Rue got to her feet.
“Well, thanks for the conversation. I think you’re the one who’s going to have regrets sometime soon, but you’re right, it’s none of my business. What’s my business is if my work supports dangerous prejudice like yours. I’m not going to do that any longer. I quit.”
He shook his head, smiling, his composure radiating condescendence.
“Good night, Rue. I expect you here tomorrow at eight. You know, I’m old enough to remember a time when women knew their place, and when to speak. I long for those days.”
Rue walked out, knowing she could never return and still look at herself in the mirror. She was thrilled and terrified at the same time.
She wished Joanna would answer her phone.
* * * *
“Rough night?” Theo asked after taking a first look at her.
Joanna shrugged, thinking that there was no reason to tell him that it had been the first of a few rough nights.
“Merry Christmas,” she said instead. “Any closer to finding the guy?”
“Not yet. All right, let’s talk about this. You know the drill. You’ll be safe, I’ll be in the room with you, and she’ll be cuffed. Don’t get too close anyway. Don’t provoke her, just try to convince her of what’s the best option.”
Joanna listened to his speech with a blank stare. “What part of this do you think is new to me? I used to work here, remember?”
“Oh, I do remember. Let’s get this done, okay?”
Joanna followed him to the interrogation room, the relief she’d felt after hearing Grace was arrested, vanishing quickly. What had happened to her? She had made questionable choices before, but hooking up with a serial murderer was on a whole new level. She’d been let down by her instincts, or maybe she had come to ignore them in favor of evasion and denial.
Grace looked up at her, obviously excited to see her.
“Joanna! I’m surprised they let you in, with your history and all, but I’m glad you’re here. I hope you told them it’s all some misunderstanding.”
Joanna studied her, feeling nothing but disgust for the woman, and herself.
“Come on, we both know it’s everything but. You’re smart. If you don’t want to listen to them, listen to me. I’m not a cop anymore, but I’m telling you this: You have to give him up. It’s the only way.”
Grace’s laugh was fake all the way. “Give up who, honey? You’re still mad at me I suggested a threesome to you? You would have enjoyed it, I promise you.”
“I don’t know. Too many girls you suggested a threesome to turned up dead.”
“That’s a sad coincidence. Do you think those killers are the only people with an exciting sex life?”
“You call killing exciting?”
For a split-second, there was a gleam in Grace’s eyes that told Joanna everything she needed to know. Not a confession…but a start.
“Don’t put words in my mouth. What I mean is…other people have threesomes, and hook-ups. Just because I made that offer to you, you can’t think I’m a murderer, or my boyfriend is.”
“Where is he now, your boyfriend? You think he’s going to bail you out—or maybe skip town?”
“Why would he? We have nothing to hide.”
“You were seen leaving a club with a young woman named Felicity who was found dead.”
“Well…apparently she got some more action that night, I don’t know. We didn’t kill her.”
Joanna sighed. “You know, I don’t have to be here. I came to do you a favor, because I was pretty sure you wouldn’t believe the cops. You play it the way you want to, but they’re closing in on him anyway, and once they find him…Let’s say you must trust this guy a lot to think that he wouldn’t let you take the fall.”
“You’re wasting your time,” Grace spat. “They have nothing. So we hooked up with the girl that night, that’s not proving anything. They will have to let me go soon either way.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Joanna leaned back in her chair. “What about DNA? Were you always that careful?”
“What DNA? Are you stupid? We had sex with her, of course there’s DNA…What are you talking about?”
Joanna could tell Grace was rattled. She figured that was all she could do for now.
“He couldn’t resist coming back to that motel, could he? For old times’ sake? It’s important to clean up the scene. I didn’t do that. I guess you guys are better planners, otherwise…The police might still find something. That’s none of my concern though, is it? My job is done here. Bye, Grace. Nice seeing you again.”
She hoped Grace would call her back, but the woman remained in her sullen silence. Joanna hoped Theo’s enthusiastic wake up call meant they had all their ducks in a row to keep Grace in custody regardless of her claims.
The alternative was chilling.
Joanna was certain that the woman she’d slept with not long ago was an accomplice to the murders. There was no sign she’d been coerced into any of it.
Killing, to her, was exciting. She had given herself away in that moment.
* * * *
“You planted some doubts, good. You saw how she lit up when you said killing is exciting?”
“Yeah, unfortunately that’s not enough. Tell me you have enough. She’s not going anywhere, right?”
“If the DNA testing comes back on time, and it should, we’ll be fine.”
“Don’t tell me you still don’t have the results?”
“You remember. It’s not like on TV when they snap their fingers, and bam! Results.”
“Yeah. I suppose you don’t need me anymore.”
“You did good. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Walking back to her car, Joanna realized that for a few minutes, she had forgotten that this wasn’t part of her day job, that she’d been invited for a brief time only to get a reality check on her way out. She didn’t belong here. In fact, she had a work shift coming up in two hours, regardless of the fact that it was Christmas Eve. Today would most likely decide the fate of both Grace and her boyfriend, the slasher, but she wouldn’t be around for any of it.
Joanna allowed herself the fantasy of a different life, where she’d never made it her personal mission to avenge the deaths of Decker’s victims, and still somehow, miraculously still met Rue. She wasn’t quite sure what role her parents would play in this scenario, if any.
She closed the blinds in her bedroom and tried to let sleep drown out the harrowing doubts.
Nightmares woke her up hours later, most of them vague, though she remembered running, a small strip of land under her feet, the flood catching up with her. In some way, feeling competent and needed for a few hours was cruel, dangling a life in front of her she couldn’t have anymore.
Because of the choices she’d made.
Joanna cast a look at the clock on the nightstand. She was supposed to be at work now. There was a better place to lick her wounds and drown her sorrows. She called in sick and headed straight for The Copper Door.
Vanessa was already sitting at the counter when she came in, a Martini in front of her.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” Joanna asked, sitting on the stool beside her.
“What do you think? Theo won’t be coming home anytime soon. Everyone’s on the lookout for Lester’s boyfriend, and I didn’t want to sit around in my apartment feeling useless.”
“That makes two of us. I’m sorry. Not the way you wanted to spend Christmas.”
“What about you? I thought you were seeing that cute—”
“It didn’t work out,” Joanna said brusquely, already knowing Vanessa wouldn’t be satisfied with her answer.
“What do you mean it didn’t work out? How can you know after such a short time. Did you even try?” She scoffed. “Who am I kidding? There I thought you’d changed.”
“It’s not that easy,” Joanna defended herself. “I found out she works for my father.”
“So what? Somebody’s boun
d to work for him. Homophobes have lives too.”
“If you work for them, that means you support them. You don’t have to openly support them.”
“And maybe you just have to pay the rent. Seriously, that’s all?”
“She knew who I was…and who he was, and she didn’t tell me. You…you know. He never once came, and you know why? It never mattered to him that I killed a man, that was all good and righteous. He couldn’t get over the fact that I’m a lesbian.”
“I understand he hurt you. Rue didn’t. She probably had no idea about his toxic behavior. Why don’t you give her a chance?”
“Because I don’t want her to get hurt!” Joanna was shocked to realize how close she was to tears. Maybe this was for the best. The past days, Rue, the confrontation with her father’s prejudice, had weakened her, crushed her resolve. This wasn’t healthy. She wanted to go back to the woman who knew what she was doing, and taking the risk even if it didn’t turn out well for her. Because it had been righteous. “Forget about it.” She signaled Jeff who came over to take her order, a beer and a shot of vodka.
“Celebrating something?” Vanessa asked sarcastically.
“It’s Christmas. Theo made an arrest. I’m free again. Take a pick.”
“Yeah, about that.” Vanessa took a sip of her Martini.
“Lester’s got a lawyer. She’ll probably make bail.”
“Fuck,” Joanna said, because nothing else came to mind.
“Yeah, my sentiments exactly. Maybe they’re lucky, and the DNA results are going to nail her. I don’t get it. If my boyfriend got into some bad shit, I wouldn’t enable him in the first place, but if I was her, I’d save myself first. Does that make me the bigger psychopath?”
“You’re not a psychopath. You have very clear standards when it comes to wrong and right.”
Vanessa regarded her for a long time before she spoke. It occurred to Joanna that the Martini probably wasn’t the first. She downed her shot and waved her fingers at Jeff for another one which he promptly provided.
“If you could go back, do you think you would have made different choices?” Vanessa asked.
The image of the bodies in the cabin flashed on Joanna’s mind.
“What about you?”
“I asked you first.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I was…driven. From the moment I had made that decision, I knew I couldn’t go back. I thought that would make it all stop, the nightmares, the doubts, everything.”
“And, did it?”
“No. Not for me, or Mila…but I know for sure he isn’t out there anymore, preying on other women. That’s one less. All right, your turn.”
Jeff dutifully sat another shot glass in front of her, and another Martini for Vanessa who contemplated her answer.
“Maybe. I still believe I did the right thing—I know I did, by the law anyway, and I think the law matters, otherwise we could all do whatever we wanted. I just don’t think putting you in prison served anyone.”
“I made some friends,” Joanna offered, prompting Vanessa to laugh.
“Yeah. Way to go.”
“If you want to know whether it did the trick, I guess you’re right. Nothing changed. I don’t feel much remorseful. I wish we’d live in a world where we’d never have to make decisions like that. Where there aren’t any assholes that kill and torture women for recreation.”
Vanessa made a face as if sick, taking another sip of her drink. And another. Joanna wasn’t the only one who had a lot on her mind.
“If it makes you feel any better,” she continued, “I’m not traumatized. Not by that, anyway. I didn’t go to prison for something I didn’t do. By the letter of the law, you were right…so there’s that.”
“I still have doubts sometimes,” Vanessa confessed. “But I know, at the end of the day, I was doing my job. I had to, if the integrity of our profession means anything, that the people can trust that there are places we’ll never go. I think you should call Rue. Coming home to someone…it helps. With the doubts and the nightmares.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. Let’s face it. I’m just not good relationship material.”
“I think you have a bit of a martyr complex sometimes.”
Joanna wondered whether she should be offended and decided to laugh instead. Vanessa joined in.
“We are pathetic,” she said with emphasis.
“Yeah, speak for yourself.”
“I thought you really liked her.”
“I did. It happens.”
“You don’t think you could forgive her?”
“I already have,” Joanna said. “That’s not the point.”
Vanessa groaned and drank the last sip of her Martini.
“For years, I’ve been coming here to drink with you, and sometimes I think I still don’t get you at all.”
Joanna didn’t know how to answer that. To be honest, she didn’t know herself all that well. She hadn’t known what she was capable of until the moment arrived. She had seen things that had changed her, in her job and then while serving her time. If it wasn’t for Kira, she might have given up somewhere along the line, simply go under.
“Stop trying,” she advised. “There’s not much to know.”
“Call her,” Vanessa insisted. “How do you figure things could get any worse? At least you’d try, and stick it to your old man. If you give up, you’re letting him win.”
It was a theory, but cutting Joanna out of his life wasn’t a game for Lawrence. He was dead serious and self-righteous about it.
At times, she felt like she was living a self-fulfilling prophecy—her life wasn’t exactly holding up to anyone’s high moral standards, although that had nothing to do with her sexual orientation. But if she had been straight, and approached relationships the way she did, he still might have shunned her, because he was old-fashioned that way. If she’d been the son he always wanted, every indiscretion would be easily forgiven, but she had disappointed him from day one.
“I’ll try. Tomorrow. I swear.”
That might make her a liar, come tomorrow, but she wanted Vanessa off her back and Rue out of her mind for a moment. She had wasted enough time of her life wondering what could have been.
No more.
“Don’t give me that look,” she said to Jeff when catching his hesitation. “I’ll be walking home.”
“You don’t want to share a cab?” Vanessa chimed in.
“No thanks. You’re on the other side of town. It’s just a few blocks. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I am. Now could you both cut it out? Just one more and I’ll go home.”
“Yeah, me too,” Vanessa agreed. “Call me tomorrow. Right after you call her. I want to know.”
Joanna was aware of Jeff regarding them curiously before he turned to another customer. He might be wondering about things that were none of his business…She couldn’t care less. As long as he kept his fantasies to himself—if everyone did that, the world would be a much better place.
“I’ll see you,” she said, meaning both Vanessa and Jeff, then she bundled herself up in her coat to face the cold outside. She could see Vanessa taking out her phone and calling a cab, then she focused on the sidewalk in front of her. Rain and rapidly dropping temperatures had led to black ice in places, and she had to be careful not to slip. Being drunk and wrestling with a dark past and an uncertain future didn’t make things easier. Joanna stopped at the red light, behind her a mixed group of night owls waiting for the nightline, the last bus that went by these streets.
Would this damn red light never change? She was freezing and feeling uncomfortably crowded at the same time. Regardless of the time, she might have a hot bath once home, preferably with a night cap. The night before the moment of truth…How the hell could Grace get a lawyer? Would they do a background check on him too? They didn’t yet know enough about her either. If she had money to throw around, that might
make everything even more complicated.
Maybe she’d stop thinking about these things so much if she had someone to come home to. Even if things hadn’t become messy between her and Rue, it had been much too early for that kind of notion. Too early, too late…it seemed like Joanna had lost any sense of timing.
She was jolted out of her thoughts roughly when a hand pushed her hard and onto the street. Joanna heard cries, a horn and screeching brakes close enough to hurt her ears, and then someone pulled her back seconds before the night bus came to a halt. The driver opened his door and came rushing out.
“Jesus! What the hell…are you okay?”
For long seconds, she couldn’t breathe, the scenery around her graying out before it stabilized again. Joanna realized that there was blood on her hands, and a tear to her jeans.
“I’m okay.” The words finally came, though barely below a whisper. She saw that several people had their cell phones out, someone probably calling for an ambulance—or filming. They might have recorded the person who had pushed her.
The young man who had pulled her back from the street tried to steer her to a nearby bench, but all of a sudden she couldn’t handle being touched. She tore herself out of his grip even though the pain from various places made her eyes water.
“I’m fine!”
“Joanna!” She found herself face to face with a panicked Vanessa.
“It’s not what you think,” Joanna rushed to explain, now shaking in earnest which had little to do with the cold. “Someone pushed me.”
“I know,” Vanessa said grimly. “And I can describe him. We’re going to the hospital first, I’ll call Theo on the way.”
“Can’t I just go home…?”
Truth be told, Joanna didn’t mind someone else taking over for a while as the ground beneath her became unsteady again.
“Whoa. I don’t feel so good.”
Chapter Twelve
Killer Instinct Page 11