But when she spots Dawn, dangling her legs in the far end of the pool, a wave of sympathy sweeps over her. Cody and his pals are having a grand time playing keep-away. Lily imagines it can’t be easy getting upstaged by your twin constantly, especially when he acts like an idiot half the time. Dawn glances in her direction and surprises Lily by offering a small wave. Maybe, Lily thinks, Dawn is her way into this family. Maybe her stepdaughter doesn’t hate her quite as much as Lily imagines. Or, at least, not as much as she used to.
“Hey, there. How’s it going? Mind if I sit?” she sidles up beside Dawn, who peers up at her in her sunglasses.
“Be my guest. It’s your house.” Not exactly the friendly invitation Lily was hoping for, but beggars can’t be choosers, she thinks as she sits down.
“So, where did you disappear to?” Lily asks. “I haven’t seen you much today.”
“Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.” Lily’s heart stops for a second. Is it that obvious what she’s been up to? Is Dawn about to blow her cover?
“What do you mean?”
Dawn shrugs. “Nothing. I just haven’t seen you around. Guess that’s because my friends and I hung out on the beach for a while.” She hugs herself. “The water was freezing!”
“Well, it is only May,” Lily reminds her. “Give it time. You’re not going in the pool?”
“Nah, I wanted to sit for a while. Anyway, Matt won’t be here till later.”
“Oh? I’m sorry to hear that,” Lily says, her words running together ever so slightly. “Something come up?”
“His parents are making him go to a party at his cousin’s house in Lexington.” Dawn gives her a funny look, or maybe Lily is imagining it?
“Ah.” Lily tries to focus her thoughts. “Well, you must be excited about living together in Chicago.” Roger, she knows, is less excited about this idea, but she won’t let on. Dawn’s a big girl. She can make her own decisions, Lily assumes.
“Yeah, I can’t wait.”
“I’ll bet.” Lily thinks back to when she was Dawn’s age. Did she even have a serious boyfriend at twenty-one? No, definitely not. It occurs to her that maybe there are things that Dawn can confide to Lily that she can’t say to her mother. They’re not so far apart in age, after all. Maybe Lily can be of use. What does she wish she knew at Dawn’s age? That guys can be real jerks, but as long as you know who you are, you’ll be okay.
The thought that maybe she’s been going about this stepmom thing all wrong occurs to her. Maybe Dawn desperately wants to talk about Chicago but hasn’t because her parents are both skeptical about her moving to a city to be “with a guy.” But Lily can relate. Lily can listen. Maybe Lily can be someone for Dawn that no one else in this family can—if not a friend exactly, then a big sister. The thought grabs her like a fresh wind, and she stretches her arms out behind her to better lean back, eager to be of help. She feels a little wobbly, which is weird because she’s only had one glass of wine. And the urge to lie down on one of the chaise lounges, maybe take a quick nap, is immense. But the opportunity before her, to actually bond with Dawn, is too tantalizing to pass up. “So,” she says, “tell me more about Matt. He sounds like an amazing guy.”
Dawn glances back at her, a shy grin spreading across her face.
* * *
Joel has gone for a walk on the beach, which is probably for the best. Let him cool off, Meredith thinks. This party can’t exactly be easy for him. She stands off to one side of the lawn, watching the kids who are contorting their bodies into what she supposes are meant to be dance moves. One boy spins through the air in an actual backflip, and a scattering of applause dimples the air. She scissors her legs together—she needs to pee—and hands over her empty glass to a passing waiter before heading into the house.
The downstairs presents somewhat of a maze, but eventually she locates a powder room off the kitchen and then another behind the family room, both occupied. Since waiting isn’t an option, she hurries past the giant wooden whale (the Nantucket ACK painted on its fin) and climbs the stairs in search of a bathroom. Theoretically, she’s family. And she’s more than a little curious to see what this house looks like on the second floor, where she has never set foot before.
Upstairs, there are at least five bedrooms and an office. There’s a pretty bedroom, the walls painted a deep purple. Dawn’s. Then there’s Cody’s room, with its Red Sox and Patriots banners strung across the walls. It hits Meredith for the first time that yes, her children really do have two bedrooms in two different homes. She wanders into what must be the master bedroom with its enormous canopy bed—and can’t help but imagine what fun her ex-husband and Lily must have here.
Meredith rushes to the master bath, her bladder about to burst, and after relieving herself, washes her hands at a sink where the faucet turns off and on by motion detector. Ridiculous, she thinks. It’s like a hotel. When she dries her hands, a bottle on the floor catches her eye, and she bends to pick it up. Across the front on a white sticker are scrawled the words oxy, 15 tablets. These are not prescription pills that Roger would be taking for his hand, not with this ad hoc sticker. No, these are off market. Probably black market. And all of a sudden, her concerns about Cody come flooding back. Has he been up here during the party sneaking these? She’ll kill him, absolutely throttle him at his own graduation fete. She grips the bottle, then reconsiders, and tosses it into the trash. She races downstairs to find her son, to check his pupils. If they’re the size of pinholes, she’ll know—she’ll know that he’s been using.
Outside, she marches over to the pool, where he’s treading water, his head bobbing up and down like a baby seal.
“Cody, I need you to get out of the pool.”
“Now? Why? What’s going on?”
“Get out. Right now.” Her bare foot taps against the ceramic Mexican tiles that edge the pool’s perimeter. The boys’ game of H.O.R.S.E. comes to a halt while Cody’s friends look on, curious and confused. Meredith thinks she might explode while she waits for her son to pull himself out of the water and wrap a blue towel around his waist.
“Geez, Mom, chill. What’s the matter?” A small puddle forms at his feet and she grabs him by the arm, tugging him over to the shade of a Japanese maple. She doesn’t care if she’s making a scene. His eyes are red—probably from the chlorine. But his pupils? She stares into his eyes, seeking the awful confirmation that her son is high on oxycodone. She waits to see if his pupils will remain constricted, or if they’ll expand to adjust to the shade, as they should. For a second, they seem frozen, and her stomach roils. But then, ever so slowly, Cody’s pupils begin to dilate, adapting to the muted light.
When her hands drop by her side, she realizes they’re trembling. His pupils are fine. Absolutely fine. If anything, his eyes stare back at her accusingly. Her son is not high on oxycodone, at least not at the moment.
“Nothing,” she says. “Sorry. You’re fine.”
“What the hell, Mom?” Cody protests.
“Watch your language,” she cautions. “I thought maybe you were doing something you shouldn’t be.”
Mild confusion flickers across his face before landing on indignation. “Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be from now on? You and Dad are going to accuse me of using drugs even though I’ve never touched the stuff in my life?”
She takes a step back, surprised that he’s calling her on it here in front of his friends. “We don’t have to discuss this now,” she says quietly.
“The hell we don’t. I’m not going to have you and Dad doubting me for the rest of my life because of one stupid picture. That picture meant nothing.” He spits out the word as if he can’t believe the amount of time that has already been wasted on it.
“Look, I said I’m sorry.” Meredith holds up her hands. “There’s no need to attack me.”
“Well, same goes for me,” Cody sneers.
; “Hey, what’s going on here?” It’s Roger, coming to the rescue.
“Nothing.” Meredith shakes her head, acutely aware that any party conversation around them has dwindled to a soft hush, though the beat of a Bon Jovi tune still thrums through the air. “A simple misunderstanding.”
“Son, is everything okay, or do we need to take this inside?”
“Everything is awesome, Dad. Frickin’ spectacular.”
“Hey, there’s no need to use that language with me or your—”
But he doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence because just then a scream slices through the air. “Mom? Mom!” shouts Dawn. “Come quick!”
EIGHTEEN
Saturday afternoon, 3:00 p.m.
After walking along the beach, Joel loops back toward the house. Roger’s “estate” is over-the-top gorgeous, as if he has strolled onto the set for Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Whoever said “money can’t buy you happiness” hasn’t seen this house, Joel thinks. He can almost imagine what it must be like coming home to this every night—dinner on the deck, magnificent sunsets, the thrum of the waves kneading the shore. Heaven. That people actually live like this is slightly astonishing to him, and even though he has seen the house before at summer drop-offs, until today, he’s never stepped foot beyond the foyer. It’s as if the gates to Xanadu have been shuttered to him all this time, while the kids have been having the time of their lives. If only he could bring a few of his students up here for a field trip! Show them what’s possible when you graduate college and get a good job (no need to mention the part about Roger’s being a lawyer).
Now that he’s had a few minutes to cool down, he can see the recent little exchange between Meredith and Roger for what it was: two parents concerned about their kids. Roger’s peck on the cheek meant nothing. Still, that doesn’t mean Joel has to like it. If he had his way, Roger would stay a hundred feet back from Meredith at all times. Maybe if he writes his handbook one day, he’ll include a chapter on ex-spouses, too. Never approach your ex without first seeking approval from the new spouse. Yeah, there should definitely be a section on exes because they’re the ones who really need to recalibrate their behavior, deleting the tiny gestures of affection they once took for granted.
What really confuses him, though—the more he gets to see Roger in action—is how Meredith could possibly be attracted to them both. Because they’re polar opposites. Couldn’t pick two more different guys to fall in love with. Maybe, Joel ponders, people actually have two soul mates in life, not one. The first is kind of like the try-out period, with the second being the real thing. Maybe Roger’s flash and dazzle were irresistible to a younger Meredith, but now she realizes that a guy like Joel suits her better for a lifelong companion. Otherwise, how else to reconcile it?
There’s a wall of seagrass dividing the property from the beach, and Joel cuts through it, placing himself on the gravelly walkway that leads to the backyard. Grant me strength. Grant me patience. Grant me a sense of humor, he recites. Only a few more hours before they can head back to the hotel. It’s oddly quiet, and he realizes that’s because the DJ has stopped playing tunes. Must be taking a well-deserved break, Joel thinks. But then he spots Meredith and a few others darting across the yard to the far end of the pool, where a small crowd is gathering. Something’s not right. Moses starts barking his head off.
Joel trots over, slightly out of breath by the time he arrives. “Excuse me, excuse me, coming through.” He uses his bulk to his advantage while pushing through the circle of people that currently surround his wife. When he finally reaches the eye of the storm, Meredith, Roger, and Dawn are all bent over a young woman in a green dress, who appears to have fainted. Lily. Meredith’s head is tilted over Lily’s, which jolts Joel from his confusion, because his wife is clearly listening for breath sounds. Swiftly, she angles Lily’s head back, plugs her nose, and begins administering breaths of air.
Cody grabs Moses by the collar and starts dragging him back into the house. “C’mon, boy. C’mon, let’s go!”
Meredith breaks for a second, looks up and catches Joel’s eye. “Call 9-1-1,” she says calmly. Then she counts aloud before beginning again. One, two, three, four. Breathe.
And Joel starts punching numbers into his phone like crazy.
* * *
For a moment, Meredith thinks Roger might actually strike Cody in light of his fresh talk, but the thought vanishes as soon as Dawn’s scream slices the air. Instinctively, she spins toward the pool, panicked that someone has cracked his head open in a diving stunt. But all eyes are focused on the far end, where Dawn is crouching over a woman in a green dress. Lily. People begin yelling for help, and Roger calls out Lily’s name as he races to her side. Meredith’s legs feel strangely immobile—until finally, her blood is pumping again and she hurries toward the small crowd forming.
“Who’s a doctor here?” Roger cries out, cradling Lily’s head in his hands. Meredith scans the group quickly, because surely one of Roger’s guests must be a doctor. But when no one volunteers, the brief silence feels deafening. She peers down at Lily, who, were her lips not turning a pale shade of blue, might have merely fainted. But that color tells Meredith there’s no time to waste, no waiting for a doctor to step forward.
“Will someone get Moses out of here?” she yells, unable to think with all the barking.
“Meredith, can you help her?” Roger stares at her with pleading, desperate eyes. “Please?” She bends down to listen for breath puffs, already suspecting what she’ll hear. Nothing. Think, Meredith, think. Her heart is racing. She reaches for Lily’s wrist and detects a faint pulse. That’s good.
Meredith is fairly certain that what she’s witnessing is an overdose, that the bottle of pills she assumed belonged to Cody, even Roger, in fact belongs to Lily. The blue lips, the stopped breathing are all telltale signs of an opioid overdose. She begins the steps for rescue breathing, which have become ingrained in her mind over the years, although she has to recalibrate slightly because most of the breathing she performs is on tiny babies in the NICU.
“What happened?” she demands of her daughter between breaths.
“Nothing!” cries Dawn. “We were just talking. And then she said she felt like she couldn’t breathe and the next thing I know, she passed out.” Meredith blows in again, watching to make sure Lily’s chest rises. Five more seconds. One more breath.
“Roger, is Lily on any medication?” Meredith needs to know exactly what she’s dealing with here. Are there other drugs involved? “Did she take anything?”
Roger stares at her, unblinking. “Not that I can think of.” Either he’s hiding what he knows to protect Lily’s privacy or he honestly has no idea. “Oh, she had a glass of wine, I guess.”
For a brief moment, Meredith panics, thinking she’s neglected to pack her naloxone kit, a lifesaver for opioid overdoses, in her beach bag for the party. But, no, some inner voice must have reminded her to transfer it from her purse to her bag today, just in case. Was it the episode with Cody yesterday that made her extra vigilant? Perhaps, but these days she rarely travels without it, this magical antidote that can reverse the effects of an overdose within minutes, mostly because she knows she would never forgive herself if someone died on her watch. In her lifetime, she has had to use it three times—twice with moms of babies admitted to the NICU and once on a woman who’d collapsed in an aisle of the grocery store. But that’s three lives saved.
“Dawn, honey, grab my bag—it’s by the lounge chair.” Meredith continues breathing into Lily’s lungs. “C’mon, Lily,” she coaxes. “Give us something.” Lily’s lips have paled to an alarming shade of purple, and her fingertips are bluing, as well. Meredith plugs Lily’s nose again and makes a tight seal with her lips.
“C’mon, back up, everyone. Give them some room.” Joel is playing security guard. “Ambulance is on the way, honey,” he says more softly. Within seco
nds, Dawn is back at her side, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Dig through until you find it,” Meredith instructs, ignoring her daughter’s tears. She can’t afford to get emotional right now. “The red Narcan kit.” Her daughter’s eyes widen as soon as she hears the word Narcan—she knows as well as any nurse that Narcan is used to treat drug overdoses—and immediately dumps the contents of Meredith’s bag out onto the ground, seizing the red packet. With shaking hands, she unzips it and passes it over.
“Here, keep breathing for her,” Meredith orders, and Dawn quickly moves into position, cupping her mouth over Lily’s and assuming Meredith’s place. Meredith has reviewed CPR with her kids enough times so that, God forbid, should they ever need to, they’ll know what to do. It’s a small godsend at the moment. Now she rips the nasal spray from its plastic packaging and slides it in, blasting the naloxone into Lily’s right nostril. Time is of essence. Meredith can’t screw this up. It’s not her smoothest delivery, but it will have to do. When there’s no immediate reaction from Lily, she resumes her breath puffs. “Come on, Lily. Breathe!”
Meredith prays she’s provided the antidote in time. She prays it’s the right antidote because if it’s not an opioid overdose, the naloxone will do blessed nothing. It can take a few minutes to kick in, but surely it’s been a minute by now? She has one more naloxone spray she can use, if needed. She’s supposed to wait up to four minutes to see if Lily comes to before administering a second dose, but the wait is excruciating. In the driveway, the wail of sirens stipples the air. Finally.
“C’mon, Lily. You need to come back to us.” Meredith takes another gulp of air and resumes rescue breathing while everyone waits.
* * *
Fifteen seconds. Thirty seconds. One minute. Ninety seconds...
Dawn cradles her knees and silently prays. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Please let her be all right. Please. Oh, please. Oh, please. Oh, please. Her entire body is shaking. Her dad cradles Lily’s head while he rocks back and forth on his knees. While Dawn couldn’t swear to it, she’s pretty sure her dad, an agnostic, is reciting his own silent prayer. It’s as if everyone else has slipped away and she, her parents, and Lily are all trapped inside their own private bubble where time has slowed to a crawl. Even though Dawn doesn’t believe in angels, it almost feels as if she can sense their downward gaze while they silently urge Lily to join them.
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