by Holly Jaymes
Call Hallie, I texted back with her number.
Everything okay?
Was it possible to read emotion in a text? Fine.
A few seconds later, my phone rang, showing Gabe’s number. Fuck. Why couldn’t he leave me alone?
“Yeah.”
“What’s going on? Don’t you want to come see the house first?” Gabe asked.
“No, for fuck’s fucking sake, I don’t want to come to see the house,” I snapped as I tossed the key and the rings into my junk drawer to get them out of my sight.
“What happened, Nate?”
I didn’t want to pour my heart out to my little brother. He had a good woman. A happy marriage. That alone made him unqualified to help me. Sure he and Samantha had a few bumps along the way, but she hadn’t left him.
“I don’t want to go into it. Just finish the house. Any further decisions Hallie can make. It’s probably best that she does. Call her.” If he called her, then I wouldn’t have to talk to her about the house and money. I wouldn’t have to stand before her looking like a sap for arranging to have her home built to her heart’s desire. She’d probably think I was a sap, but I wouldn’t have to see it in her eyes if Gabe took care of things from now on.
“Ok, fine, I’ll call her,” he replied, and I knew he was trying to figure out what to say next. “Listen, man, I’m sorry if she hurt you.”
“It’s my fault. Thanks for keeping the secret.”
“Of course.” Another pause and then he said, “You’re sure there isn’t something—”
“The terms of the deal have been met, Gabe. It’s done.”
“I thought that’s when you could move on with her. What happened?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose wishing Gabe would just let it go, “That would have only worked if she was interested in moving on with me. She’s not.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“She moved out. Left her keys.”
“Oh, man.”
His tone of understanding what her moving out meant was my undoing, “I’ve gotta go.” I didn’t wait for a goodbye. I hung up, stripped, and dove into the pool. A hard-strenuous swim was what I needed to help deal with the pain and anger coursing through my body. Thirty minutes later, I was still hurt and pissed but completely wiped out emotionally and physically.
I got out of the pool, took a quick shower, and put on shorts and a t-shirt. Pre-Hallie, I was never at a loss for what to do when I was home. Now I was rambling aimlessly through the house not sure what to do with myself.
The knock on the door had my heart racing. Had she changed her mind? My common sense told my heart to shut the fuck up. It probably wasn’t her and if it was, she’d probably forgotten something and was only there to pick it up.
I opened the door, “Gabe.”
“I come bearing beer and pizza,” he held up a pizza box and case of beer.
“I’m not in the mood—”
He pushed past me, “That’s why I’m here.” He went into my kitchen, setting the pizza on the table. He opened the case of beer, pulling out two and putting the rest in the fridge. “I told Sam I’d be here for the night. We’re drinking it all.”
“Gabe, really—”
He turned and put his hand on my shoulder, “Of all the Sloane boys, only I truly understand what you’re going through right now.”
I scoffed and pulled away, “How? You and Sam are happily married and expecting a baby.”
“I lost Sam, Nate. Twice. And both times I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. I couldn’t breathe.”
That about summed it up, “I don’t want advice, Gabe.”
“I’m not here to give advice. I’m here to drink and wallow with you.”
“A pity party?” I didn’t want anyone to see what Hallie had done to me, and at the same time, I really did want Gabe there. The idea that I needed him made me feel like a pussy.
“That’s right. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Or we can talk about sports. We can finally paint the cabana like you wanted. Whatever. I’m here for you.”
My nose burned with the telltale sign of impending tears. Fuck me, I was a mess, “Give me a minute.”
“Take your time. I’ll get the pizza on plates.”
I hurried from the kitchen and went to the bathroom, “Pull yourself together, Nate.” I splashed cold water on my face and stared at myself in the mirror. “Love is fucked up.” I pointed my index figure to the man I could barely recognize in the mirror. “Never, ever, let yourself fall for a woman again.”
When I had myself together, I found Gabe on the back porch with the pizza and beers. I joined him, taking a long swig of the cold brew.
“I forgot how awesome it is back here,” Gabe said. “Sam and I were thinking of putting in a pool.”
“Did you change your mind?” I picked up the pizza and took a bite. I wasn’t hungry, but I figured going through the motions might distract me from my pain.
“Well, with a baby coming, we worried it might be a danger,” Gabe said around a bite of his pizza.
“Don’t they have fences and covers?” I asked.
“Yeah, but…why tempt fate?”
I shrugged, “You got a cool treehouse already.” I thought it was strange that he built a treehouse when he’d finished Sam’s old Victorian. That is until he reminded me of all the dates each of us brothers had up in the treehouse he’d built at our childhood home.
“That I do. It’s quite possible Sloane junior was conceived up there,” he waggled his brows.
“Gag.” But I was happy for him and Sam.
Gabe took a sip of his beer, and we sat in silence for a moment. “I wasted a lot of time being apart from Sam,” he finally said.
“Oh?”
He nodded, “Because I was too fucking scared to tell her how I was feeling.”
I waved my hand as I realized what he was about to do, “I don’t want to talk about this, Gabe.”
“I’m just saying. You could avoid a lot more hurt and unhappiness by telling her what you’re feeling.”
“Or she could squash it like a bug,” I bet Gabe didn’t know what that felt like.
“If she did, would you feel worse than you do now?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out.”
He shrugged, “Coward.”
I tossed my pizza down, “If you’re going to hassle me on this, Gabe, you can just go.”
He held his hands up in a surrender position, “I’m here for you, Nate. Just let me say one more thing. You’ll regret it if you don’t try. Trust me on this. I’m lucky that I finally found my balls and fought for Sam. But I lost a lot of time being a pussy and not telling her how I felt. That’s all I’m going to say about that.” He picked up another slice of pizza, “Now, tell me, how much richer are you today than you were yesterday?”
Several hours later, I was sufficiently drunk as Gabe, pretty lit himself, tucked me in bed and took the couch after I’d told him I hadn’t been in the guest room after Hallie to clean it up. I woke the next morning feeling puny, but I couldn’t be sure it was a hangover or heartbreak. If I wanted to barf after diving in the pool, the answer would be a hangover.
Gabe was up brewing the coffee since I hadn’t set it the night before. I gave him a nod and then headed out and dove into the pool. The cool water shocked my system, and while there was a tinge of nausea, it dissipated as I swam ten quick laps. I jumped out, wrapped a towel around me, and joined Gabe on the porch.
“Do you always do that in your birthday suit?” he asked, pushing a cup of coffee toward me. He was dressed looking like he hadn’t downed half a case of beer the night before. Maybe he hadn’t. Maybe I’d drunk more than half.
“Yes,” I answered him about my swimming habits.
He shivered, “Iron man.”
“Thanks, man, for coming over and staying with me.”
“You’re welcome.”
I looked over my garden, not quit
e as bright now that Hallie wasn’t there, “I hadn’t realized how bad it was for you without Sam.” I turned my attention back to him. “I’m sorry. I’d have been there if I’d known.”
“I know man. That’s why I’m here now. Will and Mitch have no clue what true heartache feels like.”
I laughed, “They’d think I was a fucking pussy.” I inhaled a deep breath as I realized I would have thought Gabe was too back in the day.
“They’ll get theirs,” Gabe said confidently.
“You think so?”
Gabe shrugged, “All I know is that what I have with Sam is so precious - I think part of that is from knowing how fucked my life would be without her.”
“You think my life is going to be fucked up?” Surely at some point, the pain would end, and I could go back to being my old self.
“It is now, isn’t it? But at least you know love. Maybe Hallie isn’t the one. But now you know how awesome it can be.”
“Why risk it again?” I shook my head thinking Gabe was either a fucking moron to risk this type of heartbreak again or fucking courageous.
“Scariest thing I ever did was to lay my heart on the line. Best thing too,” he stood. “I’ve got to get to Hallie’s. You sure you want me to call her? This is your doing.”
I shook my head, “You do it.” The deal was done. What Gabe said was all well and good for him. But my situation was different. It was time to meet my end of the agreement and then return to how things were before.
I wasn’t sure how that could happen. How could I work with Hallie and not yearn for her? Somehow I’d figure it out.
After Gabe left, I got ready for work. Every moment was a reminder of Hallie’s absence. No more quick fucks in the shower. No more sitting on the porch as the sun started to rise. No driving to work together, discussing the topics on NPR.
As I got closer to the office, my confidence that I could bullshit my way through acting normal wavered. I couldn’t go in there and face her. Not yet. I made a U-turn and headed south toward the lab. I needed to visit to let them know about the success of the IPO and the plans for expanding the company’s research and development. At least that’s what I told myself and Clair when I let her know where I’d be. Gabe was right, I was a coward.
Book 2: Chapter 18—The Deal is Done
Chapter Eighteen: The Deal is Done
Hallie
I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived at work the next morning. Would Nate act the same? Or the same as before our fake marriage breakup? In retrospect, we should have been commended on how well we’d behaved. No blow-up. No angry words. No blaming. Except for my house, our deal was done. On to the next phase in life.
I wondered what Nate would do if I told him I’d fallen in love with him. He’d be kind and gentle, but he’d give me the score; he liked me, but he just wasn’t one to settle down. He’d probably say he was sorry about it.
It was better to keep it to myself, especially since it wouldn’t change anything. No, my best course of action was to suck it up and go back to how it was before. I could fake a marriage. Surely I could fake not being in love with him.
When I arrived, his car wasn’t in its usual spot. I had a fantasy moment of thinking he was recovering from a night of grief drinking when he discovered that I was gone. More likely, he’d gone to the lab. After all, he’d just got a huge influx of money he wanted to use to expand the scope and breadth of the research being done - especially on autoimmune diseases. Perhaps he’d come up with something to help my mom.
When the elevator stopped at my floor, I saw Clair was already there.
“Oh Hallie, Nate wanted me to let you know he was at the lab.”
I smiled and pretended everything was okay. I figured until Nate said specifically to let the staff know we were done, I’d keep playing along.
“Yes, he said he might.” Would lying continue to come so easily to me? I suppose it would have to. Until I stopped loving, I’d be lying every time I acted like things were back to how they were before.
I went to my office, and dove into my work, wanting the distraction from missing him. At the same time, I was nervous about what it would be like when I saw him. I wanted everything to be normal, and at the same time, I knew I’d be hurt if he acted like my leaving was no big deal. What a mess my emotions were in.
When he wasn’t back by lunch, I wondered if maybe he was avoiding me, but then put that off to fanciful thinking again. I considered texting him because I wanted to start taking care of the details of my house but couldn’t bring myself to do that either.
At two, Clair called me on my phone to let me know Gabe Sloane was on the line for me. Gabe? Why was he calling? For a moment, I worried something had happened to Nate. Then I decided Nate had probably asked him to consult with me on my house. After all, Nate still needed to take care of his side of our deal.
“Hi, Gabe.”
“Hallie. Hi. Listen, I was wondering if you’d meet me at your house?”
“Ah…I guess so. Did Nate ask you help me?”
“Yes,” there was something evasive in the tone of his voice. “Around four today?”
I checked my watch. I’d need to leave early, but since Nate had arranged for this meeting, I supposed he’d be alright with it. “Yes. Thank you. I hope you’ll be able to help me with my house.”
“I’m sure I can.”
He seemed pretty confident. Then again, until last year, he’d had a successful home renovation show, so his confidence was well deserved. For all my hurt about Nate, I had to appreciate that he wasn’t just handing over money, but that he’d asked his brother to help.
At three-thirty, I left my office, “I have to head out to deal with some things about my house. If Nate calls or shows up, you’ll let him know?”
Clair frowned, “He’s not meeting you? And why don’t you call him yourself?”
Crap. I was going to give us away, “He’s in a meeting, and I don’t want to disturb him.” It was really disturbing how easy lying was coming to me.
She didn’t look convinced, but she nodded, “See you tomorrow then.”
“Tomorrow.” Once in my car, I started toward my home but then took a detour to my parents’ house to get my house book. I had shown it to Gabe once, but since then, Nate and I had put more ideas into it. Once I had the book, I made the couple mile trip to my house.
As I drove up my street, I wondered how my house looked after all this time sitting charred. It wasn’t until I’d reached the next cross street that I realized I missed it. I turned around and headed back the other direction, wondering how I could have missed a house that had one side missing from a fire. I slowed down as I approached my house number, but the house there wasn’t mine. Well, it was. But it wasn’t charred anymore.
What’s going on?
I pulled into the driveway beside a truck. I got out of the car and stared at my house. It was like it had never been on fire. The side was intact. The roof fully covered the second half-story. The soot was gone replaced with new siding in the dove gray I’d picked out and noted in my book.
The front door opened and Gabe stepped out. I had a flash to the episode of his show when he did the reveal of Samantha’s home. That had to go down in home reveal history as the most romantic one ever. I might kiss Gabe for fixing my house, but it wouldn’t be like when Sam kissed him.
“Hey, Hallie.”
I walked up the new ramp and met him on the front porch. God, there was a porch swing. I stared at it for a long time.
“Samantha insisted on that,” Gabe said nodding at the swing. “She feels like every front porch should have a swing.”
I looked at him, “What’s going on?”
He didn’t look completely comfortable, “Nate asked me to take care of your home for you.”
“But…you just called me.”
“He sent me copies of your book months ago,” He opened the door. “I hope I did it right.”
I gaped at him, “Y
ou’ve been working on this for months?”
He nodded. “Nate wanted me to keep it a secret. I think he wanted to surprise you.” He stared at me like his words should affect me somehow. They did. I was shocked. It was another reminder of how generous Nate could be. If only he could love me.
“I am surprised,” I could barely get the words out. I entered the house, and my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest. All the colors. The floors. The walls. Everything was like in my book. The halls were widened to fit a wheelchair. I went into the kitchen, and the cupboards and cabinets were lower for a person in a wheelchair. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“Well, it was Nate. I did the work, but he…it was his idea.”
“Gabe, thank you so much,” I threw my arms around him to hug him as tears of joy fell down my face.
He hugged me back, “You’re welcome, but again, this is all Nate.”
I nodded, “I thought he was waiting until after the IPO to fulfill his part of the deal. I didn’t expect this.”
Gabe frowned, “About the deal...”
I was only half-listening as I walked around the house, marveling at new walls, new paint, new floors. The bath in the master bedroom downstairs had a wheelchair accessible bathtub and safety rails and benches in the shower.
“We had to take part of the master bedroom closet to make room for both the tub and shower. I hope that’s okay,” Gabe said as I marveled at the bathroom.
“It’s wonderful,” I said, noting the tiles Nate and I had picked for the floor. They were heated so my parents’ feet wouldn’t get cold in the winter. “It’s perfect Gabe. Thank you so much.”
I exited the master bedroom and went upstairs. There were two bedrooms and a bath there, although one room had been lost in the fire. Now they were both there.
“God, you furnished it too?” I asked in wonder when I saw the new queen-sized bed fitted with crisp white sheets with dove gray accents - plain but elegant.
“It was as close as to what we could get to your book. If something isn’t right, I’m sure Nate will switch it out.”