It was clear my dear friend was still suffering… because of me.
Delilah didn’t deserve to be frightened. She was a loving, caring soul. I could barely swallow, so riddled with guilt. I whispered, “I’m so sorry, darlin’. So fucking sorry. You deserve better. I hope this boxer boy is loving you right.” My eyes filling with remorseful tears, I dared to wipe hair from her damp forehead. “Shh… Ya gotta let me go.” Tears spilled in the night. “You gotta tell someone what I did to you.”
One of the last things I wanted was for this precious girl to wake and be terrified, thinking she was seeing a ghost. So, I stood, gave her one more glance, then left the room. I was thankful for the black hoody I wore. It didn’t completely surprise me that it was what I had chosen to wear, seeing where I was headed. To her. It was the last clothing I had worn when being dragged from her life.
In the dimly lit hallway, I was sure to keep my face hidden while trying to figure out how to get out of this girls’ dorm unnoticed. At the end of the hallway, to the left of her room, was a red exit sign.
Outside, I let the door shut behind me while I searched my pockets for my cellphone. It was powered off. Turning it back on, I passed a dark car. The engine wasn’t on, but someone was inside. Blue eyes blinked at me, then the door opened. “Giver?” I hadn’t seen Art in what felt like forever. He seemed shocked by how much I had changed.
We stood there staring at each other. I asked, “Where am I?”
Art blinked again as his chin jutted out in disbelief. “Washington DC, dude.” His cell vibrated in his pocket. Then he paled when he saw who was calling. “What did you do to her?”
“Nothing—”
Leaving me behind, he took off running toward the dorm while answering, “You okay?” I don’t know what Delilah said next, but he replied, “I am. To you.” After a pause, he stopped running. “Want me to come up?” While listening, he faced me. “I’ll be in the horrid family car. Call if ya need me.” He hung up, glaring at me.
I asked, “Did she see me?”
Possibly lost in thought, he shook his head. “Just sounds spooked. Her and Boxer Boy are having some problems—” He shook his head. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
Hoping he believed me, I explained, “I don’t know. Just sorta woke up in her room. Came through. I remember nothing but being home with Justice. Then here. In Delilah’s room.”
He wiped a palm down his face. “You made it over halfway across the country with no memory of it?”
“None whatsoever. How did you know where to find me?”
“Diesel called us. He saw your ass driving by when he came out to visit her.”
My heart warmed that Diesel was taking such good care of Delilah. So unlike how I had treated her. My shoulders caved. “How bad have I been since being here?”
“An elusive motherfucker, that’s for sure. Where’s your bike?”
So disappointed I had regressed so epically, I shrugged, barely finding the energy to breathe.
“What now?” cursed Art, until he saw his phone. He put it on speaker. “Justice—”
Justice was in full Road Captain mode, all professional, but by how fast she was talkin’, I knew she was truly frantic. “I’ve followed his latest credit card trail. Couple miles from the school at a roach motel. I’m standing next to his Hog. But no sign of him—”
“Babe.”
Silence.
Her voice sounded tight with nerves. “James?”
“Yeah. It’s me.”
Justice sounded like she was on the verge of a breakdown. “Art—”
“I’m getting’ him to ya now.”
She whispered, so full of fear and gratitude. “Thank you.”
In the hotel parking lot, Justice was pacing next to my bike. She nervously bit at her finger. Her long hair was in a disheveled ponytail, her blue tips blowing in the wind. The last words we had spoken—or at least the ones I remember—came crashing into my heart all over again. The pain was severe. I could feel the need to run, but Justice was already so upset. How could I bail on her again? Yes, Dagger was with her. So were Torque and Vice. But that didn’t give me the right to put her through one more moment of torture and worry. So, I stayed, mentally and physically, for her.
I understood why there weren’t more brothers with her. Only Officers and Saint knew of my fake identity, and we had club business happening back in Austin. Lynx, Crow, and Meatball must have stayed back to tend to it.
Only three bikes were with mine. Justice’s was not present.
I had no idea if she would hate me for whatever I had done, but I should’ve known better. The crazy bitch loved me. As soon as I opened the passenger car door, I stepped out, apologizing, “Justice—”
Her arms were around my neck before I could even finish. She quietly begged, “Please just hold me so I can feel that you’re okay.” Not able to speak a word, because holding her was all I wanted, I nodded, hiding my face in her neck. She pulled my hoody back so she could intertwine her fingers in the back of my hair. “Giver.” I nodded again, not brave enough to face her yet. “I love you… Jenny did, too.”
That was my breaking point because the love I had for my little sister could no longer be set aside. Up to this point, I had done a stellar job of ignoring it. I never even searched for her, because deep down, I knew what I would learn.
I cried into the crook of Justice’s neck. “Is she dead?”
That strong woman held me so tight while fighting her own sobs. “Yes, you beautiful-hearted man. You never see her older in your memories or nightmares because she was so young when she passed.”
I was wrapped around Justice so tightly, her body was part of mine. So, we both shook as grief rattled me. “I failed her, didn’t I?”
“No. The adults in your life failed you both.”
Grown men were clearing their throats as they struggled with what they were hearing.
Pain consumed me. “I don’t want to be this way, babe.”
She kissed the part of my face she could reach since I was still hiding. “I know. I know.”
I could no longer hold in all the anguish that had made my life so miserable. “I want to open my veins and bleed out the poison that won’t leave me alone.”
Her chest heaved as she cried with me. “I know. Shh, baby. I know.”
“Bleed me, Justice. Bleed me clean.”
I could feel her tears smearing on my cheek. “I will find a way. You hear me?” As I felt my brothers patting my back, she swore, “We—Your family will find a way.”
Just as I had offered support to Saint, my brothers were giving to Giver.
Walls came tumbling down all at once. “I think I had to tell her to talk to someone about what I’d done.”
Justice, so supportive, nodded her face against mine. “Delilah should. You’re right.”
The truth was now clear. “Justice, I think I may need to talk, too.”
“Okay. We’ll talk. You and me. Let it rain, remember?”
To honor and acknowledge her wise words, I kissed her neck. “You and me, together, can withstand any storm.”
“That’s right.” She kissed the side of my face again. “Justice and Giver.”
Once they confirmed where I was headed—to Delilah—Justice had jumped on a plane. She said the bike ride was far too long. The ride back home? It was a lifesaver. The boys rode ahead, and Justice and I leisurely road on my bike, her holding me tight. She and I gave no timeframe to when we’d make it back home. We took as many scenic routes as possible and pulled over to enjoy meals in quiet places. We stopped for a night or two at cabins we found on back roads that looked like a quiet place to rest our souls.
Justice finally opened up to me about her past to inspire me to do the same. With horror that people had been so cruel to my girl, I sat in silence, not sure what to say. What I can say is, I’m thankful Art was with her during such misery. You never know of someone’s secrets. Those lifers sure the hell had t
hem.
She explained, “It was like I had to reclaim my body, heart, and soul…”
I’d say more about what she told me had happened to her, but that’s Justice’s story to tell.
She said, “Maybe it’s the same for you, Giver. Maybe you need to start reclaiming yourself. Merging with your demons and angels so you can feel whole again.”
Justice was right. That day in the courtyard, when we saw each other for the first time, there was a pull. I think it was between one damaged soul to another.
Fucking beautiful.
On a blanket by a fire in a quiet cabin, Justice and I made love. Not just sex. Love.
Healing is so much easier when your companion is free of judgment. Justice instinctively knew how important she was to me. There was no jealousy with Delilah anymore. Only compassion. With no interruptions, she listened to me as I finally started admitting to my past, my memories. “I think Jenny and I were sold… from time to time.” I swallowed down fear and wishes that I could go back in time and try to change the horrid outcome. “We were picked up or delivered.” My stomach turned. “It was like we were rented out for a night.”
Justice would wipe her tears and hold my hand, silently promising her opinion of me wouldn’t change.
It didn’t.
And I became stronger for it.
After buying fruit from a vendor on the side of the road, we parked at a waterfall and talked for hours. Peeling an orange, I admitted, “I’m not allergic to carrots.”
“I didn’t know you thought you were.”
“A doctor Mr. Ward took me to thought I was.” I chanted inside my head, She is safe. Justice will always be a safe place to talk. “It was more of a reaction to a memory. A man… used one on me.” I exhaled, begging for more bravery. “There is a lot of shame inside me. I want revenge.” I stared at the water, wishing I had the power to drown the attackers. “No names were ever used. I couldn’t find even one abuser if I tried.”
Justice kissed my hand but didn’t interrupt me. She let me vent and speak of the atrocious acts two innocent children had been made to endure.
Once, she even agreed with me. “I would kill them all for you, James Gunn Dalton.”
Even after we got home and needed to continue with our biker way of life, we made time for more of my growth, and for hers. Every memory I gained became something I would trust Justice with. She was so worthy of every secret and kept them close to her golden heart. She blessed me with kindness. That only helped build my courage for the next step in my life.
My daughter.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Bam! Bam! Bam! My gun fired off without a hitch. I hit every target Torque had set up. “Damn, kid,” he praised. “Your eye is getting tight! Not one shot gone to waste.”
“Thank you for working with me.”
The military man studied me. “It helps, doesn’t it? Give you something else to focus on?”
It did, in so many ways. Every gun they set in my hands felt… right. It was as if the trigger was a friend of mine. Like my bike. “Spoken as if knowing firsthand.”
Torque tapped the shotgun he held against the lower part of his right jeaned leg. It clinked. It motherfucking pinged, metal to metal.
How had I never noticed? I was stupefied. “No shit?”
“Unfortunately. Lost it in Iraq.”
“Fuck me.”
He shrugged. “I guess I should hate guns after such a time, but they bring me needed comfort.”
I sighed. “Like a friend.”
He grinned. “That’s right. Like a safe friend.” He chuckled. “Speaking of safe, how's it going with Sapphire.”
“Just waiting for the results.”
Justice and her researching ways made it possible for me to learn if Sapphire was indeed carrying my child. We went to a specialty clinic that was able to take her blood and a swab from my mouth. It’s crazy, but there are some fancy technicians that grab baby’s DNA found in the mother’s blood and separate it from hers! That’s what they did with Saph. Then they compared that DNA to mine.
Approximately seven days later, the results were in.
Grace Lee Dalton.
I was shocked when Sapphire insisted our baby carry my last name. Maybe she was so happy her baby would have a daddy, one that wanted to be a part of her life.
Up to this point, I was fearful of bringing a kid into the world. I was mentally unstable, to put it lightly, and didn’t want to fuck up another life that was attached to me. The guilt over losing Jenny, even though I had yet to remember how, was overpowering at times.
But small miracles do exist. I’ve seen them.
Honored that Saph asked me to go to doctor visits, I still wasn’t too excited for all this. Especially since Justice decided to sit these events out. I think it was too much of a reminder of what she could never have. Her not there felt like moving forward while peering over my shoulder to see that I was leaving behind a part of me. I hated it. But then the sonogram happened. It was… badass. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump went the sweetest heartbeat in the whole world. Grace was even sucking her ridiculously teeny thumb. I was head over heels in love after the amazing sight. “Babe, I’m telling you, Grace is a genius.”
Folding laundry—okay, bunching up clothes into piles and shoving the piles into already overstuffed drawers—in our room, Justice chuckled. “Because she sucked her thumb?”
“You mock me, but you’ll see. I’m talkin’ rocket science shit happenin’ in that womb, babe.”
As weeks passed by, Justice slowly became more interested—invested—in the baby to come. There were mornings she woke with a new outlook, a more positive one. I couldn’t help but suspect Dick was involved. According to Justice, he was the only one coming forward. The other three had settled. It made sense since I was finding some inner peace. Justice even sounded slightly saddened that his visits were becoming few and far between.
Lynx grumbled when I told him I was buying a house for Sapphire. “Giver, why are you being such a pain in my dick over this? It's my fault. You wouldn’t even be going through this had one of mine not fucked with her birth control.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I think Grace is meant to be. I’m going to love the fuck out of this kid, Prez. I mean, anything she wants. It’s going to be gross how many toys she’ll have. And that means a house. I want her to have her own home for all the shit I’m gonna get her.”
A smile grew on my President’s face. “Is God gettin’ it right for once, kid?”
“Yeah, somethin’ like that.”
“I’ll tell you what. You buy Saph a house, and I pay for medical. Fair?”
I guess we both had guilt to work out. “Do I have a choice?”
He spun on his barstool and winked at Elle. “Only choice you have is what you want my beauty here to stick in your shot glass so we can celebrate.”
I couldn’t help it. I howled for some whiskey.
Justice researched the surrounding neighborhoods and found the best location for easy retrieval if we were to ever go into lockdown at the club. We needed to be able to get Saph and Grace to us as quickly as possible. Now that Grace was officially a Stallion family member, her safety was a high priority.
Standing in front of the little white, three-bedroom cottage that had a white picket fence around the yard, front and back, and so many planted flowers since Saph had a thing for gardens, water leaked from her turquoise eyes. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
Without any close neighbors, and woods for privacy, Justice ran up the front porch stairs, smiling epically, and unlocked the door. “We’re saying, welcome home!”
Sapphire’s belly was so big, her tiny body looked like it may buckle under the extra weight. “I have a… house?”
I was so proud of myself, providing for my baby’s mother. “I’m paying the mortgage and all your utilities. We also set you up an account for spending money. I’ll keep adding to it.”
“But, Giver, I
will go back to work as soon as I can. You don’t have to pay my bills.”
“I know, but I sure hope you let me. This has been a blessin’. I really mean it.”
Saph whispered, “Thank you.”
“Be sure to tell any of your family the address so they can visit,” reminded Justice.
Sapphire squatted awkwardly to smell some of the flowers. “I don’t have any.”
My chest seized, and I eyed my Old Lady. This is something she would’ve known. No one stays in her club without a background check. Justice looked away from me. Yep! Guilty as charged. I guess it was knowledge she felt I needed to know.
Helping Sapphire up from the ground, I offered, “Want me to roll your ass inside?”
She smacked me. “Shut up! Don’t call me fat. It only reminds me of food, and that makes me hungry.” She waddled past me. “I would sell my left tit for a plate of spaghetti right now.”
Sapphire rarely sounded so… Justice-like, so I opened my mouth to tell Justice what we were eating for dinner, but she beat me to it. Tapping on her cell, she said, “I know the perfect place.”
All my brothers helped get Sapphire moved into the house. It was a rush job because she was about to burst. I kept begging her not to spit out the kid until she was settled. That house meant everything to me. It meant I was giving my kid a stable beginning.
Something Jenny never had.
Telling me she’d hold the baby in as long as possible, Sapphire would nod with her mouth full. “O’ay.”
I would rush off, gagging because she was eating a bologna sandwich with sliced green olives and bananas and so much mayo that she was leaving a trail everywhere she walked.
Jesus, it was gross. I was convinced my kid was gonna pop out with special dietary needs. Or puking like her daddy.
Sapphire was over the moon happy with her biker baby shower. The Barn looked like forty cases of Pepto Bismol had exploded. Elle didn’t miss a thing. She had the Barn looking so girlie, we were all pretty sure the party house would never be the same. That was confirmed when Sapphire gasped, and Meatball, who was sitting next to her on the couch, was sure he pissed himself.
Bleed Me (Haunted Roads Book 3) Page 18