by Jared Bellis
“Wow, I guess blessing the water worked after all!” noted Andrew. He hurried over to check on his brother.
Joe was sitting up, his armor having taken the brunt of the blast. Ray took the opportunity to throw fire infused orbs of air into the mob of zombies, blowing them off their feet and setting them on fire all at once. Balzac recovered and started stomping zombies left and right.
Before long, the horde had been reduced to just a few wandering zombies. Joe was using his avatar to tackle and dismember the remaining undead, but D’Arcy was still screaming and firing bolts off in every direction.
“You’ve lost! Give it up!” shouted Ray.
“I can’t lose to morons like you!” she cried.
“You already have, so just stop already!”
“I’d rather die!”
“Umm, aren’t you— you know— already dead?” pointed out Andrew.
“GAAAAHHH!”
Balzac shook his head and took his avatar over to grab the lich, restraining her arms.
“Can I bite her head off? Please?” begged Balzac. “It won’t hurt her. Much.” He was still bitter over the pain she’d inflicted on him.
“Nah, probably shouldn’t,” said Ray. Balzac looked disappointed, but dropped the subject. He also hopped off the treadmill and let the statue go still, effectively trapping the undead queen.
The three guys and squirrel walked up to the angry lich.
“What are we gonna do with her?” asked Joe. They all looked at Balzac.
“How should I know?” he asked.
“You’re supposed to be the guide; shouldn’t you have some idea?” countered Andrew.
“The best thing we could do is put her to rest. We’d need to find her phylactery to do that, though.”
“You mean kill her?” clarified Andrew.
“She’s already dead, just animated. Think of her as a really fancy zombie,” replied the squirrel.
“I. AM. NOT. A. FANCY. ZOMBIE!” complained D’Arcy.
“Oh yeah? Then what should we do with you?” asked Joe.
“Let me go?” she offered innocently.
“I don’t think so,” said Joe.
“Fine, I guess I’ll have to free myself!” D’Arcy disappeared, reappearing right behind Ray. She raised her hand to blast him, but Andrew and Joe were faster. Andrew shot her with a bolt of pelvic energy, and Joe simply chopped her to bits with his arrowheads. She fell to pieces on the ground.
“Gross, dude!” said Andrew.
“Shit,” said D’Arcy.
“How are you still talking?” asked Joe in amazement.
“I told you. Fancy zombie,” said Balzac. D’Arcy rolled her eyes.
“This won’t stop her, guys. She’ll pull herself together and start this whole mess up again,” warned Balzac. Joe looked thoughtful for a second.
“This should slow her down.” Joe wrapped each piece of her individually in metal. “Bless that shit,” he said to Andrew. Andrew did as instructed.
“Now what?” he asked.
“I think this is the part where you get the ‘loot’ from the bad guys. Did I say that right?” the squirrel asked. The guys all nodded, and Balzac looked quite proud of himself. “Well, let’s go check out their camp. I’m sure there is something for you there.”
The remaining humans made a run for it as soon as Ray took the walls down. The guys decided to let them go, as long as they agreed to be unarmed. Joe gathered up the weapons they left behind and crushed them all. Then he pulled up their magic metal transportation and took them to the bandits’ lair.
After a short journey via flying carpet, they arrived.
“Hmm,” said Andrew thoughtfully. “I thought it would be more impressive than this.”
It was a small settlement in the woods, with a few little buildings scattered around and some large pens. Much of it had been torn to pieces. There were dozens of people sitting around; most were injured, and all were dirty and half starved. Andrew immediately started healing those in need.
“I see you all survived,” said a deep voice from behind them, causing all of them to jump.
“Mo! You scared the life out of us! Did you have any problem freeing the prisoners?”
“No. There weren’t many guards, and what few there were ran when we showed up. Did you take care of the bandits?”
Ray nodded. “Yes. And thanks for all your help, Mo. We really appreciate it!”
“My pleasure. I’m happy to get their stink out of the woods. I’ll be seeing you…” With that, the massive creature stepped into the trees and disappeared.
The guys looked around the camp for a while. They managed to gather up a substantial amount of money in credits and precious metals and stones. Joe found an Oakland Raiders emblem, gave it a disgusted look, and smashed it. Just then, there was a muffled scream from the box containing D’Arcy’s head. Curious, Joe removed the metal to see a pile of dust where the head used to be.
“Oops! I guess she’s at rest now.” He shrugged and continued looking through the camp.
CHAPTER 24
The crew ended up staying the night at the camp. They even found enough food to feed all the former prisoners. The next morning, they got everyone moving and headed back to Sedli, where the High Theocrat met them at the gate.
“What are you doing with all these people?” he demanded as they approached.
“Bringing them here, obviously. We destroyed the bandits! These are their prisoners. They need somewhere to go,” responded Ray.
“We don’t want them here! We can’t possibly support this many people!”
Andrew’s eyes lit up with fury.
“Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of priest? Shouldn’t you take care of people? What’s wrong with you?” he exclaimed.
“Don’t try me, boy! I am taking care of people! My people! This rabble is none of my concern and they aren’t coming into my city!”
“What are we supposed to do with them then?” asked Joe.
“I don’t know and I don’t care. Now, I expect you found some treasure?” he asked greedily. They nodded slowly.
“Turn it over. Much, if not all of it, came from our city. It’s rightfully ours and I expect it to be returned!” The guys looked at each other and then back to the Theocrat. Balzac looked at his former protégé sadly.
“What’s wrong with you?” the squirrel asked. “You have a chance to help people, to do the right thing, and you refuse? Then you expect us just to give you what you want?”
“It’s mine—err, I mean, ours by right! Hand it over!” he demanded.
“Suck it, dickhole. We aren’t giving you shit!” retorted Joe. The Theocrat started to turn red and his hands started to glow.
“Listen, asswipe. I’m only saying this once. We took out a bunch of vampires, a horde of zombies, and a psycho lich. You don’t scare us. Back off, or we’ll beat your old ass, too. Your choice,” warned Ray. The Theocrat considered his words and backed down.
“Fine. Keep your ill-gotten gains. But leave this place and never return!” he shouted.
The guys hopped on the carpet and turned around. All three flipped him off and led the group of refugees away.
“Where to?” asked Balzac.
Ray shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m thinking southeast a ways. We can either help find them places to stay or figure something else out.”
He paused for a moment.
“Actually, maybe it’d be a good idea to start our own place up!” he suggested.
The other guys seemed to like that idea. Joe managed to whip up additional transportation for the refugees to make travel faster; they passed the battle site and continued onward until they found a nice little area nestled in the hills.
“This should work,” said Andrew. They gathered up the refugees to have a little talk.
“Listen up, people!” announced Joe. “We’ve decided to set up our own little town here. You’re welcome to stay if you want. If not, we’ll give you
some money and supplies and send you on your way. Don’t feel like you owe us anything. Make your own choice and let us know.”
After that straightforward announcement, Ray went out and surveyed the area before raising a wall around where they wanted to set up their town. He followed that up by setting up shells of buildings. The three guys picked a location and helped design what they wanted in a home, and after ironing out all the details, Ray and Joe quickly put it together. By nightfall, everything was set up. In the end, all of the refugees decided they’d stay, and they picked out their own homes.
It had been quite the journey. After everything they’d been through, the three guys and their squirrel were relaxing in their new home. They still had a lot of work to do, such as bringing in running water and figuring out how to provide power and sewage, but for now, they just wanted to relax. The small group was full of contentment, and even Stubby the demon bear seemed to be enjoying the new place.[2]
Finally, the guys were able to pop open Joe’s giant crate from Ruul. They happily started splitting up cases of Magic cards and began looking at the role-playing games.
“We need to start up a campaign,” said Joe. The others nodded.
“What do you mean, ‘campaign’?” asked Balzac.
“Start a game,” answered Ray, holding up an RPG module. “You wanna play?”
“Really?” asked the squirrel.
“Of course! Two players aren’t really effective. Three’s better, but four would be great. Do you think Clarence would join, too?” asked Ray.
POOF.
“I’d love to. I hate to say it, but you’ve done well,” Clarence told them, a slight smile forming on the bunny’s face. “What are you gonna call this place?”
Andrew held a couple dice out.
“How about Pair-a-Dice?” he offered. The others nodded their heads, and the town of Pair-a-Dice was born.
* * *
[1]I added this internal dialogue for Balzac to highlight on how he cut in and explained their powers for them, and how he didn't mention Andrew's healing. Of course, you can change it if you want to.
[2]I added this because Stubby hadn't been mentioned in a while. But feel free to change it if you don't like it!