Finally, they reached her car. Tough stopped with his hand on the handle. “No. It was pride.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I live at the shop. There’s a little room behind the office. I have a bunk there. Never needed or wanted anything else. Just somehow, I knew that wouldn’t sound very good to you, and I didn’t...”
Shock rolled through her. He didn’t have a house. Or an apartment. Nothing. He lived in his shop. In a garage. She tried to process that and just couldn’t. Would he be considered...homeless?
No, surely not. But...
She waited, but he didn’t move or speak. Finally, she prompted, “Didn’t what?”
“Didn’t want you to think less of me than you already do,” he said then opened her door. “Drive carefully. Of course, you don’t have to, but I’d really appreciate a text when you get home.”
“You deserve one.” He made to shut the door, but she held a hand up. “You live at the shop because you want to, not because you have to.”
“Yes.” He breathed out heavily. “But it doesn’t really matter. You see what I was saying earlier? Preston can give you what you want.”
She was starting to think that he was wrong. Not because Preston couldn’t give her what she once wanted, but because he couldn’t give her what she wanted now. Had she changed that much?
She put her hand down, and Tough shut her door. The engine fired up. Finding the button, she lowered the window. “Sure you don’t want a ride?”
“I need to walk. Tomorrow is more of the same kind of torture today has been.” Although she knew he was serious, there was also a small twinkle in his eye. She grinned back at that twinkle.
“Maybe for you, but I’m planning on staying away from fishhooks, and I guarantee that you won’t find me lying on the ground in my bridesmaid dress.”
His lips twitched. She’d almost gotten a smile out of him. Pulling the car into gear, she drove away.
KELLY PULLED INTO CASSIDY’S drive that evening for what would be a very tame almost-bachelorette party. Orange light glowed in the windows on the left wing of the house, although the soaring great room windows that took up most of the front middle of the mansion were dark. It was a little hard to picture Torque living here, but it was a great place for their kids, and Torque’s shop was on the property, too.
Kelly pushed the heavy wooden door open and stepped inside the huge, two-story entrance. Laughter came from her left, and she started that way, admiring the polished wood, tile floors, and a small glimpse of Cassidy’s huge, modern kitchen.
This is the kind of house that Preston and she would live in. No question it was nice.
Tough lived in his garage.
He would probably buy a house if he got married. Maybe? How would she know? She shook her head. Why was she even thinking about it? But she couldn’t seem to get the thought out of her head. Being with Tough wouldn’t mean luxury. Would it matter? Not to the woman who loved him. At least that’s what her heart said.
Kelly walked into the large living room. Comfortable chairs and a large sectional couch were placed strategically around a massive stone fireplace. Cassidy squealed when she saw her and jumped up. “Kelly’s here!” She ran over and gave her a hug. “So glad you could make it. Help yourself to a drink and some snacks.” She waved a hand at the wet bar against the far wall where a spread fit for a small banquet was laid out.
Kelly helped herself, answering questions about the fishhook ordeal while she loaded her plate and grabbed a lemon water.
She took a seat while Dusty regaled them about a fellow driver’s wedding that took place in the French Alps.
When Dusty finished, Harris’s head swiveled to Kelly. Her gaze was direct. “So you and Tough? Did you break off with Preston?” The gaze of all three women went to her ring finger where Preston’s ring weighed her hand down like a boat anchor.
What should she say? All her emotions were in a huge jumble, and she had no idea what she should do. Of course, what actually happened this afternoon wasn’t what anyone thought.
Dusty spoke up before she could answer, “I wanted to say that I was sorry if I offended you by taking Tough on my bike. I think my heart was in the right place.”
“She said something to me about her plan, and I told her to go for it, so you can blame me, too,” Harris spoke up.
“What plan?” Kelly asked with a frown.
“I just thought that it was a little unfair, Tough working with a handicap like Preston. I thought maybe it would be good for you to see the shoe on the other foot.” She shrugged. Her ruffled blouse exposed one tanned shoulder.
Harris leaned forward earnestly. “Yeah, I agreed. You know. See the guy you’re crushing on with another woman.”
She couldn’t be irritated with her friends, despite the jealousy that had eaten up her insides. Dusty would have her best interests at heart. “Is it a crush?” That was hitting pretty close to the questions she’d had all her life about love. Did love really last? With who?
“You didn’t tell us about Preston,” Cassidy pointed out. “Did you break up?”
Kelly shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if you broke it off with Preston?” Her regal eyebrow lifted.
“I can’t right now. He’s on an airplane, and he’s flying to Southeast Asia.” She sighed. “Can I break off an engagement over the phone and across three continents?”
“Yes,” everyone chorused at once.
Kelly held up a carrot like it would protect her from the ganging up of her friends. “Really? I’ve always heard that was tacky.”
“If he loved you and was going to be devastated, I’d say let’s think about it. But neither of you are going to be devastated,” Cassidy said from where she sat, curled up in a recliner, just a small amount of food on her plate. Probably too nervous to eat. Or excited.
Kelly rubbed the carrot back and forth in the creamy vegetable dip. “We love each other.” Why did she feel so defensive? “I feel bad about Mrs. Fitzsimmons. I’m worried about her reaction.” She held the carrot up. “Then, we have plans. Things we’re going to do together. We’ve been planning this in some form since before high school graduation.” Her stomach cramped and spun at the thought of stepping off that cliff.
“So, live without a plan,” Dusty said with an easy grin. She sat on one leg, with the other leg crossed and her foot swinging slowly. Relaxed.
Easy for the motocross driver to say.
Cassidy seemed to think that as well because she said, “That works for you very nicely, Dusty. But some people can’t live while letting go.”
“Like a rollercoaster,” Harris said.
“Right, some people can’t let go,” Kelly echoed. She didn’t ride rollercoasters.
“But sometimes you just have to be convinced to get on. Once you’re on, you love it and keep going back for more.” Cassidy leaned over and patted Kelly’s hand. “I can’t force you to get on the rollercoaster, but think about it. Is it going to hurt?”
“I’ve got this feeling that it could.” Kelly bit her lip. Was fear holding her back? Her heart shouted a resounding yes.
“Are you going to live your life afraid that something might hurt?” Dusty asked.
Kelly set the carrot down because she couldn’t control the overwhelming need to twist her hands together.
“Um, excuse me,” Harris said, “but maybe I should take the other side. I mean, people live perfectly happy lives making safe choices every day. Confronting fear is a good thing, but avoiding those things that you’re afraid of can keep you safe and healthy, too.” Harris was normally the most quiet when they all got together, but she kept talking. “I guess I’m saying, Kelly, that I think it’s obvious that you’re afraid. Leaving Preston, who’s been your solid anchor for so long, exploring the idea that there might be love for you, an exciting, real love, when you’ve spent your whole life convincing yourself that passionate love doesn’t last, and changing the whole picture of what you thought your l
ife was going to be like. I mean, Tough seems like a great guy, but let’s face it. You’re not going to be doing charity galas with him. And he’s not going to be dragging you around to political rallies.” Harris smiled softly, her red hair glowing in the firelight. She picked her tea up and sipped. It had been a long speech for her.
“You just put into words everything that’s been rattling, unorganized, around in my head. Maybe it boils down to the fact that I think I might want to leave Preston because I think I might be in love with Tough. And maybe the love I feel for Preston isn’t the kind a wife should feel for her husband. But I’ve never thought that kind of love lasted. I’ve always thought it was a rather stupid way to pick a life partner. Shared goals and dreams. Compatibility. Common sense. All that seems much smarter.”
“Someone from the same social construct as you?” Dusty asked softly.
She hadn’t come from money. Tough had led her to it. Even tonight, he’d been basically saying that he thought she should stay with Preston because Preston could offer her things he couldn’t. “Yeah. That too. Same social construct.”
“So, what happens if you’re wrong? What happens if passionate love really is a thing? And it lasts?” Cassidy asked thoughtfully.
“And what if for the rest of your life you dream about Tough?” Harris asked over the rim of her teacup.
“When you see him, you wish you were with him?” Dusty asked.
“What if money really doesn’t buy happiness?” Harris chimed in. Although Kelly wasn’t really thinking that Preston’s money was key to her happiness. It was more that they were compatible. For the most part. They loved each other in a calm, rational way.
“Because you can’t buy loyalty, devotion, consideration,” Cassidy said.
“A man who has time for you.”
“Someone who will sit on the porch and listen to the rain with you.”
“Someone who loves you but will let you go if it might be better for you.”
They were coming at her from all sides. “Okay, okay.” Kelly held her hand up. “I get it. BUT that doesn’t answer my fundamental question—will it last? I mean how many fifty-somethings do you see sitting on the porch listening to the rain together? AND, even more importantly, I don’t even know if Tough likes me like that. I’m not sure what I feel either.”
“Okay.” Cassidy straightened on the couch. Her analytical, lawyerly face on. “You have two different things to think about. One. Do you want to stay with Preston? It would be wrong to break up with Preston, try Tough out, decide you don’t want him, and go running back to Preston, right?”
Kelly nodded slowly. She didn’t want to do that.
“So. Do you want to stay with Preston, giving up everything that might or might not come with finding what could be the right guy, or would you consider hurting the woman who basically raised you and expects you to marry her son, giving up all your life’s plan and basically starting from nothing rebuilding your life? Whether Tough is in the picture or not.” She paused, for dramatic effect, maybe. Like they were in a courtroom. “Then, if you decide yes, then you can think about your feelings for Tough, his for you, and what to do about it.” She nodded and leaned back. “Make sense?”
Kelly thought about it for a minute. Everyone else was quiet too. Finally, she shook her head. “Mrs. Fitzsimmons is important to me. I don’t want to hurt her. Tough and I might not work out. Then what? Plus, it’s not just my life’s plan. This is what Preston has planned forever, too. I don’t want to break his heart.”
Dusty shook her head no, but Cassidy nodded slowly. “I see your point,” she said.
“So, when is the last time you and Preston shared a passionate kiss?” Dusty asked.
The room fell silent.
Too bad she didn’t still have her carrot. She needed something to do to avoid the uncomfortable stares that faded into shock then pity.
“We don’t have that kind of relationship.” She felt defensive again.
“You have kissed?”
“Of course.”
“And what was it like?”
Kelly looked down. It hadn’t been horrible. But it wasn’t like she longed to do it again. Tough hadn’t kissed her, but she longed for him to.
“I see what you’re saying.” Kelly wiped her hands down her pants. “I mean, I’m definitely attracted to Tough, but is that enough? I just can’t believe that it will be in twenty years. Won’t that fade?”
“Some, I think,” Cassidy admitted. “I guess I can tell you in fifty years.” She grinned, and Kelly felt a little jab of guilt because she was getting married tomorrow and here Kelly was talking about how love didn’t last.
“What would it take for you to change your mind?” Harris asked.
“About love? About it needing to be passionate?” Kelly asked.
“About it being enough, too. You’re attracted to Tough, but don’t you like him?”
“He never talks!” Kelly exclaimed, but she knew it wasn’t true. The guy was funny when he did talk. And patient. Just look at all the old men in his garage. And kind. He was starting next week helping her with her renovations and wasn’t going to charge a thing.
“I saw him whispering in your ear yesterday.” Dusty grinned.
Kelly smiled. “Okay. I like him, I’m attracted to him, but I don’t know if that’s enough.”
“I guess that’s where the fear comes in. If you want a safe, secure life, if you don’t want to rock the boat. Choose Preston. Maybe you really do love him, and we’re wrong. If you want the possibility of more, with a greater likelihood of pain and disillusionment, choose Tough.” Harris set her tea down and leaned back, her brows drawn together. “As for Mrs. Fitzsimmons, I know she does kind of have her heart set on you two marrying, but I think she has her heart set more on you being happy. Basically, I don’t think you need to worry about her if you choose Tough.”
Kelly looked down at her mostly untouched plate. “If he’d even have me.”
“Oh, he’ll have you,” Harris said. “But I agree that shouldn’t be your security blanket. If you’re leaving Preston, leave. Don’t have him as your backup, and don’t have Tough as your landing pad.”
“Right,” Kelly said. “That’s just consideration for them as well as myself.” She was worried about hurting Preston, and it would change his world and his future as much as hers. Still, he wouldn’t have a problem finding someone else. Sure, she was an automatic date anytime he needed it. Except for this trip. It was the first time she’d not been available for him. Once again, she wondered if Preston might miss the warmth of a more romantic-type relationship. Maybe he’d be relieved if she broke up with him.
“Okay, we’ve wasted enough time on me...”
“Wait! I know. We can write to Dr. T,” Harris spoke excitedly for the first time that evening.
“He only answers men,” Dusty pointed out.
“You read him?” Cassidy asked her in shock.
“Of course. Who doesn’t? Plus, he claims to be a mechanic. The guys on the circuit love him.” Dusty shrugged.
“It’s a woman,” Kelly said flatly.
“So write! Tell her you must have an answer, even if it’s private! Since you can’t decide for yourself, let her do it for you!” Harris bounced on her seat in her excitement, almost upsetting the plate of chips and dip in her lap.
“Live my life according to what Dr. T says?” Kelly asked, the idea going against everything she knew.
Cassidy tilted her head. “Have you ever heard anyone say she doesn’t give great advice? Might as well utilize her experience and professional opinion.”
“She’s started doing her column every day, so maybe she’ll start answering women, too. You never know,” Dusty pointed out reasonably.
Why not? It wasn’t like she had to do whatever the columnist said. She could still choose for herself. “Okay. I’ll write her tonight when I get home.”
“Why wait?” Dusty asked. “Do it now. On your phone.”<
br />
“No. I want to phrase it just right.” If she was going to do it, she didn’t want to rush through it. Dr. T needed all the facts to make an informed decision. “Now, enough about me. Isn’t someone else having any drama in their life?” She looked pointedly at Cassidy, who laughed and started talking about the wedding and honeymoon and juggling the kids through it all.
Chapter 11
Getting up early so he could work on his column before getting dressed in his monkey suit, Tough sipped his coffee and sat at his computer, going through the new questions that had come in. Sometimes he really enjoyed this job. Sometimes it broke his heart, because there were just some things that couldn’t be fixed. Not by him, anyway. Today was a mixed bag, and he was having trouble concentrating. After all, his big brother was getting married in a few short hours.
Tough had never thought he might do the same someday, but after spending the last few weeks with Kelly, he’d begun to long for a woman, a companion, someone to laugh with, eat with, share his day with, work with, and do something meaningful in life with. He ached to hold her, and his arms felt empty. Unfortunately, the only woman that his body and soul would accept to fill the void he hadn’t even known he had was Kelly.
He had tried to picture various other women but not for long, because it didn’t work. His being didn’t long for their touch, their voice, their scent. He didn’t admire them and want to spend hours just watching them. He couldn’t picture lying on clean green grass and running his fingers through their hair.
Ugh. He reached up and shut the monitor off with a snap. He was wasting his time...wait. He turned the monitor back on. Surely, he had conjured up her name because that’s what he wanted to see...surely, he’d been mistaken.
But as the monitor flashed back on, he could see that he wasn’t mistaken. Kelly Irwin, Brickly Springs, PA, at the bottom of his screen. He opened the email.
Dear Dr. T,
My friends and I have read and admired you for a long time. I know this is a column for men, but I’m hoping you will make an exception for me, either publicly or with a private answer. Here’s my problem:
Tough Talk Page 10