by M. Raiya
“Your turn,” I said, getting up without passing out. I beckoned Vin to the chair.
He swallowed hard and took it. He looked very pale.
“Dude, you don’t have to do this,” I said quickly.
“No, I’m okay,” he said. “I just—ah—didn’t like seeing you hurting again.”
“It only hurts for a few seconds,” one of the women said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Here, you can hold his hand,” she said to me.
I guess they’d figured out we were a couple. I stood in front of Vin and held both his hands as the women got ready. But when they positioned the earring guns around his tender earlobes, I suddenly felt my heart stop. “No, don’t,” I heard myself say, but it was too late, and he gasped in pain.
I hit the floor in a dead faint.
Thankfully I was only out for a couple of seconds. I woke in time to hear Vin saying something about calling an ambulance, so I forced myself back to full consciousness in a hurry. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” I said quickly. No way was I going back to the hospital. “I’m fine.”
“Lie still a minute,” one of the women said. “Happens all the time. Here, eat this.” She handed me a chocolate bar.
Vin was on my other side, face ashen. The sapphires sparkled in his lobes, catching the blue of his eyes like perfect little mirrors. God, I was an idiot. But I loved him so much.
“They’re good,” I said.
He relaxed a little. “Damn, Riel.”
“Sorry.”
I sat up and ate my chocolate bar, giving him the last bite. Then I climbed to my feet and stood sheepishly leaning on the counter while he paid for everything. As soon as we both had our ear care kits complete with cleaning solutions and instructions, we headed for the car as quickly as we could in unspoken accord, taking the most direct route and not pausing.
Vin didn’t get a chance to look at his earrings until he was in the driver’s seat and pulled down his mirror. I watched him turn his head back and forth a few times, and then he looked at me and smiled. “You like?” he asked.
“I like,” I said.
He lifted my hair away from mine. “Me too.”
Then we both laughed.
I put my head back on the headrest as he started the car. Before he’d pulled back onto the road, I was sound asleep.
I SURFACED almost an hour later and felt better for the nap. Vin had stopped for gas, and the change in the car’s motion was what had woken me. After I checked the surroundings, I slipped inside the store and found the bathroom. On my way out, I bought two water bottles, thinking we needed to start consuming healthy things at some point.
I found Vin in line at the ice cream window outside.
“What kind?” he asked happily.
“Mint chocolate chip, of course,” I said, joining him without another thought of health.
“Damn, we were clearly meant for each other,” he said and ordered two.
“Thank you, sir,” I said with a grin.
Vin batted his eyes at me, earrings sparkling. The clerk, an older guy, laughed. I flushed a little. Had so much changed in the world during my three owl years? At least here in Vermont, it felt like being gay was a lot more acceptable than it had been.
I loved how Vin always felt so comfortable showing what he was feeling.
“So how many Vins are there?” I asked as we headed for a picnic table near where Vin had moved the car after filling the tank. I sat down as quickly as I could and spoke while I was scanning the area, noting a flock of house sparrows under the neighboring picnic table, a red tail hawk soaring overhead, and a red-eyed vireo singing in the trees behind us. “There’s the intense kayaker one, the cool student one, the supportive one when I’m having a freak out, the dutiful son one, and this kind of flirty one….”
“Oh, half a dozen. Which one do you like best?”
“All of them, silly,” I said. “Just give me a little warning before you break out lipstick and eyeliner, okay?”
He smiled sweetly. “Anything for you. Oh man, this is delicious.”
“Definitely a good idea.” I licked a runaway dollop of ice cream off the side of my cone. Hell, I needed to stock up on calcium. I resisted the impulse to lick a similar dollop off Vin’s fingers. Maybe someday. Not yet. And not in public, ever, no matter how accepting everyone was seeming.
Then I remembered there was another Vin I’d seen. The one who went for a kitchen knife when things were bad. I pushed that thought out of my head.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Vin said. He caught the drip of ice cream I’d been looking at in a way that suddenly had me thinking about a lot of other things. Like why hadn’t I been noticing the way his white T-shirt hung just below his collarbone, showing a tender little place I’d like to kiss? Which Vin would surface when he—I broke off that train of thought in a hurry. Though I really, really wanted to know.
“Yeah?”
“You’ve never talked much about your magic. The stuff you can do besides shift.”
“Ah.”
“Can you tell me about it?”
I shot him a look. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t share with you, Vin.” I tried not to flush and said, “Yeah. I can do magic.”
He was intent on his question and didn’t seem to notice where my mind had gone. “My mother still has the feather you produced in the ICU, by the way. That looked like the kind of thing stage magicians do.”
I nodded.
“But they use mirrors and fake hats,” Vin said cautiously. “You—ah—don’t?”
“Right.”
“Whoa.”
“No, come on,” I said quickly, not wanting him to get all hung up on this. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Riel. I’m not going to freak. I may swoon but not freak.”
“Ha. I’m the one who swoons. So far anyway. Do you want me to hold your ice cream in case you do?”
“No. You’d eat it, are you crazy?”
We both laughed, and I sighed and said, “Magic isn’t a big deal. It just means I can do things we all do anyway, only with my mind instead of my hands. And I can change things into other things, like changing air into an owl feather. That’s it, really.”
I hardly ever used magic, and it sure hadn’t stopped me from almost dying twice. Over the past three years, I’d racked my brain about whether there had been anything I could have done to stop the gang from hurting Andrew that wouldn’t have been as obvious as turning into an owl, but I really couldn’t think of anything. Tying their shoelaces all together into a big knot might have slowed them down, but it would have been a bit hard to explain.
“I keep falling in love with you all over again,” Vin said out of nowhere.
I almost dropped my ice cream.
“You’re just so—you. It’s okay to gloat a little, sometimes.”
I snorted. “Dude, I’m a disaster. Believe me, nothing to gloat over. If I’m good at one thing, it’s sailing. Well, and flying, which is about the same thing.”
Vin just shook his head. “Sorry, don’t believe you. You’re strong, Riel. Stronger than anyone I’ve ever known. And I don’t mean because you survived for three years. But because you’re still a sane person.”
“Me? Sane?” I laughed, and I knew from the way he grinned that he was thinking about me hopping up and down and hooting whenever I got stressed.
But he went serious again. “Well, you’re doing a lot better than you were a few hours ago.”
I didn’t tell him how hard it had been to walk into the store and buy those waters. But I’d done it because I refused to give in to my fear.
“I mean I respect you because you risked everything to help your friend. Never once have you implied you regret doing it. You aren’t bitter or angry over what happened. You aren’t tearing after your grandfather for revenge, and you aren’t out to put shame on the others of your clan who let such a horrible thing happen to a kid. You’re just who you are, getting on with your life, no matter what form
you’re in.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah. And you never thought twice about the risk you were taking to help me.”
“Oh, honestly,” I said. “It’s because you’re such a nice guy, Mr. Gorgeous Eyes. Don’t you see how people react to your charisma? You just exude niceness. I’ve seen the way kids hang around you at school. No one forced you to high five the girl who waited for you at the door every afternoon. You see the best in people, and they respond to it. I’m no different than anyone else.” I hesitated then, before he could say anything, I added, “Well, I guess I’m a lot luckier than everybody else.”
Vin rolled his eyes this time. We were good for each other. I could feel our connection getting stronger all the time, and it wasn’t just because of the strangeness of the way we were thrown together. I wondered if all gay couples our age felt it, the bond of us against the world, or if it was unique to the way we really needed each other. Or some of both.
We finished our ice cream in silence full of unspoken communication. Then, because I knew he was desperate to see me do something but was trying just as desperately hard not to ask, I picked up one of the water bottles I’d bought, held it sheltered between us, and passed my left hand over the cap. Instantly, it twisted itself off and popped over to land right side up on Vin’s knee.
“Oh man,” he breathed.
I handed him the bottle and opened my own with my hands the regular way. Vin picked up the cap from his knee like he expected it to be hot or at least tingling. He looked closely at it. Then at the top of his bottle.
“That’s crazy.” He looked back at me, laughed nervously, and asked, “Can you change it into wine?”
I snorted. “Dude. I’m not twenty-one. That wouldn’t even be legal. Besides, my kind don’t drink, as a rule. Don’t want to risk getting a FUI.”
“FUI?” he asked blankly.
“Flying under the influence.”
Vin laughed a little hysterically. “I take the point. Flying cross-eyed would probably not be a good thing.”
“Definitely not. Try it now.”
Vin looked down at the bottle in his hand. The liquid had become deep red.
“Holy shit, Riel.” He looked back and forth between the bottle and me, and then cautiously smelled it and took a sip, his gaze locked on my eyes. After he swallowed, he lowered the bottle and touched his lips. Without thinking, I leaned forward and kissed him. His lips tasted of wine. Then he leaned his head against my shoulder, and I could feel his heart racing.
Okay, maybe too much. I took the bottle from his hand before he could drop it. With a quick thought and command, I turned it back into water.
“There,” I said.
He pulled himself together and took another sip, very cautiously. “Still tastes a little fruity.”
“Well, you’re awfully picky.”
“I was kidding.”
“I know. Come on, we should get going.”
As soon as we were both back in the car, I said, “If things go wrong, if I get forced back, will you….”
“Of course, idiot,” he said quickly. “I’ll always love you.”
That wasn’t what I was asking. “Vin. I’d want you to find someone else. You know. Have a family.”
“No!” he said sharply. He reached out and touched my face. “Riel, it’s too late for that. Only you, no matter what form you’re in.”
“But—”
He cut me off with a long kiss that drew some stares from the people in line at the window, but we didn’t care. When we finally broke off to breathe, he said, “Don’t ever suggest that again.”
“Well,” I said, a little shakily. “I guess that’s even more incentive never to have another guitar pick put in me.”
“Damn right.” Vin started the car and pulled out a little aggressively. I settled back in my seat, drained and exhausted, and put my hand on his leg. He covered it briefly with his own, and I fell asleep wrapped in the certainty that no matter what, I would never live in a hollow tree again.
Chapter Twelve
AN HOUR later we turned onto his road. My tension slipped up a notch. Returning to the scene of the attack wasn’t going to be easy, especially not knowing what, if anything, my grandfather had planned. I knew he’d had plenty of time to come up with something. On the other hand, if he wanted to take me by surprise, this was the last place he would attack. All I could do was be on guard.
I felt nauseous as Vin pulled into the driveway. Wouldn’t that look great, if I barfed lo mien all over the lawn as Jack and Colleen came out to greet us. Adrenaline and exhaustion warred inside me as I scanned around. The trees, the house, the lawn, the lake with the blue kayak on the beach all looked normal, filled with the gentle sunshine of a lovely June afternoon. I focused on the kayak for a moment to try to absorb some of its calm strength.
“Okay?” Vin asked, his hands clenched on the wheel. He kept the engine running.
“Yeah,” I managed to say without puking.
All was quiet after he turned off the engine, except for the gentle waves on the beach and the drone of a yellow motorboat I knew I’d seen before slowly passing by the end of the dock. Vin’s parents came out onto the porch. Warm air surged in around me as I opened my door. I felt a little better, and I managed to send Vin a quick smile as we got out.
Instantly, a wall of pain and terror slammed into me. Every muscle in my back clenched, and I clung to the door to keep from falling. The talons out of nowhere. Being carried through the air. Knowing I was going to be eaten alive.
“Riel!” Vin was racing around the front of the car to me.
“Okay,” I gasped. “Left over resonance. Let me deal with it.”
I didn’t have time to explain. I’d been expecting to feel something here, but I hadn’t thought that the lingering disturbance would be this strong. Whenever something violent had happened in a place, the taste of suffering suffused the area and lingered. The resonance was worse when the one who had suffered had magic, and it took magic to bring purity again. I walked straight to where I had fallen. I sensed Vin keeping his parents from approaching. I blocked it all out and knelt.
My own blood that had soaked into the ground where we’d landed. A maelstrom of memory hit me. The strike, the pain, the terror. Vin’s phone had hit the great horned so hard that her wings had faltered. She couldn’t catch herself in the air. My struggling weight had brought us both down.
I had lain in agony, in utter helplessness, until Vin had come. Terror and despair permeated the air and ground around me and formed a small, tight vortex around the spot, like a little invisible tornado keeping the resonance of pain from dissipating.
Drawing a deep breath, I spread my arms to either side. Cautiously I raised my power and let it out, let it flow into the air. I bent, laid my palms on the grass, and let my power seep into the ground. I felt my magic spreading calm. Gradually the vortex dissipated, and the gentle afternoon breeze blew through where it had been, carrying away the vestiges of suffering. I felt my pain fade with it, down to the slight stiffness and tenderness that still lingered where the wounds had been.
Harder to deal with was the fact that I was only alive now because of other people—Vin, his parents, the vet, the people at the rehab center, and the doctor and nurses. Part of me felt like I was hardly worth the effort. Part of me was deeply honored that they had done it. The one thing I was sure of was that the attack had changed me deeply. I had thought that someone who went to the brink of death would come back stronger, and maybe I was, but I was also so, so frightened by the thought of changing again.
I closed my eyes and let the breeze fill me, felt it lifting my hair and stirring my clothes. I remembered flying. I knew in my soul how to ride this breeze into the sky, toward the sun or moon or the stars. But I also remembered falling helpless to the ground, caught by something stronger than me. My fear would never leave me. Hopefully, I could learn to live with it. For now, I had cleansed the land and the air of the viol
ence, and I was learning to be human again. Those were enough.
“Do you regret being born who and what you are?” Coleen asked me quietly from the porch steps where they were standing.
I realized she understood on some level what I’d just done. Jack and even Vin were looking a little confused. Perhaps it was because she was a mother and had brought life into the world and by doing that, had become linked to the universe more deeply. Certainly, she’d been more in tune with my reality from the beginning than Jack had been.
“Never,” I said honestly. “No, I’ve never regretted it. It’s just a challenge sometimes.”
“I can imagine,” she said, coming down the stairs and slipping an arm around my shoulders. “I’ve made macaroni and cheese for dinner. Vin said you’re a vegetarian. I thought comfort food was needed.”
Oh, it was. I let myself lean on her kindness a little. Then we went inside and closed the door firmly behind us.
I WAS dead tired despite all my naps. No one talked to me much during the meal, for which I was incredibly grateful. They just let me eat and adjust and listen as Jack and Coleen filled Vin in with all that had been happening and what the plans were for tomorrow. After we’d finished, Vin’s phone began to go off. Tomorrow was his graduation day. He’d missed the last two weeks of school—his friends were frantic. He’d been ignoring his phone most of the time he’d been with me, and now I owed it to him to let him reconnect.
I managed to help Jack and Coleen clean up after dinner because I wanted to be as little trouble as possible, and then I escaped to the guest room upstairs, which they had made up for me. The room was right across from Vin’s. The carpet was all fluffy from a fresh vacuuming. My duffel bag sat on a chair at the foot of the bed. The coloring was shades of brown with soft red curtains, which I quickly pulled over the locked window. A double bed almost filled the room, except for the chair and a small dresser with a mirror over it. I caught my reflection and then went closer and gazed at it. My face still unnerved me whenever I saw it.