by LK Chapman
‘Sort it out then.’
‘It’s not as simple as that.’
‘Yes, it is!’ Gareth said. He grabbed the box of baby clothes. ‘You just pick up a box, and you go and throw it out.’
She tried to snatch it back, but he held it away from her. ‘These are just bits of fabric! They don’t mean anything. They don’t mean anything at all!’
His mum’s face was a mask of sheer panic. He put the box back down. If he threw it out she’d just go and get it back out of the bin. He didn’t have the stomach for it; all the drama. It was too much.
‘I think about her all the time,’ she went on, ‘I–’
‘Well, I’m glad you care about one of your children,’ he snapped.
‘Gareth–’
‘If you cared about me, you’d sort this place out. I’d help you do it. You know I would.’
‘I do care about you. More than anything. More than this stuff, I just – I can’t – I try to, but–’
‘Yeah. I know.’ Gareth sighed. His mum’s revelation didn’t change anything. She couldn’t change now. It was far too late.
Natalie
22
‘“I hope she has a thick veil over her face on her wedding day,”’ Gareth read out loud as they made their way out of the coffee shop down the street from Hearts, takeaway cups in hand. ‘“Who cares what dress she has, everyone will just be looking at her gross scars.”’ He handed her back the phone in its blue sparkly cover and turned to her. ‘Natalie, this is horrendous.’
‘I know.’
‘So these started after you posted a video talking about ideas for your wedding dress yesterday?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Josh told me a little while ago that this was happening, although he said they were mainly about him.’
She sighed as they reached the end of the street. She’d asked Gareth to meet her to talk about her troll, but now it came to it, she struggled to find the words. She just felt drained. ‘Which way?’ she asked him.
‘Left,’ he said. ‘There’s a nice spot down here, out of the way of the offices. It’s a good place to go if you need to think.’
‘So,’ he pressed her, as they skirted a fountain outside a smart office block, narrowly avoiding getting wet as a gust of wind caught up a spray of droplets. ‘It’s not just about Josh any more? They’re trolling you now?’
‘I guess so,’ she said wearily. ‘It’s becoming more and more vicious.’ She paused for a moment. ‘I don’t think this is even the same person. It seems different somehow. These are such ugly, spiteful things for someone to say.’
‘So you’ve got two people attacking you now?’
‘I really don’t know. Maybe this new person took inspiration from the first one. How should I know what goes on in the heads of people who do this?’
Gareth looked at her sympathetically as they made their way across a large car park and found themselves on a secluded path running beside the train track. Though it was late November, the day was mild, weak sunlight brightening the sky through the bare tree branches above them. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind meeting me in the middle of the day like this?’ she asked Gareth. ‘I know you must be busy. It’s just … Josh has deteriorated so much since I told him what was happening to me. I’ve not mentioned it again since. He doesn’t look at any of my posts or videos, because he knows I talk about ideas for my dress and I want that to be a surprise for him, but he asked me last night if it had all stopped and–’ she couldn’t bring herself to finish her sentence straight away ‘– and I lied. I told him it had. I told him no one was bothering me now.’
‘Natalie–’
‘I know,’ she said, her voice rising a little. ‘I know I shouldn’t lie to him. I hate being dishonest and I never thought I’d end up in a situation like this, but I’m scared. I think – I really think he’ll have a breakdown if he realises what’s being said to me.’
‘I saw him a few weeks ago and it didn’t seem like he was dealing with the rumours very well,’ Gareth said thoughtfully.
‘That was probably right after I told him me and Verity lost a client because of it. He was completely crushed. That’s why I’m too scared to tell him it’s still happening.’
Natalie’s heart ached at the thought of how Josh had been recently. Distant, distracted, upset. They’d had so much fun when they’d first got together – their lives full of laughter and delight in each other. But now Josh’s preoccupation with Mikayla’s death and this person who apparently had some axe to grind over it was turning him into a shadow of the man she’d fallen in love with, and seeing him in so much pain was unbearable.
‘I want to help him,’ she continued, ‘but I don’t know how. I thought maybe you would have a better idea how to get through to him. But if you need to get back–’
‘It’s not a problem,’ he said. ‘But to be honest, I’ve never been that great at helping him. Half the time I probably stirred things up with Toby and made it worse.’
‘You don’t…’ The idea suddenly dawned on her. ‘It couldn’t be–’
‘Toby? Yes, I think so. I think it’s entirely plausible he could be your troll.’
They had reached their destination now, a bench at the side of the path nestled amongst the trees. She sat down beside Gareth and took a long sip of her coffee, considering his words. ‘It can’t be Toby,’ she concluded. ‘He’s just – I mean, he’s not that easy to get on with – but he’s a pretty normal guy. He’s got a family, plus he works all kinds of hours at the hotel. When would he find time to do all of this? And, even if he was saying the stuff about Josh, I can’t imagine him making comments like that about my face.’
‘Who knows what’s really going on in his head. People with families aren’t always happy. And he could write this crap while he’s at the hotel for all you know.’
Natalie was silent for a moment, and before she could speak Gareth’s phone chimed a couple of times. As he took it from his pocket she spotted the Hearts logo on the screen. She smiled. ‘Have you met someone?’ she said, ‘on your own app?’
He laughed a little uncomfortably.
‘Sorry, I’ve embarrassed you,’ she said. ‘It’s none of my business. It just seems sweet, that’s all.’
He put the phone away. ‘Nat, I wish I could be more help. I don’t really have any great insight into Josh’s mind. I think because his family didn’t listen to him and trivialised all his problems, he thinks that’s what everyone will do. Plus he’s still upset about Mikayla’s death; it had a big impact on him and he’s never dealt with it properly. He thinks he could have done more to save her, if he’d just got there a few minutes earlier, if he’d just looked in a different part of the lake.’
Anger suddenly flared inside her. ‘I bloody hate his family sometimes.’ Gareth laughed as she put her hand up to her mouth. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t even know them.’
‘Families are a nightmare,’ he said. ‘I swear they’re like a car crash in slow motion.’
They were silent for a moment, both weighed down by the heaviness of the conversation. ‘So, this is where you come to think,’ she said, her voice brighter. She wanted normality. She wanted to just chat, and forget about how bleak her life was becoming.
‘Yeah, sometimes, when I get a chance. Me and Josh used to come down here when we were kids, before the offices were here, and we’d go on about how shit our lives were and daydream about being anywhere else. Sometimes, when I sit here now, I wish I could reach back to my younger self and tell him that things are going to work out okay.’ He shrugged and drained the last of his coffee. ‘But, if I knew back then that things would work out okay, I probably wouldn't make the same choices that got me where I am. I guess the struggle and the uncertainty made me want to work hard. I wanted my life to be about something.’
‘Well, you’ve certainly achieved a lot,’ she said, and a conversation she’d had with Josh popped into her head. ‘Gareth,’ she said gently
, ‘Josh told me about your mum’s hoarding. About your house when you were growing up. He said it took ages before you even told him about it.’
‘He said all that?’
‘I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. It must have been very difficult.’
He shrugged. ‘No point crying about it now, is there?’
‘I guess not, but still…’ She paused. Gareth wasn’t giving much away with his expression. Should she just drop it? He was clearly finding it painful. But she couldn’t help being curious. ‘How is your mum now?’ she asked.
‘Dead.’
‘I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up–’
‘No, it’s fine. Honestly,’ he said, seeming almost glad to talk about it now. ‘She gave up on her life. I did my best to try to help her, but if somebody really doesn’t want to change, there’s nothing you can do.’
‘How did she–’
‘The house killed her in the end. It was inevitable. Josh asked me once, when we were kids, if it was safe to live in a house like that. I said something stupid about how stuff can’t hurt you. It wasn’t true then, and it certainly wasn’t true several years later, when things had got even worse. Houses aren’t meant to be lived in like that. A lot of bad stuff starts happening. Mice. Rats. Black mould. And the whole thing was a massive fire hazard. She wouldn’t let anybody in, so if anything broke, it stayed broken, unless I could fix it. She never got anyone in to check the boiler or the old gas fire in the living room, and she had this ancient gas oven in the kitchen that you had to light with a match. I bought her a carbon monoxide alarm, but the next time I visited it was still just in its packaging.’
‘Didn’t she worry about it?’
‘No. That’s what I mean. She couldn’t change. I know she didn’t like how her life was, she’d told me as much, but you can get so used to something that change becomes scarier than sticking with how things are, no matter how nightmarish. I don’t think she really cared if she died. She may even have hoped she would die.’
Natalie just shook her head. What was there to say? There weren’t any words that could help.
‘You’d think I would have been a reason for her to change,’ he said. ‘Not so much once I was grown up, maybe, but when I was still a kid. When I still lived there.’
‘You can’t think like that. I’m sure it wasn’t about you.’
‘Yeah. Well, in the end there was a gas leak and the house basically just exploded. And do you know the main emotion I felt when I heard about it?’
Natalie considered it. ‘I think you’re going to say relief,’ she said.
‘You don’t think that’s bad?’ he said. ‘I mean, I wasn’t happy she was dead. I grieved for her, but at the same time, I felt kind of free. For the first time ever, I think.’
His expression was hard to read as he stared at the wire fence separating the path from the train track, back in this place he used to escape to as a kid. Was he really free? He still looked haunted, and suddenly this place he’d brought her seemed unspeakably sad to Natalie, as though the torment of these two troubled young boys was still alive here, woven through the branches of the winter trees and draped amongst the ivy. She shivered, though the air wasn’t cold. Thank God Josh and Gareth had managed to escape their families in the end. Abruptly the world burst into noise as a train roared past, and she had to wait for it to pass before she could answer Gareth.
‘I don’t think it’s bad to be relieved,’ she said. ‘I think it’s understandable.’
‘I guess focusing on Josh’s problems back when I was a kid helped me in a way. If I worried about him and Toby, I didn’t have to think so much about any of my shit.’
‘Sometimes it can be good to face things, though.’
‘In that case, what are you going to do? About your troll?’
Natalie sighed. Maybe she shouldn’t have told Gareth about it. All she wanted right now was to bury her head in the sand. But that wasn’t her style. She had to find a way through it somehow. She had to stay strong.
‘Just carry on ignoring it and trying to rise above it, I guess,’ she said. ‘What else can I do?’
‘Not a lot,’ he said. ‘But just remember, it’s a bunch of crap. No one who really knows you would ever think those things, so you have to stop it getting inside your head. And what they said about you on your wedding day – I know for a fact that Josh will be completely blown away when he sees you. Everyone will be.’
She smiled, his words lifting her mood a little. ‘Do you think so?’
‘I do. And look, it’s up to you how you handle all this stuff. I can see why you’re torn about whether to tell Josh or not, but I think your gut instinct is right. He’s better off not knowing. It’s not really being dishonest if you’re protecting him, is it? He’s not good with stuff like this – and I know. I visited him in the hospital after what he tried to do. If letting him believe it’s all stopped keeps him safe, then let him believe that. You can always talk to me about it if you need to have a rant.’
Natalie nodded. Josh’s fragility truly worried her, though she still felt uneasy about deceiving him. But what Gareth had said about the risk to Josh was a stark warning. She couldn’t ignore him.
‘If I do find out this is Toby,’ Gareth stated darkly, ‘well, let’s just say I’ll make him regret it.’
‘You’ll have to get to the back of the queue, because I will be first in line. I still don’t think it’s him, though. I mean, why now? Why like this? I just can’t see it.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve got to see him again in a couple of days. I promised I’d tour his hotel so we can recommend it to couples. I’ve been putting it off, but I can’t really come up with any more excuses.’
Gareth raised an eyebrow. ‘Good luck with that.’ He stood up. ‘Come on,’ he said, ‘let’s get back. I’ve spent enough time here stewing in old memories. It’s time to focus on the future. And Natalie, what you’re going through right now, I’m sure it will resolve itself. This time next year you’ll be married and looking back on this, wondering what all the worry was about.’
She smiled. ‘I’m sure you’re right,’ she said, with more conviction that she really felt.
23
Natalie rounded the corner and caught her first glimpse of Hartbury Hotel. The main part consisted of a charming, white-painted building nestled among trees that still clung on to the last few of their autumn leaves, while to the left a modern red brick annexe stretched out, its windows overlooking the generous lawn.
Inside, the reception area was warm and welcoming, if a little old-fashioned, with a heavy dark wood desk and a red and gold patterned carpet. Tasteful Christmas decorations added sparkle, and a tall tree bedecked in gold trimmings lit up the corner of the room.
Before she could reach the desk, Toby emerged from a door, behind which she glimpsed a grand staircase, and he greeted her warmly. ‘I’m so glad you finally decided to come,’ he said. ‘Do you want to start by having the tour? Most of the hotel has been newly renovated, though we haven't made it to the reception area yet.’
‘A tour would be lovely, thank you,’ she said.
She followed him back towards the stairs. ‘I’ll show you a couple of the rooms first,’ he said, ‘and then we’ll move on to the function rooms and the conservatory, and we can have a chat.’
‘Great,’ Natalie said.
He walked quickly, almost at a jog, as though he had so much to do that even moving around was a task he had to do as efficiently as possible. Dressed in a well-fitting navy blue suit, with a pale blue tie and immaculate white shirt, Toby was clearly in his element. He greeted guests as they passed, and showed off a couple of refurbished bedrooms with obvious pride, though she could barely get a word in edgeways.
After a whirlwind tour of the dining room and the two rooms where the ceremonies could be held, they ended up in a bright hexagonal conservatory. Natalie was glad of the chance
to take a breath, as Toby had been bombarding her with information and suggestions throughout the tour. The conservatory was a large, pretty room. An abundance of windows overlooked the lawn, flooding the room with light, and the space had a dreamy, peaceful feel to it. Toby pulled out a chair for her at a round table by the window before going to get coffee for them both.
‘This would make a lovely room for wedding receptions,’ she said on his return. ‘It would work with any colour scheme. I can definitely see this room appealing to our couples.’
Toby sat down beside her, while she took a sip from her cup. ‘So, what do you think of the place?’ he asked her. ‘And the rooms for the ceremony?’
She couldn’t help but smile. ‘I really like it here, Toby. It’s exciting. There’s loads of potential. It’s nice having room options that work for larger or smaller weddings, and it’s stylish, comfortable, everything we look for. You’ll have to talk me through the pricing, but my initial reaction is definitely very positive.’
Toby nodded, satisfied, and she took notes as he outlined what he was thinking for the prices. ‘That’s what we’re asking at the moment, anyway,’ he said. ‘I’d like to go higher, but we’ve only just started–’
‘I wouldn’t go higher yet,’ Natalie said. ‘It looks about right to me. You can have a rethink once you’ve got a few weddings under your belt and have a good feel for it.’
‘Yes, of course,’ he said offhandedly. ‘It’s best to test the waters first.’ He cleared his throat. ‘So, how are you and Josh getting on with your wedding plans? I can’t tempt you to come here for the ceremony, can I?’
She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying something along the lines of ‘good God, no’, as visions of Toby taking over her day made her squirm. ‘We already booked somewhere,’ she said neutrally. ‘Silverdale House.’
‘And how’s Josh? He must be excited. I never thought I’d see the day that he managed to settle down.’