“Text me with your availability.”
Anna nodded and then stepped out of the room. She walked out of the side door and onto the pavement. As her hand rested on her sternum, a flustered feeling began deep in her chest. She felt tingly and warm after kissing Ollie.
I haven’t felt like this in years. She waited until the flustered feeling slowed and then dropped her hand, her whole body relaxing.
Nodding once to herself, she began the short journey through the cold winter’s night to her car.
Chapter 9
Squares I Don’t Need
Twenty-two days before the day, Bethany asked Anna what she would be getting Ollie for Christmas.
Anna shook her head and shrugged. “I’ve no idea.” She wound the yarn she was making yet more granny squares with around her forefinger.
“Are you going to make her something?” Timothy asked from the armchair.
With her bottom lip between her teeth, Anna sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Is she the person you care most about?” Timothy asked. “Apart from Beth and I, of course.”
“Different kind of ‘care about’,” Bethany said without looking up from her glossy magazine.
“I think so,” Anna replied.
It was Friday, and Ollie was coming round to Anna’s house for pizza and a film on Saturday night. It was all Anna could handle after spending two days on a school trip with sixty rambunctious pupils excited about seeing the plays they’d read in class come to life, but luckily Ollie had been game, because Anna had been up most of the night and had fallen into bed at eight that morning, before getting up at lunchtime. Her eyes were drooping, and her body felt heavy against the sofa cushions.
I’ve still got so much marking to do. Thank goodness I have today off.
Should she cancel her date with Ollie? Would she be in too much of a tired state tomorrow to be pleasant company? She felt woozy and bleary-eyed. She’d looked in her mirror and grimaced when she had seen the dark circles and the lines by her mouth. I look so old.
“You said you’d make something for one person,” Timothy continued, snapping Anna out of her reverie. “And you should make it for the person you care about the most.”
“I should,” Anna said, putting her granny squares away and then shoving the top down on her cloth bag. For once she didn’t want to look at crochet. Squares and squares for no purpose, what’s the point?
“Be subtle, perhaps? Ask her about her favourite colour, if there’s anything she’s made for someone else but never for herself?” Bethany said, green eyes crinkling at her mother over her magazine.
Timothy, seemingly content that his questions had been answered, went back to watching his natural-history television programme.
“I suppose I could.”
“When you see her tomorrow.”
Anna nodded. She clambered dejectedly from the sofa and grabbed a large box full of folders. “Which reminds me,” she said on her way to the study. “You’ll be making yourself scarce, hmm?”
“I’ll be at Adam’s,” Timothy said.
Anna chuckled and he grinned back. “Actually, my question was directed at my lovely daughter.”
Bethany smirked over the sofa back. “Yes, Mum. Oh, and Jessica says ‘thanks’ for the pizza cash.”
“That’s my girl.” Anna winked and hugged the damn files to her chest. She was not looking forward to the paperwork, but her stomach warmed at how much she loved her children. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Make sure you take breaks between marking,” Bethany said, face back inside the pages of her magazine.
“I’ll try, love.” She closed the door to the study.
Anna worked solidly, desperate to get everything done before Saturday evening. She managed to crawl into bed at three. She slept until midday, then showered and fretted over her outfit for their official first date.
Ollie had impressed that she should feel comfortable—Anna had told her about the amount of work she’d completed, both on the school trip and at home. That quietened some of the butterflies that patted against Anna stomach. She’s very understanding, but I suppose she used to teach. She knows how tiring it can be.
They were staying in, but Anna wanted to make an effort. She chose a deep green jumper and dark blue jeans and made sure she didn’t smell like she’d been up all night, or in bed all day.
Ollie arrived right on time. Anna squinted at the taxi as it drove away. “Didn’t you bring your car?” she asked as she ushered Ollie in.
Ollie shrugged her coat off, and Anna took it from her. “Actually, I have a confession.” She toed the carpet with her boot. “I don’t own one.”
“You don’t have a car?”
“Well, I couldn’t physically drive for a few months when I got discharged,” Ollie said, grimacing. “And once I’d spent all of Maggie’s money on the shop…I didn’t need a car. It felt frivolous to buy one.”
Anna gazed gently at her. “Fair enough.”
Ollie’s shoulders relaxed.
“And hello,” Anna said, her eyelashes dipping a little.
“Hi.”
Once she’d wrapped her arms around her, Anna touched their cheeks together. She shivered at the contact and could feel Ollie smiling against her skin.
Ollie pulled back and her gaze flicked to Anna’s lips. At the lift of Anna’s chin, Ollie leant down to her, and when their lips met, it was soft.
The hair at the back of Ollie’s neck was silky under Anna’s fingers. Ollie didn’t rush her, just maintained the contact, allowing the kiss to stay light.
Anna stepped back and held out her hand. “Let’s look at the pizza menu.”
“Tip-top idea,” Ollie said.
Anna led her into the living room. She watched with interest as Ollie looked around.
A small smile pulled at her lips as she looked at the large television, the wide bay window, and the ornaments lined up neatly on the mantelpiece. Oh, that’s right, she hasn’t been in here before. A slight nod suggested Ollie was finished exploring at least the living room. They sat next to one another on the sofa and ordered the food.
Ollie indicated Anna’s cloth bag, full to overflowing, leaning against the side of the sofa. “What’re you making?”
Anna sighed and shook her head. “Just granny squares.” The words tumbled from her lips bitterly.
“You don’t like granny squares?”
“I feel like I’ve run out of ideas of things to make.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m not sure what I’m making them for. I don’t want to arrive with hundreds of boring squares for the project. Although I do intend on donating a few more.”
Ollie tickled a fingertip against the back of her hand where it lay on the cushion between them. She traced a circle around one of Anna’s knuckles.
Anna smiled, her skin tingling where Ollie touched her.
“You don’t have to be constantly making things,” Ollie said. “Feel free to have other hobbies in your life.”
“Wine? Good food?”
They watched as their fingers interlaced.
Ollie squeezed Anna’s hand warmly.
“I think I’ve hit a rut.” Anna pouted. I love crochet. I never thought I would, but I do. And I want to make things. But what?
“What’s all that, then?” Ollie asked, nodding towards the bag.
“I’ve just been sort of idly churning them out. Not sure what I’ll do with them all.” Anna twisted her lips in question. “Do you need all of these for the wall hanging?”
“No. You keep them for something you’d like to make.” Ollie reached behind her to pull at a corner of the completed crocheted throw hung over the back of the sofa. “This one is lovely,” she said, making happy stars burst in Anna’s stomach. “What about a bed throw? Or a smaller one for the ar
mchair?”
“A bed throw sounds nice.” Anna took Ollie’s hand back, missing how it felt in her own.
Ollie rested her cheek against the throw and closed her eyes. She looked like she’d sunk into a warm bath. “What colour’s your bedroom?”
The question was perfectly innocent, but Anna couldn’t let such a brilliant opportunity go. She rested her cheek on the sofa, too, her face close to Ollie’s, and her eyes shuttered a little. Her thumb smoothed over the back of Ollie’s hand. “Why don’t you come and see?” Anna’s voice was barely a whisper.
Ollie’s throat worked audibly as she swallowed.
The doorbell rang.
“God, that was quick,” Anna said, shooting up from the sofa. Ollie groaned as she stood to follow, and Anna tried not to grin. She’s right. The pizza bloke has terrible timing.
They served up the pizza and the box of potato wedges in the kitchen. Anna pulled a bottle of wine, already open, from the counter and cocked an eyebrow.
“Yes, please,” Ollie said.
Anna made sure she bent her neck and gave Ollie a good view as she poured them both a glass. The intake of breath from behind her meant she’d got what she wanted.
They sat across from one another at the table, eating with their fingers. They consumed the pizza quickly. Did I miss breakfast and lunch when I slept in this morning?
Ollie reached for a wedge, dipped it in the small pot of garlic mayonnaise, and lifted it to her mouth.
The way Ollie’s fingers glistened with oil was mesmerising. Anna’s heart sung as she realised she was allowed to look and allowed to feel desire for Ollie. Her stomach fluttered when Ollie sucked the tip of her thumb free from dip.
A flush crept up Ollie’s cheeks, but she smiled and then reached across to tangle their sticky fingers together on the tabletop.
“How was your school trip?” Ollie asked.
As if on cue, Anna yawned. “So tiring, but great too. We saw some fabulous pieces of theatre.” She paused with a potato wedge just by her mouth, relishing Ollie’s further blush. She was watching her too. “Two of my Year 9s decided they were ‘unfriending’ each other or whatever the blasted phrase is. Big kerfuffle. Up until three in the morning with them both.”
Ollie shot her a sympathetic look as she squeezed her fingers. “So that’s why I woke up in the morning to a three a.m. text. I was wondering.”
“Yes, sorry about that. It’s just that you and I had been texting the whole trip, and I was just used to doing it whenever something occurred; and I was so exhausted when I got done with those two girls, I wasn’t thinking about the time before I hit Send.”
“Have you had any sleep in the past two days?”
“Well, then I had an inconceivable amount of marking to do last night. I really…” Anna put a hand to her mouth as she yawned again. She hid behind her hand as her cheeks burned. “I’m so sorry.”
“That’s okay, comrade,” Ollie said. “That’s why I thought tonight it might be nice to stay in. No need to get dressed up or…” She shrugged.
Anna relaxed. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Ollie sipped at her wine before reaching for another potato wedge. “Tell me about your favourite pupil.”
“Miss working in the educational sector, do we?”
A smile made Ollie’s face glow, and she shrugged again.
Anna drank a large gulp of wine before putting her chin in her hand and pondering Ollie’s question. “I have this lad, Year 10, seems to be not quite all there, if you get my drift,” she began, anticipating Ollie’s reaction to the details of the story. “He was absolutely convinced that Willy Russell was a character from some Disney movie…” She poked towards Ollie with a potato wedge to emphasise. “Convinced.”
“The playwright?” Ollie’s face expressed how simultaneously delighted and appalled she was.
“Apparently,” Anna continued, “he’d seen the cartoon at his friend’s house.”
“A likely story,” Ollie said, laughter bubbling out of her.
“I wouldn’t have been so bothered but literally the week before, we’d been studying Our Day Out,” Anna said, chuckling too.
They reached for the last wedge at the same time. Anna simply broke it in half with oily fingers. “He says things like that all the time. Some kids absolutely baffle me.”
“That’s the brilliance of British kids, though,” Ollie said. “You don’t get that sort of consistent ignorance overseas. The kids in other countries tend to just sort of hang on your every word.” Her hand rose flippantly into the air. “That, and getting into military gangs.”
The room seemed to sink around Anna, but she tried to keep smiling. “That can’t have been easy.”
“It never was. All we could do was try and set them on a less…violent path again.”
“Did it always work?” Anna asked, knowing what the answer would be.
“Not always.” A dark shadow crossed Ollie’s features, and she looked away.
Anna smoothed her fingertips over Ollie’s hand. She then leaned back in her chair and sipped her wine.
Ollie looked a little disappointed but smiled anyhow.
“Mad, that. I can’t believe that in this world of civilisation and intelligence, we still have kids going off with guns.”
They were quiet for a while. Ollie must have seen some traumatic things in her line of work—Anna couldn’t even imagine. The father of a pupil who had been in the army came to mind. He had come home a broken man, twitching at the faintest noise, traumatised by what he had experienced in the war zone.
Ollie drained her wine glass. “Let me guess,” she said, lifting her empty glass to indicate it. “Merlot?”
Anna blinked rapidly and smiled, her sombre mood broken. “But of course. What else?”
“I like that you’re predictable.” They shared a look for a while. “Wish I’d been there. With your Disney kid. I’d probably have made the situation worse, though.”
Anna grinned. “Bit of a terror with British classes, were we?”
“Back in the day,” Ollie said, a flicker of sadness passing across her eyes.
Anna took her hand again.
“I would’ve probably gone along with it, made him describe the cartoon in intricate detail. Conned him into thinking he was right.”
“Do you have any photos?” Anna asked. “Of your army days?”
“Hmm,” Ollie said, reaching into her jeans pocket for her phone. “Fancy seeing me in uniform, eh?”
“I do,” Anna said honestly.
Ollie shot her a raised eyebrow. “Got any pictures of you in a cap and gown?”
“No.”
In an out-of-character gesture, Ollie poked out her bottom lip.
“We don’t wear them at the school I work at. Schools these days don’t. Private, maybe, but not local authority.”
“I bet you looked lovely in them,” Ollie said as she flicked through her phone. “Here.” She held it out, turning it around so Anna could see the screen.
“I really don’t—oh.” Anna took in the photograph of Ollie in camouflage fatigues and a cap, her comrades gathered around her arm in arm. A few kids stood in front with dark skin and wide smiles. The girls wore head scarves. A brown-haired woman was next to Ollie, her gaze trained on her face. She wore an army uniform too. “You look like one big happy family,” Anna said.
Ollie’s smile was gentle. “We were.”
“Do you keep in touch?”
Something dark trickled across Ollie’s face. “Used to. Still email Richard regularly, but the rest…” She grimaced further. “I wasn’t very nice to them w-when I was in-incapacitated.”
Anna’s hand was still in Ollie’s, and she caressed her thumb gently over the back of it, rubbing the skin between her knuckles. “Is that…your ex?” Anna as
ked, pointing at the brunette.
Ollie looked up. “Zoe.”
“She looks like she’s very fond of you.”
“D’you reckon?” Ollie asked, frowning.
To zoom in on the picture, Anna touched the screen and pinched her fingers outward. She turned the phone around so Ollie could see.
Ollie studied it, her eyes flicking back and forth. “I suppose you’re right.” She looked at the picture for a moment more, her eyes still. “I haven’t looked at this picture in a very long time.”
She looks like she could do with some time to think. Anna eventually squeezed her fingers, wanting to coax her out.
After swiftly locking her phone, Ollie shoved it back into her pocket. Her gaze lifted to Anna’s, and her shoulders slumped.
“Must have been a difficult time for you,” Anna said, slowly.
Ollie nodded. “Sorry,” she said, voice a little stronger. “I didn’t mean to get all maudlin. Stiff upper lip and all that.”
“That’s okay.” Anna leant back but refused to let go of Ollie’s hand. “Would you like some ice cream for pudding?” she asked, her gaze trailing over the empty plates in front of them.
“I’m full.”
“Film, then?”
“Roger that.”
They cleared away the plates. Ollie dried up while Anna washed. No point in putting the dishwasher on for two plates.
They refilled their glasses with more wine and sat next to one another on the sofa.
Anna felt Ollie’s gaze on her as she used the various remote controls to turn everything on.
“Are you sure you don’t have a picture of you in a cap and gown?”
“No, I don’t,” Anna said, laughing. “I only wore them for my graduation. And the sole photograph from that day remains hidden in my attic in a box.”
“Shame.”
Anna rolled her eyes and tore her gaze back to the television.
“Now, then. What would you like to watch?”
They settled on a comedy, something from the nineties that they’d both seen at the time but hadn’t seen since.
Anna started the movie and settled back onto the sofa. She looked over at Ollie as the credits began and then looked around her living room. She got to her feet, drew the curtains, and then turned the standard lamp on in the corner and the main light off from above them. An affectionate smile and a touch to Ollie’s shoulder would hopefully convey that she was trying to give them a more romantic atmosphere.
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