that he didn’t blame Annika for finding love somewhere else, and moving back to Germany, but he was absolutely torn apart by it. He’d been utterly devoted to her, and it broke Sal’s heart to watch his eyes twinkle and fill when he spoke about her. She knew for sure now why he had been so empathic to Sal’s situation, and why he was trying to help her to stay with Marsh, if that’s what she wanted to do.
Sal was incredibly grateful for Doug’s attention and kindness, with not a single hint of any kind of move being made on her. He had a way of building a safety zone around him, where Sal felt everything was okay, so she knew it was perfectly fine when she climbed onto the sofa next to him and snuggled against him. Without asking, she rested her head on his chest and he stroked her hair. Although he hadn’t brought up the subject of her previous life, she started to tell him about David, her first husband.
She spoke about how David was an older man who had swept her off her feet in the most romantic way when she was a teen and made her feel like a princess. How they had run away to Gretna Green and got married far too quickly without anyone knowing. How her mum had been horrified and none of her family had ever liked him. How he’d been a successful businessman who showered her with expensive gifts. How she hadn’t noticed that he was gradually drip-feeding her negativity and influencing her to be isolated from family and friends – even her wonderful sister and mum. How he had delighted in whispering in her ear to build paranoia about the people she loved, and how it had worked.
She told Doug how much Mel had hated David and had pleaded with Sal to leave him, but she hadn’t listened. How, instead, she’d cut Mel out of her life completely for three years and how painful that had been for her. How David was sweet and kind sometimes, and always charming to other people, but had the most horrific and vicious temper that would explode from nowhere. How he’d like to smash her favourite things when she did something ‘wrong’. How she wasn’t allowed to watch certain TV shows, because they weren’t appropriate for someone he was married to. How he constantly accused her of infidelity, despite her devotion and her constant, unrelenting attempts to allay his fears. How he would time her if she ever left the house to go food shopping. How she would run up and down the aisles to get back home quickly enough, so that he wouldn’t lose his temper. How, even then, he’d accuse her of meeting up with someone for sex in the supermarket car park.
How he’d thrown her favourite glass vase at the wall in their bedroom then pushed her off the bed, so that she fell on the glass. Then how he had gone to sleep while she picked shards out of her bleeding hands and knees with tweezers. How she had sat in her car afterwards, having a panic attack from the fear, and how she’d stayed there all night. How it had taken her four years to get the nerve up to finally leave him, and how her sister had been there for her, to help her to move out. How her lovely mum had let her move back into her old room, where all her childhood memories helped her to recover from four years of abuse. How he had moved another woman into their house within one week of her leaving.
She was all talked out, but she wasn’t crying. It didn’t hurt her now, because she’d moved on so far from that time. She felt incredibly safe with Doug’s arm around her and his warmth seeping into her bones. They instinctively knew they could trust each other with their tales of the crappy things in life. No one else knew about David, apart from Mel and Jess, and even they didn’t know as much as Doug now knew.
All talked out, she walked back to Jess’s house in a warm daze. Doug had gently kissed her forehead as they had said goodbye and he’d told her how he was in awe of her strength. She’d opened up and told him her deepest, darkest secrets, and he had accepted her for them without judgement. He’d said he was always there if she needed him, and that he thought she should go back home to Marsh and patch things up with him.
Sal had never met anyone like Doug.
*****
Jess was engrossed in paperwork when Sal let herself in the back door. It was some four hours since she’d left, but Jess didn’t remark on how long Sal’s walk had been. Adam was home from work and was attempting to cook in the spaces that Jess wasn’t occupying in the kitchen. Jess’s focus was on her laptop, as usual.
Sal was loathe to interrupt her, but on the brisk walk back to their house, she’d decided that she wanted to go home. She’d intruded upon her best friend’s life quite long enough and now she wanted to be with Marsh.
It didn’t take her long to pack up her bits and pieces, strip the bedclothes, and take everything downstairs.
“Thanks for having me, you two,” she said as she walked into the kitchen laden with bedding. “It’s helped me sort my head out so much, but I’m going to go home. Here’s my bed laundry, shall I stick it in the washing machine?”
“Yes, thanks,” said Adam absent-mindedly stirring the frying pan.
“You sure, Sal?” Jess looked up from the laptop with a concerned expression. “You don’t have to go. I’d love to talk to you.”
“No, I need to get home, Jess. That walk helped me put things into perspective. Thanks for having me. It’s so kind of you.”
*****
Sal had neither contacted Marsh while she was away, nor told him that she had decided to come home. When she arrived, Lawrence was curled up on his dad’s lap, but he immediately leapt off and ran over to her, clearly thrilled to see her again. Purring, he rubbed against her legs, back and forth, dribbling in apoplectic joy.
“Sal! You’re home! Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.”
Marsh was, to Sal’s surprise, sitting on the sofa in his shorts and a filthy t-shirt, with the News at Ten’s theme blasting out of the TV. He looked pretty awful – as if he hadn’t slept for days. There were dozens of empty beer cans, a few empty bottles of whisky and several old Chinese containers laying around. An enormous pizza box containing half a pizza was on the coffee table. He was normally so tidy! Sal stared at the state of the room – and him - in amazement.
He pointed at the pizza box. “This is still warm; it only arrived twenty minutes ago if you fancy some?” he slurred.
“Actually, yes, ta. I haven’t eaten properly. Are you drunk?”
Sal picked the pieces of pineapple off one slice, before taking a big bite. Then she put it down, kicked off her shoes, and ran upstairs with her bag in hand.
“No. Well, maybe a bit.”
Upstairs looked the same as downstairs - luggage cases still in the corridor, the bed unmade and worn underwear strewn on the floor. No clothes though, which might indicate why the t-shirt he was wearing was so dirty.
Beer cans on the bedside cabinet? Wow.
Marsh didn’t usually drink in bed. But there were clearly no strange women in her bedroom or bathroom. No unfamiliar knickers on the floor, and no perfume in the air. She smiled despite the mess. Marsh would never have brought a woman back here to this.
Throwing his dirty undies into the laundry basket six feet away, pulling the duvet into place and plumping up the pillows took only a minute. She left her bag on the bedroom floor and headed back downstairs to the pizza.
She sat down hard on the sofa next to Marsh, after grabbing her slice. She took a massive bite and smiled at him while chewing.
“You’re back then?” he o
ffered, putting his hand tentatively on her knee. “Sorry about the state of this place.” Sal could tell he wasn’t himself – she could smell him from where she sat, a mixture of BO and alcohol.
“Yeah, I’m back – do you want me to be here? Jess’s is far too crazy busy for me.”
“Do I want you to be here? Christ, Sal, I’ve been so worried you wouldn’t come back.”
Sal looked at him and saw he had red, watery eyes. That wasn’t like him and she melted a little. She had to be cautious, though, and she truly wished she could launch herself back into the heady world of ‘Marsh & Sal’, where everyone took the mickey out of them. The world where they were trusting, happy, loyal in love and best friends. But it wasn’t that easy for her.
“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” she retorted, putting her hand on his. “I’m not completely okay but I’m getting there. Please, Marsh, don’t fuck up again. If you do, I’m off, no matter how much I love you.”
“You love me? Still? I can’t imagine why,” his face broke into a heart-breaking half-smile. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness or your love but I promise you, I’m in this for good. I really do love you.”
“You’d better love me,” Sal warned. “We have a lot of mending to do.”
That night, they held each other in the most romantic, deeply connected and beautiful cuddle she’d ever experienced. Unusually, he kept holding her all night, and Sal slept soundly with her head on his chest, feeling as if she had perhaps been too hard on him.
They both had some making-up to do.
18
The next day Sal was up with purpose. She could have lounged around with Marsh and stayed in bed with him ‘til 10.30am, but she didn’t want to launch immediately back into playing happy families. She needed to do it gradually. Anyway, she had things to do.
He was snoring gently, holding the position they’d slept in together. He looked so peaceful that she stopped and watched him for a minute or so. She gazed at the face she’d missed the last couple of days and she realised the old, warm, loved-up feeling in her belly was returning. He’d said he hadn’t slept when she was away, and he looked dreadfully tired, so he needed some sleep now. She kissed his shoulder lightly and went to find Lawrence, who was ecstatic that one of his humans had finally risen. He gave her the full miaow chorus that he hoped would encourage her to feed his starving carcass before she left.
“Come on, Fat Boy, here’s your brekkie,” she laughed.
Sal knew that Marsh had a rehearsal for the German gigs around lunchtime, so she scribbled a rushed note to let him know where she was, and left it on the table. Given that she’d woefully neglected Mel for the past couple of months, she decided to go and see her sister. She knew that Mel always had a lie-in on Saturday mornings, and that her new favourite treat, when she finally emerged from her pit, was a king-size takeaway coffee and a huge Danish pastry from the bakery around the corner. The shop had only recently started doing early morning takeaways and it was a real luxury for Mel to have one.
Sal loaded up with croissants, pain au chocolate and, of course, cinnamon whirls – two each – and four extra-large coffees. She knew her sister of old, and one coffee was never enough. Mel would end up putting one of them into a mug and microwaving it, so Sal decided she might as well do the same. She’d missed her sister and hoped that this peace offering would make up for her dreadful lack of contact lately.
When she arrived at Mel’s, the place was in darkness. It was 9.30am, but as it was the end of February, it was still quite murky and if she’d been up, the lights would have been on. She should be up by now though, so Sal rapped on the letter-box knowing that the bell had been ‘disconnected’ by Mel during a tantrum a long time ago.
She waited a minute or so before rapping a bit harder. When no one came, she put down the bag of pastries and tray of drinks and opened the letterbox to peer inside. She could see movement.
“Come on, you old tart, I’ve got coffee and stuff!” she yelled through the small gap.
She heard rustling and she could have sworn there were voices, ‘though it could have been the radio. The door opened slowly, and as she cheerfully picked up the goodies from the step, she looked up at Mel’s face, which was like thunder.
“What’re you doing here?” Mel glared. “I haven’t seen you in ages, you ignore me when you get back from holiday, you haven’t rung, then you turn up unannounced?”
Her expression was on the cross side of unhappy– this wasn’t like her at all, Mel was always pleased to see her. Sal’s face dropped.
“Look, I’m really sorry. I thought I’d bring you your favourite as a peace offering?” She brandished the bag of pastries and the tray of steaming coffee with a smile.
She couldn’t fathom why Mel was so cross. She’d expected her to be a bit grumpy because she’d disappeared as soon as she got back from Colorado, and admittedly she’d been a bit distracted since then, but still. That was the whole point of why she was there.
Mel rolled her eyes then crossed her arms and looked pointedly at her sister. “Look, if you must know, I have company.”
Sal stood on the doorstep blankly, as the words seeped through. “Company…? Oh! COMPANY!”
An interested face popped around the side of the door, which was pulled open a bit further to reveal Kate, Mel’s work colleague, in a short nightie and Mel still in her pyjamas.
“Hello again!” smiled Kate, pulling self-consciously at the hem of her outfit.
Sal was aware that her mouth was open, and she immediately snapped it shut. This wasn’t a time to show massive surprise that might be incorrectly interpreted as disapproval.
“Oh, gosh, hi again!” she smiled. “I… erm… have treats! Can I come in?”
She held up the goodies again, but arms were starting to ache and it was freezing on the doorstep. “
“Of course!” Kate pulled the door open pointedly, from a petulant Mel’s hand and Mel reluctantly stood back to let her sister in.
Sal saw her sister shoot a glance at Kate, and she wondered whether Mel was expecting her to be upset about the apparently new relationship situation. She wasn’t. Far from it, she was incredibly excited that her sister had found someone who obviously cared about her. Sal hadn’t had the slightest inkling that her sister was romantically interested in women, so it was a real surprise for her. And apart from anything else, Mel hadn’t had a relationship of any kind for years - literally years. Sal was getting used to thinking on her feet, though, and she piped up quickly as she walked in.
“I have enough for three! But you’ll have to go easy, Mel,” she grinned at her sister and got a sarcastic half-smile back.
“Well, I guess if you’ve brought that lot with you, you’d best sit down. I’m going to get dressed.”
With that, Mel flounced off into the bedroom and shut the door much harder than she needed to.
“I think she’s surprised that you’re here, that’s all. May I?” Kate asked, pointing hopefully at the pastries.
“Oh, of course, dig in, there’s plenty. I’m sorry, I should have rung. I know that usually Saturdays are her day for lazing in bed and I wanted to say sorry for not being in touch much, that’s all. She’s never been a morning person - not since she was little.”
Kate smiled and gave a knowing glance. “No, that’s true. She’s had a hard time lately, though…”
“What? Why?” Sal butted in. “Is she okay? She hasn’t said anything. What’s happened?”
Sal was panicking – why hadn’t Mel said anything if she wasn’t well? She’d have come over much sooner.
“No, don’t worry, nothing’s wrong. It’s only that she’s missed you. She had a scare with some bad headaches and whatnot a few weeks back, but she’s had tests and scans and it’s all fine. They reckon it’s stress. She apparently had high blood pressure for her age, so she’s on tablets now…”
“Tests? Tablets?” Sal interrupted. “Why didn’t she tell me? Poor Mel.” She felt dreadful for
not knowing what had been going on in her sister’s life.
“She’s fine, now, honestly,” Kate reassured her. “But she’s also been scared of what your reaction might be when you found out about us.”
“But… why? I’m so happy she’s found someone! I’m not in the least bit upset. Why would she think I would be?”
That thought dismayed Sal, because she was so open-minded and had only ever wanted Mel to be happy and settled with someone who treated her well. How could her sister think she would be upset that she was in a loving relationship with a woman?
“I’ll put her mind at rest,” Sal continued, taking big sips of hot coffee in between sentences. “I’m thrilled to bits for you both. So, how long have you two been going out?”
“Almost two years.”
“Sorry… two? YEARS?” Sal spluttered as she swallowed and the remains of the mouthful dribbled down her chin. “You mean she’s been holding this back from me for two whole years?! Why?” She was flabbergasted as she grabbed a tissue and wiped her mouth.
“I didn’t know how you’d react.” Mel was fully dressed, now, and standing behind Sal as she spluttered. “Plus, we’ve been taking it really slow. But now I’ve asked Kate to move in, and she’s agreed.”
“Oh my god, how fantastic! I’m so pleased for you both.” Sal got up and hugged Kate, then went over and grabbed her sister into a bearhug. “But why didn’t you tell me, you silly sod? You know I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. How many times have I said that?”
“Yeah, but you’ve always asked me if I had a boyfriend,” Mel muttered.
“Oh! Christ alive, woman, it’s only a turn of phrase! Blimey, sis, I’m thrilled to bits that you’re happy.”
They hugged again and then sat down on the sofa with the TV on. SMTV blared out – Mel’s favourite, mainly due to the crush she’d had on Dec Donnelly since she’d watched him in Byker Grove as a teen.
As they sat, drank the coffees and scoffed the pastries between them, Mel filled her sister in on The Big Romance. They’d met at work and hung out with a group of women who used to go out regularly on a Friday night. On one of those nights, shortly after she’d started going, Mel had got incredibly drunk and, on the way home at 2.00am, had opened her soul to Kate on the steps to the bakery near her flat. In her drunken state, Mel had confided in Kate that she thought she might be bisexual, but she wasn’t sure. Kate was openly gay, and although she didn’t particularly talk about it, she didn’t hide it either. Most of the other staff were open-minded and accepting of same-sex relationships, which Mel knew was unusual.