“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked. I shook my head. “Why the ever-fucking loving not?” he asked in all seriousness.
I had to laugh. “Because, we don’t have that type of relationship… we’re like family.” I said. It sounded so good when I said it, even I believed it. Although it tasted sour anytime I said it, I’ve said it so much it flowed with conviction.
Abee gave me a long look. “You know, I don’t get you two. It’s like sometimes, there’s so much sexual charged tension between you two I feel like an intruder being in the same room as you guys. But at the same time, it’s like you can both be in the same room flirting – at the very least when it comes to Bull – with other people and neither one of you could give two damns. It’s the weirdest thing I ever seen.”
I shook my head laughing. “That’s because since you’ve met us you wanted something to be there.”
She shrugged. “I still think you two would be perfect for each other.”
“Would you guys get over it already? Anyway, James how are things with you and Henry?” I asked trying to move the focus off of me.
He rolled his eyes dramatically just as the waitress put our food down on the table. “Honey, he is so last week’s news. I however had to leave the comfy arms of Jacob this morning.” He sighed dramatically.
Abee scoffed. “You’re shitting me, right? Didn’t you guys break up?”
I chimed in. “Wasn’t he the whole reason you were seeing Henry? He was your rebound.” I reminded him. Before James and Abee, I never had this. Initially having these little get togethers and these types of ‘girl talks’ made me so uncomfortable. It was a long way from what I was used to from the club and pretty much any other experience in my life. Now it was normal for me, something I didn’t know I was missing and was kind of softening me up a bit. My hard, sharp edges seem to smooth out because of them.
He waved a hand. “I’m convinced… me and Jacob were meant to be.” He let out a dreamy sigh as he gazed into nothing lost in some thought.
Abee and James dominated the rest of the conversation talking about their careers and their men, Abee talking about Jianna. I had a funny feeling come over me by the time we were leaving that I couldn’t quite define. I brushed it off and decided to just head back to Bull’s house forgoing the club.
At about 11:00 I became restless. I’ve done everything that I could think of around the house since I’ve been back, and I was bored shitless. There wasn’t anything left for me to do and I was nowhere near tired. I didn’t really want to go to the club, but I didn’t have anything else to do. I’d called both Abee and James who were both occupied with their boyfriends/husbands and I didn’t have any other friends to hang out with outside of the club, so that was my only option. With my mind made up, I threw some clothes on and headed over.
The first person I ran into was Peaches when I arrived. She was definitely high. She’s heavy into coke, but not any other drugs. If her behavior didn’t give her away, the white still gracing her nose sure as hell would’ve. She is a cool bitch though when she’s sober. When she’s high, she’s a hit or miss.
“Hey you sexy bitch.” Peaches greeted me.
“Sup.”
“You want to do a line with me?” She asked hopefully looking for a drug buddy.
I shook my head, I was never into drugs. “Nah, Ima just hit the bar.”
She nodded, hesitated, and then followed me over. She plopped down on the stool next to me. “Tonight, is a fucking bust.” She complained.
I nodded in agreement although our reasoning’s were totally different. I wasn’t really in the mood to party tonight, but what other choice did I have? “Sure enough.”
The prospect manning the bar served us both a shot which we both threw back immediately, and he poured us a refill. After we downed the second shot, Peaches spoke up again. “You know, you’re fucking lucky.” She said.
I motioned for another shot, which he quickly and happily obliged me. Then I took the shot, and enjoyed the burn flowing through I answered her. “Whatcha mean?” I asked.
She cocked an eyebrow as though I should’ve known the answer. “You’ve got it good. I mean, come on… you get anything you want, anything you need. You’re a fucking princess bitch. I’d kill to be you. Shit, ain’t no secret you got you a nice as fuck crib and shit. No one fucks with you cause they fucking know better. I mean, look at all of this… you have it fucking all cause your Bull’s sister. It has to be fucking awesome.” She ended with a wistful sigh.
I frowned. “What does that mean?” I asked.
“You know what I mean. Hell bitch ain’t no need to be hiding from me. We all see it and shit, no one say a fuck because they don’t want your bro down their necks… but shit if I were you I’d flaunt it if I had it. You’re pretty much living the life of the VP, Bull’s life.” She said so matter of fact.
I grimaced. ‘You’re living Bull’s life.’ I didn’t respond to her, too busy drowning in her words. She must’ve gotten bored with me and wandered off at some point and I didn’t notice. I was too busy feeling sick as the weight of her words sunk in. It was true without a doubt… I was living his life. The life he gave me. I couldn’t help the thoughts bombarding me all at once.
I didn’t have any friends of my own. Only Abee and James, everyone else I knew were Bull’s friends, Bull’s family. I was in my home and at the club because these were his places. I didn’t have anything for myself. I had no fucking life, that’s how I ended up here tonight.
I signaled to the prospect again as I began to spiral into a panic. He went to pour me a shot and I shook my head taking the entire bottle of Jack from him and heading to my room. Yea, the room I have because of Bull. Fuck! I didn’t bother turning on the TV or anything, I just kicked off my shoes and sat up in the bed staring into nothing but the darkness swarming the room. I took a swig from the Jack as I let my thoughts consume me.
I thought back to that feeling I’d had earlier when we were out, and it took me a while, but when I recognized the feeling it hit me like a ton of bricks. Jealousy. I had no idea what it felt like to be in a relationship. They were living their lives, working, having families, dating… they had freedom. And me? I was stuck, not moving. After everything that I’ve been through and wanted to do for myself, I did the first step. I got an education then… nothing. I just stayed where I was. I mean, I’ve never even had a real relationship with a man before. Never been taken out on a date, spent a night cuddling. I never even knew I wanted those things before now.
Well, in all honesty I didn’t. It didn’t really seem like an actual possibility for me. I’d long ago given up the thoughts of me having a family, a boyfriend, anything really good. I’d went and gotten my degree and now it’s sitting there collecting dust. What’s been the fucking point? I groaned as I took another drink. Why am I sulking about this? Sure, looking at other people it looks great, but that couldn’t really be me. They were good, untainted. That type of shit wasn’t for people like me.
I laughed humorlessly to myself. Fuck this, what the hell am I doing. I’m here, I’ve got booze and I have tomorrow. I took a large gulp and laughed to myself. Since when the fuck did I start being all fucking pitiful? I’ve been through harder shit and didn’t mope like this. I swallowed more Jack – shit I think I might need this whole bottle to put my world back on its axis. I drunk until I started seeing three of everything and eventually passed out.
Chapter 3
“Uhh.” I fussed as the noise infiltrated my sleep.
I rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head. The throbbing didn’t stop, and the noise only got even louder. I groaned in frustration, I was still considerably drunk and the noise outside wasn’t helping me get back to sleep to resemble a human being. Someone seriously had a fucking death wish. I got up and stormed out of the room. My head throbbing in tempo with my footsteps. As I rounded to the main area, the voices grew louder. I emerged to find Bull, Cutter, and Arrow – one of the new recru
its – was sitting at the table laughing obnoxiously. I walked over and banged my hand down on the table to get their attention.
“Hey sugar, where the fuck you been?” Bull asked.
I glared at him. “You’re making a lot of noise for this time of day.”
Cutter frowned. “Nettie, its 1:00…”
Fuck if I care. “I’m still tired and you fucking assholes are making a shit ton of noise. If you even so much as breathe loud enough for me to hear I will gut you. Do you understand?” I threatened the group and gave them my best glare.
Bull smiled happily and made an exaggerated show of zipping his lips. I rolled my eyes as Cutter spoke up. “Hungover?” he asked sympathetically
I nodded. “Yes, I am. I would appreciate it if you could cut a girl some slack.” I softened. Cutter was a sweetheart and he was always nice to me. If Bull wasn’t around, he’d be the only person I’d go to besides Lucifer. At least with Cutter, he wouldn’t tattle tell on me as easily.
He nodded. “You got it babe, we’ll turn down.”
Arrow pouted. “But I’m loud…” he fussed.
I’ve not spoken to him much since he’s been around, so he didn’t know that him being a big mouth wasn’t remotely close to being my problem. “I don’t give a shit, don’t talk. Trust me, you don’t want me to make good on my promise.”
He held his hands up in surrender. “I thought you were the nice one, you’re fucking feisty.” He grinned as he looked me up and down. “I like feisty though.”
He was cute enough, and it didn’t really sound so cheesy and slimy coming out of his mouth. However, I couldn’t think straight at the moment. I turned to Bull, “… or else” was all I had to say and he knew what I meant. I might not be able to kick Cutter and Arrow’s ass, let’s face it I’ll lose if they fight back. But Bull? His ass would be grass. He nodded, and I stomped off back to my room.
I laid there for maybe 30 minutes tossing and turning trying to find the best position so that I could go back to sleep. I knew it was a lost cause at this, point but it didn’t stop me from trying. I heard the door opening and I rolled over. Bull had a sheepish look on his face and I could tell his big ass was trying to tiptoe in here quietly. I arched my eyebrow in question and he held up a mug and gave me a big grin. He was too fucking cute sometimes.
I sighed and relented then sat up in bed. He took that as an invitation as he stepped fully into the room kicking the door shut behind him. “I come with coffee.” He said handing over the mug.
I took it then looked at him confused. “Didn’t I tell you I wanted sleep?”
He shrugged. “As long as it took you to bitch us out, I knew that you weren’t going to be going back to sleep. I figured I’d get you your caffeine fix to sate your little addiction as a peace offering.”
I took a sip and sighed. Just the way I liked it. A splash of hazelnut and one sugar. There was one thing I could never deny; the boy fucking knew me. “This is the best kind of addiction there is. Coffee was made for me.”
Bull climbed in the bed making me move over closer to the wall to make space for him. “What are you doing today?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing really. I’ll probably feel like shit for most of the day, I don’t even have the energy to go home.” I admitted.
He nodded. “How ‘bout you grab a quick shower and I’ll go get my chrome stick from my room and setup something on Netflix or Hulu or some shit.”
I frowned. “How are you going to binge with me, don’t you have shit to do?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “Mostly everyone left on a run, we stayed behind and Lucifer. Not much for us to do around here today. It’ll probably be down like this for the next two days… you know what that means?” he asked now wearing a mischievous grin.
I hid my smile and shook my head. “No, what does that mean?” I asked.
He waggled his eyebrows. “It’s you and me sugar. You’ve got me all to yourself. We can relax and watch one of the shows you’ve been talking about that you didn’t want to watch alone. You’ll have to cook for me though; I don’t feel all that adventurous.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Ok.”
I gathered my stuff and left him to wash my ass. I’m not going to lie, the hot water and steam worked wonders on me and I was beginning to feel like I resembled a human again. Initially I was going for a quick shower, so I could crawl back under the covers and feel bad for myself. Didn’t turn out that way. I ended up taking my time washing my hair and body then even shaved. I didn’t want to step out of the confines of the shower, it was purely amazing.
Eventually, I decided I was borderline into prune territory and it was time to come out. As I was drying off, I was beginning to get excited. Spending time with Bull, just the two of us was sounding better and better to me. I loved spending time with just the two of us, but it’s never a really long time unless it’s at night and we’re at his place. Two or three days, just the two of us doing something as mundane as binging on a show like couch potatoes sounded absolutely perfect. I knew I shouldn’t be so fucking willing to torment myself. I mean, I was in love with him and he looked at me as a kid sister. It wouldn’t mean the same thing to us, but it didn’t matter. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, just me.
I’d worry about all of this later. Right now, I was looking forward to cuddling up to him – you know innocently and all – and watching that Walking Dead show everyone was nuts over. Or, maybe even the Sons of Anarchy… I’d wanted to watch that as well. I couldn’t help the huge smile that broke out on my face. There was really no reason I was this giddy, but I was and fuck what it meant.
I was practically skipping as I made my way to my room. I was so pumped up; it took me a minute to realize I was alone in the room. Bull was nowhere in sight. I sighed, knowing him he probably waited until he knew I was coming out the bathroom to get up to grab the damn stick. I rolled my eyes as I made my way to his room. His door was cracked opened and with all of my excitement pumping through my blood I didn’t recognize the signs until it was too late.
I pushed the door opened and walked in. The scene in front of my registered almost immediately.
Peaches was on top of Bull riding him like a maniac while Betty was crouched down behind them licking on his balls. He let out a long groan and the vein in his neck ticked. The tell that he was coming. I backed up and walked out of the room slowly. I couldn’t fucking believe this. Had he totally forgotten about me that fucking quick? I shook my head and went back to my room to get dressed for the day. I took my time; I was hurt and pretty pissed. He’d basically gotten my hopes up and ditched me for a nut. I was hoping that he’d come and apologize, and I would be able to forget about it. God only knows that being witness to one of his many sexual exploits hurt fucking deep. There’s a difference between knowing and well… knowing.
I was dressed 45 minutes ago. Fucking hell I was a sap. I knew he was finished; he did before I left, and he still didn’t show the fuck up. Sighing I decided to leave. I couldn’t fucking just sit here and pretend like I wasn’t fucking losing my mind. I left the clubhouse making sure to pass Bull’s door on the way, only to hear moans coming from his now closed door. Fucking bastard.
I went home – to my house not his – and went straight to bed. I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted some peace, some space. What I really needed was to get my fucking head on straight and stop deluding myself with all these fucked up thoughts of Jackson and me. It’s like a never ending fucking cycle for my whole damn life. How long can I really pine over someone who would never look at me in that way? Shit, the only reason why he probably ever slept with me was because I was available, he’s a fucking horn dog, and I’m a bit attractive.
When sleep wouldn’t find me, I decided to give up and find a different distraction. What other options did I have other than calling the girls to come over? Yea, my life is really fucking pathetic. I’ve got two whole fucking friends… yes; I neede
d to make some serious life changes.
I don’t know what… well if I’m being honest I do know what. I needed to stop fantasizing and dwelling on Bull. I needed a life outside of his and the club. I needed to get a fucking job, that would most definitely help my ass with occupying time.
I heard the front door open and close followed by Abbie’s voice. I’d never taken the key back from her, there wasn’t a need to. I mean, I wasn’t as dense to know that sometimes couples had spats and she might need an escape and also in times like this, I didn’t want to have to open the door.
“Oh my God! James, you are impossible. Didn’t I tell you not to post those pictures on every Goddamn page you could imagine?” Abee fused.
I heard a grunt. “Oh puh-lease baby girl. Those pictures were fucking epic and you guys looked so fucking hot! I mean, come on this is awesome. And whether you like it or not, I did in fact expose the designers and maybe a couple of people want us to hook them up, so they can experience being a fraction of that hotness.” There was a pause. “I mean, no matter how amazing we are, people just simply aren’t as fucking hot as you guys are, so I mean… it’s never going to have exactly the same effect.”
I went to see what the hell they were talking about. As soon as I entered the room, Abee damn near knocked me over when she flung herself at me. I laughed, “What is going on? I heard you guys going at it.”
Abelie sighed. “Nettie, save me please? He’s finally lost his fucking biscuits. I don’t know who dropped him on his head as of late but he’s a goner, absolutely delusional.” She was so dramatic when she wanted to be. It has to be James rubbing off on her.
I laughed. “What’s going on?” I asked as I walked to the kitchen with them trailing behind me.
“He posted our wedding pictures all over the internet! Then had the audacity to commit me to helping him with creating someone’s wedding dress.” She groaned.
Natalia (Hades Riders MC Book 3) Page 3