by J. C. Owens
Dersai seemed adamant in his refusal to take action against the rebellion, but sometimes when people spoke to him of the violence engendered so close to their borders, the shadow in Dersai’s eyes grew, and Jaden saw the demon staring back at him for long moments. If the threat grew too great…Dersai himself had said that he might not be able to control it this time.
Jaden tried to keep his faith in Dersai alive. Right now his lover was in charge, not the demon within him, and Jaden was here to help him fight. Together, they could find a way through this.
* * *
In apparent response to the possible threat at his borders, Dersai soon became rigid in his need for constant training of his military. Jaden supposed Astoria’s instability definitely gave rise to such preparation, but it gave him a chill to see the great machines in groups. They were never taken very far, because it cost too much to fuel them, so they practiced close to the palace—drilling maneuvers and mock battles that tested the pilot’s reflexes and honed their mental preparation.
Jaden discovered there were smaller machines, about half the size of the larger ones. They were lighter and faster and regularly patrolled the country’s borders. Rarely were these at home unless they were being repaired. They could run much faster than any horse and faster than most ground vehicles on flat land. They were nimble on difficult terrain, with long arms that could brace the machine and balance it in dangerous situations.
These smaller machines carried significant firepower for their size, and their reputation alone was why the larger ones were so rarely used. From what Jaden had gathered and read, it seemed the large ones were only brought into play if true hostilities were expected.
Determined to believe his country would not be so foolish as to repeat their mistake of attacking Tranaden in the first place, Jaden believed his lover was overreacting, although he would never say such. Dersai held a duty to his people, and they needed to see that their forces were prepared for anything. Jaden even decided to continue his training in the machines. After his first rather uninspiring attempts in the cockpit, he finally consented to practice his skills. Dersai encouraged his enthusiasm, praising his reaction times and ability to reason his way through the machine’s capabilities.
On this day of training, Dersai guided Jaden to pilot the great machine to a firing range. When Jaden realized where they were, he could only sit in silence, listening to Dersai’s factual teachings with only half an ear. His pulse pounded in his ears and he stared at the target. Images of his city being sacked, the devastation, and the death flashed through his mind.
His fingers shook upon the controls, and he felt a surge of shame that he was here, wielding an enemy’s weapon. He could not bring himself to fire the great guns for real.
“Just press the button, Jaden.” Dersai’s tone held no knowledge of Jaden’s inner turmoil, and something boiled up in Jaden at Dersai’s lack of forethought as memories of the past returned with a vengeance.
“No.” Jaden fought to keep his voice level, fought to keep his anger from spilling over on Dersai. He could feel his lover’s eyes on him.
“It’s just a target, little one—”
“It’s not about the fucking target!” Jaden heard his own fury with a sort of distant horror, but it would not be contained, could not be withheld. “You don’t get it, do you?” Pain spiked in his chest as he saw Dersai withdraw.
Dersai’s face hardened—the return of the mask he showed the world, the mask he had lowered for Jaden alone. He watched Jaden in silence for long moments, his eyes a little sad, then nodded. “Perhaps it is best we stop this exercise now. It obviously serves no purpose but to reopen old wounds.” His voice was steady but wooden.
They returned to the hangar in silence, but once the machine powered down, Jaden turned in the seat and reached for Dersai’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, kissing the lax palm he held. “I didn’t mean to lash out at you. You did nothing to deserve it. It’s just…”
Dersai was motionless for a time. Then he sighed deep and long and knelt before Jaden in the pilot’s seat. “No, I am the one to be sorry. I forget sometimes. It is too easy to believe that you have always been mine, always been part of my life. I think part of me just wants to forget our pasts, wants to have nothing but the here and now. That is not possible…”
Jaden leaned forward, cupped Dersai’s face, and kissed him gently. “We will make it possible,” he vowed fiercely.
But in the coming days the shadow of that occurrence continued to lie between them, unspoken and deadly. They both attempted to ignore it and tried to move on.
Jaden’s only thought for the use of his newfound skills had been a desire to be with Dersai, to be at his side so Jaden could protect him. But now, after having been asked to actually fire the guns…
It wore upon Jaden. Weeks later, he woke in the middle of the night, sweating, his eyes wide in the darkness. He realized that he had truly become one with the very enemy that had destroyed his city and ripped his life apart. He thought of those of his people who had died in that very attack, his captain crushed by Dersai himself.
He tried to push the thoughts aside, rationalizing to himself that Dersai had had no choice. At that point, he had not been himself. Jaden now knew that. It was not Dersai’s fault.
But the murdered people haunting Jaden’s dreams did not seem to agree.
* * *
Jaden knew Dersai sensed something was wrong in the days following that horrific dream. He would often ask Jaden what was troubling him and if he could help, but Jaden always shook it off, said it was nothing of importance. Dersai would look into Jaden’s eyes and then kiss him, but a frown was on his brow more these days, and he did not seem convinced that Jaden was being completely honest.
Jaden wished he could reassure his lover, but his own heart seemed torn. His own acceptance of his actions and plans for the future had started to clash with his past more and more each day as Dersai seemed increasingly tense. Jaden could see a desperation in his eyes. Several messengers came to the palace and took Dersai aside for meetings. Jaden was not told of the purpose of these gatherings; he only knew that Dersai’s temper worsened still more after them, the demon ever closer to the surface. It caused Jaden to withdraw further. The tension between them and the growing threat of war made those around them wary as well.
With each day, Jaden felt his convictions of Dersai’s true nature begin to waver; if the demon only came out when Dersai or the country was threatened, did this mean there was a threat his lover was not speaking of? Was Astoria risking rebellion despite all good sense to the contrary?
He wondered how they could both get past the misunderstandings that seemed all too frequent now.
Chapter Seven
So it was on a morning some six weeks after their argument on the weapons range, Jaden woke to watch in bleary-eyed confusion as his lover rose from the bed and began to dress in his uniform. Jaden frowned. He had heard of no official events that day. He rose to his feet, padded over to Dersai, and slid his arms around his lover’s lean waist, completely interfering with the art of dressing.
Dersai turned and offered him a kiss, but it was perfunctory and abstract. Jaden drew back, confused. A frisson of concern shot through him when he saw how completely Dersai was focused inside himself. He was rarely like that. Except before the last time the demon had completely surfaced…
Jaden drew a quick breath, his gaze quickly moving to Dersai’s face. His lover’s eyes seemed clear, but he was obviously mulling something deeply. And he was tense—just like the last time.
Stomach tightening, Jaden remained silent, simply reaching forward and helping Dersai with the complicated uniform. When Dersai at last stood clothed in all the splendor of a full Tranaden empiric uniform, he laid a gentle kiss upon Jaden’s forehead and raised his hand to brush back Jaden’s hair. “I need you with me today, Jaden. I have something I have to do, and it involves you.”
Jaden raised a b
row in query, but Dersai seemed unusually reticent. Frowning again, Jaden found clothing of his own and dressed with some haste, dread finding a harbor in his mind. What could this possibly be about?
They ate breakfast in silence. Jaden could see Dersai going over something in his mind, like he was checking something for flaws. When they finally finished and left the room, the elites—headed by Rafe—were waiting. Rafe looked anything but happy; the grim look he bestowed upon his emperor seemed to indicate a disagreement about something, but Dersai held up a hand and Rafe bit back whatever he wanted to say.
They passed down the corridors in silence, passed through the great courtyard outside, then out the massive gates. Jaden froze.
Eight of the massive machines stood in tight formation, the one to the fore kneeling, waiting. Dersai’s machine…
What in the hells? “Dersai—” Jaden began. He had to know.
His lover turned to look at him with a tight smile. “I cannot tell you, Jaden. It is a surprise, so you must wait. I have to make sure—” He shook his head at some inner thought. “If it does not work…”
Jaden swallowed his questions, but the dread within him coiled tighter. He followed Dersai up into the cockpit and stood behind the seat, hands shaking slightly as he steadied himself. Dersai’s hands flew over the controls, his face settling into the cold, calm alertness that seemed to characterize a pilot’s demeanor.
Jaden shivered.
One of Dersai’s hands came up to cover his own for a moment. “It will be fine, Jaden. I wish I could tell you—” He broke off, shook his head again and raised the machine to both legs. They turned and left the vicinity of the palace for the first time in Jaden’s experience, the vibration of the machine’s legs on concrete giving way to the softer thump thump of the dirt road that led up and out of the valley…toward Astoria.
Jaden swallowed bile. He looked over Dersai’s shoulder and down at the screens, where he saw evidence of the other seven machines follow in perfect formation—military formation.
Behind the machines were several smaller vehicles.
Had there been an attack? Had Astoria done something to finally rouse Tranaden’s emperor to action?
This did not feel right.
* * *
It took over three hours, even with the ground-covering strides of the great machines, to reach their destination—the Astorian border. The closer they came, the tenser Jaden became. And when he realized that they were indeed headed for Astoria, his thoughts exploded with conjecture and fear.
He realized with harsh clarity that he did not truly know the mind of this man who was emperor. Had the leader of Tranaden rethought his position on not conquering Astoria? Or had he lied to Jaden from the beginning? After all, what better thing than to have a former soldier of the enemy at his side to betray his country’s secrets? What if Astoria was not rebelling at all, not planning to attack Tranaden? What if this had all been simply an elaborate trick to retake the country and eliminate any and all opposition this time?
Jaden looked at the emperor’s head from where he stood behind him, and a great rage flared up inside him. Memories and suspicions rose like dark clouds within him, blinding him and deafening him to any voice of reason that remained.
The machines stopped, and theirs went to one knee before the emperor powered it down and gestured to Jaden to follow him down the ladder. Jaden did so, his face set and grim.
The clearing they stood in was beautiful, and now that the machines had powered down, Jaden could hear the water flowing in the river that formed the boundary between the two countries. Its gentle movements could be heard in the sudden silence as the water burbled beneath the thin layers of ice. The crispness of the air at this altitude made sound carry beautifully. Birds sang in the conifer forest that surrounded the clearing.
One of the aides came forward to offer the emperor a cloak. Dersai accepted it, swung it over his shoulders, and slapped his leather-clad hands together against the chill. He seemed less brooding now that they had apparently reached their destination. A small smile tilted his lips as he looked over to the other side of the river. Dersai turned to Jaden, the smile still in place and anticipation in his eyes.
Jaden’s doubts solidified. Dersai laid a hand on Jaden’s shoulder; then the smile slipped as Jaden shrugged it off. Rage filled his heart that his lover would show amusement at a time like this. It only confirmed his growing surety.
“I won’t do it.” Jaden emphasized his fury with a low, angry hiss. Dersai blinked, then frowned in concern. “Jaden—”
“How could you? How could you lie to me?” Jaden half choked on the words,
furious at himself for the display of emotion, now when he wanted so badly to be in control.
Dersai stared at him in silence, confusion on his face, in his eyes.
“It was all a lie, everything you said, everything you did. All to get me to do this.”
Dersai put out a hand, but Jaden backed away, clenching his fists, wanting to hurt this man as he was hurting Jaden.
“You godsdamned monster. Did you really think I would help you take over my own country? Did you really think fucking me was going to bring me around to your way of thinking? Well you and your fucking demon can go screw yourselves. I won’t do it. So your plan comes to nothing.”
Several shocked gasps sounded around them, but for that moment, there was only the two of them, eye to eye. The emperor was silent and still, his hand falling to his side. For a split second, unimaginable pain flashed in those dark eyes. Then something slammed shut in Dersai’s expression. All emotion bled from his gaze until it was exactly as Jaden remembered at the beginning of their association— cold and bottomless.
His face became pinched and drawn as he stared silently over Jaden’s shoulder. He then took a deep, shuddering breath and turned away. He walked up to Rafe, who stood by one of the vehicles. The captain’s face was dark with rage as he stared incredulously at Jaden.
“Plans have changed, Rafe. Keep Jaden here until I get back. I will take the original number.” The emperor’s voice was completely without tone.
“Your Majesty… Please take one of the machines. I have a feeling…”
“No.” The emperor spit out the word with force.
Rafe finally nodded, face pale with worry. “Take me with you, then.”
“No, I have the others. They are skilled; you know so yourself. I need you to take care of things here.”
Rafe struggled visibly within himself, then finally bowed his head. “Yes, Your Imperial Majesty.” His lips were tight with disapproval he could not voice.
Jaden watched in suspicion as eight men clambered into the vehicle, with Dersai in the driver’s seat. Dersai gave a last look at Rafe and laid a hand on his arm. “It will be fine, my friend. I will be back within the hour.” He did not look in Jaden’s direction at all.
Rafe nodded, but the worry on his face did not diminish as the vehicle slowly moved away, carefully negotiating the shallow waters of the river before powering up to climb the steep slope through the trees. The sound of its motor echoed through the area. As it reached the summit and disappeared, the sound slowly began to fade until there was silence once more.
The men talked quietly to each other, their faces tense, their bodies restless. Jaden sat down where he was, cross-legged, ignoring the cold ground, only now beginning to feel the effects of his discovery. What now? Was he prisoner? Or would he return to being slave, but without the masquerade? He took a deep breath, feeling fear rise alongside the fury. What did his future hold now?
He glanced at the other men, many of whom he had become friendly with over the months, but they would not look at him. Perhaps that also had been false, he mused bitterly.
As time stretched on, Jaden began to notice inconsistencies in the events surrounding him, and his confusion grew. Why had they only brought eight of the machines? And why were they sitting here, waiting? Why had the emperor gone on with so few men? It made no s
ense.
He finally got up and stretched, beginning to be infected by the anxiety that so possessed the other men. One of the lieutenants, a young man about Jaden’s age named Yuris, came to stand by the emperor’s machine and absently stroked its leg with one hand as he stared blindly across the river with trepidation in his eyes.
He sighed then, long and low, and turned to look at Jaden, something perilously close to hatred in his eyes. “You don’t deserve him. You never did.”
Jaden raised a brow as realization came to the fore. This man loved the emperor but in a much more personal way than the others.
“He is all yours now,” Jaden sneered, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.
“You are a fool,” the other man said with force. “To have what he offered in your hands, something many of us would give an arm for and to cast it away so carelessly—” He spat on the ground at Jaden’s feet. “Gods help you when you realize your mistake. And gods help us when the repercussions appear.” He turned and strode off, anger in every line of his body.
Jaden growled under his breath, some part of him disturbed to find there were others who wanted Dersai. He shook himself free of the thoughts. What was it to him? They could have him. There was nothing there of the man Jaden loved; it was all a lie, a fabrication. An ache in his chest grew, and he rubbed at it angrily.
He turned away irritably and began to pace. He wished this was all over, that he could find out what his fate would be and move on. Waiting was terrible.
Hours passed, and still there was no word. By the look on Rafe’s face, the man would give anything to go after the others. This obviously had not been part of the plan. A great tension rose in Jaden. Something had happened, but what? Were his people dying at the hand of the monster of Tranaden even now?
A shout from the ridge made them all start and swing their heads in that direction. Many of the men’s hands went to their weapons. Three figures appeared and began a clumsy descent of the slope, slipping and sliding downward. Jaden could see that one of them was holding someone’s body wrapped in a blanket or some other covering and was protecting them with his body as he struggled to keep his balance.