“Huh,” Remington said, his eyes looking beyond her to where she was headed. “Or are you just looking for a reason to make me nervous?”
Lydia grinned down at him. “C’mon. It’s an easy climb.” She grunted and blew sweaty bangs out of her face as she nodded to the darkening clouds that had crept up behind them. “Besides, it’ll be a good place to wait out the rain.”
Thunder rumbled in the distance to punctuate her point and Remington sighed heavily.
She reached the ledge first and paused. Lowering one shoulder to slip her arm out of the backpack strap, then she switched sides. Holding tight to the rocky outcropping, she hurled the pack to the far reaches of the small cave.
Then she hoisted herself up the rest of the way.
The cave itself wasn’t deep. Hardly big enough to call it a cave. The floor was smooth, cool stone, with grass and other plant life growing around the edges where they could receive sunlight and rain. The ceiling domed slightly in the center but didn’t reach higher than seven or eight feet.
Lydia stretched her arms and rubbed her palms on her dark gray hiking pants, ridding them of the dirt and debris she’d picked up during the short climb.
Remington reached the entrance and his muscles bunched and twisted as he lifted himself up. His damp t-shirt stuck to his torso like cellophane on warm potato salad.
Which was to say, he looked hot. Literally and otherwise.
So, his usual.
“Is this just a day in the life for you?” Remington asked as he stood to join her.
She shrugged and tilted her head back and forth. “More or less.” He reached up to pinch the skin on the back of her upper arm. “Dude.” She took a step to the side and gave him a glare.
He chuckled. “Checking your body fat.”
“Right.” She huffed and rolled her eyes. “Very scientific method you have there.” She dropped to her knees near her bag and began unpacking her sample kit.
“Well, you won’t talk to me about your nutritional program and my curiosity needs to be satiated.”
She smirked without looking up at him. “Stop trying to get me to join your cult. I want to keep liking you.”
The moving shadows in the cave and the rustle of clothes let her know he had crouched down near her. “You like me?” his deep voice teased.
“Only in a heterosexual kind of way,” she answered, both honest and flat. No reason to ignore the elephant in the room.
Or, in their case, the sexy black hole of a man who kept showing up in her life and making it fun.
Honestly, it was thrilling. And possibly the only reason she hadn’t gotten restless yet. It was about this time last week she would have started packing the car for the next destination.
But the urge to move on hadn’t hit her yet.
Vaguely she wondered if it was because Merrick was keeping her appropriately busy, or if it was Remington’s dazzling and unpredictable presence.
Loud, rich, boisterous laughter echoed through the cave and Lydia smiled. Damn, that laugh. The more she heard it, the more she liked it.
“I don’t have a nutritional program. I have what I like to call an adventure body. I stay active and it stays strong. Better to have adventures with.”
The sample kit set up, she left it on the stone floor and went to inspect the edges of the cave where she’d spotted the suspicious plant.
A gentle breeze blew through the opening of the cave bringing with it the smell of rain. Lydia stuck a secure foot in a crevice while digging her hands into the moist ground above her and push-pulled herself up.
A pink carpet of wildflowers greeted her. Eriogonum truncatum, Mount Diego Buckwheat.
“I love it when I’m wrong,” she whispered, a thrill racing along her spine.
Grunting, she heaved herself higher, laying down on the cave ceiling. Bracing one hand on the ledge, she reached out with the other and pulled a single plant free by the root. She held tight to her cargo as she carefully lowered herself back into the cave opening.
Beautiful.
Healthy.
Strong.
She cradled the plant in her hands, studying its features. Rolling the roots gently in between her fingers and thumb, she broke off bits of soil. She held those bits up to her nose, sniffing. Then her tongue darted out to taste.
“Hm,” she turned the flavor over in her mouth.
A shadow caught her eye and she lifted her gaze to find Remington staring at her—expression blank and unblinking.
“What?” she asked.
He took a short breath. “Did I just see you eat dirt?”
She chuckled. “People lick buttholes for fun. But tasting dirt is somehow odd.”
He blinked at her, his eyelids heavy with thought…and something else.
She didn’t have to know what it was right now. Right now, she needed to pack this sample and text Merrick with good news.
As she was doing that, Remington sat down on the ledge of the cave with his legs hanging over the side.
“Why does it always rain when we see each other?”
As if in response, thunder echoed in the distance and small water droplets splattered on the lip of the opening.
Lydia snorted, zipping the pack closed. “It doesn’t. It just seems that way.”
She took a seat beside him. Might as well. The side of the rock face would be too slick to climb down safely. They’d have to wait for the sun to come back.
“Damn, it’s gorgeous up here.” Remington’s voice was low, like he was trying to keep his words from disturbing the scene spread out before them.
The clouds in the sky rolled towards the east, cumulonimbus—the thundercloud. Fluffy and white on top, low, dark and ragged at the bottom. White hot stripes lit up the darkened base and streaked high into the white. Navy, gray, black, white, pink. A light show for just them—or at least anyone who took a moment.
Wherever the storm was heading was in for a punch in the throat from nature. But Lydia and Remington were far enough to the edges and behind it, they’d only experience a small touch of the force locked in the rolling clouds.
Lydia took a deep breath, the fresh air and the smell of the rain mixing with the rich soil sent a rush through all her senses.
If she could define in a single moment what she wanted her life to be like, it would be this one. She’d experienced a handful of them, and they were always perfect.
And always temporary.
So far, she hadn’t been able to figure out how to have a life that held more of these moments than not.
It was more than craving adventure. And the word “wanderlust” made her cringe. For her, for her heart, it wasn’t unusual. And she balked at the labels that would try to box and ship it as such.
Living.
That’s all it ever was to her.
Exploring, learning, creating, absorbing…becoming.
Becoming what? She didn’t know yet.
Maybe becoming whole.
And here was this man.
This gorgeous, funny, intelligent, cagey man.
By her side.
Again.
Participating in a moment she would normally find herself alone.
But she didn’t mind his company. In fact, she appreciated the energy he brought. The questions, the push.
“Did you ask her out yet?” she asked, picking up on the last conversation they’d had a week ago.
Remington sighed. “Not yet.” He glanced at her curiously. “You think I should?”
Lydia smiled. “And my opinion matters how…?”
He leaned a shoulder against hers. “You’re smart. I like to hear what you think.”
“Well, not knowing her, I can only give you a suggestion.” She studied his face for a moment. His brown eyes darker in the overhang than their usual vibrant amber when he was in the sunshine. His smile hesitant and… unsure? Hmm.
“I think that if you like her, you should. Life is for living, not vacillating.”
His thick eyebrows dipped into a V on his forehead. “But sometimes I hurt people. I don’t like being that person.”
She nodded slowly as his words added depth to what she already knew of him. She pursed her lips, wondering if talking from her own experience would be of any help to him. At first blush, they were very different—different backgrounds, different occupations, different social circles.
But there was something she had picked up on that first night in her apartment when he’d been on Concussion Watch.
They had very similar motivations.
Maybe that was the wrong word.
It was almost as if they operated from the same heart space when they went into the world.
So perhaps her anecdotal observations would be helpful to him.
And whatever it was he was afraid of.
She took a deep breath and let her eyes drift to the sky. “Sometimes you can only make the decision best for you. Taking on the responsibility of someone else’s heart isn’t practical. I know Taylor Swift and Lorde and Halsey will tell the world it’s the heartbreaker’s fault for breaking the heart in the first place. And I’m not condoning being reckless or deceptive with someone’s feelings. But…” she turned her eyes back to Remington, who’s gaze was heavy on her face. “They need to learn to protect themselves, too. You might just be the facilitator of them finally taking possession of their own destiny.”
He huffed a humorless laugh. “You’re saying it’s essentially their fault for dating me. I must have ‘douchebag’ written on my face somewhere.”
Lydia laughed and elbowed him slightly in the ribs. “Not at all. But don’t you think it’s only slightly egomaniacal to assume you’re the only intelligent one in a relationship? Or maybe you’re really that sexist. You think that delicate feminine hearts have no choice but to fall madly in love with you. And aren’t you the hero by treating them with such patient sympathy?”
“No,” he defended too sharply and too quickly. The frown on his face darkened and he looked to the floor of the canyon without really seeing it. “I don’t think that…” he said more to himself than to her.
Well, he at least hadn’t considered that view point until just now.
If a thinking cloud could have appeared over his head she wouldn’t have been surprised, his concentration thick and rife with self-examination.
She narrowed her eyes slightly as she softened her words further. “Would you really cheat them of that experience? If they’re set on falling for the wrong person, why shouldn’t it be you? I’d bet all my lives you’re a heartbreak that’s worth it.”
He cut intelligent eyes her direction. “Have you had your heartbroken by someone like me?”
Later, Lydia would come back to this moment and hold it, wishing it was a whole thing she could touch with her hands and hug to her heart.
“I’m the breaker,” she said with a small smile.
Time didn’t stop. The earth didn’t slow its rotation with her confession. But the connection that had been growing between her and Remington since the second they’d collided, finally took hold.
“Merrick?” he guessed quietly.
She nodded, a sigh escaping her. The peace that infused her blood and pulse was new.
Finally.
Someone could relate.
Relate with all the shit that comes with falling fast and unintentionally destroying fragile things. Like hearts. And plans.
“Merrick…” She rolled her lips inward and blinked the sting away in her eyes that always accompanied this particular regret. “Merrick is a good man. With an amazing heart. He deserves someone who can love him like he loves.”
“Why do you work with him then? Wouldn’t it be better to be apart?”
She laughed a single time, thinking of all the reasons he was right and all the reasons she couldn’t change it. “You and I will have to have another, much longer conversation someday.”
He screwed up his face and closed his eyes for a second. “So, is this why it always feels a little bit like you’re reading my mind? We’re just…” He trailed off, shaking his head slowly.
“Too similar,” she finished with a nod.
He scrubbed a hand through his hair, making it stand out in all different directions. “Damn.” He chuckled once. “That explains a lot.”
“Doesn’t it though?” she agreed.
“But you don’t date. At least not that I’ve noticed…?”
She grinned and licked her bottom lip. “Yeah, I’m taking a break from relationships, remember?”
“As you encourage me to ask someone out,” he reminded, sounding suspicious.
She sucked in a breath through her smile. “Then don’t! We’re similar but not the same. I don’t date because, frankly, I haven’t found anyone exciting enough.”
“Wow. That feels good,” he deadpanned.
She threw her head back to laugh. The movement feeling good all the way to her guts.
The pressure she carried around on her chest lessened and she took a deep breath of free air. Oh, it was lovely. To have one person in her life she didn’t have to hide from.
From whom she didn’t have to be less.
Chapter 9
Telescope
Lydia
“So, you like him.”
Lydia buried her face in the towel, drying her skin and also avoiding her friend’s direct question. When she dropped it again, Brenda arched an eyebrow.
“I don’t hate him anymore,” Lydia responded, glancing to her right as two more women joined them in the locker room.
It was their first Krav Maga class, which was Brenda’s idea and Lydia was all about it.
“Uh huh,” Brenda replied with a flat expression. “What happened to him being a wolf hiding among silly, vapid sheep?”
Lydia grimaced because she had said that. A lot. And it was a belief that had niggled at her conscience for weeks now.
“I think I was wrong,” she admitted. About both sides to her equation.
Brenda, God bless her, didn’t laugh in her face or mock her. Instead, she lifted her chin in a slight nod and remained silent. Her wide eyes said it all though. She knew Lydia well enough by now to recognize the importance of that statement.
Her trusted friend and colleague took a step closer and dropped her voice. “Are you sleeping with him?”
A startled laugh burst out of Lydia but she silenced it quickly. “No. Hell no. Absolutely freaking not, no. Why would you—? No.”
“Good,” Brenda responded, sounding relieved. She returned to putting her things in her gym bag. Which is what they had been doing before getting distracted by him coming up in conversation.
Though, Lydia wasn’t convinced the subject had randomly appeared in their dialog. Brenda had a brilliant mind and a gift for subtle conversational wizardry.
“Were you worried about me?” Lydia grinned, shoving her sweaty workout clothes into her bag.
“Yes,” Brenda replied honestly. “I hadn’t seen you in a while and I knew you were spending… time. With him.”
Him.
Yes, that was true.
And because of his status and popularity, they’d managed to avoid using his name.
Lydia closed her bag and threw it over shoulder as she followed her friend out of the locker room. “Well, you’ve checked my pulse, looked me in the eye, do you feel better now?”
They crossed through the active but not crowded, hole-in-the-wall boxing gym to the front door, making it outside into the L.A. sunshine before Brenda answered her.
“A little. I did some asking around and he has a reputation. Which I’m sure you knew.”
Lydia nodded, matching Brenda’s steps as they walked the block towards her car.
“He can be incredibly charming,” Lydia admitted and added with a grin, “occasionally. But we’re just friends.”
They stopped at Lydia’s car and she popped the trunk. After depositing both their bags inside and closing it, Brenda crossed
her arms over her chest and gave Lydia a serious stare.
“I believe you, you know.” Brenda tilted her head to the side as she scanned Lydia’s face. “I know right now, for you, it’s just friendship. And I know you enough to know friendship is a big deal so you wouldn’t use that word unless you meant it. But can you promise me one thing?”
“Anything,” Lydia declared easily.
“If it starts to feel…different, from friendship, please don’t try to process it alone. You know I’ve got your back.”
“Ride or die, babe,” Lydia said, her voice rough.
Brenda smirked before lunging forward and grabbing Lydia in fierce hug.
***
Remington
“I feel like I owe it to you to tell you that Lydia told me…” Remington trailed off and let his eyes drift to the floor before going back to Merrick, who was sitting at his desk on the other side of the office. “Well, she let me know enough for me to put it together. I know she’s the one you talk about sometimes.”
Silence filled the room and Remington waited, staring out the large windows to the ridge in the distance.
Merrick had come to one of his coaching seminars more than a year ago. They’d developed a professional friendship alongside Remington’s coaching tactics. Part of that was Merrick discussing his difficulty letting go of a certain, unfathomable woman.
But Remington never dreamed it would be Lydia.
Now, after spending time with her, talking to her, getting to know her better, he didn’t know how he’d missed it.
She was…unfathomable.
“What did she say?” Merrick asked, his voice deep and low. “Exactly?”
“Just that you were a good man and you deserved good things.”
Merrick cursed under his breath. “That’s it?”
Remington frowned and faced the Brit again. “That’s a lot.”
Merrick rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing.” He waved a hand. “Really. Such a small piece of information.”
“I don’t know,” Remington argued, shrugging. “I think maybe it’s big. Considering everything.”
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