by Karin Baine
The whole event had given Izzy quite a fright. If it was a sign she should take things easier she was going to make sure she took heed of it rather than go through this again. Thank goodness she’d been given another peek at her little jellybeans to make sure they hadn’t suffered during her dizzy spell. She supposed it was too much to ask if they could install one of those machines at home, so she could obsessively check on them for the next few months.
‘We’re going to move you onto the ward for the night, Izzy. The blood tests have shown signs of anaemia so we’re going to have to get you started on some iron supplements, and your blood pressure’s quite low too. I suspect that’s what caused the fainting today and I’d like to keep you in overnight so we can keep an eye on that.’ The doctor hadn’t given her any chance to disagree and though she understood the precautions she simply wanted to go home.
‘Can’t you wheel me out the back door and take me home with you?’ she suggested to Cal as he followed her to the ward, holding her hand as the porter manoeuvred her around corridor corner.
He was pale, she’d put him through a lot today. She was sure it had been no mean feat, carrying her dead weight down from the roof, and apparently he hadn’t left her side since. That solid reassurance she wasn’t in this on her own was priceless and made the whole ordeal slightly less traumatic. Although he hadn’t said it, he’d obviously been as worried about the babies as she had been, and she considered that progress.
‘Believe me, I would if I could, Fizz, but they’re better equipped to monitor you here.’ So far, he hadn’t scolded her or insisted she would be on bed rest for the foreseeable future, but she would accept any conditions he might impose if she could be under his care at home, instead of being here. It wasn’t going to happen, not tonight, but when she thought of home now it included Cal and the warmth and comfort she associated with his house. Their house.
‘You should probably go and get changed, have something to eat. I don’t want you getting sick on my account.’ She didn’t want him to go. Even on a busy ward full of other patients and staff, she could feel herself retreating, shrinking into the corner and building up those protective walls in the event he did go and leave her here alone.
As the staff busied themselves around her bed, getting her settled for her upcoming stay, Cal remained stubbornly in place. Once they’d gone and she was successfully hooked up to the machines checking her progress, Cal leaned in and whispered, ‘I have contacts.’
‘What do you mean?’
He tapped the side of his nose. ‘As long as I keep out of sight and promise not to get you or any of your fellow patients over-excited I’ve got special dispensation to stay outside visiting hours.’
Izzy knew she should be magnanimous and tell him she was fine here on her own. In truth, she was relieved to have him with her a little longer.
* * *
There was a twinge of guilt every time Izzy glanced at Cal’s flight suit draped over the back of his chair when she knew if it wasn’t for her he’d be at home, relaxing after his shift.
‘It’s not what I’d call haute cuisine,’ she apologised as they both finished the unappetising plate of hospital food they’d been served. It made her appreciate Cal’s efforts in the kitchen every night even more.
‘I’m just thankful she took pity on me and donated the unwanted meal to a good home.’ He certainly hadn’t turned his nose up at the free dinner offered to him from the trolley after being rejected by a more discerning diner. Izzy thought it was indicative of how ravenous he was when she’d had to force down every mouthful. Then again, she was too stressed and anxious about the babies to have any sort of appetite.
Despite the reassurances and precautions, there was still a long way to go and plenty of time for other, more serious complications to occur.
‘Hey, don’t you go getting all maudlin on me.’ Cal set his empty plate beside hers on the table across her bed.
‘Sorry, I’m not much company for you.’
‘Would you prefer it if I left you alone?’ The determined set of his jaw told her he seriously believed she might be better on her own than have him with her.
‘No,’ she said, much too quickly, and grabbed his hand. All that would do was make her even more miserable and give her more time to dwell on all the negatives of the situation when he was the only one who could give her a much-needed boost.
‘Good. Otherwise there’d be no one here to make sure you eat up all of your fruit salad.’ He lifted the dish of chopped fruit and pulled his chair closer to the bed. ‘Now, are you going to open up or do I have to make aeroplane noises?’
When he began moving the spoon towards her mouth she complied by eating it, touched that he cared so much about her. She couldn’t remember anyone nursing her when she was ill.
In the shared foster homes, the parents had been afraid of any viruses spreading to the rest of the children and at the first sign of sickness she’d been quarantined in her room. She’d thought all those images she’d seen in TV shows of worried parents mopping the brows of fevered offspring were pure fiction. Until Cal had refused to leave her bedside and she understood what she’d been missing. To have someone who cared about her well-being more than their own was alien to her but something she could easily become accustomed to.
‘Do I get a prize if I finish it all?’ she asked before accepting the last morsel. In normal circumstances she might have been liable to throw the food at someone trying to feed her like a baby, but Cal wasn’t trying to patronise her, he was trying to lift her spirits and make sure she got some sustenance. Okay, she was enjoying the attention too.
‘Why, is there something I can tempt you with?’ He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at her and made her laugh. It was good to have someone around who was so good at distracting her when she needed it and, boy, was he a distraction. There had been a few moments between them when she’d been convinced they were going to give in to temptation again. She’d ached for it, but Cal was always the one to pull back from the brink. It had been on her say so, of course, one of the conditions of her moving in, but it seemed she was powerless against her own hormones.
‘I want you in my bed,’ she said, enjoying the shock on his face as she leaned forward and helped herself to the last spoonful of fruit.
Izzy patted the space next to her on the bed.
‘The staff have been very accommodating, but I think that might be pushing things too far,’ he said with a cheeky glint in his eye.
‘I won’t tell if you don’t.’
After years of knowing and teasing each other it suddenly felt more real. As though the flirting was going to lead somewhere. It was probably because they were both exhausted mentally and physically that they were letting this spark between them flare into life again. Beyond the comfort and support Cal represented, that attraction also lingered, on her part at least, but she knew nothing could come of it.
She was sure this fancy would pass once the babies were safely here and she didn’t feel so vulnerable. More than likely she was confusing his kindness for something that wasn’t there but had been lacking her entire life. Love.
Cal didn’t wait for a second invitation, only pausing to kick off his shoes. The instant he climbed onto the bed beside her and put his arm around her she snuggled into his chest with a sigh.
Perhaps it was because she was feeling vulnerable, or that they’d become so close lately, but Izzy felt compelled to share how important it was to have him there for her.
‘You know, I usually can’t bear anyone near me when I’m sick. I’m not used to it.’
‘Not even Gerry?’ It was probably difficult for Cal to understand when he’d been so considerate. Plus, it was his job, his duty of care to look after the sick and infirm.
Gerry wasn’t a subject she liked to discuss with Cal for obvious reasons.
‘He was on the road a lot
and I think it was better for us both that he wasn’t around if I was ill.’ She gave a little laugh because she could see now how unreasonable she’d been at times. It was fine for her to lecture others on self-care when they weren’t well, but she had no time for lying around feeling sorry for herself. She wouldn’t have thanked Gerry for pandering to her either, thinking he’d have an ulterior motive for keeping on her good side. That was on top of her already ingrained need to contain the possible spread of infection.
Now Cal had shown her the sort of nurturing she’d been missing out on since the day she’d been born, and she swore her own children would know what it was to be loved and cherished every day of their lives.
‘That’s one of the many things I miss about not having my mum around.’ Cal was absent-mindedly stroking her hair and Izzy closed her eyes, gave herself over to his tender touch.
‘If I was sick she’d give up her whole day, no matter what she’d been doing beforehand, to spend it looking after me. She made the best chicken soup and brought it to me in bed. Nothing was too much trouble and she’d spend hours reading to me or playing board games with me. Even when I left home she’d rush over a pot of soup at the first sign of a sniffle. I guess you could say I was spoiled.’ He gave a self-deprecating laugh but the picture he painted was more about a very special mother and son bond than an over-indulged brat.
‘More loved, I’d say. Your mum sounds as though she was a lovely person.’ It was easy to understand where he got his loving nature from and Izzy wasn’t jealous of his idyllic-sounding upbringing.
‘She was, as was Dad. Nothing was ever the same after they died. There was no one there to keep the rest of us together and it felt as though I’d lost the rest of my family along with them. My sisters moved away with their husbands and children and suddenly I was no longer a son, a brother or an uncle. I lost my sense of identity along with them. When Janet told me she was pregnant I had a role again. I was going to be a husband and father, that’s why the loss was so great when she left. I lost myself along with her and the baby and it took me a long time to rediscover my identity as just Cal. I think that’s why I’m finding it difficult relating to the role of being a father again. I don’t want it to completely define who I am.’
The sadness in his voice made Izzy reach out and wrap her arms around his waist. It was clear he was afraid of committing again in case she took it all away from him again, the way Janet had.
‘I know the Cal you were before all this happened and I promise I won’t let you get cast adrift in all the excitement. I want you very much to be a part of everything.’
He gave a brief nod before changing the subject. ‘What about you? You don’t say much about your foster parents except that they live some distance away.’
‘I’ve never been able to think of them as Mum and Dad, although they were the last couple to assume the roles. I never knew my birth parents and I was passed around a series of foster homes until I was old enough to go it alone. Some of the foster parents genuinely wanted to help kids in the system, others you could tell were only in it for the money, and more than a few simply weren’t equipped to deal with those of us who had serious issues about our start in life. I know I acted up, pushing the boundaries to test how willing they were to keep me, and as a result I never stayed in one place too long. Theory proved.
‘Meeting Helen changed things for me. She lived next door and became a real friend, the first I’d ever had. I was welcomed into her home as part of the family and I probably spent more time there, eating their food and talking over my problems with her, than in any one of my foster homes. I think that’s why having my own family is so important to me. I want my children to have that love and stability I’d never had. While I’m grateful to those people who did take me in, I was never treated as a proper daughter. There was no real affection there and I knew it when I saw how Helen’s parents interacted with her. I didn’t have anyone who cared when I was sick, and I’m not used to having it now. I guess that’s why I get cranky around people when I’m ill.’
‘My poor Izzy. Yet you’re willing to put up with me. I’m honoured.’ He dropped a kiss on her head and Izzy wanted to remain cocooned here in this cubicle with him for ever.
‘You’re different. I’m—’ She stopped herself just in time before the words I’m in love with you caught them both by surprise. ‘I’m used to you.’ She managed to cover her back before she spoiled the moment by saying something daft enough to lose him, her home and her future when he’d admitted he didn’t feel the same way.
‘That’s good to know.’ He chuckled, the vibration of his chest beneath her cheek having the opposite effect on her from the judder of the helicopter. Instead of upsetting her stomach, it was comforting.
They settled into an easy silence but that thinking time soon led her into more anxiety.
‘Cal? I’m scared.’ She shared her fears, watching for reassurance even when she knew he’d never abandon her or lie to her the way everyone else in her life had done. He’d shown her that today and every day since he’d found out about the babies, when most would have run from the responsibility.
He leaned down until they were nose to nose and she could see the sincerity in his eyes. ‘I will never let anything happen to you. You mean too much to me.’
She was tired of fighting this thing between them. When he was looking at her with such adoration and longing she no longer knew why she was resisting the inevitable. Especially when she knew how good it felt to give in to those impulses.
She closed her eyes and tilted her chin up, inviting him to make that final decision and seal their fate. Only a second later she felt that soft pressure of his lips on hers bringing her whole body back to life. For once she was being true to herself and to her feelings and could only pray Cal was doing the same.
There was the worry he was only kissing her to comfort her but as he tangled his hand in her hair and strengthened that physical connection between them she knew better than to doubt his intentions. He’d opened up to her emotionally about his childhood and his fears and he wouldn’t have done that unless he was thinking seriously about their future. Cal wanted her. All of her.
Izzy freed her mind from everything except how good it felt to be touching him again. Everything she wanted was there in his kiss—comfort, security, but most of all the intense passion she’d convinced herself had only existed in that one night. How wrong she’d been when he was pulling her close to his body, telling her how much he wanted her without saying a word. His lips captured hers again and again, his tongue teased hers until she thought she’d expire if he didn’t give her more.
It also sent her heart monitor into overdrive, so he knew exactly what effect he was having on her. She felt his smile against her lips before he pulled away from her again.
‘I should probably go before the nurses throw me out.’ His voice was thick with desire as he shifted his weight on the mattress, but Izzy wasn’t ready for him to leave apparently any more than he was.
‘Can’t you stay a little bit longer?’ It was unlike her to be needy, but she was done with being alone when she could be in Cal’s arms.
‘You need your sleep. I’m keeping you awake.’
‘In the best possible way. There’s plenty of room for two.’ She tried to convince him, though it was doubtful whether either of them would have a comfortable night with four of them essentially packed into one single bed.
‘Nice try.’ He sat up and arranged the pillows for her to lie down.
‘I’ll stay here until you fall asleep,’ he whispered into her ear, spooning against her with his arm draped so casually across her waist one might’ve believed this was a nightly occurrence. It was a pleasant thought, even though she wanted more.
Izzy closed her eyes, a smile on her lips as exhaustion claimed her. She hadn’t realised how much she needed or wanted Cal in her life until she couldn
’t imagine one without him in it.
CHAPTER EIGHT
CAL HAD BEEN like a kid on Christmas Eve, unable to settle, waiting for the call to go and pick Izzy up from the hospital. He’d ignored the cramp in his limbs, which had set in as he’d been lying on that hospital bed with her because he hadn’t wanted to swap it for the luxury of his spacious king-size bed.
Home offered him peace, space and comfort in comparison but without Izzy it was hard to find any of that. He’d have happily slept all night with her pressed against his chest, dead arm and all, just to be close to her a while longer. That’s when he knew he was in way over his head.
This was supposed to have been a gesture that he was committed to raising the babies with Izzy. Moving in together was never meant to have been more than a favour. He’d certainly never intended to get as close to Izzy as he’d apparently become. It left him open to the same kind of emotional hurt he’d been through once too often. With her determination to include him every step of the way through this pregnancy she’d broken through those defences he’d imagined would keep his heart protected. When he thought losing her or the babies was a possibility he knew he’d become completely attached to the idea of their little family.
Yesterday had been stressful for them both but it must have taken a particular toll on Izzy for her to let him so close and to want him to stay. She’d always been a firecracker and independent to the point of being obstreperous, so it was an indication of just how much turmoil she’d been in for her to let him hold her.
Then there was the kiss. He’d been so overcome with compassion for her situation, gratitude for having her in his life and, well, love, there was nothing he could’ve done to prevent it from happening. When Izzy had kissed him back his whole body had sung out with sheer happiness that she’d wanted him too. It was only the rise in her blood pressure that had reminded him she was vulnerable, and he hadn’t wanted to take advantage of that when he was the only person she had in her life. It would confuse her at a time when her whole world was in chaos and what she needed from him more was a sense of security and stability. Something she’d apparently been missing out on for some time.