by Fiona Miers
Then she’d met Robert and all those methods of self-isolating seemed futile.
Julia glanced at Robert, who stood perfectly still, his eyes intently focused on her.
“Are you all right, Robert?” she asked, her voice soft and caring. She was almost afraid to speak too loudly, as he might retreat.
“You should not be using me that question, dear Julia. You are in distress, not I.”
“Perhaps my eyes deceive me.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Julia sighed and placed her cup on the table in front of her. “You appear wary of me. Scared, even. I have never seen you this way in my company, and I wish to know why.”
Robert sighed and ran his fingers through his dark, windswept hair. His handsome features were accentuated by the light that shone in through the window and a tingle began to erupt under Julia’s skin.
“I am feeling rather out of my depth,” Robert said. “I am uncertain, that is all. Troubled by the thought of what Freddy did to you. And what he said to you.”
Julia nodded and lowered her gaze. “I understand. It must be a lot for you process.”
“I must admit, it took me by surprise. But I will survive,” Robert said and approached her.
“You are also keeping your distance from me.”
“Please forgive me for that. It is not by choice. I merely wish to respect you and not step into your space.”
Julia’s lips quivered with a smile. “Your attempt to maintain my reputation and not taint it in any way are very kind, Robert.”
“It seems I am more transparent that I thought I was.”
“I am not skilled at reading men, but you are different.” Julia admitted to him. “Your soul speaks to mine, and I trust you, and respect you for that.”
“Your words are kind, Julia.”
“And truthful as well,” she stated.
Robert smiled and pursed his lips briefly. “There was something you wished to share with me before you were interrupted.”
“Indeed.”
“Do you still wish to tell me?”
Julia nodded and he sat down beside her on the chaise. “How much do you know of my family, Robert?”
“Apart from residing in Dorchester, not a lot.”
Julia nodded and her heart pounded in her chest. She was unsure how Robert would react to her news, but deep inside, she knew she had to tell him.
“My mother does not live with my father. The entire town of Dorchester—all our friends and family—think that my mother left us to start a new life on her own. But it is not true. My mother is in a specialist sanatorium in Cornwall. Her alienist told us that she has hysteria. Lost her sanity in the cruellest manner imaginable.”
Robert frowned and said softly, “Julia, I am truly sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Somehow Freddy found out about it, and now he threatens to have me committed there as well if I do not marry him.”
“I will not allow that to happen,” he said.
“I apologise for dragging you into my mess. You certainly did not ask for it.”
Robert stared at her with a furrowed brow. “There is no need to apologise. You did not drag me into anything. And please do not feel guilty that I am involved. If I did not wish to be, then I would not be.”
“You are willingly involving yourself in my messy situation?” she asked.
“I am,” Robert said, reaching out and tucking a lock of hair behind Julia’s ear.
His finger lightly touched her chin and the slight contact against her skin sent a wave of desire through her body. As Robert was about to drop his hand and move away from her, she wrapped her fingers around his wrist, lightly pressing his fingers against her cheek, keeping him in place.
“Julia...” he said, his tone sending out a warning.
“I do not wish to speak now, at least not with words,” she said in a whisper.
Julia leaned closer to Robert and softly pressed her lips against his. He tasted even better than he did the first time they’d kissed, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
He tugged her to her feet and his body pressed against hers, his arms holding her tightly. She parted her lips and he explored her mouth with his tongue. Moans escaped her throat as Robert’s hands moved down to her bosom. Constricted by the bodice she was wearing, she loosened the ribbons holding the material together.
Robert quietly watched her, his eyes intently focused on her. The cotton sleeves of her dress slipped down her shoulders, revealing her breasts, which attracted Robert’s attention instantly. His lips began to kiss her flesh, his hands cupping them ever so gently.
Julia’s head fell back as the waves of pleasure engulfed her, and she grabbed Robert’s arms. When her gasps grew louder, Robert pressed his lips against hers.
His warm hands slipped underneath Julia’s skirt and she brought her leg up, her heel resting on the table. Robert’s hand moved up her inner thigh and for a moment, she held her breath. His fingers found her centre and slowly slid inside her.
She moaned against Robert’s lips, clutching his shirt. “Oh, my.”
His fingers slid deep and her back arched with pleasure. Robert’s hardness pressed against her thigh, signalling to Julia that this was exactly what he wanted as well.
As soon as Julia’s hands begin to fumble with the front of Robert’s trousers, he abruptly moved away.
His face was flushed, but it was not from desire. His expression was apologetic and filled with regret.
“I...I... I...” he stuttered profusely and stepped away from her.
Julia clutched the bodice of her dress, covering her breasts once again. His abrupt distancing as well as his facial expression left her feeling very vulnerable and exposed. She placed her foot back on the floor and looked at Robert, searching for anything that would give her an indication of what was the matter.
“Robert,” she said hoarsely, but he shook his head.
“I apologise, Julia. I do not know what came over me.”
“Please, do not apologise—”
Before she was able to utter another word, Robert stumbled to the door and disappeared down the hallway.
Still breathing raggedly, Julia covered her exposed body, hot tears forming in her eyes so quickly that everything blurred around her. She did not wish to return to Arabella’s estate, as she feared retribution from Freddy. However, staying at Finlay Hall did not seem a viable option now either.
After Robert’s advances then his abrupt retreat, she was hurt and numb. She was embarrassed that she had allowed herself to be swept away by him in that moment, and although it was what she had wanted at the time, it was certainly a mistake.
If it weren’t, then Robert would not have reacted so coldly.
Julia wasn’t certain where he had disappeared to, or whether he would return. Perhaps it was better to simply forget this encounter ever happened, as Robert’s actions clearly stated it should not have happened in the first place.
Tears rolled down her cheeks but she made no attempt to stop them or wipe them away.
She did not even hear Emma and Abigail return from promenading until they stepped inside the sitting room, both apparently surprised to see Julia on her own and shocked at the state she was in.
Chapter Eighteen
Robert angrily paced the length of his bedchamber, scolding himself for what he had done. Not only had he ravished Julia in the sitting room, nearly compromising her and ruining her reputation, but he had run away like a coward. She must think very poorly of him now, but he had to stop before it went too far.
As much as he’d wanted her, he most certainly did not want to ruin her. He respected Julia too much.
The moment had also become too intense for Robert. What would to happen if she did not reciprocate his feelings? What would happen if they had gone through with their physical acts and she became with child?
Robert stopped for a moment when he realized that would not have
been such a terrible thing. If she were to be with child, he would certainly ask her to marry him.
A loud and sudden knock at his door caused his entire body to jolt and he exhaled slowly. “Who is it?”
“It is Emma. Open the door.”
Normally she would ask him politely but the stern tone in her voice made him realise that she had spoken with Julia.
With a hint of fear, he opened the door and Emma and Abigail both stood there.
“Ladies,” he said simply and glanced into the hallway. “Where is Julia?”
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” Emma scolded angrily and pushed past him, into his chambers.
“Emma—”
“Do you realise how upset Julia is? She is my friend and Emma’s friend as well. How dare you treat her in such a way?” Abigail asked incredulously.
“Well, I...” His voice failed him, and he placed his hands on his hips.
Emma and Abigail stared at him expectantly, but he was unable to respond. “I...”
“Never in my life had I considered you a coward, Robert,” Emma said. “I have known you for a long time, and never did I think you were capable of doing such a thing.”
“It... it is not what you think,” he said with a stammer.
“Then what is it?”
“What did she tell you?” he asked.
“Does it matter? Abigail and I arrived home from a lovely afternoon at the promenade. We found Julia in the small sitting room, her hair dishevelled, her dress not as it should be, her cheeks flushed. Her eyes were filled with tears and sadness. What did you do to her?”
“Freddy threatened her! I... I happened to be out riding when I saw her. I rescued her with Monterra. She was by the cliffside, overlooking the bay. I brought her back here to the estate. She was very upset. I asked a servant to call for you.” He took another breath. “I was not certain how to deal with such an emotional woman.” His sentences occurred in short bursts, as he grew more nervous with every passing moment.
He had never been confronted by both Abigail and Emma in such a manner, and it was rather unsettling.
“Typical,” Abigail said with a scoff.
Robert drew in a deep breath, in an attempt to calm himself. “When I heard you and Abigail were not at the estate, I went back to Julia. I did not wish to leave her alone in the state she was in. We spoke for a while. Shared a moment, or several. She kissed me, and things escalated.”
“Escalated?” Emma asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Indeed. I will not give specifics, but I stopped before...”
“And then you left her right there in the sitting room. Alone,” Abigail said, her tone sharper than a sword.
“I did not know what else to do. I could not do that to her. It was not the way to go about it. I...”
“You what, Robert?”
Robert lowered his gaze and ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair. “I...”
The muddled thoughts in his mind suddenly became less tangled, and a clear realisation appeared in his mind. “I...”
Emma and Abigail stared wide-eyed at him, awaiting the completion of his babble.
A small smile filled with both relief and happiness formed on his lips and he turned to the two women before him. “I love her.”
Emma and Abigail exchanged brief glances and Abigail stepped forward. “Then why did you not tell her?”
“I am afraid,” he said without hesitation. “Of being rejected. I am afraid of making a mistake, and I am afraid of not being good enough for her.”
“You are such a nincompoop,” Abigail said with a sigh. “When will you men learn that being afraid of not being good enough for us is not a valid reason? If she has been giving you attention, then you surely are good enough for her. Women do not waste their time on people who are not good for them. You treat her well, you are kind, and I can see by the manner she looks upon you when she thinks no one else notices, that she has lost her heart to you.”
Robert stared at his sister-in-law. “That cannot be true.”
“Because you believe it, or you do not see it for yourself?” Abigail asked.
“Love truly is blind, it seems,” Emma said with a smirk.
“The situation is complicated,” Robert said.
“Only because you make it so,” Emma said with a haughty lift of her chin.
“She clearly has feelings for you, or she would not be in the state she is in,” Abigail said.
“Has she spoken of me to you?” Robert asked Abigail.
“She does not need to. Her demeanour changes as soon as you walk into the room. There is a sparkle appears in her eyes and her entire face lights up. A few weeks ago, she had no interest in men. Now there is a glimmer of hope that she has found a reason to break the vow she made to herself.”
“I doubt it is there still, after what had happened,” Robert said, though a spark of hope lit up his heart.
“You will not know unless you ask her.”
Robert nodded quietly, straightened his shoulders and glanced at Emma. On more than one occasion, Robert had turned to Emma for advice and assistance, and he knew she would always help him where she could.
“Emma?”
“You know what is required of you, Robert?” she asked.
“Indeed. I realised she was different from the moment I met her. I was articulate and did not stutter. She made me feel at ease and makes me feel things I cannot ignore. I cannot bear the thought of her marrying anyone else, especially not Freddy.”
“Wait a moment,” Emma said, interrupting him. “What did you say?”
“Freddy threatened that he would compromise her if she did not agree to marry him.” Robert explained. Surely, they should know that if they’d spoken to Julia?
The ladies’ eyes widened, and a gasp escaped from Abigail’s throat. Emma and Abigail exchanged horrified and guilty glances and their faces paled suddenly.
“What have we done?” Abigail said in a terror-filled whisper.
Robert’s brow furrowed and he stepped forward. “What do you mean? What did you do?”
Abigail cringed and clasped her hands together, appearing uncertain what to say.
“Tell me at once,” Robert said.
“Julia was such a state when we arrived, we thought it best to not have her stay somewhere she... she was not com...comfortable,” Abigail said with a stutter.
“What have you done?” Robert demanded, instantly filled with anger.
“In all fairness, we were not aware of what was going on. She did not mention Freddy, or what he had said to her at all.”
Robert shut his eyes for a moment, not believing what a fool he had been. He had hurt the only woman he had ever loved, and she’d been thrown to the wolves.
“And she is on her way back to Kinsley Hall, if not there already?” he asked, his hands tightly clenched at his sides.
There was a beat of silence, then Emma said, “Indeed.”
Robert opened his eyes and spurred into action. He rushed to his boots and hurriedly slipped them on.
“We are truly sorry, Robert,” Emma said, clasping her hands in front of her.
Robert straightened up and looked at Abigail and Emma. “You were not aware. There is no need to be sorry.”
“Where are you going?” Emma asked as Robert rushed past her, and out of the door.
“I am going to rescue her. Again,” Robert said with a confidence he had not known he possessed.
He turned on his heel and rushed down the hallway, descended the stairwell, and ran as fast as he could to the stables. He would not allow anything to happen to Julia, and with a scoundrel like Freddy, there was not a moment to waste.
Chapter Nineteen
Julia wiped the last trace of tears from her cheeks as she slowly made her way to the front door of the manor house. She had not expected to be sent back to Kinsley Hall by Emma and Abigail, but perhaps they were not aware of what had happened.
She hadn
’t been forthcoming with them regarding the events that led to her presence at their home, and that she wanted nothing more than to stay as far away from her great-aunt’s estate – and Freddy – as she possibly could.
When she’d tried to speak to them, her words had been lost in her sad sobs, and neither Emma, nor Abigail were able to make sense of anything. Julia had also been too ashamed to contend with their decision to send her to Kinsley Hall with one of their maidservants.
Julia was hurt by Robert’s actions. She had not expected him to abandon her after their intimate moment in the sitting room. Despite still feeling flustered and dishevelled from his touch, the sensations of how he made her feel were etched into her soul. But his actions thereafter angered her.
Was he not interested in her? Did he not feel the same about her as she felt about him? Why did he leave her at such a crucial and intense moment? What was he afraid of?
Julia’s head filled with more and more questions – questions for which she did not have any answers, and a sigh escaped her throat.
She gazed at the front door, certainly not wishing to be back at the estate. Her gut was telling her that Freddy might be waiting for her, and she did not wish to be confronted by him. Especially not after the moment she had shared with Robert.
Julia scolded herself for once again thinking of Robert and made a conscious decision to not do so. She was not even certain whether she wished to see him again. Truthfully, her heart had all but broken when he’d stepped away from her. It had been the ultimate rejection.
If he’d told her that he didn’t wish to proceed for whichever reason, she wouldn’t have been quite this upset. But Robert merely stormed out without an explanation or a reason. That was what hurt Julia the most. The uncertainty of not knowing. Not knowing what he felt for her, what his thoughts were.
As she reached for the handle of the door, it flew open and she stared into the fiery eyes of Freddy.