With my hoody pulled over my head, I found my way to a nasty bathroom and shut the door behind me. The uncleanliness, so unlike the spotless bathrooms Delilah had at home, had me thinking of her. I stared into the mirror. The tired green eyes staring back at me begged me not to think of her, but since what I could remember that had transpired the day everything went to hell was so fresh in my mind, I slipped into the unwanted memory.
Still ignoring the odd things that had been happening to me, like losing time, I hadn’t remembered driving Delilah to school, but there I was, with her. In the school hallway, I stood there, blinking and disoriented. That last day, there was no more denying I was in trouble and dragging everyone in it with me.
“Simmer down, Tarzan. No one is threatening your jungle treat,” groaned V.
I was surprised to be feeling the residual of anger. A part of me was so angry, yet I didn’t know why. So, I handled it the only way I knew how. Under the school’s bright hallway lights, I gawked at Viola. “What are you going on about now?”
Leaning against a locker, she now looked confused. “Huh? Me? You are the one who was just—”
Delilah interrupted, asking Viola, “Did you finish that science report?”
Viola appeared to have many thoughts plaguing her, but replied, “Uh… Yes, I did.” She almost winced. “You okay, Pretty D?”
Viola drove me nuts at times, but she knew her girl well, so now I was worried. “You okay, darlin’? You look pale—”
Delilah yanked me into an incredible embrace as if relieved—as if I had been… gone. “Kenny...” She sighed before quickly kissing me, getting me lost for her all over again. “Yes, I’m fine. Will you walk me to class?”
“Hell yes.” I took her soft hand in mine, thankful to have her by my side.
After she was delivered safely, I headed toward my own class until Cole jogged up next to me. “Hey, got a minute?”
Cole was a shorter, stocky guy with a thick Georgian accent.
I stopped by a classroom door. “Sure, what’s up?”
“Umm, not my business, so try not to take offense—”
“Take offense?”
He ran his hand through the hair that almost looked naked without his cowboy hat. “Well, uh, yeah. Delilah’s been seemin’ a little out of it. Do you know why?”
Feeling bad for her, I nodded. “Yeah, she’s been having some nightmares. I think they have her on edge.”
“Nightmares? Oh.” He grabbed his chest in relief. “That explains it then.”
“Explains what?”
His relief faded, his green eyes full of caution. “Uh, once again, not trying to offend you and have ya beat my ass, but—”
I laughed. “What are you talking about? Why would I beat your ass?”
Cole lifted a brow in question. “Well, you know how you get a little touchy when Delilah’s the subject.” He waved off the comment. “Anyways, I saw her talking with our local illegal, if ya know what I mean. He handed her a bottle of pills, but maybe she needs them to sleep ‘cause of her nightmares—”
Then it happened again. I lost time…
Next thing I remembered was Viola yelling, “Kenny! Hands off, Caveman.”
The front of Cole’s shirt was bunched up in my fists, and I had his back shoved up against a row of lockers. In shock, I instantly released him, utterly in dismay with my actions and lapse of time.
Rightfully so, Cole was offended and pissed. “I was actually believing you when you seemed shocked over the mention of this rage thing you got kickin’. You’re a fucking asshole, Kenny.”
Houston and Bryce approached us, their eyes scanning and reading the situation.
Hu was the tallest and lankiest guy in our school. Bryce was a goofy lookin’ kid that somehow was dating hot Viola. Pushing his glasses higher on his nose, he shook his head.
Hu asked, “Again?”
Again?
Everyone was staring at me as if I were a stranger, not the guy who’d had their backs for years now. The betrayal made it feel like my head was going to explode. Turning and walking away, I held my hands to my head until I could get to the one who could put it back together.
Delilah.
Then, as if I’d experienced major time travel, I was suddenly in Delilah’s room, tying my shoe. I stopped when noticing my knuckles were all marked up. My heart started beating erratically. What the fuck is happening to me?
Nervous, I peered around to make sure everything looked okay. All seemed tidy as usual. Delilah’s little desk was organized with her reading lamp and laptop. Her big bookshelf was all organized. But, on the floor was her yellow comforter. I jolted at what this girl would consider disarray.
Delilah’s shower was running, so, without taking my eyes from the yellow pile, timidly knocked on the door. “Darlin’?”
“K-Kenny?”
“Uh, yeah. It’s me.” I was so confused that I wasn’t sure I was hearing correctly, but could’ve sworn I heard her crying, so I offered, “You need me to come in there?”
“No. No, I’m fine.” After a pause, she asked, “You okay?”
She sounded shaken up again. “Um, yeah, I’m good, but… I–I don’t remember—” Not wanting her to think I was nuts, I stopped talking.
Surprisingly, Delilah said, “Thank you for bringing me home when I asked you to, Kenny. I, uh, got cramps, ya know?”
Epic relief washed over me. Oh, thank God. I did right by Delilah. “Anytime, darlin’. I’ll be downstairs.”
Before heading to her bedroom door, I was shocked when I saw a little blood on the center of her unmade bed. Cramps. Maybe she took a nap. Thinking her menstrual cycle was really troubling her, I stripped her bed and headed downstairs to the oversized—and incredibly organized—laundry room.
I’d barely got the machine started when Tucker came charging in like a bull, slamming me up against the wall. He was bent over so his face could be in mine. “You pulled Lilah from school?”
I didn’t even know what time it was to know if the school day had ended. “Whoa! Fuck, brother! She had cramps and asked me to take her home! Calm the fuck down!”
His nostrils flared in disgust. “She got her fucking period?”
“Yeah. Damn! Ya good?”
Releasing me, he looked guilty as hell, almost falling backward. As if exhausted, Tucker leaned against the doorjamb, his fingers intertwined in his dark hair in a stressed manner. “Fuck. I just saw red when V—”
“She hates me, dude. Can’t believe shit she says.”
He shook his head with his eyes closed. “She got me all kinds of riled.”
“When does she not? That girl knows how to crawl under your skin.”
He smirked. “Yeah. That hot bitch is a pain in my ass.”
Now it was my nostrils flaring. “Tell me you are not going to the dark side.”
“What?” Tuck acted shocked but was lying like a Mo-Fo. “No way.”
“Duuuuude. Noooooo.”
“Fuck off. Nothing is happenin’ with me and Diesel’s sister. I’d like to keep my dick attached, thank-you-very-fucking-much.” He changed the subject. “So, Lilah’s fine?”
“In the shower as we speak.”
“Good. Good. Do me a favor. Don’t tell her I was here, ‘kay? She’d probably think I was accusing her of skippin’ or somethin’.”
“Mum’s the word, brother.”
Feeling so much better after teasing Tuck, I headed to the kitchen. After chowing down a sandwich, I grabbed a bottle of water and headed back up to Delilah’s room.
Looking stunning, Delilah was sitting at her desk in a little robe. Her long hair was damp but still gorgeous. She was staring at her laptop.
Before taking another sip of my water bottle, I asked, “Whatcha doing, darlin’?”
Delilah peered over her shoulder and sounded extremely calm—almost surreal like. “I’m doing some research. Wanna join me?”
Due to how much I craved her, I ignored the ping in my
stomach as I stepped over the blanket still on the floor and grabbed a chair to sit next to her. “Cramps better?”
A gentle, angelic smile crossed her face as I sat. I don’t know what I had done to deserve it, but I was rewarded with a tender kiss.
She was so wholeheartedly breathtaking to me, I literally patted my chest, promising where she would be, forever. “Right here, Delilah.”
Those big, golden-brown eyes teared up. “I know.”
My chest tightened. “Why are you cryin’?”
She tenderly admitted, “I don’t have cramps, Kenny.”
“W-What? Then why did you say—”
“I need to talk to you.”
Her words put me on edge, but I nodded, willing to do anything she asked of me.
“You know how sometimes you experience… time loss?”
Her knowledge of something I wasn’t ready to deal with was like being electrocuted. “How do you know about that?”
That is when my naïve veil—the one I had hanging between Delilah and me—began to fall…
Laced with sadness only her closest friends or family could hear, she told me, “You sometimes don’t remember us doing things. You sometimes claim to have been sleeping.”
I could barely breathe. “What do you mean?”
Even though everything she was saying was alarming to me, she was utterly calm. “Well, I wasn’t sure, but…” She pointed to her laptop for me to see, but I couldn’t move. I didn’t dare see the typed words on her laptop screen.
Delilah didn’t give up. It was as if she had made up her mind to make me see what I preferred to be blind to. “I think I’m understanding more now.” She placed my water bottle on her desk, then took possession of my hands. “See, when you think you are sleeping or simply forgetting where you are, there’s another side of Kenny that comes forward.”
My ears rang as blood rushed through my veins. “No.”
Her incredible lips trembled through a soft smile. “It’s happened to others, too.”
I could barely get my throat to operate—lubricate—in order to speak. “O-Others? What are you trying to say?”
“It’s okay, Kenny. Look at me and remember who I am to you. How much I love and adore you.”
She loved me.
“Thank you,” she said with relief.
I could feel the tidal wave about to drown me. I could feel the ocean of lost memories booming forward. No matter what was coming, though, I needed her to know, “I love you, Delilah.”
A hiccup of air escaped her as if fighting so many emotions it was impossible to count. “I know you do—”
Boom! The slamming sound echoed from Delilah’s front door. The loud noise was followed by Viola’s hot temper flaring. “Delilah! Where are you?”
She was the last person I wanted to see right now, but I followed Delilah as she ran into the hallway, replying, “What’s wrong?”
The moment of the final unveiling had arrived.
Viola, now at the top of the stairs, was frozen in place. She took one look at her best friend, then her vengeful eyes found mine. “What did you do to my friend, you bastard?”
Delilah’s shoulders seized with guilt, so I made her face me. When I turned this young woman around, I finally saw sunken eyes, pale skin, and a sadness that was haunting.
Is this because of— “Did I hurt you?”
Delilah was already shaking her head, but now I could see she was lying.
My heart pounded as Viola’s next words seeped into my frazzled mind. “What? Wait, why wouldn’t you know?”
I couldn’t stop staring into the eyes that belonged to the damaged soul in my hold. “She thinks—” Can this be true? “She says—” Have I somehow hurt the one I treasure most? “I don’t remember things.” What have I done? “Oh, Jesus.” I could feel my voice wobble with fear. “Delilah? Tell me I haven’t hurt you.”
Her hand laid on my chest. “Shh, I’m okay. Look into my eyes again, Kenny. Remember who I am.”
Why does she keep saying that?
Delilah guided me and V to her desk. She sat back down while we stood on either side of her. Viola was very involved, asking questions, but my mind raced to comprehend what was happening.
To hear someone say you may have dissociative amnesia was like waking up in another universe. The only reason I believed Delilah, at all, was because I was, indeed, having a loss of time, and the fact that I knew Delilah would never lie to me. I was in such shock. It was almost impossible to hear all that she was saying, but I heard words like split personalities, hallucinations, triggers, and switching.
Delilah went on to explain, “Kenny, it says the ‘switch’ can happen in seconds, and it explains your hallucinations.”
Feeling rather numb by this point, my eyes drifted to Viola, who was now covering her mouth, staring at me. She was mumbling, “Today. At school.”
I blinked. “H-Hallucinate?”
Delilah told me storms were something that triggered me easily. She said more, I think. Even Viola tried to sound encouraging while reading from an article, but it was too late. My mind was melting. I started pacing the room, wondering what had transpired during my ‘lost’ moments. Or was it hours? I was too panicked to ask, so I paced her bedroom, suddenly wanting to run.
Begging myself not to abandon Delilah, to be strong enough to hear the worst news a young man can hear, I rested my back against her bedroom wall, hoping it could ground me. The wall had me, but my legs didn’t. I slid to the floor. There is where I asked her how many personalities I had.
After Delilah told me I had a ‘sweet’ Kenny, she kept talking, but I couldn’t get past the ‘sweet Kenny’ comment that meant I also had a ‘mean Kenny’.
What happened next would be a secret that Delilah and Viola would hold close to their hearts for a very long time.
Once my next blackout—my ‘switch’—had ended, I woke to Viola holding a destroyed Delilah in her lap. All of us sitting on the floor. V was screaming at me, “You fucking bastard! I will fucking kill you with my bare hands!”
“Darlin’? Jesus, Delilah, what’s wrong?”
I rushed forward but stopped when Viola, the girl who feared nothing, seemed completely petrified of me, her scream the only defense keeping me at bay. “Get away from her!”
Horrified that she was so upset, I begged, “Viola, what happened? Did I hurt her?”
Nothing. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what Viola had to say. It was apparent that mean Kenny had taken over during this time loss. Whatever he did or said to her was tormenting and had even V scared. Her words were like knives being stabbed into my ears, so deep they sliced my soul.
In the gas station bathroom, “No!” my fist rammed into the mirror, over and over, until Art had his arm around my throat from behind, yanking me backward.
At the same time, I kept seeing Delilah—that precious girl—reaching out to me. After what I had done, how could she even want to ever look at me again, let alone touch me? Delilah’s unrelenting kindness shattered me. It confirmed I had hurt my angel. I cursed God… and most of all, myself. “Nooooo! Noooo!”
Large bodies struggled with me in that gas station bathroom. Then, something hit me on the back of my head.
I went limp in Art’s firm grip.
CHAPTER FIVE
The trip to Texas was almost a metaphor. I was traveling—on the road—and running from my past. The men making me do so were almost like my split personalities, taking craved power from me. I was on the road, traveling through the guilt of circumstances out of my control. I may have left behind the only true home I had ever known, yet I was about to find a home like no other. My mind had splintered in the bathroom at the gas station, while on the road, yet it was setting me on a needed path; a journey that would be my biggest challenge.
A haunted dream would help point the way…
This time, I didn’t wake in a barn, after leaving Delilah and Viola behind. I was still in Delilah’s car, lea
ving her brother in the front yard, solemn and confused. Driving as fast as I could, there was no outrunning my imagination. I kept picturing what I might have done to Delilah. I imagined her soft hands pushing against my bare chest, begging me not to rip her virginity from her. I bit through my lip as I pictured some horrid version of me plowing into her innocence.
I could somehow relate to how awful it must have been for Delilah, and then a familiar feeling of failing someone caused a tormenting pain in my heart. I couldn’t bear it. It was making me so sick inside that when I swerved around a curve on Highway 94, and Delilah’s purse tipped—spilling out her belongings, I happily opened the bottle of sleeping pills Cole had told me about. With a leftover bottle of water, I swallowed them all.
They didn’t even have time to take effect before one of my personalities took over. It was mind-blowing to witness his rage when I had never met him before. This angry Kenny called me a pussy, pissed that I was bringing about his end. In the dream, my newfound madness was incurable, so again, I ran the car straight into the big, sturdy, old oak tree.
After the crash, I wasn’t with regret. In fact, I was thankful that I would never be able to hurt anyone again.
The silence was nice.
The creaking of the tree stopped. The car ceased groaning and settled into its new shape. Fluids eventually stopped flowing. The fire taking form alarmed me as my eyes kept trying to close. I was completely mangled, trapped in her car with no chance of escaping, which was the purpose of the crash, but I didn’t want to burn alive. That’s when it dawned on me, the pills. They were working and numbing me. I would soon sleep through the agonizing pain brought on by fire. I smiled as I thought of Delilah and wondered if she would ever know the gift she gave me in the end with those pills.
As my eyes began to close for the last time, the flames consumed the hood of the car. I understood the fire’s power as it grew. It made me think of my personalities and how they ate and destroyed everything in their path…
For committing suicide, I believed I was going to hell, or was already there, as I saw her little hands reaching into the fire for me. I looked up and saw a little girl with green eyes, just like mine—
Bleed Me (Haunted Roads Book 3) Page 5