“Joanna, great you could make it. You must be Rue.”
Coby, Kira’s husband, greeted them at the door, admired the small but obviously expensive gift basket Rue had brought and showed them where to put their coats. To Joanna’s surprise, the moment wasn’t awkward at all. It made her wonder if she’d imagined all those looks and whispers, the children’s skeptical gazes.
Usually, people didn’t know how to deal with what she had done, least how to explain it to their children. Joanna didn’t know any better, and yet here she found herself in a scene straight out of a Christmas movie.
“Joanna, Rue, you’re here! What are you drinking? Rue, could I tempt you into trying my Grandma’s eggnog recipe?”
“Absolutely. I’m intrigued.”
Kira gave Joanna a meaningful smile as she poured two glasses.
“Good. I hope you enjoy yourselves. There’s plenty of food, my husband is behind the bar over there and…be merry. I love your dress, by the way.”
Joanna had appreciated it too, earlier, though certainly not in the same way Kira did. She took a sip of the eggnog, whistling. “Your Grandma sure came up with a conversation starter. Thanks for having us.”
“Oh, you know it’s my pleasure. Say hi to Tracey and Anne over there. I think you haven’t seen each other in a while.” Per explanation for Rue, she said, “We all met when…” and broke off a moment later.
“Kira, Rue knows the story,” Joanna came to her rescue. “It took only a few clicks. What we didn’t know was that this is the reunion of Orange is the new Black.” Not everyone had been friendly with an ex-cop, but these women appreciated the fact that she had killed an abusive monster more than anything she’d done before.
Kira laughed. “Joanna, I can tell you found someone very special. She puts up with you and your very questionable humor.”
“I like her sense of humor.” Rue gave her a long look insinuating it wasn’t the only thing she liked about Joanna, who shook her head and went to greet Tracey and Anne. Kira had been better about keeping in touch, then again, she had been the first one to be released, came back to visit each of them. Joanna didn’t want to connect with anyone back then, and even now, she was hesitant about the traps relationships and friendships entailed. Kira and Vanessa had been insistent, and now Rue…
“Joanna! When Kira told us you’d come, we didn’t believe it.” Anne gave her the once over. “Where have you been hiding? You look great.”
Tracey nudged her with her elbow. “You remember what else Kira told us? That she was coming with her girlfriend?”
“Oops, sorry.” Anne gave her a wink.
“It’s all good. You’re still working at The Loft?”
“Oh yes. Turns out I have a real talent for selling over-priced clothes to teens, and the pay is good. Sometimes I cannot believe that is actually legal. You’re still moving around palettes in that warehouse?”
Joanna shrugged. “It pays the rent.” Somewhere during the conversation, she missed the opportunity to correct Anne and let them know Rue wasn’t really her girlfriend—she couldn’t call it that, yet, and Joanna wasn’t sure she wanted to go there. Maybe this small sin of omission had happened for a reason. It didn’t matter now.
“What about you, Tracey?”
“Well…I graduated this summer. Found myself a job, so Maddie and I could move into a new apartment. She’s doing well in her new school.”
“Wow, Tracey, that’s amazing!” Joanna had seen another, darker side of Tracey, when she’d been ready to give up, fearing she’d never see her daughter again, give in to the anger all of them had been wrestling with. She was truly happy for the women she had met under less pleasant circumstances, for the steps they had taken.
“It is. You should come by sometime.”
“I sure will.”
Tracey took out her phone, and they exchanged numbers.
How she compared in this, Joanna wasn’t exactly sure. She certainly had some things going for her. She had a job and a roof over her head. She was…wallowing at times, no doubt, and sometimes she wasn’t even sure if that had more to do with Decker, the return of the slasher, or the vague knowledge that whatever she did could never erase the grief of the victim’s families—or her own.
Then there was Rue. She watched her laugh at something Kira said. There were many more questions she needed to ask, so much more to find out about her, but she knew the most important answers already. Being with Rue put her at ease in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time—or ever.
Perhaps that was the eggnog talking. This was strong stuff. She noticed it was snowing again outside. She hoped Rue would like to stay over. They could come up with ways to stay warm…
“I was ready to break out the champagne because you’re actually dating, but I have to say she exceeds all my expectations,” Kira had come up beside her while Rue had left for the bathroom, Joanna assumed. “Wow. She’s cute and smart. How did that happen?”
“Um, you’re kind of insulting me right now.”
Kira shook her head. “No way. You were just too stubborn, never allowing yourself to go out there and meet someone nice. I wasn’t sure that would ever happen, especially with you getting all up into your old colleagues’ business. I stand corrected.”
“You don’t understand. These murders are related to my old case. I had to tell them at least.”
“You think they wouldn’t have thought of the link without you?”
“Maybe, maybe not. I had to make sure. Besides, it was one of my current colleagues who found Christina.”
“Honey, that still doesn’t make it your business. You paid your dues. It’s time to live.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
At the back of her mind, there were still the words Grace had uttered when Joanna had left her. “Damn weather. I should have stayed in Cali when I had the chance.”
California.
Why hadn’t she thought of this before?
“Excuse me,” she said. “I need to make a call.”
They had first traced the slasher to California, three murders in the larger Los Angeles area, women who had last been seen in bars. One of them had been seen leaving with a man, but the witness couldn’t describe him very well. Signs of torture, multiple stab wounds. Then more cases, scattered over the country and many years, until there was a sudden stop. Of course, Joanna hadn’t been able to follow the case closely after her arrest, and she’d lost all her resources.
Theo answered on the second ring. Joanna could finally ask the question that was burning on her mind.
“What if he stopped because of me?”
She could picture Theo shake his head.
“Did it occur to you that you might be overestimating yourself?”
“Come on, you know what I mean! He knew I went to prison. The game wasn’t fun any longer. Now that I’m out, he starts killing again, waiting for me to take the bait.”
“That’s a long shot,” Theo said doubtfully. “You’ve been out for a while. Besides, he can’t be sure you’re taking that bait.”
He could, after the Decker case, after seeing what her life had become. If someone paid attention, they knew she wasn’t the same anymore, the cop who made sure that every T was crossed and every I dotted. She was more dangerous, and more of a challenge these days, or at least she could be if she’d been crazy enough to immerse herself any deeper.
He was waiting. And he’d be killing again and again.
“They were in California before they came here. Some of the early victims were in the greater L.A. area. Check with LAPD, okay?”
“I will, thank you. You keep doing whatever it is you’re doing, and if you can think of anything else, let me know. This time, we’ll get him,” he promised.
Joanna wondered if he realized what he’d just said. She, for one, was completely on board with it.
Finally, she found Rue.
“You should really try something from the buffet,” she suggested. “Ev
erything is amazing.”
“I’m sure, but there’s something I need to do first. I’m really sorry I left you alone for so long.”
“That’s okay. Your friends are nice. I’ve had some good conversations.”
“Well, yeah, I think I can do better.”
Rue let herself be pulled onto the makeshift dance floor, and just like that, Joanna felt like she was back in the present moment, whatever ghosts haunting her staying on the periphery.
“Yeah, this is better,” Rue whispered. “You know, I’m so grateful to the woman who never showed up. I should send her flowers as a thank you.”
“Let’s not go that far.” Over Rue’s shoulder, she caught Kira’s gaze. Her friend was giving her the thumbs-up.
Despite their plans which they hadn’t talked about in so many words, but silently agreed on, they were one of the last couples to leave the house. Joanna went to get both their coats, noticing that something slipped out of Rue’s.
“I think that belongs to us.”
“Oh, lucky you saw that.” Kira’s husband bent down to pick up the business card and gave it to Joanna. “There you go. Come back soon.”
“We will. Happy Holidays.”
She could have just put the card back, but curiosity got the better of her. It took a few seconds before realization set in and the pieces came together. Joanna hastily put the card back into Rue’s coat pocket, telling herself that she couldn’t have a loud confrontation in her friend’s home.
Why even make such a drama out of it? She had known it couldn’t last—Joanna just hadn’t expected the reason.
Rue had told her that she was working for someone whose political views clashed with hers, but she had kept it vague. An older businessman. She had neglected to mention that said businessman was Lawrence Mitchell, Joanna’s father.
Rue had done her homework on Joanna. There was no way she didn’t know.
Chapter Ten
“Please, let me explain.” Silence ensued as they were walking on the sidewalk, in the general direction of Joanna’s apartment, convincing Joanna with each passing second that there was really nothing Rue could explain. “I saw him mentioned in one of the articles I read about you, but I didn’t really think it mattered. Then I was afraid you wouldn’t want to see me anymore if you knew…I swear I’ve been looking for another job, but it’s not that easy. And he isn’t one of the worst.”
“Let me be the judge of that. Do you know how many times he came visiting me in prison? Not once.”
“That’s terrible, but it has nothing to do with us!”
“Is that so? You’re not going to take me to office parties or introduce me to your colleagues.”
“We weren’t there yet,” Rue defended herself. “Besides, I didn’t think these things mattered to you so much.”
“I haven’t been in the closet in over twenty years, and I have no intention of going back there. He doesn’t know, right? Because there’s no way in hell he would have hired you.”
“Joanna, that’s work. Okay, he doesn’t know, but who cares? I’ve been to hotels and bars with you. I don’t care!”
“Well, that’s too bad, because I do. You should have told me the moment you knew.”
Rue kept her gaze straight ahead, but Joanna had seen the tears glistening in her eyes.
“I don’t understand. I work for him. You of all people should understand that we make compromises. He should have been there for you.”
“You’re right, it doesn’t matter. The thing is I’m so fed up with being lied to. I don’t want that in my life anymore, and for sure, I don’t want him in my life anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Joanna, don’t do this.”
“You haven’t given me a good reason why not.”
“What do you want?” There was surprising anger in Rue’s words. “Give up a career I’ve been working hard for in the past few years? I know you did that, but Joanna, you have to realize not everyone can go that far for a principle. Do I like the philosophy of this company? Hell, no. I just don’t see how it would help anyone if I lost my pay check and my condo tomorrow. I didn’t tell you the truth, because I could guess it was complicated between you two. In the years I’ve worked there, he never mentioned you. I’m so sorry,” Rue added quickly when she seemed to realize that those words had hit home with Joanna.
“You know what, I’ll take a cab from here. I’ll call you tomorrow, and I hope we can talk?”
“Yeah, sure,” Joanna said, because it was the fastest way to end this conversation.
* * * *
She could remove herself from the situation, try to ignore what it meant, but Joanna couldn’t get away from the memories, the experiences that had shaped her.
Back then, Mila had gotten away. Joanna and Theo vowed she’d be his last victim. Together with Mila, they were working hard to locate Decker, and the young woman’s determination to return to life was helpful. She brought them more details bit by bit, and so they traced his steps while making sure Mila was safe.
Eventually, she went back to college, moved past the notoriety and made new friends she invited to a cabin that belonged to her parents.
Decker found them before Joanna and Theo found him.
Joanna would never forget walking into the place, the notion that something horrible had happened here hitting her with the first step across the threshold. She almost gagged, even though the smell of the blood came a moment later. In the dining area, the table was set, homemade pizza, beer, wine. Four bodies. In another room, a paramedic was tending to Mila who was near catatonic, shaking so hard her teeth clicked together. Joanna didn’t think she recognized them at all, her eyes fixed on something only she could see, something even more horrible.
“Are you okay?” Theo asked. He looked like he was going to be sick.
“No.” Joanna shook her head. It would be a long time before she’d be close to okay again, if ever. She took a breath, not too deep. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
They went back into the killing room, talked to the techs still at work, looking for clues. Decker was careful. He had no known associates, and hadn’t contacted his wife since Mila escaped and his identity became known to the press.
Joanna could only imagine what the headlines would be.
“This shouldn’t have happened. Why didn’t we know he was going here? He’s like a Goddamn ghost, no traces anywhere.”
“I think he might have gone into the mountains,” one of the uniforms said. He had been outside, knocking on doors, his cheeks reddened from the cold.
“In this weather?” Joanna asked doubtfully.
“He can’t risk a standoff now. He knows he’s not going to make it out alive,” Theo surmised.
“Still. He has a gun, and he needs to hide somewhere. I want to make sure it’s not with anyone around here. Let’s check that everyone’s doors are locked.”
Something Theo had said, stuck in her mind. He’s not going to make it out alive. That wasn’t the worst scenario, in Joanna’s opinion. In fact, she didn’t think he deserved to live—but she was also aware that this was an emotional, knee-jerk reaction. She’d put it aside and do her job, as always.
It might have worked out that way if it wasn’t for that anonymous tip, someone who had seen Decker going into a cabin close to his. Decker’s wife later claimed that she didn’t know about it, and they could never prove otherwise.
Once Joanna knew, the decision was surprisingly quick and easy. Mila was talking, but her recovery would take much longer, and the goals had changed drastically from before. She was still in psychiatric care. Not all the funerals for Decker’s victims had been held when Joanna set out to stake out the place. It didn’t take long for Decker to show up. He was that cocky, thought himself safe.
He thought he was safe even when he opened the door to her, unarmed, laughing as he recognized her.
And then it was over.
Only it wasn’t. It might be that Vanessa’s beliefs in a functioni
ng system were so strong, or that she was very ambitious—truth be told, Joanna had done a shitty job covering up her tracks. She couldn’t seem to find the energy to put into it, and so the day came when Internal Affairs Inspector Young knocked on her door and arrested her.
It wasn’t over even then, and Joanna learned that nothing she had done could erase the images, for her, or Mila. It didn’t work that way.
Theo didn’t visit her, which was a disappointment. Not seeing her father once during the entire time was something Joanna had expected, which didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Vanessa came regularly, exorcising demons of her own.
There was too much time, too much darkness, too much opportunity to think.
It wasn’t like Joanna had caused a big scandal at the college by having a girlfriend. It was her bad luck that the president played golf with her father.
The payments stopped. She was lucky enough to be able to cover her expenses with a second job and student loans. Then the holidays came around, and she received a short email that said she didn’t need to bother coming home that year—or ever—until she had her “sickness” sorted out. Joanna went back only once to get clothes and other items that belonged to her.
Lawrence Mitchell was at a meeting, the housekeeper told her. She sent a letter once, trying to explain, and never got an answer. It turned out to be the most humiliating experience of her life, and remembering it, perhaps it was just as well that he never showed up in prison. Her life could hardly get worse, but the potential was always there.
* * * *
Tracey felt exhausted, but happy as she rummaged in her purse for her keys, about to unlock her front door after a long day at work. She mused about the chance of meeting Joanna at Kira’s, a new woman by her side. She felt proud about what all of them had accomplished, against tougher odds than many other people faced. They had all managed to pull themselves together, start a new life that wouldn’t be determined by the people that had hurt them.
They had won, and day by day, she was building a future not only for herself, but for Maddie. It was kind of late, but Tracey hoped she’d still be awake so she could read her bedtime story after sending the babysitter home.
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