Jean leaned over the table. “Have you forgiven him?”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Mom. When Rupert and I broke up with each other, we lost the right to dictate to the other what they did with their body. The only concern I have is for Lena.”
“Lena?”
Harlow nodded. “She’ll need our support. She didn’t expect to be a wife and a mother so young. Her life isn’t going to be what she expected it to be… And… this might sound ridiculous, I don’t know if you understand, but… in a relationship things are shared, habits learned. You get to know your partner better than anyone because you see them the most often and in the most situations… There can be a language, a behavioral understanding between a couple. Something that no one else understands…”
“Rupert had that with you,” Jean said, proving that she did comprehend.
“Their relationship will be different than mine was with him. And I stand behind my statement that he’s a good man. She’s an incredible person. They will be happy. But, Lena’s lost that chance to introduce a man to us who she knows better than any of us will. Ryske is mine. He’ll always be a part of this family. You’ll make memories with him; we’ll all make memories together. But he’ll still be mine. Ryske can touch me or look at me in a certain way and we’ll understand each other… I’ve seen you do it with Daddy.”
Nodding, Jean became forlorn. “You’ll understand Rupert too.”
Harlow shrugged. “I won’t get in anyone’s way. I’m sure in time all that, I guess you could call it institutional knowledge, will fade, but… I know more about Ryske than any of you ever will. I know his past. His family. His friends. I know everything there is to know about his life now, where he spends his time, who he talks to… Those are the kind of thing a woman knows about her man and vice versa… I’m just sad that Lena will miss her chance to discover a man like that. She won’t have the excitement of a new relationship and integrating herself into his life. They’ll miss out on that.”
“I do understand,” Jean said. “I understand what you mean. You regret what her impulse has cost her. Are you sure you harbor no animosity?”
Harlow shook her head and ate some more. “None. I was shocked. But, Ryske and I have the ultrasound on our fridge.” Or it had been there before the fire. “We’re looking forward to this little guy or girl getting here.” They hadn’t really talked about Lena’s baby, but Ryske was great with kids. She liked the idea of him being an uncle to her niece or nephew. “Focus on the positives, Mom. This is where we are. We have to move forward. We can’t change what’s happened. Just think, there will be a wedding for you to plan.”
Jean’s whole demeanor changed. She grew in confidence as her spine straightened. Lena came running back in carrying the ultrasound pictures.
“A wedding,” Jean said when Lena sat back down.
Startled by her mother’s change in attitude, Lena’s attention darted back and forth between them. “You… you seem happy.”
Jean took the ultrasound pictures and began to coo over them. “Oh, he’s adorable… he? Or she?”
Lena was still stunned. “I… we don’t know yet.”
“If you ever want to know my friend will give you another scan,” Harlow said, tucking into her food. “Though you can probably go to a clinic closer to home now.”
“When were you thinking of having the wedding?” Jean asked. “Soon? We’ll have to budget. How many guests will there be?”
Harlow raised her hand. “I’ll need a plus six.”
Jean laughed. “Will they all be eating?”
“They’re all guys, so… yeah, they’ll all be eating… Probably their portions and whoever else is around them too.”
The French doors opened.
“You’re bringing six dates to my wedding?” Lena asked. “Six… men?”
The men filtered in from outside.
Ryske looked at her. “Six?” He did a mental head count wearing a frown and then groaned as he deflated. “You’re bringing the sap?”
“We should have dinner with him this week,” she said as Ryske came to sit beside her again. She offered him her mug. “We haven’t seen enough of him recently.”
Ryske gulped her coffee down. “How many will you owe me after putting me through that charade?” he asked and flashed her a wink.
“Brysen?” Jean said, drawing everyone’s attention to her father who’d just sat down.
“Rupert and I will be going to the office this afternoon,” he said, watching Jean pour his coffee.
“I—”
“That’s it, Jean,” her father said in his ‘I’m finished talking about it’ tone.
Rupert sat down beside her. Harlow took the coffee pot her mother had just placed down to pour some caffeine for him.
“You okay?” Harlow murmured to him.
Once she’d put down the coffee pot, she took Ryske’s hand under the table. Although she was focused on Rupert, she wanted to remind her man that she belonged to him.
Rupert, despite appearing completely drained, nodded. “We worked it out.”
Jean took a big breath that seemed more optimistic than the first Harlow had heard her taking that day. “We were just talking about the wedding,” she said, turning to her husband. “We’ll need a budget.”
“You’ll already be halfway there,” Harlow said and smiled at Lena. “You can use the money Rupert and I saved… His mom will match it and our mom and dad said they would too.”
“You… you’d let us use that money?” Lena said. “Isn’t it half yours? Don’t you want it back?”
Shaking her head, Harlow put a pastry on Ryske’s plate. “These are really good, baby, try them.” Picking it up, he took a big bite. Harlow leaned toward her sister. “Ryske pays for everything I need… or someone does…” That made her straighten and turn to him. “That’s a point. Who does pay our bills? I haven’t paid a dime to anyone since I moved in… Noon pays for my Chinese food, I know that. Dover pays for the liquor.”
Curling a hand through her hair to the side of her neck, Ryske pulled her to him and kissed the side of her head. “Don’t worry about it, baby.”
His confidence was enough for her. “Consider it a wedding gift from Ryske and me.”
Harlow didn’t know how much money was there. But, she hadn’t missed the money so far. Rupert had probably put more in than she had simply because he earned more.
“I’ve never lived on my own,” Lena said.
So much about her life was changing and it was happening fast. It had to feel like these changes were happening to her rather than through choice.
“You won’t have to live alone,” Harlow said. “You’ll be living with Rupert and the little one…” Harlow swung a finger between Ryske and Rupert. “You two should switch seats from now on so Rupert’s opposite Lena. Then when the little one comes, he can sit at the top of the table and have his parents on either side.”
Jean was actually smiling when she next spoke. “What if you and Ryske have a child? Where will he or she sit?”
Harlow pointed at the bottom of the table. “He or she can sit there. Ryske’s great with kids. Babies and teenagers anyway, I don’t know about in between.”
Ryske put an arm around her. “Everyone loves me,” he said and kissed her.
Lena laughed. “You know, I always thought you had this like crazy, dangerous life full of drama and action in the city… But, you’re talking about babies and Chinese food and bills. You just have a normal life, don’t you?”
Harlow took the coffee from Ryske’s hand. “Who? Us?” she asked, raising the cup to her lips. “Our life is completely normal. Normal and boring.” Taking a sip, she put the cup down and laid a hand over Ryske’s. “Isn’t it, honey?”
Bobbing his head in agreement, Ryske picked up his pastry with his free hand. “Yep. Totally boring.”
19
The hullabaloo outside Floyd’s was obvious from down the block. Harlow waved to those who noticed
them as Ryske drove by to park Noon’s car around the back of the building. It felt like an age since she’d been with her friends, so she was eager to get out of the car and leave the alley to find out what was going on.
Ash and char-encrusted furniture was piled near the wrapped new planks that were stacked outside. The block wasn’t only busy with people. A couple of trucks pulled up just as Harlow spotted Noon and Maze loitering on the corner in the midst of a bunch of other folks.
Letting go of Ryske’s hand, Harlow squeezed through the groups and ran to Maze and Noon, grabbing both of them into a hug at the same time. “Oh, I missed you,” she said and smacked a kiss to each of their mouths.
“Geez, lady, do we know you?” Maze said.
Noon blinked and then looked the way she’d come. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”
Harlow waved a hand over her shoulder but didn’t turn. “Yeah, he’s around somewhere. What’s going on?”
Maze opened his arms. “Everyone turned out to help. We’ve got the place stripped out inside. They’re taking up the floors and we’ve got most of the paneling out. A couple of the guys are doing sanding and we’ve got people scrubbing the windows, checking out the frames… The place will look brand new when we’re done.”
“Hey, you got a new thing,” Noon said, pointing to her necklace.
Ryske stopped at her back and slung an arm around her to loop his thumb into it. It didn’t look at all like what it was, which was one of the things she loved about it. The accessory was another inside secret for her and Ryske to share.
Just like he’d promised, they’d stopped at a specialty store on the way back into the city. They’d bought so much stuff that they’d had to buy a new sports bag to put it in. It was currently in Ryske’s other hand, in the fist he had propped on his shoulder.
In the same store, Ryske had picked out the necklace for her. Noon didn’t know it, but he was admiring a BDSM O ring. It rested just on the groove of her throat, suspended on a silver chain. Ryske stood behind her with his arm hooked around her neck, holding the ring in the crook of his thumb.
It was a simple piece that could be mistaken for normal jewelry. From the front anyway. At the back, it fastened with an engraved padlock, which Ryske had the key for. Harlow had never considered wearing a slave day collar before. Now, knowing what it signaled to her love, she couldn’t imagine ever taking it off.
“What’s going on?” Ryske asked just as Harlow spied Anwen coming out the corner door.
Maze was repeating to Ryske what he’d said to her. Harlow wasn’t really listening and spun around to face her man.
Putting a hand to Ryske’s throat, she got his attention. “I’m going over there,” she whispered and touched his jaw, asking for a kiss without words.
While still listening to Maze and Noon, Ryske glanced in the direction she pointed out. He probably wondered why she was so eager to see Anwen, but he didn’t question her and dipped to touch his lips to hers.
After what she’d told him the previous night, he probably had his suspicions about what she and Anwen would talk about… Though, given what had happened after their twilight conversation, he could be forgiven for forgetting.
Heading over to Anwen, Harlow was pleased to be greeted by a smile, figuring that was a good start.
“Hey,” Anwen said. “Where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Not since Saturday,” Harlow said. “You want to go inside? Talk with me?”
Dubious confusion made Anwen frown, but she didn’t let it linger and quickly changed it to a smile. “Uh, okay, sure.”
Going inside, Harlow weaved through the workers. All of them were folks from the neighborhood who were working hard to get Floyd’s back to its former glory. She didn’t see Dover but knew he’d be around. No doubt he was outside loading or unloading the trucks, or down in the basement.
Tiptoeing her way through the den, Harlow went up the spiral stairs to the apartment and was happy to find it empty. Discovering the coffee machine on and hot liquid in the pot was even more welcome.
“Coffee?” Harlow asked, picking up the pot. “There is booze somewhere, but… it might be a little early.”
Though liquoring the woman up would be an easier way to get straight answers. “Is this about me and Ryske?”
“No,” Harlow said, making the coffee.
Apparently, they had new stools because Anwen took a seat at the breakfast bar, with her back to the dining table. “Oh, well, I kind of wanted to talk to you about that.”
“Okay,” Harlow said, taking the drinks over and sitting down with her.
Anwen left her drink on the breakfast bar. “He’s really in love with you.”
“Yeah,” Harlow said, holding the rim of her cup and resting it on her lower lip.
“And, you…” Anwen pointed at her. “You said you weren’t that into him, and I… I just want to know if that’s still true.”
“I stand by what I said; if you can steal him, you can have him,” Harlow said. Any man who could be stolen wasn’t worth having. Though, as far as she was concerned, that didn’t really apply. She didn’t doubt for a second that Ryske wouldn’t be stolen from her. “But… we are together.”
Anwen released the cup she’d been about to pick up. “Oh.”
“I… I don’t know. The fire put things in perspective, I guess… The fear of him not coming out after us reminded me of what it felt like to lose him the first time. And in the hospital…” It was hard to believe how much had happened in less than a week. “I love him, Anwen… and you’re right, he does love me.”
The silence that followed quickly got awkward. Harlow didn’t know how to fill it and just had to wait for Anwen to react. She didn’t have to wait too long.
“So, that’s it, you’re just… together?” Harlow nodded. “And screw the rest of us?”
“Well, I didn’t—”
“You know, I don’t get it,” Anwen said, jumping off her stool. “Last week you didn’t want him, now you do, and he’s just like yours, just like that?”
Anwen’s heritage slipped out when she was emotional. Usually, she was the picture of poise.
“Look, if you want the truth…” Harlow said because she didn’t know how this was going to play out. She’d never get answers if Anwen hated her. “We are together. Yes, we are. But… I don’t know that means he’s mine.”
Anwen faltered, losing some of her anger. A moment later, she slid back onto her stool, then she was laughing. “God, I’m an idiot.”
Harlow was confused. “I don’t—”
“I was all ‘Oh my God.’ I actually panicked for a second.” Laughing, Anwen picked up her coffee and took a gulp. “How could I forget this is Ryske we’re talking about? No woman ever has him all to herself.” The smile Anwen wore was more than happy; it was optimistic. “We’ll always have to be willing to share him, won’t we?”
Still a little unnerved, Harlow tried not to let it show. “Yeah, I guess we will.”
“So, I guess what you meant to say is that you’re fucking again,” Anwen said, loose as she enjoyed her coffee. “You know, it’s a weird setup here…” Twisting around, she hung her elbow on the counter to scan the apartment. “But it works…” When her perusal was finished, Anwen set her focus on Harlow and lowered her volume to a whisper. “Have you ever…” Harlow’s brows rose in question. Her chin dipped in expectation of what Anwen might say next. “You know… with any of the other guys?”
“Maze, Noon, or Dover?” Harlow asked. “You want to know if I’ve had sex with them?”
Anwen’s excitement shimmered when she nodded. Harlow’s finger curled into the O-ring around her neck to take comfort and support from it. Ryske was wearing the bullet. He had been since she’d given it to him in the hospital. Every time he put it on, after a shower or sex or whatever, he always glared at it first. It meant something to him. For now at least, she felt like she shouldn’t get in the way of him worki
ng through that.
“They all look capable,” Anwen said.
“Well, they all have dicks, I can confirm that,” Harlow said, having seen each of them at different times during the course of living with them. “But I’ve never sucked or fucked any of them.”
A whistle made them turn toward the stairs where they found Ryske. He wasn’t all the way up the stairs, only his head and shoulders were in view, but he had to have heard at least her last sentence.
“Need me?” he asked.
Harlow just smiled and shook her head.
Anwen got up and rushed over to him. Taking his arm, she pulled him up the stairs into the kitchen. “Harlow and I were just talking about girl stuff.”
“Right,” he said, plodding forward, being guided by Anwen who had both hands around his forearm. “I just came upstairs to dump this.”
He raised the new sports bag that he had in his other hand.
“Oh, I can take that,” Anwen said.
“Mm,” Harlow said, shoving her coffee aside to leap off her stool. “No, I will.”
Ryske lifted the bag over Anwen to hand it to Harlow. She kept it on her lap when she slid onto the stool Anwen had occupied before Ryske showed up. Switching seats gave her a better angle to address the couple who were standing in front of the fridge. Not that she was really paying attention to them. She unzipped the bag and peeked into its darkness to explore their secret toys.
“I was thinking,” Anwen said, pulling Ryske toward the stools.
Not wanting their things to be seen, Harlow zipped the bag again and put it on the counter behind the coffee.
“Thinking what?” Ryske asked.
Anwen stopped him in front of Harlow, which made her as suspicious as Ryske sounded. “Harlow said you two made up.”
“Yeah,” Ryske said. “So?”
Anwen touched the top of Harlow’s head and began to stroke her hair, opening her fingers to comb them into its volume. “Harlow and I get along, you know… We’re close.”
“Okay, Annie,” Ryske said. “I know where this is going.”
Go All In (A Go Novel Book 4) Page 15