by J. C. Owens
Jaden took a deep shuddering breath. “I can help, Rafe. He might listen…”
Rafe did not slow his pace. “He has barred you from his rooms.”
The words should not have hurt so much. Jaden had known that he was unlikely to be forgiven, yet… The band around his chest tightened, breath was hard to find suddenly, and he stumbled.
A hard hand came under his elbow, steadying him, and Jaden looked up in surprise, unable to believe Rafe had touched him, helped him. This man should hate him utterly. Rafe studied Jaden’s face for a moment; something akin to pity flashed in his eyes for a brief moment. Then he stepped away.
“He needs help, Rafe. Please don’t leave him alone.” Jaden knew his tone was pleading, but he could not help himself. The thought of Dersai alone, with no one to protect him from the demon…
“He will not let us in the rooms; the doors are locked from the inside. The demon is violent right now. Perhaps later…” Rafe’s voice trailed off, and Jaden knew the other man held no real hope for Dersai. Rafe had seen this, experienced this for years. He knew.
But again, he was bound by orders and duty. Jaden was not.
Rafe slid a glance sideways, and Jaden knew then. This was why Rafe had come to him. He was not allowed to indicate anything, but he was hoping Jaden could do something, anything to help Dersai.
Jaden’s jaw clenched. “Show me my new room. Yamina needs her sleep.”
After Jaden settled Yamina in their new quarters and set Rem to watch her, he turned his attention to attempting to get to Dersai. The elites were grouped outside the room, with Rafe pacing back and forth, brow furrowed with worry.
He did not look at Jaden, did not indicate in any way that he had spoken with him earlier. Jaden ignored all of them, though he noticed that none of them prevented him from going to the door. He pounded on it, no polite knocking here. “Dersai!” he shouted. “Let me speak to you. I need to talk.”
There was only silence. He waited and waited and waited. No sound. Jaden’s anxiety grew. He pounded with both fists this time. “Dersai!” He hated the note of fear that was growing in his voice.
The lack of sound held ominous import, and Jaden grew ever more concerned, his heart pounding in his chest. He hit the door over and over and continued yelling until his voice was near gone and his fists were raw and bleeding. Then he stood panting with his forehead against the ornate wood, eyes closed.
“Dersai,” he whispered hoarsely, “please.”
In his imagination, he could hear the demon laughing.
Chapter Eight
Rafe finally took Jaden away, bandaged his bleeding hands, and gave him something to make him sleep. Jaden did not protest in the slightest. Of what use was he anyway? Dersai, or the demon, obviously would not let him in. He was as helpless as everyone else.
The potent drink Rafe gave him made Jaden sleep deeply and well, and when he woke, he felt as though someone had told him what to do. He would not give up. He would not leave Dersai with that thing in control. Even if Dersai no longer wanted him, Jaden had to try.
Jaden washed and dressed, then stared at himself for long moments in the mirror and saw the new knowledge that shone in his eyes. He truly loved Dersai. It was so very clear now that Jaden wondered how he could have been so completely blind before. How could he have doubted, even for a second, what was growing in his heart? How could he not have understood the depth of it? If he had, he would never have said those words, never have wounded his lover in such a fashion.
But it was too late for that. His face in the mirror showed resignation and grief. By his own stupidity, his own inability to leave the past, he had destroyed something so infinitely precious that he knew he could never be completely whole again.
This was his just punishment. But before he left, he would make sure Dersai was back; the demon would not destroy this emperor as he had so many others. Jaden would not leave Dersai to madness. Not this time.
Letting Rem take Yamina down to breakfast, Jaden headed once more for the royal rooms. Rafe was sitting there, his head in hands. A gun sat on the table beside him.
Jaden’s heart nearly stopped. He glanced around at the other men, at their devastated faces, and he knew. “Dear gods,” he whispered, staring at the gun and feeling ill.
“I heard him raving this morning.” Rafe’s voice was dull with pain, and his eyes were shadowed and old. “He is silent now, but he will start again. They all do. The time is coming.” His voice choked, and he had to look away. He took several deep breaths, then looked back to Jaden, his voice harsh. “I have to do it, no one else. It has to be quick and clean.” Tears rose in his eyes, and Jaden laid a hand on the captain’s shoulder, his own eyes none too dry.
“Give me one last chance, Rafe. Please. There has to be another way in, anything at all.”
“He would kill you, Jaden. He is not himself; the demon rules now.” “I damn well created this, Rafe!” Jaden flinched at the volume of his own voice. “Let me try.” He looked at the other man pleadingly. “I have to try,” he whispered once more.
Rafe studied him for a moment, gauging his determination perhaps; then he nodded. “There might be a way.”
* * *
Jaden looked cautiously down, cursing the wind that tugged at his hair and blew it into his eyes. He shot a glance sideways at Rafe. They stood together upon one of the slate roofs of the palace. “This is it?”
Rafe nodded, worry in his expression. “It is the only way I can think of.” “Of course,” Jaden muttered, looking back down with a jaundiced eye. “It has to involve heights.” He tied the rope around his waist, tugged at the knot several times to test its strength.
Rafe’s hand came down on Jaden’s arm, and they looked at each other for a long moment. “He could well kill you, Jaden. You know that. If he does, we will know that the demon rules, that madness has taken him. I will have no choice then.”
Jaden nodded, clapped the other man on the shoulder, and gave a wry grimace. “I know, Rafe. Just do what you have to. I am hoping for a better resolution than that, if that is all right with you.”
Rafe gave a weary smile and tousled Jaden’s hair. “Go for it, boy. I’ve got you.”
Jaden nodded, felt the rope tighten as Rafe braced himself for the pull where he had it wrapped several times around a metal bar. Lying down on his stomach, Jaden inched backward, swallowing hard when his feet moved off the roof and into air. He froze for a moment, trying to gather courage, then continued on until his lower body hung over and only his torso still lay on stolid roof.
His bandaged fingers were white upon the rope, and he took a moment to say a prayer to whatever god might be listening.
Rafe loosened the rope a little, and Jaden took a deep, bracing breath before pushing himself off. He dropped about three feet, and it was all he could do not to scream like a little girl at the sensation of falling. He hit the end of the rope and hung there, rotating in the wind, eyes squeezed shut, heart pounding enough to come right out of his chest.
Okay. Okay then. He had done it. He was still alive. Don’t look down, not yet. Oh gods, don’t look down…
He tugged the rope sharply and felt Rafe begin the task of lowering him toward the balcony so far below. The wind gusted, making him sway. He bit back a curse, warily watching the rough stone walls close at hand. If he started to swing too wildly, his skin would decorate that rock.
Calm, be calm, he chanted to himself, while the rest of his mind was screaming, are you fucking nuts? We are up here in nothingness, being lowered down to met a crazy man who more than likely will tear us to shreds, and you want us to be calm? I don’t think so!
Just keep going.
Rafe lowered him more quickly now, and Jaden chanced a look down at the balcony below. Closer now, not so far to go. The rope moved faster, and Jaden gasped as the balcony was suddenly there. He hit the solid surface and rolled as he had been taught.
Damn it. He lay there and put a hand over his heart, wonderi
ng it was possible to die of fright. When he put out a hand and felt the firm stone beneath him, relief flooded his entire being. He had made it! Let those idiots back at his military training school see this, the ones who thought he was a washout because he was afraid of heights. See them do this for someone.
He caught his breath, then slowly began to fumble at the knot around his waist. All the while his eyes were fixed on the glass doors that led to Dersai’s rooms. He half expected the demon to come charging out; Jaden had not exactly been quiet in his landing.
But nothing and no one moved or made a sound. Jaden’s fears returned tenfold. He stumbled to his feet, free of the rope at last. He glanced up at the roof, but there was no sign of Rafe.
Not that the other man could help him now.
Jaden was on his own.
It was only two or three steps to the doors, but it felt like miles to Jaden. When he reached them, he stopped and peered in through the glass, trying to anticipate what awaited him. The reflections of the sky prevented him from seeing very much, and he realized he had no choice but to take the plunge and open the door.
He did so swiftly, feeling that being stealthy at this point was likely to do more harm than good. The breeze took advantage and gently blew the curtains over the floor, making a soft rustling sound that grated on Jaden’s already frayed nerves. He stood stock-still, listening intently, searching the inner gloom after the bright sunshine outside.
“Dersai?” He tilted his head, trying to perceive the smallest of indicators as to the emperor’s presence.
Silence.
Jaden stepped into the room, pausing to let his eyes adjust. When they did, he sucked in a quick breath. The room was utterly and completely destroyed. Everything lay smashed or torn. Broken glass littered the floor, and bits of cloth fluttered in the wind. The mattress had been slashed and thrown off the bed, and the whole piece of furniture leaned drunkenly as though the massive framework had been snapped. Other furniture lay strewn about as though something of great strength had bodily flung it.
Jaden felt a great sadness well up within him. This room had been so beautiful, so very much Dersai in its grace and dignity. Now it lay in ruins. The implications were all too frightening.
Stepping gingerly over the debris, Jaden moved farther into the room, searching.
“Dersai?” he called softly. “It is me, Jaden. I just want to talk. Please, just speak to me. Let me help you.”
The atmosphere in the room was hushed and tense as though the walls themselves held their breath, waiting for the end of this chapter of Tranaden history where once again an emperor would die. Jaden shook off the fancy and gritted his teeth as he moved cautiously toward the closet. There too, piles of clothing lay strewn about, haphazardly flung in an all too obvious rage.
Jaden leaned in the doorway for a moment, scanning the destruction, his heart heavy within him as he imagined the scene. Oh, Dersai, I should have been here…
Pushing himself away, Jaden walked to the doors of the exercise room, stopping to view the damage there. Glass was everywhere. Every mirror had been destroyed. Machines lay on their sides. The strength needed to push over the weight machine was awe inspiring in itself.
With heavy steps, Jaden finally approached the bathroom. Here seemed a sane island in a mad sea. Nothing was destroyed, nothing out of place—except for the blood. It stained the sides of the empty bath, a bloody handprint here, a reddened towel tossed over the side. The floor was dotted with great drops of it, and here and there a footprint stood out on the tile, rimmed in red.
Jaden felt his gorge rise, and it was all he could do to keep food in his stomach. He could all too well imagine Dersai’s actions; Jaden himself had had to prevent them last time. This time there had been no one, and judging by the destruction elsewhere, it had been much worse this time.
Jaden searched the large room, but nowhere could he find the emperor. Sucking in a breath, he turned on his heel, ran back to the closet, and flung aside the piles of clothing.
“Dersai!” He tossed things with abandon, desperate, freezing as his fingers suddenly met flesh. Flesh that was cool to the touch and did not move…
His heart nearly stopped, and it was all he could do to make himself continue, to slowly expose what lay beneath. As he pushed aside the last pieces of cloth, they became sticky in his hands, and he stopped for a moment, viewing the blood that coated his fingers.
By the gods… Licking his lips and gathering his resolve, he finally peeled back the last barrier.
Dersai lay naked on his side, curled around himself, arms wrapped around his chest as though for warmth or comfort. Blood coated him everywhere; his skin was raw and bleeding in dozens of places. Glass glittered in some of the gashes, his skin interspersed with deep scratches as though he had attacked himself with his own fingernails. The gunshot wounds on his left leg were raw and red, though they had stopped bleeding. His eyes were closed, and he was so very pale, so very still.
No… Jaden leaned closer, tears gathering in his eyes.
The emperor’s eyes snapped open, and he whirled under Jaden’s touch, moving with unnatural speed as his fingers curled around Jaden’s throat and squeezed. Jaden’s hands flew to those fingers, trying desperately to loosen them. Wild, dark eyes stared into Jaden’s, no rationality in them, no mercy. They were utterly demon.
“You are a fool.” Even the emperor’s voice seemed different, strident and harsh, with none of Dersai’s beautiful low tones. His eyes gleamed with malice, a cruel smile curving those beloved lips. “I have never needed you, and now neither does he. He is mine now, as they all are, as they all will be. Their madness feeds me, keeps me strong.” His lips drew back in a snarl. “You will not interfere with that…” His grip tightened, and Jaden choked, his breath rasping.
With grim determination, he stared into those eyes, willing a miracle to happen. Let him not die like Captain Ilya.
“Dersai!” he gasped, sweat beading on his brow as he fought for air, his body struggling desperately, his hands clawing at the arms that imprisoned him. It was like fighting stone itself. “Dersai, please. Hear me. I love you. Believe that. I love you…and you damn well better control this fucking demon, or I will haunt you for eternity!” It was a last effort and then he could speak no more, breathe no more.
Darkness began to descend, and then—suddenly—he was released. He fell to the floor and lay on his side, choking and sucking in sweet air, not able to move for long moments. Finally, he managed to push up to one elbow, his other hand touching his bruised throat tentatively.
The emperor was crouched some distance away, back against the wall. His brown eyes stared at Jaden warily.
Jaden tried twice to speak. Then he managed, “Dersai?”
The emperor tilted his head, listening. Then he sat up and curled his arms around his knees like a child. He watched Jaden intently for a moment, then put a finger to his lips.
Jaden frowned in bewilderment at the gesture.
“You have to be quiet, or he will be angry.” It was Dersai’s voice but not his intonation. He sounded timid, childlike, nothing like his own powerful self.
Jaden sucked in a shocked gasp, staring. No…
“He hurts people when he gets angry. You can’t let him know you are here, all right?” Dersai’s eyes were wide and clear like a child’s.
He put out one finger and touched Jaden’s cheek, then snatched his hand back, curling into himself once more. “Do I know you? Should you be in my room? He said no one was to come in. Why are you here?” The nervousness and fear grated on Jaden. It was so wrong, so not Dersai in any way.
Jaden could not answer for long moments. Then he put out his hand and gently cupped Dersai’s chin, leaning toward him so they were eye to eye. “I am the one who loves you, Dersai.”
The brown eyes widened; then a smile blossomed over those familiar lips. “My father loves me too!”
Jaden wanted to scream, to cry, to vent his increasing desperation, b
ut he had to stay focused. He had to keep trying. Trying not to feel like he was molesting a child, Jaden leaned forward again and laid his lips over Dersai’s. Those beautiful eyes went wide and confused, but Jaden did not stop. Instead he deepened the kiss. His tongue swept within Dersai’s mouth to claim, to possess. When Jaden finally pulled back, they were both breathless, and Dersai looked dazed. Jaden took Dersai’s face between his palms and gave a last lick to that tempting mouth.
“Look at me, Dersai. Remember who you are. Remember who I am. Push him back where he belongs. You are strong. You are emperor, not him, not ever him. We love you. So many love you. You have to fight for your people, remember?”
Dersai stared at him, confusion rife in his expression.
Jaden kissed him again softly, then drew back. “Remember the dream, Dersai. I am your wolf. The emperor’s wolf. I have come to save you; you have to come back to me.”
Dersai frowned, and Jaden’s heart dropped, but then the emperor whispered. “The dream… You came…” Such a look of joy came over his face then that Jaden wanted to weep. “You saved me…”
“I did, and I will do so again.” Jaden fought to keep his voice steady and true. “Come back to me, Dersai. It is not time for him. He cannot have you.” He drew Dersai’s tall form close to him and wrapped his arms around his lover’s cold body. “You are mine, and I am never letting you go. Not for him, not for anyone.”
Dersai stared at him in silence, obviously thinking. Then suddenly he clutched his head and screamed. He ripped himself out of Jaden’s arms and fell backward, writhing.
Jaden leaned over him, shaking him, his voice harsh with fear. “Fight him, Dersai. Your people need you.” Tears ran down his cheeks. “I need you, Dersai. I love you. Come back to me. Please…please.”