There’s slightly awkward silence.
“So,” he says pointedly. He wants things to go back to normal between us.
I take a bite of my burger. There’s this warm feeling in my chest.
I let Luke know who I really am. If I knew it’d feel this good, I would’ve done it ages ago.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Luke and I are parked out front of our place. Dad’s car is still here, so I know that he’s home.
“What are you waiting for?” he asks.
Good question. Courage, I guess?
There’s never going to be a perfect time for these hard conversations. It’s better to just get it over with.
“You sure he’s not going to lose his shit?” I ask.
“No, I’m not. But tell him about school in California.”
I have no idea how school will make a difference. But whatever.
“You’ve got this,” says Luke. “Just do what you did with me, and you’ll be fine.”
On that note, we both get out of the car.
Inside, Dad is behind the closed door of his office.
I rap my knuckles against the wood.
“I’m working.”
“I know. Can I come in? I’ll be quick.”
He mumbles something that sounds like an agreement.
I open the door. The walls of his office are dark wood. The floor is cream carpet, and there’s a lattice window at the back. He’s seated at a desk facing the window. On his desk are a laptop, a notebook, expensive pens, a clipboard, and a few stacks of paper. To his left is a lazily stacked bookshelf.
I hardly ever come in here. It’s always been implied that Luke and I are not allowed.
“What do you need?” he asks.
“A word, if now’s a good time.”
“It’s not, but you’re already here. So go on.”
“Um,” I say.
This is definitely way harder than telling Luke. I can barely get myself to form a sentence.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while,” I say.
“Tell me what?”
“I, um…”
I just need to say it.
“I’ve tried my best,” I say. “I swear, I really have. But what you do … I can’t do it. I’ve never been able to. I’m not built like you and like Luke. I need to tap out.”
Dad watches me for a second.
“You want out?”
“Yeah.”
“Of what?”
“Everything,” I say. “This.” I gesture around his office. “I love you guys, but I can’t … I’ve tried so hard to make it work so you’d be happy. But, Dad, I’m miserable. I barely sleep, and most of the time I’m an anxious wreck. I keep hoping these feelings will pass, but they never do.”
He nods.
“Well?” I ask.
“You’ve totally blindsided me. I thought you were happy.”
“I’m not. And I’m really sorry.”
“How can it not be for you?” he says, the anger in his voice rising. “Our family has been in this business for generations. It’s what we do.”
“I know. But it doesn’t work for me.”
“So what?” he says. “You think you’re the first person to spit in the face of years of tradition? Get over yourself and deal with it. I only want the best for you, and you have to trust me when I say this is the best path.”
“Please, Dad—”
“And what will you do? I hope you aren’t coming to me without a plan for your future.”
“I’m not. I’d stay here until the end the year and work my ass off to get a scholarship. Then I’d move out west for college, and you’d never have to see me again, if you don’t want to.”
His brow creases. “Why west?”
“I’ve always wanted to try living there. I’ve never told you, but I have. It’s what I’ve wanted for years. I hate it here.”
He leans back in his chair and stares at me. But I see in his gaze something like a spark.
“I’ve suspected this for a while. One son takes after me. The other…”
Oh.
Mom.
He shakes his head. “Matt, I have something I need to tell you, too.”
I freeze. What’s going on?
“Your mom. Diane. You two were always incredibly close. From the time you were little, she wanted a different life for you.”
My breath goes shallow, and my eyes fill with tears.
“You remind me of her in so many ways. It’s possible I took some of my anger at losing her out on you.”
He twists the silver ring on his finger.
“But that was wrong. You take after her. She was right. She loved you so much, Matt, and so do I. I hope you know that. I want what’s best for you.”
I can’t believe it. My father has never spoken with me so openly. I feel shell-shocked.
“Dad, I don’t know what to say.”
“Son, I want you to be happy. No matter how complicated this gets, never forget that.”
I won’t.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
It’s taken me a few weeks to work everything out. My applications are submitted, and now I’m ready for this change.
There have been a lot of family meetings, none of which I attended. Being done means being done all the way. Luke has kept me posted, and the biggest news is that the meeting with the Donovans was an actual meeting. Not a massacre.
Dad is slowly coming around to the idea that bloodshed just leads to more bloodshed.
I like to think I have something to do with that.
Millers may never be friends with Donovans, but that doesn’t mean they need to be enemies.
I look around. My room is so barren now that I’ve taken down all my posters. Dad has said I can keep my room as is, in case I decide to visit, but I know Luke already has his eyes on it. I think he wants it to be a home gym.
Luke appears in my doorway. Eddie is beside him, his ears pressed down.
I think he can tell something is up, as he’s been sulking all day. I’ve been giving him so much attention and a lot of treats, but he’s too smart to fall for that.
“Is there anything left?” asks Luke.
“Nope, I think that’s it.”
He nods.
“This is really happening, huh?” he says.
“Yeah. It’s not like I’m dying, though. You can always come visit.”
He crosses his arms, and leans back a little. “Will you ever come back?”
“I don’t know. Probably not for a while, at least.”
“That’s fair.”
Together, we go down to the living room. Dad’s in the kitchen.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
Eddie seriously looks so sad.
I bend down. “Buddy, stop making that face. This isn’t for good, I’ll come back.”
I’m not even sure if it’s true. I pet him, and he licks my hand. I’ll miss him, but I’m not going to miss how much he slobbers. I scratch the top of his head one last time, then go to wash my hands in the sink.
* * *
The drive across the city is uneventful. But still, I notice so much about it. Like how truly pretty it is, even during the day.
I know I’ve made the right decision, though.
We reach the airport and go through the motions. Soon, my bag is checked in, and all I have left to do is go through security.
And you know.
Say goodbye to Dad and Luke.
“You still sure about this?” asks Dad.
“I am,” I say.
“As long as you’re sure.”
He offers his hand. I shake it.
It makes me feel so adult.
“Text me when you land,” he says.
“Will do.”
Luke grabs me in a big hug. “I’m going to miss you, man.”
“I’ll miss you, too.”
We break apart. So this is it.
; I wave at them and then head to security. I unzip my backpack and take off my shoes, and then go through the metal detector. Once I’m through, I turn back and look for Luke and Dad.
They’re gone.
ONE YEAR LATER
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
I never wanted to be a criminal.
And now I’m not.
I’m just an ordinary guy. There’s nothing special about me anymore.
But I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. By far.
Right now, I’m at my job at the movie theater in the mall closest to my house. I’m behind the counter, waiting to sell some tickets. I’ve been working here for nearly six months now, and unfortunately …
I’m starting to get over it.
As much as I love film, this job involves a lot of cleaning. And dealing with annoying customers.
Then more cleaning. And more dealing with annoying customers.
Rinse and repeat.
I still have no idea how people spill so much stuff. It’s like they’ve never been taught to eat properly. Or that as soon as they walk into a theater, they completely forget and feel totally fine leaving their crap everywhere.
Also: Why are people such assholes?
Anyway.
There are a lot of things I could be doing that are way worse.
I know that for sure.
“Matt!” calls a voice.
It’s my manager.
She’s actually pretty great. I think she likes me because I plan on sticking around for a while. The staff turnover is high here, and showing someone new the ropes gets annoying if you have to do it every month. I’ve made it clear I’m here for the long haul, if she wants me. Which means at least through college, and she seems happy about that.
Plus, she loves David Lynch as much as I do.
“Can you clean cinema five?” my manager asks.
Damn. They were showing a kids’ movie in there earlier. It’s bound to be a shit show.
“Sure.”
I grab the cleaning stuff, head inside, and sigh.
Like I suspected, it’s a damn mess.
I get to work, starting in the back row. Maybe I’m being too negative. I really do like this job. Even if it isn’t totally perfect, I feel as if I’m on the right track when I’m doing it. Being here just sits well with me, in a way my old life never used to.
I’m surrounded by movies.
More important, though, I’m never going to hurt anyone doing this.
I’m happy.
I won’t lie, though, I still think about Dad and Luke all the time.
I miss them.
I know I made the right decision to get out, though.
As I bend to scoop up some spilled candy, I see someone walk in from the corner of my eye.
God.
People are so dumb.
I look up.
“Hey, you,” Jason says.
He looks … different. He’s more tanned than last time, and his hair is way longer, now tousled on top. He’s just as good a dresser, though, and he’s clearly kept on working out.
He looks down. I’m wearing the bracelet he got me. I’ve never taken it off.
“Dude,” he says. “I missed you.”
I can barely find my voice.
“I missed you, too,” I say.
We smile at each other.
“So, Matthew,” he says, looking at my name tag.
“Yeah?”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“Nope. Are you?”
“Nope.” He grins. “I guess my question now is: How would you feel about being friends again?”
I step closer to him and decide to go for it.
“Fuck friends,” I say.
And I kiss him.
EPILOGUE
Jason is coming over today.
I can’t wait.
It’s been nearly two weeks since I saw him at work, and we’ve spent basically every spare minute together. Now that I’m out, there’s nothing stopping us from hanging out as much as we want.
He’s never actually been to my house, though, which is why I’m excited. I want him to see what my new life is like.
I’m in my room now, trying to make sure it’s as clean as possible. I know I’ve cleaned a bunch, and I can’t see any mess, but still, I feel like there’s more I should be doing. This moment has been a long time coming, and I want it to be totally perfect.
“Look at you,” says Miriam, my roommate, and she stops in my doorway. “What’s got you all stress-y?”
I turn and face her.
“Nothing,” I say. “But I look good, right?”
“You look great. But if you want to impress whoever is coming over, why don’t you wear that shirt I like?”
“The red one?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s not too dressy?”
She shakes her head. “Wear it with jeans, you’ll be fine.”
She’s in school for fashion design, so I figure she knows this stuff.
“Okay. Noted. Thanks.”
She smiles and then heads off down the hall.
I pull off my shirt and switch into the red shirt. I button it up and then check myself out in the mirror.
She was right.
I roll the sleeves up so it’s a little less formal. And then I fix my hair.
The doorbell rings.
Okay.
He’s here.
I jog down the steps, and see Ashley, Miriam’s partner, open the door. Miriam stands beside her, grinning eagerly.
“Hi,” he says. He scratches the back of the neck. It’s so adorable.
“You must be the boyfriend,” says Miriam. “Matt’s told us a lot about you.”
Er.
So, I have talked with them about Jason. But I’ve never called him my boyfriend. Because he’s not my boyfriend.
Why would she say that?
“We’re just friends,” I say, saving Jason from this epic shit storm of awkwardness.
“Yeah,” he says.
“Oh,” she says. “I thought…”
“Just stop,” I say, and I grab Jason by the wrist. “You’ve done enough.”
I throw her an eyeroll, and she smiles. She’s kind of known for talking a lot and making things awkward accidentally. I know if we stick around, she’ll just make it worse.
We reach my bedroom, and I shut the door behind us. I lock it for good measure.
Jason is grinning.
“Shut up,” I say. “Seriously, not a word.”
He smiles and looks around. My room is pretty similar to my old one. He walks up to my Mulholland Drive poster.
“Your roommate seems nice.”
I nod. “I got lucky, that’s for sure.”
It’s the truth.
“Well, I’m glad,” he says. “You deserve the best.”
“Thanks. So, what’s new?”
It’s a joke, as we’ve been basically inseparable.
He looks up. “Mom called.”
“Oh shit, what’d she say?”
“Same as always. She thinks studying game design is a waste of time, and I’m ruining my life. I think she’s just mad I’m not in Florida anymore so she can’t control my every move.”
“And what do you think?”
“I think I’m exactly where I should be.”
He smiles. “Anyway, I think we should circle back to your roommate thinking we’re boyfriends.”
I start blushing. “It’s ridiculous, right?”
“I mean, I wouldn’t say that.” His voice is shaking.
“It’s complicated,” I say.
He looks into my eyes. “Does it have to be?”
He touches my arm.
“Does it?” I ask. My voice has gone thick. “Because … because I’ve thought about it a lot. And I … I think I’d really like it. I just didn’t think you wanted that. It’d be really complicated.”
“It would be,” he says, laughing. “But I think it’s wo
rth a shot.”
I can’t believe this is happening.
It’s so perfect.
I want this moment captured on film.
“So, boyfriends?” he asks.
“Boyfriends.”
Thank you for reading this FEIWEL & FRIENDS book.
The friends who made
The
FRIEND
SCHEME
possible are:
Jean Feiwel, Publisher
Liz Szabla, Associate Publisher
Rich Deas, Senior Creative Director
Holly West, Senior Editor
Anna Roberto, Senior Editor
Kat Brzozowski, Senior Editor
Alexei Esikoff, Senior Managing Editor
Kim Waymer, Senior Production Manager
Erin Siu, Assistant Editor
Emily Settle, Associate Editor
Rachel Diebel, Assistant Editor
Foyinsi Adegbonmire, Editorial Assistant
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Cale Dietrich is a YA devotee, lifelong gamer, and tragic pop punk enthusiast. He was born in Perth, grew up on the Gold Coast, and now lives in Brisbane, Australia. His debut novel, The Love Interest, was named a 2018 Rainbow List Selection. He can be found on Twitter. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Part One
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Part Two
The Friend Scheme Page 26