by Alie Garnett
“I know. No one says they just want to see the desert and be shot at every day.” Holden ran his fingers through his hair that was no longer just stubble, but an actual style. One he had just messed up.
“One day.”
Jake hadn’t said his wife was home today, but Holden always knew when Mara was home for the day, because Jake got antsy. Not that he didn’t trust his wife or something; he just liked to be there when she was.
They had met in high school and had been together ever since. Both had joined the Army and been deployed on and off over their twelve years of marriage. Now they were both here, her retired and him working with Holden. They had two kids and a dog and couldn’t stand being apart, even for work.
“Mara off today?” he asked, because Jake loved to talk about her.
“No, she’s working all day. We had a fight this morning about laundry.” Jake was still looking at the snow. Mara was a nurse at the VA hospital. It wasn’t a war zone, but it wasn’t the safest place either.
“She’ll be okay,” Holden assured him, seeing the worry in his friend's face.
“I hate fighting with her,” Jake admitted, not saying that it might be the last thing they said to each other. War makes every day special.
“Send her flowers or leave early and do all the damned laundry in the house.” Holden grinned. He may not have a woman, but he still knew how to treat one.
Romance, even the word, made his chest ache. He had never checked to see where Dylan was. He could, an address was easily obtainable, but he didn’t.
Though he was sure she was stateside, he didn’t look. She was still in love with his brother, and Holden was still in love with her. Sometimes he wished he could go back and grab the ring from her hand and throw it away, demanding that she love him, but it wasn’t his name that was tattooed on her arm, that was his brother’s too.
“It was about her not cleaning up the laundry. I’m already in charge of it, but my beautiful, amazing wife is a pig.” He sat down at his desk and looked at the picture of the bubbly redhead there.
“Then tell her to leave work early and do all the laundry.” He laughed, though even to him, it sounded forced.
“Sorry to talk about Mara so much, I know you’re hurting.” Jake’s face sobered.
“My back is doing okay today.” He pretended to be confused. One night of drinking had him spilling his guts about Dylan. Not everything, but enough.
“I could tell you where she is,” his friend offered, not for the first time.
“No need. We’re over. It was a convenience thing…when we were close,” he said, trying to make it sound like less than it was. Because to him, it had been the best relationship he had ever been in, even if it had been difficult and not truly real. He wanted her back.
“I think it went beyond that.”
“Let it drop,” Holden mumbled, trying to stop seeing her laughing eyes as they picnicked in her little room.
“Take Mara on a picnic,” he said a moment later. It had worked for him, after all.
“It’s snowing.” Jake didn’t seem to hate the idea; he just didn’t get it.
“Do it in the house. Put down a blanket and have a picnic the moment she gets home.” He smiled at his friend, but his heart broke a little more at the memory.
“Holden, you’re brilliant. She gets off after the kids are in bed.” Jake was already planning when a girl walked into the office. Her black hair and dark eyes spoke of her Hispanic roots. Her accent said it too.
“This the Army place?” she asked both of them, not concerned that they were two men and she was a young girl. She had balls.
“It is. Are you looking for the Army?” In four words, she had impressed him more than Jaden had in an entire conversation.
“I am.” She turned to him, leaving Jake out of the conversation.
He gestured for her to sit down. “What can the Army do for you?”
“College and a career.”
“What do you want to be?”
“A lawyer,” she said with confidence, a confidence he often saw in Dylan. Had she said “doctor” when she walked into an office like this? Had she even known she wanted to be a doctor?
“And you want to go through the Army to get that? Basic? Combat? A lot of hassle for a degree you can get without it,” he replied, his eye on Jake, who was on the phone. Based on the smile, he was talking with his wife.
She shook her head. “No, no, I can't. I need the help. I am willing to do the work.”
“Can I get you to fill out some forms for me? Now, this doesn’t sign you up, but it’ll be a start.” He handed over the forms for a background check and other basic information that was needed.
“Marquez, I have a phone call for you.” Jake was holding the phone in the air.
“I am with this young lady,” Holden couldn’t help the irritation in his voice. He shouldn’t have had to point that out since they were still in the same office.
“Phone, Marquez, now.” He got up and was still holding the phone, eyes insistent.
Getting up, Holden went and grabbed the phone and watched Jake take over with the girl, something he had never done before. With his heart in his throat, he thought about his brother Lane, who was on a ship somewhere in the Pacific. His dad and other brother, Roark, were working somewhere in the city on a building project. Someone was injured.
“Holden Marquez,” he barked into the phone. He wasn’t ready to hear that anyone was injured or dead.
“Holden, it’s Mara. Stop yelling at me,” she said in a whisper.
“What do you want?” She had never called him before. In fact, they had spoken very little to each other, no matter how much he knew about her.
“I am at work.”
“Yes, at the VA.” He already knew that—Jake had already mentioned it about a dozen times that day.
“Okay, so Jake told me about your girlfriend,” she admitted, still whispering.
“He shouldn’t have.”
“Too late. Anyway, I’m in the ER today, and a few minutes ago, one of the doctors was found in the parking lot. Slipped on the ice and fell. We think she was unconscious for a while. Anyway, she came through here.”
“And you are telling me because…?”
“Because her name is Dylan Marquez—isn’t that the woman’s name? And she’s a doctor.” Mara’s voice got louder, then really quiet.
Now it was Holden’s turn to whisper. “Yes, but I don’t think she’s here.”
“I took a snap of her ID and sent it to Jake,” she said quickly and paused, as if giving him time to get the phone from his friend. Who handed it to him immediately. Seriously? He shot a bewildered look at Jake.
The photo was blurry, but not so blurry that he couldn’t tell it was Dylan. She was wearing a white coat over her Army greens in the photo. His heartbeat started quickening; she had fallen and had lain in the cold for who knows how long.
Questions bombarded him. Why she was here? How long had she been here? Why hadn’t she looked for him? Had she looked for him, but didn’t want to see him?
“It’s her, isn’t it? Not many girls named Dylan out there.” Mara sounded smug.
“It’s her. Is she conscious yet?” He needed to know.
“I don’t know, she was through here pretty quickly, but I talked to a friend who works in OB and she said…” Mara took a breath finally.
“OB?” He was trying to stay with the conversation, but his mind was yelling at him to drive over and see her.
“She said they’re doing a C-section. Immediately. You have to come,” she demanded at full vocal range.
Holden’s mind went completely blank. What did she say?
“I…maybe looked at her file online, and she lists you as the daddy.” She was back to whispering. “Shit, car accident, have to go.”
The woman hung up on him, but he was already out the door before the phone hit the top of Jake’s desk. Dylan was here and having a baby? Nothing made sense,
but he was going to VA to find out.
The drive was a blur, and he had no idea how he got to the hospital. Running through the doors, the receptionist looked at his uniform and let him know where Dylan’s room was. On the third floor, he flagged down a nurse who had him suited up in the gauzy material Dylan always wore.
“Just in time,” a woman stated from the other side of a curtain, but his eyes were glued to the woman on the table.
It had been months, but she looked the same. She looked like she was dead, all peaceful and relaxed. He wondered if she was still as tense as she used to be. Holden gently touched her hand to make sure she was still warm. Her skin was still as soft as before. All he could do was touch her and tell her everything was going to be okay.
Running his hand up her shoulder, he dislodged the paper gown that was covering her. After straightening it, he realized she didn’t have her dog tags on her, which she wouldn’t; she was in the States, so she didn’t need them anymore. But she also was missing the necklace that held Chase’s ring. Had the hospital taken it off? Had she?
A nurse hurried over to him and began filling him in. “She did regain consciousness, but we sedated her anyway. Once the baby is out, and she’s in recovery, she should come out of it just fine.”
“Baby?” he asked in confusion. He was so focused on Dylan that he had forgotten about the life they had created.
“Dr. Nicholas is working on it now. Since we didn’t know what happened out there, we decided it was safer to just get the baby out. She was already at 38 weeks, so not a big deal.” The nurse checked a few things on Dylan, like Dylan always did with her patients.
“How long are they supposed to be?” He had never cared before, but now needed to know everything. He was going to be a dad?
“Forty,” she answered as a baby started to cry, loud angry wails. His baby.
“You have a son. Congratulations,” the doctor announced, and within seconds, the nurse was back with a red, screaming baby boy. The kid was obviously not happy to be there, but Holden couldn’t believe how close he had come to missing this moment.
Chapter 17
“…and Daddy is with the baby. You have one excited man there, Doc,” the nurse stated as she checked all the readouts from the machines. Dylan could have told her everything was good. Everything but her baby’s daddy being there.
Though she had been conscious for a half an hour at that point, she still hadn’t pieced together how Holden had found her, much less found her while she was delivering their son. Or, at least she thought the nurse meant Holden. She had yet to see him.
“Yeah.” Was all she could say. He should be pissed, not excited.
Closing her eyes, she wondered how he had found her. After landing in Minneapolis months before, she had immediately taken her car and drove. Within a week, she had stopped and bought a new car and put ten thousand miles on it. By the time she drove back into town, she was at peace in some ways.
When she had joined the Army, she wanted to see the world. After twenty years of service, she had finally seen the country she had defended. From the Midwest to the South, across the deserts of the southwest and Washington state. She had hit state parks and national ones, seeing things she had only read about.
Then she had cleaned out the storage unit she had been paying on for fifteen years. Most of it was now trash, but some of it had been brought to the little apartment she was renting.
Her last stop before coming back was at Arlington National Cemetery to see Marquez. Sadly, she had talked to him for hours, telling him everything. She had started to show by then, but she needed his forgiveness.
Walking away from his grave, she knew he wasn’t there, despite all her talking. He had known from the beginning, and maybe he had even approved from the beginning. Leaving his ring on the headstone, she knew she couldn’t keep wearing it with another man’s child growing in her. And after fifteen years, she needed to stop pretending Chase was the reason she was broken. She was already broken when they met.
Her meeting with the review board had gone splendidly, they had approved for her to be back in the OR. Since she wasn’t able to go back to Afghanistan, she had requested a position in Minneapolis because that was where Holden was. It would make it easier to hand off the baby if they lived in the same city.
Once Holden had the baby, she could look for a different job elsewhere. Somewhere no one knew her or knew that she hadn’t been brave enough to raise her own child.
If she could move, she would leave the hospital now. Holden was with the baby and happy. They would be happy together...without her.
“Look who’s awake, Junior,” the man himself said from the door, carrying a bundle of blankets in his arms.
“Mr. Marquez, you cannot just take the baby.” A different nurse was right behind him. This one was older and madder than the one attending Dylan.
“He asked to see his mommy. How could I say no?” Holden was smiling from ear to ear as he shook off the woman.
“There are rules,” she stated.
“And they are?” Holden turned on her.
“The baby must be in its bed when moving through the hallway.” Her hands went to her hips.
“We are in a room,” Holden argued, as if he hadn’t just made the journey to get there on foot.
“Don’t do it again,” she hissed, then left the room.
Holden turned back to Dylan, a huge smile on his face. His hair was longer, and he looked a little less bulky, but God he looked amazing.
“Mommy’s up!” he whispered excitedly to the baby as he walked to her bed.
Dylan tried to control the flutter in her heart when she heard those words. She didn’t need attachment at this point with either of them. They’d be better off without her.
“Hey, Mommy, you should see this amazing little guy you’ve been cooking for so long.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and tilted the bundle toward her.
All she could see was a little face and big blue eyes—he was looking back at her. From where she was, she couldn’t see either herself or Holden in his features. Just a baby with dark hair and blue eyes that seemed to judge her. Both came from his father.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admitted. Where to start?
“Just say hi,” he whispered. His warm hand touched her chin lightly.
“Hi,” she said to both of them.
“So, I was thinking Charley for a name. Charley Marquez.”
“No, something short.” Not that she had been thinking about it, but sometimes late at night when sleep wouldn’t come fast enough, she’d tossed around a couple of ideas. “No, sorry. You decide.”
“We’ll decide together.”
Sitting up more in bed, she winced at the pull of her sutures. “You name him, Captain. Name him whatever you want. Charley.”
Running a light finger down his face, his tiny head turned toward her touch. She pulled away from the soft skin and held her hand in a fist to stop herself from doing it again. A lump started forming in her throat.
“You went through all the work, and you’ll have to yell at him every day for years. Better pick something you like.”
“I won't be there, Holden. I was always planning to give him to you after he was born. To keep him safe.” She looked away from the baby who deserved more than she could give him.
“We’ll keep him safe together,” Holden said with assurance. His excitement was almost catching...almost.
Dylan shook her head. “I don’t want children. I never have.”
“That was until we had a kid, Dylan. You can’t just walk away. He needs you right now.” He laid the baby down on her lap and started to open the blanket.
“He doesn’t need me. There’s…there’s nothing I have that he can’t get elsewhere.” She argued, unable to look away from what he was revealing as a small hand snaked out and shot into the air.
“Food.” Holden smiled softly and lifted the baby from the blanket.
“
I don’t have any.” Her voice cracked when the baby started fussing. He wasn’t too pleased with not being bound up tight.
“Yes, you do. Everyone says you have to breastfeed. It makes him…better.” Holden probably knew as much as she did about babies.
Wide-eyed, she hesitantly took the baby, then looked back at Holden in alarm. “I don’t know how.”
His little body was hot and light. She had never held a baby this new before, or at least one that she didn’t have to hand off to post-delivery. Support the head, her mind was chanting as she looked at him. Her perfect son.
“He does.” Holden was watching her hold the baby; could he tell she had no idea what she was doing? She was in no way prepared for a baby.
“Really, Captain? You think that all you have to do is put a baby near a breast, and he’ll know exactly what to do?” she demanded, not believing anything he said.
“It’s Holden. And give it a try.” He pulled at her gown, which was basically a blanket.
Just to prove him wrong and to establish that he was not the one with all the answers, she moved the baby toward her now-bare breast. Instantly, their son bit down on her nipple so hard it would have hurt if he had any teeth.
She was torn between amazement that her little guy was a genius or pissed that he got his brains from his father. His smug, smug father.
Chapter 18
His kid was definitely on his side! After a quick Internet search and one awkward video, he knew how to help his son win over his mom. Not that Dylan was heartless, but she was stubborn as hell.
The woman he was in love with wasn’t even conscious yet when the head nurse had told him a social worker was coming to take the baby away. It seemed Dylan had already decided not to raise their baby. Though relieved she was handing their baby over to him, Holden knew he wasn’t going to let her go that easily again.
It was going to take everything in him and their son to get her stay and be a part of their lives. No matter what she had made herself believe over the years, the woman who had saved hundreds of lives was in no way capable of abusing a child. Especially a child she loved.