by Leslie Gould
After I’d finished, Nick stepped over and complimented me on how I’d handled the situation. “You let the parent make the decision with the necessary information,” he said. “Good job.”
It wasn’t a big deal, but still his comment warmed me. I remembered how encouraging he was, how he made me feel as if I could do anything. A lump formed in my throat and I simply nodded.
When we returned to the church for supper, David was flipping hamburger patties in the kitchen. After we washed up, Aenti Suz and I filled our plates, and once we were sitting down and eating, Nick joined us. He bowed his head and prayed before taking a bite of his burger.
As we all ate, our leader approached us and asked if Aenti Suz or I could stay another night. Aenti Suz quickly volunteered. I explained I worked the next day and couldn’t.
“You rode here in the van, right?”
I nodded.
“Oh dear,” she said. “I’ll need to go speak with our driver.”
Before she stepped away, Nick said, “I can give you a ride. No problem.”
The leader sighed. “That would be great. I’d hate for our driver to have to go all the way to Lancaster and then back again.”
I wasn’t thrilled with spending so much time with Nick, but I didn’t say anything. After our team leader left, I asked Nick what time he planned to leave.
“As soon we’re done eating,” he answered.
“All right,” I said. “I just need to grab my things.” I finished before he did and left while he and Aenti Suz were talking. When I returned with my backpack and sleeping bag, David had joined them. He sat next to Nick, across from Aenti Suz.
“Leave your plate,” Aenti Suz said to Nick. “I’ll clear it.”
We told Aenti Suz and David good-bye, and then we headed out to the church parking lot. The sky was overcast and a misty rain fell. I slipped my pack and sleeping bag behind the seat of Nick’s pickup and noticed his things were already stashed on his side.
As I climbed in, I thought of when he’d given me that first ride home from class. Then I’d learned to drive in this pickup. I’d arrived in Pittsburgh for my new life in it. I’d had my first kiss, outside my apartment, in it. A thousand jagged memories shattered my heart all at once.
Neither of us spoke as he turned onto the highway. A beam of light from the lowering sun shone through the clouds, and the raindrops on the windshield glistened until he turned on the wipers and they were swiped away.
“I hope you’ll have some time with your family tonight,” I said.
Nick smiled a little. “I’ll hang out with Mom and Dad. The girls are pretty busy, but I’ll be in town through the weekend.”
“Are they proud that you joined the Air Force?”
He gave me a sideways glance. “Honestly?”
I nodded.
“Dad was pretty mad at me.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t talk it through with you first.”
I didn’t answer.
“I know you don’t want to talk about this . . .”
I kept quiet, expecting him to say more. But he didn’t.
We rode in silence for a long stretch, and then he said, “Dad said he saw you at Wal-Mart on Saturday.”
“Jah,” I answered. “It was good to see him.” I didn’t say anything more about that either.
“Dad said you wore a Mennonite dress.”
I nodded. “I’ve been going to Marie and Gordon’s church. I’ll probably join in the spring.”
“Oh.”
There was another stretch of silence. Then he cleared his throat. I knew what was coming next.
“Dad said you were with a guy.”
I nodded again, even though the light was so dim now that he probably couldn’t see me. “Stephen,” I said. “He goes to my church.”
“Dad recognized him from the hospital.”
“Jah, Stephen works there. He’s a surgeon.”
Nick leaned back against the seat. “Is he the doctor who bought you the study program?”
I hoped the dim light would hide my wince as well. “Jah,” I whispered.
More silence.
“Are you happy, Leisel?” Nick asked a few minutes later. “Because I’ve been rehearsing a speech in my head for the last three months that I’d like to say to you, but if you’re happy, I’ll keep it to myself.”
I looked straight ahead. “I’m happy.”
His voice was an octave deeper than usual. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I snapped.
We rode in complete silence after that, until we were a few miles from Lancaster. “Your car’s parked at the church, right?” His voice was low and quiet. “Just north of town?”
“That’s right.”
My car was the only one in the parking lot, and Nick pulled up next to it, under a streetlight. He turned the engine off and climbed out of the pickup. I opened my door before he could reach it, but he held it as I climbed down and retrieved my things.
“Thank you for the ride.” I unlocked my car and dropped my pack in the back seat.
“You’re welcome.” Nick’s eyes grew watery and he looked away. “I really hope for the best for you, Leisel.”
“Thank you.” I fought the urge to run as fast and far as I could. “I wish the same to you.”
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it only lodged itself more securely. “This is . . .” I started to turn toward my car, not sure what to say.
“This is confusing?” He didn’t move. “Frustrating? Awkward?”
I nodded. “All three.” But it was more than that. I reached for the driver’s-side door handle. “I need to go. Thank you for the ride.”
He stepped back by his truck, and I slipped into my car. He waited for me. As I drove away, he waved. I expected the expression on his face to be angry, but it wasn’t. He was still fighting back tears.
The next morning I thought of everyone in Chester County who would be clearing away debris and repairing houses.
Then my thoughts turned to the conversation on the ride home. I hadn’t lied to Nick. I was happy. But I was also still in grief. It appeared we both were. But time healed all wounds and it would ours too.
By the time I reached work, the sun was shining and the day was warming up. And so was I. I texted Stephen. How about dinner tonight? As long as you don’t mind boxes stacked around my apartment.
He texted, Of course not! 8?
I texted back, Perfect. See you then. That would give me time to go to the store and then get dinner cooked.
“We have a packed schedule today,” one of the doctors said to me after I’d stowed my purse in the employee closet and readied the exam rooms. “All the regular appointments, plus a virus seems to be making the rounds already. And we had several cases of strep yesterday.”
“Good to know,” I said.
The day progressed like all the others. I truly enjoyed the people, but honestly my most valued skill was that I knew Pennsylvania Dutch. Jah, I could draw blood and give shots and all of that, but it wasn’t as if I were learning anything new. Or doing anything challenging. It was fine work. Important work. It would have been the perfect nursing job for lots of people. But it wasn’t satisfying to me.
It wasn’t that the work I did in Chester County over the weekend was a lot different, but there was an unpredictable element to it. I liked that. It kept me on my toes.
During the last appointment of the day, I found myself yawning just before I gave an Amish toddler her booster shots. I covered my mouth, changed my latex glove, and then explained to her what I was doing in Pennsylvania Dutch. As she screamed and screamed anyway, I tried to soothe her, but of course her mother did a much better job.
As I stepped around the table, my skirt got caught on the corner of one of the metal trays that jutted out a little. It had happened before but this time the skirt stuck. As I stepped forward, it tore a little.
“What a shame,” the mother said.
<
br /> I nodded. It was. And wouldn’t have happened if I’d been wearing scrubs.
After work, I stopped by the store and bought chicken breasts, a jar of artichoke hearts, veggies for a salad, a loaf of French bread, ice cream for dessert, and a needle and thread to mend my dress.
The first thing I did when I arrived home was change into my jeans. Then I put together my specialty chicken dish, popped it in the oven, and assembled the salad.
I timed everything to be done by eight. And it was. And then I waited. A half hour later I had a text from Stephen that he was on his way. Then I waited some more. From my clinicals in hospitals, I could imagine Stephen being called back for another question or another order or another emergency. I knew he couldn’t help it.
As I mended my skirt, my phone dinged. Autumn had texted Paisley and me. Passed my boards! Doing a happy dance!
We both congratulated her. She’d taken her time before taking it a second time. I understood her trepidation.
Then she texted me to tell me she had a job waiting at the hospital in Wilmington where Paisley was working. You’ll have to come visit us.
I responded that I’d love to.
She texted back and asked how Lancaster County was and what I was up to that particular night.
I made the mistake of telling her I was waiting to have dinner with a doctor.
What?! she wrote, practically unleashing on me. You’re dating already?! How could you do that to Nick?!
When I didn’t answer because I couldn’t figure out what to text back, she apologized.
I told her it was okay, that I understood her confusion. And the truth was, I did.
Finally, Stephen arrived.
As I opened the door, he said, “Only an hour late.” He grimaced. “It could be worse.”
I nodded.
As we ate the dried-out chicken and the wilted salad, he talked about his day. He’d had an emergency appendectomy at four thirty in the morning, then appointments at his office, and then rounds at the hospital.
After a while, he asked me how my day was. “Pretty boring,” I said. “Especially compared to volunteering after the tornado.”
“Oh, that’s right! How was that?”
I gave him a quick synopsis of my two days in Chester County, leaving out that I’d seen my ex-boyfriend.
Then I said, “I’m thinking about applying for a job at Lancaster General. I saw a position is open on the neuro floor.”
He leaned back in his chair. “But I thought you really liked working at the clinic.”
“I’m not learning anything new.”
“Oh. There aren’t many people who are nurses and speak Pennsylvania Dutch though, right? Don’t they really value you?”
“I think so.” I scooted my half-empty plate forward. “But I can’t make my career choices just by what language I speak. I made a big investment in nursing school. I’d like to keep learning and growing.”
He smiled kindly. “Well, that’s great.” His face grew more serious. “But don’t you think that would be awkward for us to work at the same place?”
“The position is on the neuro floor. All of your patients are on med-surg, right?”
He took a drink of water and then said, “Well, sure. I mean, if the census is high, I might have a patient go to that floor. But, you know, because we’re dating . . .” He smiled again.
I shook my head. “I don’t see that there’s any conflict.”
He glanced at his watch. “I can help with the dishes before I need to get going. I have another early morning tomorrow.”
I waved him off. “Go ahead. It’ll only take me a minute to clean up.”
He thanked me for dinner, gave me a hug and a quick kiss, and then dashed out the door.
Before I washed the dishes, I pulled my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans. My life had changed so much in the last year. I thought I’d be working in a hospital. Marrying Nick. Going to grad school. Maybe relocating to somewhere like Montana.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket. I missed Nick, but it would be crazy to contact him. No good would come from it. I didn’t have many more pieces of my heart left to lose.
21
Marie asked me to go to her oncology appointment with her on a Friday afternoon in the middle of October. It meant leaving work early, but the office manager had scheduled two fewer patients for the day, which made it possible. My wanting to forego my Mennonite cape dresses at work was short-lived. Jah, I sometimes changed into jeans after work, but mostly I wore the dresses. Today I had on a purple print that I’d bought on Etsy.
It was a gloriously warm day. The landscape of Lancaster County always took my breath away, but this was a particularly beautiful day. The sky sparkled from the bright sunlight, unmarred by a single cloud. As I drove into town, I passed an Amish man driving mules pulling a plow. A collie ran alongside the team.
On a day like today, I could truly imagine staying in Lancaster County. Joining the Mennonite church. Marrying Stephen. Working at the clinic.
I hadn’t applied for the job at the hospital. It wasn’t that I’d decided not to—I just hadn’t managed to get my application done before the deadline, which wasn’t like me. I must not have wanted the position after all.
But now there was another position posted, this time on the med-surg floor. Where I’d see Stephen all the time. I hadn’t mentioned it to him yet.
I double-parked outside of Marie’s apartment and called to tell her I’d arrived. A couple of minutes later, she came out the door, juggling Caden, his car seat, and his diaper bag. “My sitter got sick,” she said through my open window. “Hopefully he won’t be too restless during the appointment.”
I jumped out of the car and took the baby so she could install the car seat. Soon Caden was safely secured, and we were heading to the doctor’s office.
“How have you been feeling?” I asked. Marie had more color in her face and looked as if she’d put on a few pounds, which she’d needed to. She’d gotten so thin.
“Better. I’m sleeping more, and I’m able to keep up with Caden for longer each day,” she said as I drove down Duke Street. “Hey, why didn’t you tell me Mamm is courting?”
“Is she? For sure?”
“Jah. And David, of all men.” Her eyes were wide. “Jessica thinks they’ll be married by Christmas.”
“Wow.”
“She’ll move to Chester County with him.”
I let that sink in. That meant Arden and Vi would move into the big house with their kids. Perhaps they’d rent out their house until Milton married. That would help with the finances.
“But where would Aenti Suz live?” I asked Marie.
“She’ll have to stop renting out the Dawdi Haus.”
Mamm and Aenti Suz were as different as could be, but they’d miss each other. And I’d miss Mamm too.
Caden began to fuss, and Marie turned around and wiggled his foot, causing him to giggle. “How are things going with Stephen?”
“Good,” I answered. We’d gone for a hike the Saturday before. We hadn’t talked much, but it had been nice to spend time with him.
“Have you heard anything from Nick? Since Chester County?” she asked, turning back around in the seat.
I shook my head.
I realized she was staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
She shrugged. “It’s none of my business.” After a long pause, she said, “I’ve been thinking how fun it would be to have a sisters’ night. At my apartment.”
“What about Gordon and Caden?”
“They could spend the night at Randi’s house. And Ruby could stay home with Silas. We could sit around and talk. Bake cookies. Don’t you think that would be fun?”
“What if we gather at the farmhouse? Before Arden takes over? One last night in our old home.”
“That would be perfect,” she answered. Hopefully we’d have good news from her oncologist to celebrate by then.
Mar
ie’s appointment went well. The PET scan found no cancer and the doctor was hopeful. She would have a PET scan done every three months for the next year and then every six months after that.
The doctor also said there were certainly cases of women who went on to have babies after stomach cancer, although it wasn’t exactly common, and time would tell if that would be her experience or not. “But there’s no reason not to try,” he said.
On the way home, as Caden fell asleep, Marie seemed more carefree than I’d seen her since before the diagnosis. Maybe ever. “I’m going to hope for the best,” she said. “If I don’t have any more children, I can accept that. I’m just so thankful to have my health, a good husband, and a wonderful son.”
I patted her leg, too choked up to say anything. What had been a horrible year had just gotten a whole lot better. Marie was cancer free. That’s what mattered most.
As I dropped Marie and Caden off at their apartment, I told her I planned to go see Mamm.
“Oh, tell her my news, would you? And ask her about us having a girls’ night.”
I promised I would do both. When I reached the farm, Mamm sat on the porch in her rocking chair while David sat in Dat’s. It was after six, and they’d probably already eaten their supper. The sun was setting, and it was beginning to grow chilly. They both wore coats. Mamm stood as I came up the steps and greeted me warmly. “I’m so glad you stopped by,” she said. “I have some news.”
She turned toward David, and he stood too. “David and I are planning to marry, right before Thanksgiving.”
“Congratulations,” I managed to say, thankful Marie had warned me. “That’s wonderful.” I meant it, but it was still a big change.
She nodded, a hint of a smile on her face. “I’ll be moving up to Chester County, and Arden and Vi will move in here.”
Just as we’d expected. Now, the sisters’ sleepover seemed more important than ever, so I broached the topic. “Can we stay here next Friday or the one after?”
“I’ll be in Chester County meeting all of David’s children and grandchildren in two weeks—I’ll be staying at his oldest daughter’s house.”
I couldn’t help but smile at her nod to propriety.
She frowned. “Marie would be coming too?”