What did she mean? Rapunzel sighed.
“Let me tell you a story.” Lady Rose pulled away and allowed Rapunzel to sit back against the chair beside hers. “When I was very young, I wanted to get married to someone who would cherish me and make me feel loved. When I married Duke Wilhelm, my dream had come true. He loved me and he cherished me. But deep in my heart, I still did not feel satisfied. And when my husband had to go on journeys, to do the things that a ruling duke must do for the sake of his people and his region, I would feel sad and lonely and disappointed. I would have that same desperate feeling I had when I was a girl, longing for someone who would love me.
“And then, when my little girl Elsebeth died, I thought my heart was broken and would never mend. But I realized that my husband was also devastated and heartbroken. Only God could heal our pain. And if I loved my husband as I said I did, then I needed to comfort him. That is when I began to understand that he was only a man—a very good man who loved me, but a man nevertheless. He was not God. So I stopped trying to make him the god of my life, expecting him to bring me healing, and started expecting perfect love and satisfaction from God alone.
“So, you see, a man can love you, but only imperfectly. It is God alone who can be God.”
Rapunzel nodded, even though she didn’t understand how God could give her healing from Gerek not loving her.
“Can you tell me exactly what happened between you and Sir Gerek?”
Rapunzel inhaled a shaky breath and began from the beginning, telling what had passed between her and Sir Gerek from the first day they had met. When she came to the part about being alone with him for the journey back to Hagenheim, she said, “But on the final day, his manner toward me changed. I still don’t understand it.” It must have had something to do with her secret, but she wasn’t ready to tell Lady Rose about that.
“He did not take advantage of you in any way when you were alone, did he?”
“No, no. He never even kissed me.” The tears started to come back again, but she blinked them away. “He just doesn’t want me.”
Lady Rose was quiet for a few moments. Then she said, “I have known Sir Gerek since he was a boy. You might not realize it at first, but he is very thoughtful. He thinks a long time before he makes a decision. Because of the way his father was, he has a fear of being impulsive and of falling in love.”
She paused, placing her hand on Rapunzel’s shoulder, then said, “Here is my old Psalter. I want you to have it.” She reached into a box by her chair and handed her a leather-bound book. “I want you to read it, and every place that speaks of God’s love, I want you to believe that it is talking about you. In Psalm 18, when David writes, ‘He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters,’ I want you to know that this is about you. God saved you from that tower prison because he loved you. Just like the psalmist, I want you to say, ‘I trust in His unfailing love.’ ”
Rapunzel nodded, holding the book lovingly between her palms.
Lady Rose embraced her again. “I am very glad you talked with me today. I shall want to hear how you are feeling in a day or two.”
“Yes.” Rapunzel embraced her mother. “In a day or two, I shall tell you how I am feeling.” And much more.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The wedding day arrived, and Lady Rose sent Rapunzel a dress—a red silk cotehardie—to wear to the wedding. It was bright and shimmery and the most beautiful thing she had ever worn. And when Sir Gerek sent a maidservant to tell her he was ready to escort her to the wedding, she took a deep breath and thanked God she could face Sir Gerek wearing something beautiful.
He had that pained look on his face again. She remembered what Lady Rose had said. If Rapunzel truly loved Sir Gerek, then she should realize he was a man and think about what he might be feeling.
He offered her his arm, and she placed her hand on it. “Thank you for escorting me to the wedding. It is very kind of you.”
He looked surprised. “I think it is important for you to be here. I hope you will tell Lady Rose your news very soon after the wedding.”
“I will.”
They made their way to the front of the castle to wait for the joyful couple to emerge and lead the way to the Hagenheim Dom. The Hagenheim Cathedral had been the site for Valten’s wedding almost two years before, as the other servants had explained to her, but Gabe had married his wife, Sophie, in Hohendorf three years before. He, his wife, and his two children had arrived a week ago for his sister Margaretha’s wedding.
How odd it was to know that Valten and Gabe were her brothers, and to see her sisters, Margaretha, Kirstyn, and Adela, as well as her other brothers, Stefan and Wolfgang, and the little Toby, whom Lady Rose and Duke Wilhelm had recently adopted into their family. None of them had any idea that she, Rapunzel, was their lost sister, Elsebeth.
Finally, the beautiful bride and her handsome English husband, both smiling—mostly at each other—led the way to the cathedral. They acknowledged their vows in front of the church door and the priest. Afterward, they all went inside for the wedding mass.
On the way back to the castle, Rapunzel’s heart felt heavy. Would she ever be as overjoyed as Lady Margaretha, or feel loved the way she wished to? But she reminded herself of what Lady Rose had told her: a man could only love her imperfectly, but God could give her the perfect love she desired. Lady Rose had learned to comfort her husband in his pain instead of expecting him to heal her own.
She glanced up at Sir Gerek. He seemed almost afraid to look at her or speak to her. The corners of his mouth drooped and his brows were drawn together to form a crease between his eyes. Truly, she did not know why he seemed so despondent, but her anger left her and she suddenly wished she could comfort him.
As they walked with the rest of the crowd, who were all talking among themselves, she leaned closer to Sir Gerek.
“I am sorry I was so cross with you on the night we arrived back in Hagenheim.”
His eyes eagerly met hers, but then he quickly lowered his gaze.
“I am so grateful to you for saving me from that tower. If you had not persevered and kept searching for me, I don’t know how long I would have remained there. So I want to thank you.”
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I am grateful that God led me to you.” If the intense look in his brown eyes was any proof, he meant it.
When they returned to the castle, Rapunzel said, “It was a beautiful wedding. Thank you for escorting me. Now I have to go help in the kitchen—after I change clothes, of course.”
He opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. So she turned and started walking toward the servants’ quarters.
“Wait.” His hand wrapped around her arm.
He came around in front of her. “Rapunzel.” He ran his hand through his hair and blew out a loud breath of air. “I . . .” He glanced around. People were walking by, turning their heads to look at them. “I need to talk to you. Please.”
“Very well.”
Her heart beat fast as he took her hand and led her around the side of the castle. He passed the kitchen and walked toward the giant beech tree that stood between the kitchen and the stable.
No one was around, and no one could see them from the castle courtyard.
He brought her to the other side of the enormous tree trunk, then turned her around and faced her. He leaned his hands against the trunk on either side of her head. She tried to step back, but her foot hit the tree and her back pressed against the trunk. Her breath seemed stuck in her throat. It was the way he was looking at her, so intent and anxious.
“I have to ask you something.” He scrunched his brow, opened his mouth, then closed it. For a long moment, he said nothing, his expression growing even more anxious.
“Then ask me. If you have something to say, don’t be a coward. Say it.”
He leaned closer. “I want to know how you feel about me.”
“You want to know how I feel about you? After I rode w
ith my head on your chest, hugging you for hours? After I cried on your shirt? How many men do you think I’ve ever embraced in my life? How many men’s shoulders do you think I’ve cried on?”
He leaned closer, and his intense brown eyes locked on hers. “Please. Just answer the question.”
She crossed her arms in front of herself, hiding behind her anger and defiance. Still, something made her answer truthfully, “I love you.”
His chest rose and fell quickly, his eyes boring into hers. “You are a duke’s daughter. You deserve to marry a duke, or someone else wealthy and powerful.”
“Do I look like I want to marry a duke? Have I ever seemed as if I wanted to be wealthy or powerful?” She wanted to yell at him, to beat his chest with her fists and accuse him of being addled and stubborn and blind.
“I said things.” He narrowed his eyes. “I did things. When I thought you were poor, I said I wanted to marry a wealthy heiress. I was rude to you. How can you not hate me?”
“What were you going to tell me the last day of our journey? You were going to tell me something about why you no longer wanted to marry Lady Lankouwen. What was it?” She leaned closer to his face.
He looked away.
She jabbed his chest with her finger. “Tell me.”
The pained look was back in his eyes. “I was going to ask you to marry me.”
“When you thought I was only a maidservant?”
“You don’t believe me. I knew you wouldn’t.”
“I want to.”
“Then believe me.”
He reached out and touched her face, his fingertips caressing her cheek. Her breath came fast and shallow as she gazed into his eyes.
“I realized it would be wrong not to marry you.” His intense stare dipped from her eyes to her lips. “Would be wrong to marry Lady Lankouwen when I loved you, Rapunzel.” His thumb brushed her chin. He leaned down and hovered, his breath on her temple. Then he pressed his lips to her cheek.
Her heart stuttered and her breath froze in her chest. He kissed her other cheek. She lifted her face to look up at him. He cupped her face with one hand and pulled her closer with the other. He kissed the corner of her mouth, then gazed into her eyes.
She slid her hand behind his head and closed her eyes. He kissed her full on the lips.
Her knees went weak, and he lifted her feet off the ground, reminding her of their embrace when he had rescued her from the tower.
He suddenly broke off the kiss and put her down. “I shouldn’t have done that.” He was breathing hard as he pressed his forehead to hers.
“Why not?”
“Because I love you, and your father will not like it.”
“Duke Wilhelm will be pleased. That we fell in love.”
“I will ask him, then.” He brushed his lips over hers. “If I can marry you.”
Her heart soared. She stood on tiptoe and kissed him. “He will say yes. Lady Rose will tell him to.”
He held her face between his hands. “Duke Wilhelm will think I only want to marry you because you’re his daughter. I would dare to defy Duke Wilhelm to marry you, Rapunzel. But are you sure you want me? Are you sure you wouldn’t regret marrying me, a man who has nothing to give you except his heart?”
“Your heart is what I want. I want your love. I want . . . I want you. Just say you’ll love me forever.” She clung to his shoulders.
“I promise. Forever.”
“And never hurt me.”
“I will never, ever hurt you the way your mother hurt you, or the way my father hurt my mother.”
“I know.” She never imagined trusting someone could fill her with so much joy.
He kissed her again, in the shade of the giant beech tree, between the kitchen and the stable.
The next day, as Colin and Lady Margaretha left on their journey to England, Rapunzel prepared to return her dress to Lady Rose—and to reveal her news.
She climbed the steps to the solar. Lady Rose appeared to be alone and called to Rapunzel to come in.
“Oh, my dear, you didn’t have to bring back the dress so soon.”
“I also had something I wanted to talk to you about. It is very important.” Rapunzel’s stomach did a somersault inside her.
“Come and sit beside me.” Lady Rose patted the long bench. She smiled. “My girls have deserted me. Gisela is taking care of her baby in her bedchamber, and Kirstyn is moping about because she misses Margaretha. Adela and the boys—including little Toby—are on an outing with some of the servants, playing a game of blind man’s buff in the sheep pasture, and so it is only me here today. Not that I mind, but Toby has been my constant shadow these last few weeks, and Duke Wilhelm thought I needed some time alone.” She smiled and sighed contentedly. “But I am glad to see you. Tell me what it is you wanted to talk about.”
“I-I want to tell you something that I learned from Frau Adelheit.”
Lady Rose tilted her head to the side with a look of curiosity.
“Just before I was given a sleeping potion and taken away by Gothel, Frau Adelheit told me how your daughter, Elsebeth, fell and cut her hand when she was little.” Her heart stuttered in her chest. Could she truly go on and claim to be Lady Rose’s daughter?
“Yes?” Pain and confusion shone behind Lady Rose’s eyes. Rapunzel had to explain.
“For as long as I can remember, I have had this scar on my hand.” Rapunzel lifted her hand, palm up. “Frau Adelheit says it is identical to the scar—”
Lady Rose grabbed her hand and gasped, staring hard. “Oh! What does this mean? Could it be?”
“Gothel, the woman who raised me, confessed everything. She said she pulled me into the river, then rescued me downstream. She knew I was your daughter and she . . .”
Lady Rose was weeping now, tears streaming down her cheeks as she reached out to touch her face. “How did I not know it was you? How did I not know as soon as I saw you? Oh, my baby. My Elsebeth.” She pulled Rapunzel close, clutching her shoulders.
Rapunzel hugged her, tears wetting her own cheeks, her heart swelling inside her. “I love you, Lady Rose.”
“You should never have to call me Lady Rose.” She half laughed, half choked on her tears. “I am your mother.” Her voice broke on the word mother and she pulled away. “I just want to look at you. You’re so beautiful. I can hardly bear this joy, to have you back again.” She pulled her close and began weeping again.
Rapunzel was overjoyed and held on to her, crying just as much as Lady Rose. She knew she should be full of joy at being reunited with her mother . . . such a loving mother . . . but she couldn’t help crying over the lost years, the lost love she could have had, and the pain and suffering her own good-hearted mother had gone through. And yet here they were.
She suddenly did not want to waste one more moment on pain or sadness or anger. “Please don’t cry, Mother,” Rapunzel said, forcing back her own tears. “I don’t want you to feel sad.”
“I am not sad!” Lady Rose—Mother—laughed through her tears. “I am overjoyed. I have you back.”
When Rapunzel went to talk to Lady Rose, Gerek headed to see Duke Wilhelm.
Duke Wilhelm was in the library, sitting in the back corner at his desk. “Sir Gerek.” He stood as he greeted him. “I want to congratulate you on saving the maidservant, Rapunzel. Lady Rose is very fond of her.”
“You are not annoyed with me for spending two months away from my duties?”
“Of course not. It was a noble quest. I am always in favor of noble quests.” He came around the desk and the two stood side by side, staring out the library window at the hill in the distance.
“Thank you, your grace.”
“And now that my oldest daughter is married, I suppose I’ll be having to search for a husband for Kirstyn. Although, I hope she will find her own, as Margaretha did. It seems to have worked out better than when I was trying to find her one.”
“Yes, your grace.” Gerek was glad Duke Wilhelm was in a talkative m
ood, as it gave him time to gather his courage.
“Why do you not get married, Gerek? I think Sir Edgar’s daughter would say yes if you asked her, although—”
“I am not interested in marrying Rainhilda, your grace.”
“Then I won’t have to warn you about what she did to my daughter-in-law. I heard you were also thinking of marrying Lankouwen’s widow. Is that what you’re here to talk to me about?”
“Not exactly. I do want to marry, but not Lady Lankouwen.”
Duke Wilhelm gave him a hard stare in reply.
“I am in love . . . with Rapunzel.”
“The maidservant? The one you rescued?”
“Yes, your grace.”
He smiled and clapped him on the back. “Then I shall have to reward you with a house.”
“I would be very grateful, your grace, since you know I have no inheritance or fortune.”
“You are a good man, Sir Gerek, a man of integrity. You will do well in life.”
“Thank you, your grace. I also wanted to speak to you about sending for Rapunzel’s mother, Gothel, whom we left at Castle Rimmel.”
Duke Wilhelm raised his brows at him. “Why did you not let me know before? I did not know you had been able to apprehend her.”
“I had a reason for not telling you sooner.”
“I shall send some guards for her today. But what is the reason you waited—what?—four days to tell me?”
“It is a bit complicated. You see, Gothel was not Rapunzel’s mother. She had stolen her away from her rightful parents when Rapunzel was a small child. She confessed everything, but there is a reason, which I will reveal in a moment, why I did not want you to confront and judge her just yet.” He took a breath and plunged ahead. “Duke Wilhelm, what would you say if I said I wished to marry one of your daughters? Would you be angry?”
Again, Duke Wilhelm gave him a hard stare. “I don’t know how to answer such a question. You wish to marry Rapunzel, not Kirstyn, correct?”
“Yes, your grace. I was just wondering what your reaction would be if a knight fell in love with one of your daughters.”
The Golden Braid Page 27