by C D Cain
Flossie popped the top and handed me the beer. She grabbed her one before sitting back down next to me. “Didn’t seem right not being out here.” She took a long swallow. “Don’t feel much better this way none either.”
“It’s so different here, Flossie. So much has changed.” The cold beer felt good sliding down my throat. It’d been too long since I had a cold one on my lips as I sat outside my Louisiana home.
“Yep, sis. It sho is dat.” She took another swallow of hers. I watched the liquid fall from its neck back into the bottle and realized she had already downed a hefty amount in two swallows. “It ain’t the same without her. She done been the glue for us. For all of us.” She rubbed her palm on her jeans. “She was da glue.”
The lawn chair fabric gave to my weight as I leaned back against it. All this time I had forgotten what she meant to my family—to the town of her family. I’d been as guilty of what I accused Charlie Grace of being. I had lost sight beyond myself to see the others affected. The hurt I felt in my heart—the black hole of loss—it was in the eyes of those around me. It was in Flossie’s eyes.
“It been hard here without you.” She kept her head down but looked at me from the corner of her eye. “Been missing ya more since I been’a missing her so hard. We all been needing you home.”
Charlie Grace’s face flashed in my head. “All of you except Mother.”
“What? She’d da one been missing you’d the mosts.”
I rolled my eyes and took a drink of beer.
“What? You not see her dis morning. You not see’d her a’toll? A good damn gust of wind pass’n her by and she gone be carried off with it. I’ma bettin’ she ain’t ninety pounds soaking wet.”
“Yeah, I noticed she had lost weight. Is she not feeling well? Has she been sick?”
“She heartbroken.”
“Over?”
“Addie. Time. You.” Flossie drained her beer. She stood, opened the metal lid, turned the empty bottle upside down in the ice, and grabbed another one. She pointed it at me. “You ready?”
I looked at the half empty bottle. “No thanks. Not yet.”
She sat down hard in the lawn chair as if it took all of her strength to stand up to get another drink. “Time passed her up, baby girl. She done thought she’d had all the time to make things right. Now dat time gone by. She gone have to accept it and let it go.”
“What time? She needed time for what?”
“To make things right with Addie. To forgive Addie in the time Addie was here for her to forgive. Now she gone have to wrestle dem demons all by herself.” She tipped her bottle up to her lips. “Den she gone have to wrestle dem with you.” She looked at me. “And you gone have to do the same.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Flossie.” I finished the beer and stood. “What demons? What on earth did she have to forgive Meems about? Meems never did anything to deserve the way Mother treated her. Were you not at her funeral?” I felt my voice escalating as I pulled another bottle from the pot. “So why the hell should I help fight her demons with her?” I rubbed away the ice from the bottle and sat back down.
“I was dere.”
“Memaw didn’t deserve that. She was the best mother I had.”
“She was for you. Charlie Grace done growed up with a different Addie. She didn’t have that same Addie you had.”
What was she saying? Why? Why would she talk about Meems like this?
“Don’t you be giving me dat look. Sis, we all growed up in this life we get. Addie was dipped in gold fo sho but she tweren’t always like dat. Yo’ momma knew’d a different Addie. She held onto dat Addie for so long she couldn’t see the Addie you done know’d.” She turned to me. “And now she got to live with it. She ain’t ever gonna get the chance to make it right with her. She ain’t ever gonna be able to say she see’d the true Addie. I ain’t wanting to see dat same hurt in yo’ eyes.”
I understood the depth of her swallows and took in the same amount of beer.
“Did I ever tell you how’d I met Addie?”
I shook my head. Words were trapped within the thoughts she had started--Meems being a different person…mother to Charlie Grace.
“Lawd, child. Me and my old man had been in the moonshine something fierce dat day when we came up on Addie and yo Pa. Drunks ain’t got no business being around drunks. Throw in a couple of pistols and we sho nuff got trouble. Throw in yo Pa’s temper and my old man’s in da mix and you end up spending the night locked up to sleep it off.”
“What? Ya’ll went to jail?”
“Sho did. Spent the whole damn night dere. Dat’s when Addie and me made friends. Well…after we sobered up that is. Dat Addie she was filled with piss and vinegar I tell ya. Piss and vinegar. When my old man cursed yo Pa for crawfishing on his bet, she plum near jumped on his back to beat the cotton pickin’ stew outta him. I’d always say’d it was because she missed that bottle on her last shot. Course she’d never agree to dat. Our old men thought it be fun to see who was’n the better shot between us. They threw’d up beer bottles in the air and we’d shoot ‘em with our pistols. Lawd knows he’d was watching over us drunks with dem guns.” She shook her head and took a smaller swallow of beer. A smile crept across her face. “Yep, she was full of piss and vinegar.”
“That’s funny. Picturing ya’ll all lit up like that.”
“Tweren’t too funny for yo’ Momma. She had to spend the night with the sheriff and his wife. Ain’t nobody else around to watch her overnight. Yo’ momma always did talk about the night her friends at school saw her riding in the back of dat police car. Yo’ momma got dem scars just like you carry ‘round. They gone fester in time if’n you don’t let dem go.”
“Yeah, well. I don’t see her growing much. She’s the same she has always been.”
“Give her time. She a good mom now but she gone get better for you…just like Addie did for her. I’ma just hoping you see it before it’s too late. You gone have to come back home to see’d it tho’.”
“I know.” I turned the bottle up and realized I’d already taken the last swallow. I don’t think I had ever given thought to Meems being anyone different in her younger years. I had never given thought that maybe Charlie Grace had a reason for her distance with Meems. The nice little package of Charlie Grace’s actions as a part of her personality seemed to fit the best in my mind. Anything else clouded the disdain I felt for her—made her more human. I didn’t like the confusion it stirred inside of me. I wanted the subject changed. “So…where was Cora headed off to and what is up with that hairdo?”
“Oh, Lawd…don’t get me’a startin’ on dat. That crazy ole mule done lost her mind I tell ya’.”
“It must be the toxicity from the hair dye.”
“I dunno know about no toxicosity but she had lost her fool mind fo sho. That heifer got on one of dem dating computer things. They done put dat whatever it is on dem computers at the home where you can talk to people but not talk to people. I plum near don’t get it. She be telling me she talked to some man but I ain’t once seen her on the phone. She just’n pecking away on dem keys. Peck. Peck. Peck.” Flossie put her beer between her legs and moved her middle fingers in the air as if she was searching for keys on a computer. “Giggle. Peck. Giggle. Peck. She sounded like some fool school girl over there giggling. Hell, the first time I saw dem ole mules circled all around that thinking box, I thought they’s were lookin’ at nuddie pictures. Nope, it tweren’t nothing but words.”
“So Cora started online dating?” I laughed. A laugh that felt really good. “And she met someone?”
She shook her head a vigorous yes. “Sho did. I swear she be thinkin’ dat man gonna fart and she ain’t gone be there to smell it.”
I spit the swallow of beer down my shirt and wiped at the mess I made. “Good gracious, Flossie. Give a woman a little warning before you say something like that.”
“I only tellin’ the truth. It’s Harold dis and Harold dat.” She turn
ed her voice into a high-pitched sound. “I gotta go get dis for Harold. I can’t tonight. I’m’a goin with Harold.”
“Wow. Cora’s got her a boyfriend. I’m a little shocked.”
“Oh, I got me a word for it and it ain’t dat one.”
Text message from Mo at 2:25pm: “Thinking of you”
Text message from Mo at 2:30pm: “Still want to be in that bed with U”
“Aawww, now there’s a smile. Was that your friend Sam? Don’t see much of her anymore. Ain’t been hearing much about her from you either.”
“No. It wasn’t Sam.” My smile faded but damn did that beer taste good. “She moved to finish her residency in Jacksonville, Florida.” The sound of the disconnected recording blared in my head. It threatened tears always kept at the surface of the place in my heart she held. “We don’t really talk much anymore.”
“That’s a damn shame, sis. I really liked her. So did Addie. But you just’n got a smile I once saw on your face when dat Sam was around.”
The thought of Mo’s text brought the smile back. “She’s a new friend.”
“Aw.” Flossie took a swallow of her beer. “Maybe I’ll get to meet her one day.”
“Maybe.” Suddenly the patch of woods, which had held Flossie’s attention called upon mine.
Mo wouldn’t be the type of woman I would bring home. She’s said many times over she wasn’t a girlfriend type. That was what was so great about her. I could be me. She never asked for more. That’s what so great about her, right? There wouldn’t be more to worry about other than when we would see each other again—not much beyond that.
“Sis, it been eating at me. Somethin’ been playing on my mind pretty hard.”
I turned from the woods to face her. “What is it? Are you okay?”
“I’m going to be okay. Dis ain’t ‘bout me. It ‘bout you. Addie and I had talked ‘bout dem eyes of yours. Dem you had a when you looked at yo’ phone and then dem you had a second ago. They be filled with so much happiness and…den in a blink of an eye so much sadness. Tore us up to see dem on you when they flashed like’n dat. Damn near broke Addie’s heart every time.” She raised her bottle and inspected the last little bit of liquid in the bottom. She stood and her knees wobbled for a second until she steadied herself with the arm of the chair. Its opposite side raised off of the ground against the weight of it. She took a step toward the fryer. “She done fell to the same time dat yo’ Momma fell into. She left’n something unsaid to you.” She raised the metal lid but kept her back to me. “You ready?”
Ready for what? Another beer or what it is Meems left unsaid to me? Yes. Yes to both.
“Yeah. I’ll take another.” I put my empty in the hand she offered behind her back.
I watched her shoulders rise and fall with the depth of the breath she took. Another came and went before she turned to me and her eyes showed the many thoughts behind them. Slowly she handed me a beer. She didn’t let it go after I had gripped it but instead held onto the neck. I looked into her eyes until I felt the full weight of the bottle in my hand. She held my stare a moment longer before she spoke again.
“Addie really liked dat friend of yours. She told me so. She told me in secret.” She looked up at the sky before stepping away from me to sit in the chair. “I’m not betraying her you know. If’n she was here she’d want me to say dis. I know’d it in my heart…like she’s telling me to tell you. Like her hands are on my shoulders right dis minute. Pushing me to tell you.” She swiped hard at her cheeks. She took a long swig of her beer. “She done told me the way dat girl looked at you. She know’d you were loved.”
I felt a sudden spin from the alcohol or the words she was saying I wasn’t sure which was the reason. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t swallow. I couldn’t blink.
Flossie rubbed her thumb over the lip of the bottle. “She know’d you two loved each other in a way she had found with’n yo Pa.”
My heart raced in my chest.
She looked at me and placed her hand on my knee. She held me in her eyes. I’ve no doubt she saw the fear mine held. “She saw the way you looked at her too. She saw love, baby girl. I saw’d it.” She squeezed my leg. “It yo’ life to do what you want. What dis old lady saying don’t mean a hill of beans. It yo’ life to make it. But I’ma figurin’ you need to know how Addie felt before you puttin’ down the roots you talkin’ ‘bout with dat boy. We saw’d the love you girls held in dem eyes and we thought…she though…it was a beautiful thing. She gone up in Heaven, knowing her baby girl was loved.”
I felt my head shake in disbelief. No. No. She didn’t know. “No, Flossie. No. She didn’t know. Tell me she didn’t know.” My hand hurt with the tension of my grip on the bottle.
“Aw hell, sis. She know’d you.” She squeezed my leg again and followed it with a pat. “She was proud of you. It done her heart some kind’a good to know’d you found love. She wouldn’t want to see dis hurt back in yo’ eyes. I don’t know what happened between you two but if’n it can be fixed I wanted you to know Addie was so damn proud of you. She loved you more than anything on dis earth. Ain’t nothin’ ever gonna change dat.”
The chair could no longer hold me as I slid to the ground on my knees. She met me there. My jeans became wet with the beer as it spilled from the overturned bottle. Her arms engulfed me and held me tight against.
Brown sugar and honey.
Chapter 21
“I do declare, Charlie Grace, these here shrimp things are to die for.” Nadine Thibodeaux had apparently found the pounds Charlie Grace had lost. Seemingly, she wasn’t done with her additional poundage as she shoved the coconut shrimp beignets in her mouth as fast as the server added them to her plate. A drop of red pepper jelly hung to her bottom lip.
I looked around to see if anyone had taken notice. Grant was texting on his phone, which he held under the table. Charlie Grace stared blankly at the food in front of her. Jacques and Ned swirled their scotch and sodas as they whispered to each other.
“I’m glad you like them, dear.” Charlie Grace finally took notice. She used her napkin to dab at the corner of her own mouth.
Nadine brushed her fingers across her lip until the jelly fell into her lap. “We need to write the name of these things down. They’d be good horse whatever you call them for the wedding.”
I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes. I caught Flossie’s snicker. Yeah, I had rolled them.
As if to deliberately have the meal unlike anything we had experienced before, Charlie Grace held it in the formal dining room instead of the usual sun porch. The walls were a fresh coat of a deep merlot wine color not unlike that within my glass. A wave of indigestion rolled across my stomach with the thought of mixing the red wine with the several beers Flossie and I had shared earlier in the day.
Charlie Grace gave the smile I had known for most of my life. Yet this time I caught the shadow of the creases in her cheeks. “Yes, they would be a good addition to the menu. We’ll need to try to finalize all of that before too long. I’ll want to make sure I can reserve my chef.”
Ned downed his remaining scotch as the servers came to pick up his and Jacques’s glasses. “Can’t let old scotch like that go to waste.” He looked down at the bowl of butternut squash soup the server had placed in front of him. “This is a fine spread you folks have invited us to.” He elbowed Grant. “Ain’t it, son?”
Grant looked up quickly and nearly dropped his phone. “Oh yes, Dad. It sure is. Thanks so much for inviting us to share Thanksgiving dinner with you.”
“Nonsense, my boy.” Jacques blew on the hot soup as he brought a spoonful to his mouth. “You’re practically family now.” He smiled at Charlie Grace who nodded in return.
I looked away before I rolled my eyes again. Cora sat next to Flossie with her two guests—her mile high black volcano of hair and Harold Whitehead. I was thankful the motif of the room had not included any type of flamed candle. Harold sat upright with a stiffened spine. He was bald except for the thicken
ed beard and a ring of hair over his ears. His hair was starch white, excluding his mustache and eyebrows which were quite similar to that of Cora’s hair. Flossie was right. Cora was a ball of giggling nerves as she sat next to the man she couldn’t seem to take her eyes from. Seemed the rolling of the eyes was an epidemic in the room as I caught Flossie roll hers when Cora place Harold’s napkin in his lap. I let the knowing smile drag across my face as Flossie glanced at me. She gave a guilty smile back.
The conversation over the next course of duck stuffed turkey breast, braised greens, and oyster cornbread stuffing was muted with the enjoyment of the meal. Small topics varying from school to the wedding filtered in the air between us. I watched the controlled look on Grant’s face. He didn’t give a hint to his plans of moving to New York. He sat and even conversed with them of the town…of graduation…of the future. Never did his poker face change to let on he wasn’t returning to the life they believed he would be coming back to.
“I’ve found a grand location as you leave downtown going into the Garden District.” Charlie Grace sipped the light red wine from the crystal stemware she held in her hand. “It would be perfect for a dual practice. The grounds are divine. There’s sufficient room for a decent parking area without the need to lose the curb appeal of the property.”
Grant piled a bite of braised greens onto a small piece of turkey. “It would be ideal if it were close to the hospital for on call days.”
Charlie Grace shook her head in agreement. “Oh yes. It’s a short walk through the trees lining the back property. The trees provide a coverage to show the façade of distance between the hospital. It was one of the appealing factors that separated this property from the others I looked at.”
“Sounds like you’ve done your homework.” Grant shoved the prepared bite into this mouth.
I watched him construct another bite onto his fork. It was the perfect blend of greens, turkey and stuffing. A combination of each dish offered on his plate. I felt the nausea swirling in my gut. The perfect blend of his own design. Had I become…we become not much more to him than that bite? We were a carefully constructed plan. Was he going to leave his family, my family, and the town oblivious to his true post-graduate ideas until we too had been carefully designed? It was a side of him I had not seen before but one I surely couldn’t deny since our car ride over.