‘I’m sorry. I’m feeling much better than I was,’ he said. ‘I’ll try not to be so moody.’
‘Be moody if you need to be, Adrian, just don’t shut me out. One of the brilliant things about you and me is how honest I can be with you. You can’t know how difficult that is for me. I don’t want to not trust you anymore.’
‘Noted. In that case, if you want honesty, can we stay in tonight, please? We could watch a movie here.’
‘OK.’ She smiled.
‘Will you stay the night?’
‘If you want me to.’
‘I would like that. I like this place better when you’re in it. I do want you around. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.’ Adrian smiled again and squeezed her hand.
Was he just saying what she wanted to hear? If he was it was working. She felt the uneasiness disappearing. He seemed more like himself.
Imogen watched Adrian push the food she had brought with her around the plate, trying to make it look like he had eaten more than he had. When he got up and took their plates to the sink, Imogen noticed the waist on his trousers was loose. She couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t eating but didn’t want to risk an argument by mentioning it again.
They settled in on the sofa and chose a film to watch. He pulled her close and she leaned on his shoulder as they held hands. After a while she noticed he had fallen asleep and so she got up. The film wasn’t particularly good and she was restless. She saw his phone on the table next to the sofa. You can’t.
Staring at Adrian, she slowly reached for his mobile and picked it up. She knew the pattern he used to swipe across the front in order to unlock it; she had seen him do it a million times. He had made no effort to keep it a secret from her. If he caught her now, he probably would.
After unlocking the phone, she immediately looked at his contacts list and his recent calls. Mostly Tom and her, but there was also another name that kept popping up: Dr Zoe Hadley. Why had they been talking? Every couple of days, according to his phone. And not just for a minute or so. Occasionally, closer to ten minutes, which is a long time for a casual acquaintance. He had been on a date with her months ago, but nothing ever came of it. Had he changed his mind?
He stirred and she quickly closed the screen and put the phone back into sleep mode.
In the kitchen, she wiped down the units that were already spotless and washed the plates that were in the sink. She opened the fridge and noticed that the contents were exactly the same as yesterday – he hadn’t eaten anything or got any more food in.
‘What are you doing?’ Adrian said, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.
‘I was hungry,’ Imogen said, not wanting to let him know she was checking up on him, terrified he knew she had looked at his phone.
‘There’s still some Chinese on the table.’
‘I’ll clear it up,’ Imogen said.
As she went to push past him into the lounge, he grabbed her arm. She looked up at him, trying to hide the concern. He kissed her. The first real kiss in weeks. She breathed him in as he pushed her back against the doorframe. It felt so good to have his body pressing against her. She could hear his short, sharp gasps of breath as he pushed past his rib pain.
For the first time in a long time he was there with her. They were in this moment together. For so long now he had been elsewhere, preoccupied with his pain or maybe even his past. She stroked his arm and he pulled away.
‘Sorry if I’ve been neglecting you,’ he said.
‘Sorry if I’m being needy. I don’t know what’s up with me. I just can’t stop worrying about you, about us. Since that argument …’ Imogen started but couldn’t finish.
‘I love you, Imogen,’ Adrian said. ‘I don’t want you to doubt that at all.’
It was the first time he had said it and she didn’t know how to respond. Though now she had been presented with the option, there was really only one thing to say.
‘I love you, too.’
He kissed her again and she put her arms around his waist, gently, careful not to hurt his rib. Adrian squeezed her breast and kissed her neck, slowly at first but then biting her, drawing her skin into his mouth. She had to push him away before he left a mark on her, not willing to lie to the DCI about what it was.
He pushed back and kissed her even harder, the waistband of her jeans tugging as he tried to push his hand down the front. She grabbed his shoulders and forced him backwards, alarmed at his urgency.
‘I thought this was what you wanted?’ he said breathlessly.
‘What I wanted? Don’t you?’
‘Of course I do. I’m just still in a bit of pain, that’s all.’
‘I can wait,’ Imogen said, almost certain that she saw a look of relief on his face.
He pecked her on the cheek and went back into the lounge. As quickly as their moment of passion had started, it was over.
Maybe she was being paranoid. Maybe she wasn’t, though. Maybe there was something very wrong.
Chapter Sixty
Adrian was over halfway through the PEP pills the doctor had given him – three weeks already. He could hardly believe it. It seemed so long ago and yet sometimes it was like it was happening all over again. Whole chunks of time seemed to pass by without him noticing, usually when he was alone. Imogen being there at least kept him tethered to the present. The rest of the time he was lost inside himself, desperately trying to find his way back to the surface.
The physical pain had gone and Adrian missed it. It was as though he had no excuse anymore and he had to return to normality, whatever that was. He couldn’t keep pretending he was in pain to avoid sex. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with her, he did, he just wasn’t sure if he could. He was more terrified that they would start and then he would freak out. Then she would definitely know something was wrong. Maybe drinking was the way forward, or maybe that was a huge mistake. So much to consider.
This wasn’t fair to Imogen at all. Every time she looked at him, he could feel her eyes, dripping with worry. Adrian knew that his weight loss was concerning her, but not eating felt like a way to control something; he felt so out of control with everything else. When he was brave enough to look in the mirror, he could see the hollows of his cheeks getting deeper. He had to find a way through this, to be himself again.
He had wanted to wait until he got the results of his HIV test at least. He was waiting for Dr Hadley to call him with the results, having given consent for them to be given to her. Dr Hadley told him she would call at some point today.
He had already decided that if the results were positive, he would break up with Imogen. The idea killed him, but then he couldn’t put her in any danger. Not because of what he wanted or needed. He couldn’t be selfish like that.
He had asked Dr Hadley to call before work if at all possible and so he waited. Sitting in the armchair in the lounge trying to think about nothing, which is an impossibility in and of itself. He concentrated on his breathing and tried to be aware of his body as he did so. There was no physical pain anywhere anymore. He had got so used to it that he didn’t even notice it disappearing.
The phone rang.
‘Hello. Dr Hadley?’
‘Hi, Adrian. Good news! Your test came back negative,’ she said, considerately skipping any small talk, which he really appreciated.
‘Thank you.’
‘I also got the results from the swab I took. The DNA isn’t in the system. It’s been logged and filed as a John Doe. I will email over the serial number in case you want to look at it yourself. As it’s in the system, if any other cases come up then it should flag them. I have put a note on the file that if anything like that happens, I should be personally alerted.’
‘OK,’ he said.
He hadn’t thought about it linking to any other cases. It made him feel sick.
‘How are you getting on?’
‘Not good. I mean, life feels normal, until I remember how I used to be and it’s nothing like that. I’
m constantly tense, scared of everything. I can’t trust my own judgement. I keep forgetting things.’
‘I think we need to look at therapy now. If you’re willing to?’
‘I’ll have to think about it. I don’t know if I can.’
‘You don’t have to talk about what happened to you. You can talk about anything.’
‘I don’t know. Thanks for everything, Doctor,’ Adrian said, indicating an end to the discussion.
‘OK. You know where I am.’ She hung up.
So, there it was – one of the worries was almost gone. Although not a hundred per cent, it was as good as and Dr Hadley had explained that he should take it as a win.
He didn’t feel much like a winner, though. Physically, everything was back to normal. Even the bruise on his rib was nothing more than a smudge of green now. He would have to undertake a physical exam at work before he was cleared for active duty, but he knew he could pass that. The question was, did he want to?
Those three weeks should feel like a long time and for the most part it did, except when the memory of that night was more than a memory, it was happening all over again. Part of him wanted to run away from his life, from the people he knew. He was constantly reminded that he had forgotten how he used to be around them. Every interaction required a level of effort that he just couldn’t sustain. At least if he was somewhere new, he could be whoever he wanted and people would just accept that’s how he was, who he was.
At the station, he struggled to focus, always concerned with who was behind him, who was walking past. Trying to keep his nerve enough not to give himself away. Imogen was at lunch with Gary when Adrian arrived that day. He had taken the morning to wait for the doctor’s phone call. He didn’t go to see them, something he would have done before.
He pulled up the case they were working on and decided to do what he had been doing every day since he had come back. Reading through interviews, looking at pictures, cross-referencing suspects. All the while wondering if the attack on him had anything to do with this case. Realistically, it could be any number of cases he had worked on in the past. But he didn’t want to make any assumptions. It’s not like he was actively looking for a suspect in his own assault, but his mind was always there, every photo, every interaction. He wondered if that feeling would ever go away. It certainly didn’t feel possible now. Would he ever find peace until he knew who had done this to him?
He found himself looking through the list of Corrigan’s staff. He had a lot of employees. Was one of these names the name of the man who raped him? It seemed highly likely. He found the list that Gary had compiled of workers at Corrigan Construction who had served time for one thing or another. The chances were that if the person who assaulted him worked for Corrigan, he would be on that list. He printed a copy. He would take it home and see if he could find the man himself.
He didn’t know what he would do if he did find out who it was. Was he capable of killing? The idea of this man doing what he did to Adrian to anyone else was enough to make Adrian think that maybe he was. Then again, maybe he would get home and put the list in a drawer and never open that drawer again.
He pulled out his phone and looked at the serial number the doctor had given him. He typed it in to compare the DNA and see if it had flagged against anything else – they had different databases to the hospital. He felt sick even typing it in, worried that someone would figure out what he was doing.
There were no connected cases, but that could change. He closed it quickly as the thought that one day a name might pop up there crossed his mind. What would he do? He had no idea and just thinking about it made him feel sick; he could feel the colour draining from his face.
‘What time did you get in?’ Imogen said as she sat down.
He hadn’t even noticed her approach.
‘Not long now; about half an hour ago.’
He slid the papers out of the printer tray and quickly put them in his bottom drawer.
‘Notice anything new? Anything jump out at you?’
‘Sorry. Nothing yet.’
‘Did you eat?’
‘I grabbed a sandwich on my way in,’ he lied.
‘I’m just heading off to Shropshire with Walsh, but call me if you need anything.’
‘I will,’ he said, almost relieved that she wasn’t going to be here watching him.
He could feel her watching him all the time these days. She knew something was wrong and he had to make sure she never found out what that something was. The thought of her knowing made him want to throw up. He remembered promising her that he would always be honest with her. In the past he had taken it upon himself to conceal the truth in order to protect her from his occasionally terrible professional decisions, but this was different. He had to keep this from her. There was no other choice.
Chapter Sixty-One
Adrian took a deep breath before entering Gary’s office, steeling himself for the inevitable physical contact and reminding himself that Gary was one of the good guys. As suspected, Gary’s face lit up when he saw Adrian and he put his arms around him in a hug. Gary was one of the few male friends that Adrian had. He had transferred in from Plymouth after Imogen came to Exeter. They became friends almost instantly. Despite the hug, Adrian was surprisingly pleased to see Gary.
‘Mate! You’ve been missed!’ his friend said.
‘I can tell. Sorry I haven’t been in touch; really not been well,’ Adrian said, pulling away.
‘Imogen said you were properly ill. I think she was really worried you weren’t going to make it.’
‘A stomach flu coupled with a fractured rib are not happy bedfellows.’
‘Well, it’s been weird without you. DCI said I need to catch you up on the case.’
‘Imogen’s been keeping me informed for the most part.’
‘Right, well, most of what we have is two dead bodies, a battered wife and a missing employee. I don’t know how he is doing it, but he has managed to keep a pretty tight lid on whatever it is that he is up to.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean in business terms, he seems to be just under the threshold to be investigated by the Monopolies and Mergers Commission. He throws the other contractors a bone every now and again, but it’s not benevolence, it’s purely to keep any kind of audit at bay, by the looks of things. This is purely speculation, of course. My guess is it’s bid rigging – have you ever heard of that?’
‘No.’
‘Right, well, the way it works is that companies collude to enable the “winning” party to obtain contracts at uncompetitive prices – so, higher prices for sellers and lower prices for buyers. Typically speaking, the other contractors are compensated in various ways, either by cash payments, or in this case probably by not having their faces smashed in. They are also occasionally designated to be the “winning” bidder on other contracts, or hired as a subcontractor. This usually happens with government contracts and in past cases of bid rigging, the companies take it in turns to be the winners. From what I can see, Reece Corrigan’s company has won every significant contract in the last few years. He doesn’t take turns.’
‘Couldn’t that just be because they have a stellar reputation?’
‘It’s possible, of course, but for the other companies not to undercut him to stay afloat seems sketchy to me.’
‘So, is what he is doing illegal, or not?’
‘Not on paper. I wouldn’t be surprised if the other construction companies have to offer him some financial incentive in order to get work though. I doubt there is any kind of paper trail, probably cash in hand. It’s going to take more digging to find out what. If it’s proven, each instance carries a prison term of up to six years. So, if they’ve been doing it for ten years on several contracts a year, then you are looking at some serious prison time.’
‘What’s the point of that for the other companies? Wouldn’t they be out of pocket?’
‘Not necessarily.’
‘But if
there is no evidence of this then what can we do about it?’
‘It could take months of going through all of his personal expenditure and also looking at his assets and other things. I think if you can speak to one of his rivals, they might be able to give you some information. The next largest company is Hatfield Homes; they will definitely have crossed paths. Their company hasn’t experienced the kind of growth you would expect given the current climate. In order for us to prove this by his accounts alone, he will need to be audited by a forensic accountant. It could take months and that stuff is a little beyond my capabilities.’
‘I don’t believe that for a second,’ Adrian said.
‘Well, I don’t have time to do it and it would take someone else with the proper experience half the time.’
‘Who can we speak to at Hatfield Homes?’
‘The director there is Cameron Becker. I’ll ping you the address.’
‘How are things with you, anyway?’ Adrian asked.
‘Really good. Franka and I are going on holiday in about two weeks. Hopefully.’
‘Where you going?’
‘Croatia, to see her family. Meeting the parents and all that.’
‘Oh, so her parents get to meet you before we get to meet her. I don’t even know what she looks like,’ Adrian said, half joking.
He wondered if there was something about his new girlfriend that Gary was trying to hide. It certainly felt like it; they’d been together for several months now and there was always a reason Gary couldn’t introduce her to them. He couldn’t be annoyed, though, because he hadn’t even told Gary he was in a relationship with Imogen.
‘She doesn’t do photos, sorry,’ Gary said.
‘Well, she must be pretty special to have bagged a guy like you.’
Gary blushed and turned back to looking at his laptop screen.
‘We should know a bit more after the search of the house at Oswestry. Hopefully, anyway,’ Gary said.
‘How long has this guy been missing?’ Adrian said.
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