What would it have done to her?
Swallowing, I dared to look to a motionless Justice, staring into the hallway—at the bedroom door Brat would never again walk out of. She was so pale I wasn’t sure how she was standing.
I’m not sure, but I think I asked, “Babe?” because grey eyes found me and they were full of fear. They told me had I succeeded. It would have torn her heart from her soul. In an attempt at a silent apology, I patted my chest. Her lips parted as she lifted her hand to do the same.
I wanted to hold Justice, swear I would never be that idiot again, but there was no time. Sapphire wailed out in agony as her mind finally registered what had transpired. Little legs flung wildly through the air as I held my arm around her waist, not letting her go to Brat. “Noooo…” she screamed.
She screamed… for so long.
It was surprising how final Brat’s death was, how much the club accepted his decision. They didn’t get too emotional over it. It was almost as if the suicidal act didn’t surprise them; like, they had suspected he wouldn’t last. Maybe that was the reason for his road name. As tough as Brat was, he was still the weakest of us all.
There was history between the Stallions and Brat, and those he originally belonged to. That is why Lynx allowed the police to be involved with his death. Prez said a proper death certificate was needed; otherwise, the club would have disposed of the body as they saw fit. He also mentioned, “Things in plain sight are harder to see.” At the time, I had no idea what he meant.
After investigating the scene, an officer declared Brat’s death a suicide, and his body was removed. Standing in his bedroom doorway, I could hear Sapphire crying in my bed. I needed to go to her, but I was glued to the sight. The blood on the walls and floor… was so familiar. Such a reminder of my life.
I don’t want this for my child.
Sapphire finally cried herself to sleep, and with Justice off to the Stalls for an Officers meeting, I took advantage of a moment alone. Under the spray of scalding water, I stood motionless. In my mind, there was this transparent wall approaching. I somehow recognized its power, how it could relieve me of pain and guilt…
Is that the why of certain things? Is everything truly connected?
Trying to mentally run from Brat’s death—letting the looming wall take me over—I was suddenly aware of how I used to live in that state of mind. It was a pleasant way to be. It gave me the freedom to avoid reality and enjoy meaningless relationships, have sex without feeling. Everything changed when Delilah began to make me feel. Feeling made me dangerous because it hurt. When I hurt, my ‘personalities’ came to the rescue. Especially Dick. He must have seen Delilah as a threat and went after her, manipulating and belittling her. But why? What did Delilah represent that had him so threatened?
The confusing part, beyond being clinically insane, was how Dick felt the opposite for Justice. He spoke with her, even joked around with her. He desired her with no force.
Delilah…
Staring at the light-colored tile in front of me, I ignored Justice when she reached in behind me and adjusted the nozzle. “Trying to burn yourself free of the sins we committed in the water?”
Why does Dick have such a different response between the two women?
“Don’t shut down, James.”
Why is one favored and one viewed as a hazard?
Justice was suddenly there, naked, peering up at me. “Gotta fight through this, Giver.”
Trying to hold that wall at bay, my mouth opened. “I called Brat a pussy.”
“You spoke the truth.”
“They were the last words I said to him. I can never change that.”
“Nor the fact that they’re true.”
Water dripped from my numbing shoulders. “Had I not said them—”
“Nope. Brat was always destined to quit. It was his way. We’d tried to help him for a long time before you got here. I ain’t letting you take the blame for what ain’t yours.”
“I pushed him, Justice.”
“You protected what’s yours. The mother of your child.”
Tired. So tired, my eyes drifted shut. “Is she okay?”
“Still sleeping.”
I shook my head, envisioning the blood. “She can’t sleep in his room, even after it’s cleaned.”
“It’s not his room anymore, but I understand you keeping her with you.”
How does she know that’s what I was going to do? My eyes opened to look deep into hers. “Do you?”
“It’s what we would expect of Giver, and nothing less.”
My body felt like it weighed a million pounds. “Babe, I’m tired.”
Her body pressed to mine. “I know.” She held my face. “But don’t shut down. Don’t stop feeling.”
Not moving from her touch, I held my left hand in the air to show her where the wall was. “It’s right here, promising me relief. Numbness.”
“Don’t let life win. Stay with me.”
“I want to. I do. But there’s this dark cloud chasing me.”
“Dark clouds are nothing but stormy weather. Let it rain. Just let it rain, James Gunn Dalton. Let it pour down all over us. Together, and only together, can we withstand the storm.”
Another fork in the road.
Become numb, or learn to live?
Fuck it.
The kiss I delivered was brutal and unapologetic. It was possessive and a pure indication of what I was going to do to her body. Even if Jesus Christ himself walked in that bathroom, Justice and I were still fucking. I was so done with tastes. I wanted the entire damn supper laid out before me to feast on. So, I fucking took it.
We kissed so hard and rough, lickin’ and suckin’, we tumbled right the fuck out of the shower and crashed to the floor, not missing a touch. Without giving each other a chance to catch our breaths, Justice pushed me to my back and climbed aboard the Giver train.
Wet and naked, that woman aligned my dick to her hot channel and cursed, “This better be as good as I’ve dreamt it to be.” Then she slammed down on me.
Her heat, her fucking pussy was like nothing I had ever felt before. Motherfucking light shows in my head blinded me! Blinded me! I started to yell, “Holy shit—” but her soft hand slapped down on my mouth.
Justice was gasping so heavily I could barely understand her next words, but they sounded a lot like, “If you wake her up and we get interrupted one more damn time, I am skinning you alive after I fuck you half to death.”
My mouth opened to eat her hand. No joke. Her pussy had me losing my ever-loving mind and trying to eat her damn hand.
Justice swayed on top of me. “Oh my God. He’s sucking on my hand.”
Who was she talking to? Not a fucking clue. She had lost her mind, too.
Our hips, both bucking and gyrating, made us look like a damn bull riding rodeo. Except, this bull didn’t want the rider to fall off. Hell. No. I hoped she was up for riding all night. Maybe that’s why I sucked her fingers into my mouth. I was hoping to help her hold on.
Her eyes rolled back into her head. “Oh my God. Now he’s sucking my fingers.”
I was willing to suck anything of hers. I would have sucked her damn toes if my mouth wasn’t already full.
When her body started spasming in a way I had seen earlier that day, I said, “Oh, no you don’t,” and flipped us over. Ramming into her, I demanded, “You come when I say—” My balls exploded. “Ah, shit.” I drove into the poor woman like I had to push her body to the finish line or I would never get to fuck her again.
Justice, probably to save her skin from being scraped across the floor, threw her hands over her head and propped against the door. I thought she was going to ask me to stop, in case I was hurting her, but that’s not what happened. “Harder.”
Demanding more of the orgasms bursting its way through the both of us, my hips thrust into her. “I.”
Thrust.
“Can’t.”
Thrust.
“Ever.”
Thrust.
“Stop.”
Thrust.
“Fucking.”
Thrust.
“You.”
And then I collapsed on top of her.
Never. Never had I ever been so out of breath and content, both at the same time. It was like a baptism, cleansing my soul and my heart. Was it Jesus who saved me? Nah. I’m sure he does a standup job, but my true savior was Justice.
From under me, her chest was heaving, too.
Incoherently, I mumbled, “Am I sqoosh’ you?”
Perfect match to my soul. “Move.” Gasp. “And.” Gasp. “Die.”
I couldn’t help it. I smiled.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Even though it was a suicide—a cowardly exit from this world, according to most members—many sister chapters came for the funeral. It was long and hard for me, but the beginning of Sapphire’s recovery was even harder. She wasn’t just mentally exhausted but physically sick.
Justice and I rolled over, waking up to Saph throwing up in my bathroom. The door was shut as Saph was trying to be quiet. Such a kind soul.
I tried to get up out of bed, but Justice told me, “My turn,” and crawled over me.
“Babe, this is my mess. Not yours.”
Almost to the bathroom, she glared over her shoulder. “Am I not a part of you now?”
Raising both my hands, I smirked. “Easy, Tiger. Easy.”
After Justice slipped into the restroom and shut the door, I heard Saph, “I’m so sorry.”
“For what, God being an asshole?” I heard Justice wetting a cloth. “Ya know, if men had to puke every time they knocked a girl up, overpopulation wouldn’t be such an issue. What the fuck was God thinking? I may never know.”
Laughing in my—now our—bed, I smiled at the ceiling. I couldn’t remember doing that before. It was a small moment, but a good one amongst all the tragic ones.
Because times were so uncertain, I stayed by Saph’s side. That’s why she quickly understood what was happening. She may have been a bunny but was no idiot. “How long had he tried to get me pregnant?”
“Four months.”
“No wonder Lynx thinks—” Her tired eyes drifted shut. “The baby is yours, isn’t it?”
To get her some Vitamin D, we were walking around the Pasture. “No way of knowing for sure without a test, but—” I couldn’t ignore my gut. “I think so, sweet girl.”
Blindly, she leaned against a playground for member’s kids. “I hope it's yours.”
I wondered if my kid would ever get to enjoy this play yard. “I’m sorry Brat left you. I know you loved him.”
Her forehead laid against the cool metal bar. “I’m starting to think we don’t know shit.”
“Can't argue with you there.” I grabbed her arm since she looked unsteady. “You need to sit?” I helped her to a picnic table after she nodded. “Justice has you a prenatal appointment tomorrow morning. You know her and research. He’s the best Austin can offer.”
Her eyes widened. “I don’t have insurance for that?”
Sapphire was scared that she would be pregnant and homeless, but Lynx, whether I ended up being the father or not, was assuming responsibility for the child. In his office, he told me, “It was one of mine who deceived her. Bunny or not, she was under my protection. She had a job and fulfilled her side of the arrangement. I will hold up mine.” He also had told me, “She can’t stay here, Giver.”
“Dude!” My chest seized. “That could be my kid!”
“Easy, brother. I hear ya loud and clear. Now I need you to hear me.”
As I listened, it became even more clear why we all followed Lynx’s lead with ultimate trust. He was looking out for all involved, especially an innocent child. The Barn—the biker life—was no place or circumstance to raise one. He also felt it was best to not let enemies know the baby was a Stallion, at least for now. “No one is permitted to use her real name. I want Saph to reenter the civilian world as a single mom who happens to have a biker visiting often.”
I was permitted to know her legal name for hospital reasons, but that name wouldn’t cross my lips unless absolutely needed. The trouble the club could bring Saph was still a mystery to me, but I trusted Lynx. If he said these precautions were needed, so be it.
Lynx added, “Giver, after the baby is born, and if it’s confirmed to be yours, you can take over responsibilities. You, Justice, and Saph can decide for yourselves what you want. But heed my warning. You have no intention of marrying Saph.” I shook my head to confirm his statement. “That can leave the baby and Saph exposed if the wrong people were to catch word. Feel me?”
Until we knew more, Lynx arranged for a gated apartment not too far away. He bought Sapphire a dependable used car—chosen by Justice because it had topnotch ratings—and gave her a monthly three-thousand-dollar allowance, after paying all her bills and food expenses, medical bills included.
Standing in a furniture store, Saph pointed at a couch. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s the ugliest couch in this joint, Saph.”
“What?” she squeaked before plopping down on the most hideous white couch that had so many pink flowers it looked like a bunch of fairies puked all over the atrocity. “You don’t think it is the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen?”
Justice’s eyes popped into my mind. “Umm, no.” Then I realized Saph was finally smiling. I couldn’t help it. The couch was revolting, but I found myself saying, “Maybe it's a strong second?”
Sapphire gasped, sitting forward. “So, you do like it?”
What did it matter? Saph liked it. “Hell yeah.”
Standing behind her was a salesman giving me a quizzical stare, acknowledging my leather and gun that screamed of my lie. Muffling his laughter, he pointed to a black leather couch I would have chosen for myself.
I gave him a thumbs-up, but it was pointless. Saph loved the unsightly couch, so I pulled out my wallet, telling the salesman, “We will take the, uh… What’s it called again?”
“Flower Garden line.”
I mumbled, “Jesus.” Opening my wallet, I said, “We’ll take the Flower Garden Train Wreck please.”
Saph leaped at me. “Oh my gosh! Thank you!”
I had been saving the money I made from the shop, so had no problem treating this sweet girl. I asked the salesman, “How much?”
“Two hundred.”
“Saph! This shit must be cheap as hell.” I turned and sat down—then sank my ass to the floor. “I told you to spend a thousand!”
She hopped onto the cushion next to me, her legs curled underneath her skinny butt that wasn’t sinking to the floor in the slightest. “But this one is perfect for me.”
“Yeah, I’m seeing that.” Shuddering, I stood, asking the salesman, “You at least got a real captain chair that I can sit in when I visit her?”
“Over here.” He walked away. “I think I have what you want.”
Saph practically skipped as we followed him. Then she frowned at the most perfect brown, leather, man’s chair in the world. “Oh, Giver. That will not match my theme whatsoever.”
“Theme? Yeah? Well, it will match my butt. How’s that? You can throw a frilly blanket over it when I’m not there.” Off in the corner was a padded rocking chair. Wouldn’t you know it? It was white with flowers on it. I pointed, “How about that, uh Garden Line thing?”
Sapphire covered her gaping mouth. “Oh my God. My theme!”
I thought of my baby being held by a caring, possibly over the top, girly mother, and being rocked to sleep by this sweet girl, who already had a waitressing job, even though all her bills were being paid. She said she wanted extra money for anything the baby needed.
“Uh…” Swallowing emotions because Jesus was getting one right, for a change, I told the salesman, “We’ll take that, too. Can you deliver all three by tomorrow?”
“Let me check.” Behind a counter, he read a computer screen, then chuckled, �
��Believe it or not, no one has bought the Flower Garden line we have in stock.”
“Shocker.”
The salesman and I both cringed as Sapphire happily jumped up and down, squealing like a dying bird.
At the new apartment, Saph arranged the rocker in the corner of the nursery. She said she had never had her own place before and never thought her first place would ever be a two-bedroom. “Look, Giver. Look at the view the baby will have from his crib.”
“His?”
“Yeah, I hope it’s a boy. Maybe then he could be a Stallion like his daddy.”
Wow. Daddy. Then I thought of the older men in my life and how that may be me someday, with a young stubborn pup driving us all crazy. Yeah, I smiled.
In the kitchen, Justice was putting away dishes and glasses. As she reached into a cabinet, I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist to kiss her neck. “You look hot in the kitchen.”
“Take a picture so you can savor the memory. You ain’t domesticating me.”
I nibbled on her ear. “Ain’t gonna cook me dinner?”
“Does Chinese takeout count?”
I whispered, “Only if I can slip oily noodles into your—”
A glass slipped from her hand, and we both laughed, fumbling, trying to catch it.
Life was barely letting us catch our breath, but at least we had each other. We had yet to have sex again since Sapphire had been with us the whole time. I was so worried about the baby, with how sad she was, it was hard to not have her in my sight. Who would have known a little apartment and an ugly couch would be the magic pill to get a smile?
Sapphire came into the kitchen and shooed us. “Go home. I can finish this. You guys have done plenty.”
As I said, it was hard not to have Saph in my sight. Now I had to leave her alone?
While Justice hugged her by the door, I checked windows, making sure they were locked. Saph interrupted me and pushed me toward the door. “I’m on the second floor. Safe as can be. Please leave.”
Bleed Me (Haunted Roads Book 3) Page 15