by LK Chapman
The laughter followed them as they disappeared into the trees, following the path around the lake.
‘Josh–’ Gareth started.
‘Don’t.’
‘I was going to say you did good yelling at him. They might be laughing now, but you shut them up for a second.’
‘I made a complete twat of myself.’
Gareth shrugged. ‘Maybe. But let’s face it, you can’t really make it any worse than it already is.’
‘Mikayla saw me.’ Josh’s anger rose again. ‘And why the fuck are they even here?’
‘You know why,’ Gareth said. ‘Toby wants to wind you up. So don’t play into his hands. We’ll just stay away from them. The lake is big enough that we don’t have to go near them.’
***
The sun beat down, the heatwave that had started a couple of days before they came to the lake showing no signs of abating. Josh wiped his hand across his forehead, where a film of sweat had developed. Gareth elbowed him in the ribs. ‘What?’ Josh said.
Gareth rolled his eyes. ‘Mikayla,’ he said. ‘You’re staring at her. Again. I thought you were trying to get over her!’
‘How can I get over her when they keep following us wherever we go!’
Their plan to stay away from Toby and his gang had proved futile. Every time they tried to move on, the others would just follow them.
Josh quickly tore his eyes away, and looked instead at his friend. Gareth was sprawled out on the grass beside him, his feet dangling into the water where it rippled against the bank. ‘How can you be so calm?’
‘They’re obviously not going to quit following us,’ Gareth said. ‘We might as well make the best of it. They’re not even talking to us, anyway. Just ignore them.’
Josh did his best, but his eyes kept betraying him, seeking out a glimpse of Mikayla. Right now, the party had split into three groups; Josh and Gareth, Toby with his gang, and the girls. Mikayla was sitting on top of a rock, with the other girls clustered around her, but they paled into insignificance next to her. Some were smoking, and a couple of others were vying for control of the music player in a good-natured squabble, the songs changing jarringly every minute or so. Mikayla was resplendent in denim shorts and a yellow bikini top, her pink t-shirt lying on the rock by her side. Her long black hair was loose over her shoulders, and she was laughing with her friends. Josh could feel his inadequacy next to Toby more keenly than ever; his stepbrother’s gang had driven to the lake themselves and brought alcohol with them – the ground was already littered with cans and bottles where they were sitting – while Josh and Gareth had been dropped off by Josh’s mum. Why on earth would Mikayla, or any of the girls, look twice at him? Especially after his ridiculous outburst earlier. She must think he was a total joke.
‘Hey, Josh,’ Toby yelled across, making him jump. ‘Stop staring at Mikayla. Gareth will get jealous.’
‘For God’s sake,’ Josh mumbled, turning his head away. ‘Will he ever get tired of saying stuff like that about us?’
‘He’s coming over,’ Gareth said.
Josh turned as Toby strode over to him. Toby had been drinking all afternoon – his face was red, and his steps a little unsteady. He aimed a kick at Josh, which Josh easily dodged.
‘Maybe the two of you should loosen up a bit,’ Toby said, smirking as if a brilliant idea had occurred to him, while an icy cold feeling spread through Josh despite the heat. At a gesture from Toby, two of his friends strolled up, holding a cheap bottle of vodka.
‘Come on,’ Toby said, holding out the bottle, ‘drink it.’
‘I don’t want to.’
Toby thrust the bottle towards him, while his two idiot friends grinned. Josh snatched the bottle and took a swig, before trying to hand it back.
‘More,’ Toby said.
Josh drank a little more, and then before he knew what was happening the boys had grabbed him, Toby trying to force him to drink more and more of the burning liquid. There was a cacophony of laughter, and then shouting. Mikayla came and grabbed the bottle from Toby’s hand. ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ she shouted at Toby, while Josh coughed and spluttered.
‘It’ll do him good,’ Toby said. ‘He needs to lighten up.’
‘You’re going to make him sick,’ Mikayla said. Right on cue, Josh lurched to his feet as his stomach rejected the influx of alcohol. He just about managed to make it to a nearby bush before throwing up. Laughter erupted again, while Mikayla said, ‘See?’
Toby was laughing too much to care how angry his girlfriend was. ‘Oh my God, Josh,’ he said, as he quickly whipped out his camera to capture the scene. ‘You are pathetic. Totally pathetic.’
31
‘I can’t believe he’s doing this!’ Josh hissed to Gareth. The pair were hidden amongst the trees, spying on Toby as the evening wore on. Josh had hoped the other kids would all leave, and he’d grown increasingly despondent as it became obvious they were going to stay half the night. Maybe even until the morning. Toby and one of the girls had left the main group, and Josh was outraged when Toby put his arm around the girl’s waist. ‘He’s already got Mikayla!’ he whispered to Gareth. ‘How can he–’
‘Mikayla’s not stupid,’ Gareth said. ‘She’s been angry with him all afternoon – soon she’ll realise what a dickhead he is and break up with him.’
‘She’s known for months that he’s a dickhead. It’s not exactly hard to see that.’
‘Anyway, he’ll not be around much longer,’ Gareth said philosophically.
‘You hope,’ Josh said. ‘No guarantee he’ll go to uni, is there?’
Gareth nodded. ‘That’s true. He is pretty fucking stupid.’
They were silent for a while, as Josh stared moodily at Toby trying it on with the girl. He felt a stab of satisfaction as she rejected his advances, and eventually she stood up to leave.
‘Bitch,’ Toby muttered, as she disappeared back towards the lake.
‘I’ll make sure he goes to uni,’ Josh said quietly, with more conviction than he really felt. ‘He has to go.’
A slow grin crept across Gareth’s face. ‘You’re going to do it? You’re going to change his grades?’
Josh didn’t answer. Was he really? He’d toyed with the idea over and over, especially as Toby had had zero interest in doing any revision before his exams, and seemed set to fail. But it was crazy, surely? And besides, he probably wouldn’t be able to hack into the exam board. He could do a lot – but surely that was a step too far.
Gareth pulled his backpack closer to him, reached inside and pulled out a carrier bag. ‘They’re not as smart as they think they are,’ he said. He opened the bag, which contained several cans of cider. ‘I nicked this off them earlier.’
Gareth grinned widely, and Josh looked at him in admiration. Then he grew nervous. ‘They’ll flip out if they realise.’
‘Nah. It’ll be fine. The whole lot of them are wasted, they won’t even notice.’
***
As dusk fell, Josh and Gareth retreated to their tent in the campsite for a while, keen to stay away from Toby. For the moment at least, he seemed to have forgotten about them, and they had no desire to remind him of their presence.
‘What are you going to do?’ Josh asked at length, as Gareth opened another can of cider. ‘I … I walked up to your house the other day. I know you didn’t want me to, but I had to see it–’
‘S’okay,’ Gareth said, his voice slightly slurred. ‘I’m sure Toby showed you the photos he took.’
‘No,’ Josh said, ‘he took photos?’
‘Yeah. I tried to break his stupid camera. Mikayla said she told him not to show anyone. I guess he listened to her.’
‘You can’t really live there like that, can you?’
‘Funnily enough,’ Gareth said, ‘I said that to my mum earlier today, before we came here. I told her I’m moving out.’
‘You’re going to run away?’
‘No. I’m going to move out. Properly. I want to mak
e my life better, not worse. Running away and ending up on the street won’t help me. I’m going to find somewhere to live.’
‘Really?’ Josh asked. ‘Can you do that?’
‘Kids can leave home when they’re sixteen,’ Gareth said casually, as if it was no big deal. ‘I’ve been looking into it. It’s not easy, but it’s what I’m going to do.’
‘What did your mum say?’
Gareth winced, and Josh was taken aback. Usually he showed about as much emotion as a rock. ‘It was bad,’ he said. ‘Crying, hysterics. She said I was doing it to punish her. I told her it was just because of the bloody house.’
‘Gareth–’
‘I know it isn’t her fault, but being inside that house is like living inside her head.’
Josh nodded helplessly. He couldn’t imagine it. Although he did know what it was like to hate going back home.
‘Is she going to let you go?’
‘I don’t think she can stop me. She said I won’t survive a week on my own, but I will. I’m more resourceful than she thinks.’
Josh looked at him seriously. ‘I’ll come with you,’ he said. ‘When you leave, I’ll leave my house too. I hate being there.’
Gareth looked at him blearily. ‘This is real life, Josh. It’s not like when we used to talk about getting on a train out of Wayfield and starting again. I’m sorry, but you’re not cut out for this.’
‘Yes, I am!’ Josh insisted. ‘We’ll go together. I’m not letting you go on your own.’
You’re just drunk,’ Gareth said. ‘I’m serious about this.’
‘So am I.’
32
‘Josh? Can I talk to you for a second?’
He pulled the tent flap open and stared in surprise at Mikayla.
‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘what’s wrong?’
‘I…’ She caught sight of Gareth. ‘Can I talk to you alone?’
Josh exchanged a look with Gareth, who shrugged.
‘Okay,’ Josh said, hope blooming inside him.
‘I’m sorry Toby brought us all here this weekend,’ she said, as they walked back down towards the lake. ‘I didn’t know you and Gareth would be here. It wasn’t until he came up to you–’
‘And smacked me round the head?’
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘I told him to leave you alone.’
For some reason, Josh found this infuriating. ‘I don’t need you to fight my battles for me!’ he said. ‘I can deal with things myself.’
‘Can you?’ she shot back.
Josh kicked at the ground moodily. What did Mikayla want? It obviously wasn’t going to be a declaration of love. And it was getting quite dark; he wanted to get back to the campsite before they lost the light completely.
‘Why do you stay with him? If you don’t like the kind of person he is?’
‘Josh, I just didn’t want you to think I came here deliberately to mess up your weekend–’
‘Whatever,’ Josh said, turning round abruptly. ‘I’m going back.’
‘I think I’ve met someone else,’ she said.
A stab of pain went through Josh’s chest and he paused. ‘Why are you telling me? I don’t want to know about it.’
‘I don’t know. I guess … I’m kind of worried how Toby will react when I tell him. I thought maybe you could help to smooth things over, if he finds out and kicks off.’
Josh stared at her. She wanted him to do what? The infatuated part of him was ready to instantly agree to whatever she asked, but part of him was angry. She was smiling faintly, her head a little to one side. I wonder what her hair feels like. She smelled good, too; flowery and fresh. I just want to lick her everywhere that scent has touched. His cheeks flooded with heat. Where the hell had that come from? He couldn’t think things like that in front of her! Her eyes were dark and glittering. Does she know what I just thought? His head felt thick and heavy with drink. He just wanted to go back and discuss with Gareth how they would get away from their respective parents and start a new life. Then he wanted to sleep. For a long time.
‘There’s this guy at my work, at the pet shop,’ she said. ‘But he’s older. Like, twenty.’
‘That’s too old,’ Josh said.
‘Do you think so? I think he thought so, to begin with. He tries to act like he’s not interested, but then, the other day we were talking, and we kissed.’
Josh felt like she’d reached in, grabbed his heart, and squeezed it. What was she trying to achieve by telling him? Did she really want his advice? Was it some sort of test? Was she enjoying tormenting him?
‘He said it was a mistake. Do you think he meant it? He won’t talk to me now, but I think he just doesn’t want to admit how he feels.’
‘Mikayla–’
‘Do you think Toby is really that into me? I kind of want to be with the guy from work, but do I want to break up with Toby when I don’t know if he’s really that interested?’
‘Toby was flirting with one of your friends earlier.’
Mikayla looked at him like he was a little kid. ‘Everyone flirts, you know. It’s not a big deal.’
Josh was almost speechless in his despair and disbelief. Why couldn’t she like the one person who loved her more than anything on this earth? ‘I’m in love with you,’ he said stupidly, even though it was pointless. She already knew, and she didn’t care.
Mikayla blinked. ‘Josh–’
‘You’d never have to wonder how I felt about you. I wouldn’t flirt with anyone else.’
To his horror, she burst out laughing. ‘Josh – sorry – Josh, it’s just your face. You look so serious. We’re never going to happen, I want someone mature, not someone like…’ She trailed off uncomfortably.
‘Not someone like me?’
‘No. Sorry, Josh. It’s not you–’
At her flimsy, weak attempt to reassure him, it was like something broke inside him. ‘Just leave me alone!’ he cried, hating how pathetic he sounded. ‘Just all of you, just leave me alone!’
And with that he turned and ran back towards the campsite, without a backwards glance.
Natalie
33
‘So, where is he now?’ Gareth asked.
Natalie clutched the phone tightly to her ear as she went over to the kitchen window and looked down at the dark street below, huge puddles glistening in the glow of streetlights. Josh still sat inside his car, and showed no sign of getting out.
‘In his car still.’
‘Has he said he’s going to go anywhere?’
‘No. He was saying it wasn’t safe for me to be around him, then he pulled on some clothes and went out to the car. I don’t know whether to go down and speak to him – that’s why I called you. He was with you tonight, was he okay earlier? Do you know what’s happened?’
She leant against the worktop, physically and emotionally drained. It was three a.m. What the hell was going on? Why was Josh doing this?
A sob crept into Natalie’s voice. ‘I don’t know what the hell to do. I’m scared … I’m scared he’s going to do something–’ Unable to finish the sentence, she slumped down into a chair at the dining table. ‘Gareth, I wouldn’t have called if I had any idea what to say to help him, but I don’t. I know it’s the middle of the night, but is there any chance you could come and talk to him? He might listen to you.’
She breathed a sigh of relief as his voice filled her ear. ‘I’m on my way.’
***
The only light Natalie could see in the car was the dim gleam of Gareth’s phone, which he’d left on the dashboard as he sat talking to Josh. By the time Gareth eventually came to speak to her she’d given up staring out of the window, and was curled up on the sofa with her eyes closed, though there was no chance she could sleep.
He placed his hand gently on her shoulder and she turned. ‘So, I’ve had a long chat with him,’ Gareth said.
‘And?’
He sat down beside her. ‘Well, it’s still this business about Mikayla. He saw a load of com
ments tonight about him being the killer and he just can’t see it clearly.’
‘In what way?’ Natalie asked nervously.
‘He thinks that what they’re saying is true,’ Gareth said, after a pause. ‘He’s saying he wants to go to Chedford Lake and figure out what happened there once and for all.’
Natalie stared at him. This couldn’t be happening. ‘But he tried to save her…’ she said helplessly.
‘I know that. You know that. He seems to think he might have killed her and then somehow invented these memories of trying to save her–’
‘But that’s completely crazy!’ Natalie said. ‘It’s just…’ She paused, and had to choke out the next words as anger overwhelmed her. ‘It’s this fucking idiot writing all this nonsense online. He was absolutely fine before it started.’
Gareth nodded. ‘I know. The problem is, Josh always doubts himself. After so long where he was blamed for everything that went wrong when he was still at home, he started to believe it himself. Sometimes he even feels like it was his own fault Toby bullied him. He was so fragile already when he was a kid and Toby started spreading rumours that Josh did something to Mikayla. Having that suspicion, even if only idiots believed it, just wrecked his head. And now it’s all happening again. He says he needs to keep you safe and that he can’t trust his own memories.’
‘Gareth, what do we do? Just tell me what we can do. I’ll do anything.’
‘You can keep telling Josh you know he didn’t do it.’
‘That’s not enough. I need more than that. I’ve been over it with him before, about how there was an inquest, about how they would have been able to tell in the post-mortem if someone had hurt her or she was trying to fight them off–’
‘She had a lot of alcohol in her system,’ Gareth said. ‘She may not have been able to fight. Josh knows that. It doesn’t matter how many facts you give him; he’ll just find some way round it and argue that it could still have been him.’
‘So what do I do?’
‘I guess you could try to persuade him to talk to someone. This isn’t exactly normal–’