“I wanted to ask you something,” I said as Aladdin moved away from me to sit against the wall again.
“Oh?”
“Yes,” I said hesitantly, still worrying that it wasn’t okay for me to ask this of him. “I was hoping you might... that maybe you could...” I took a deep breath as his brow furrowed with confusion. “It’s just so hard for me to untangle my feelings all the time. I’m so muddled and confused, I can feel things that people around me feel and of course I’m tied to you by our bond. It’s just so difficult to know what’s really me with so much going on all the time.”
“So maybe you’re a little twisted up inside. But aren’t we all? Maybe the only difference is that you’re more honest about it than the rest of us,” Aladdin suggested in a low voice.
“There’s a darkness in me,” I said, drawing closer to him. The water made the gown cling to my body and his eyes trailed over me before snapping back to my face. He clenched his jaw and looked into my eyes.
“I’d wager there’s more darkness in me,” he countered.
I shook my head in denial but neither of us chose to elaborate.
“So what did you want to ask me?” Aladdin tilted his head and I trailed my fingertips across the water’s surface in lazy circles.
“It was Cassian’s suggestion. And I’m not sure if you’ll agree but... I was hoping you might give me control of my emotions? Ever since you gave my body back to me I’ve felt almost like a real girl again and perhaps if I could know that everything I’m feeling is truly what I’m feeling then I could trust myself more. Understand myself more.”
I held his eye, wanting to step closer and wanting to step away in equal measures.
Aladdin considered my request for a moment then shrugged.
“If it’ll help you then, sure. I wish your emotions were your own.”
I stood endlessly still as I felt my magic weaving its way around me, slipping between the thoughts and feelings that had become so tangled and confused inside me after years trapped alone in the dark.
It felt like a brush of fingers running softly through my hair, parting each strand momentarily so that they hung free of their own accord. Each of them their own, tangible thing which held a different moment, different meaning, different memory. My grip on what was real and what wasn’t grew stronger and my sense of self became more defined. The need to question and double check my actions slipped from me and I was left standing on a precipice with the clarity of mind to know whether or not I wanted to jump.
The magic released its hold on me and I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the shift in my reality.
I could see so much more clearly now but I felt blind too, unprepared for this rush of emotion and certainty.
I closed my eyes when it became too much and was aware of myself dropping beneath the surface of the pool again.
Sound echoed in a funny way beneath the water. I could hear my own heartbeat pounding in my ears and I focused on that one, constant thing as I sat there, giving myself the time I needed to process it.
My lungs felt heavy with air burning for freedom and I breathed out slowly, releasing it into bubbles that raced to the surface again.
This was peace. The closest I’d come to sleeping since I’d been cursed.
Ever watchful, ever wakeful, genie of the lamp.
The words the sorcerer had spoken when he cursed me began to echo in my ears and I could feel tears slipping from my eyes, disappearing into the water that surrounded me as if they didn’t matter at all. As if my pain didn’t matter at all. Nothing of me was relevant.
You will spend eternity as a slave to the desires of others. You will own nothing for your own. Love nothing of your own. You will exist to serve and all echoes of your former self will fade to the passage of time.
A faint ringing had begun in my ears and a desperate ache was building in my chest as my lungs begged for more air, but why? I couldn’t die. I couldn’t live either. I just... was.
Your power will know no bounds but you will never wield it for yourself. Your mind, your body, you soul will be a slave to the master of your lamp and you will do as they command.
So perhaps I wasn’t a person at all anymore. I’d been so desperate to prove that I was real that I hadn’t really stopped to consider that maybe I wasn’t. I was a chalice filled with power and any echoes of the girl I’d been were destined to fade away with the passage of time.
But they didn’t! I’m still here. You’re still here. We chose to fight this. You have to remember. You can’t let yourself forget!
As I felt myself teetering on the edge of oblivion, I saw a face. She was smiling, her brown eyes glinting in the sunlight as she raised an eyebrow at me. I knew every line of her features, the lilting tone of her voice, her hopes and dreams, her loves and what she longed for. I knew her name. Varia. This was the face I’d lost to the darkness. My sister. The girl I’d been cursed for. And I’d do it all again. I thought my curse had stolen her from me but here she was, waiting in the dark, ready to save me just as I’d been about to give up.
Keep fighting. Her voice echoed to me and I realised that she was the reason I hadn’t faded away. You couldn’t burn out love like that, even with a curse as powerful as mine. More faces danced on the edges of my mind, willing me to remember them too but before I could reach for them, strong arms locked around my body and I was soaring up, up, up.
I started coughing the moment my head breached the surface, clinging to the man who’d saved me as he held me tight to his chest.
“It’s alright,” Aladdin breathed. “I’ve got you.”
I dragged down air, surprised that I needed it so desperately. I’d tried to kill myself countless times in countless ways and none of them had ever worked. Yet somehow it felt like I’d actually just come close to death for the first time in a millennia.
Aladdin drew me into his arms and carried me across the pool, he sat on one of the benches which ringed the edges of the water, perching me on his lap. I glanced up at him as he gently pushed my wet hair away from my face so that he could look at me.
I could feel his heart pounding where my shoulder was pressed to his chest.
“For a moment there I thought I’d lost you,” he said, his gaze searching as he looked deep into my eyes.
“I was lost,” I agreed on a breath. “But I think I might have just found myself again.”
His gaze roamed over my face and his grip on my cheek tightened as he held me. It felt like he was seeing me for the first time, my soul bare and raw from its time in the dark. And I was seeing him too. He wasn’t ugly at all, he was the most captivating thing I’d ever seen. His black hair fell forward over his dark eyes and I reached up to trace my fingers along the hint of stubble which lined his jaw.
A flicker of vulnerability shifted in his gaze as he looked back at me and it felt like I was gazing right upon his soul. He was lost, just like me, a blazing red flame searching for his place in an ocean of stars. He knew what it was to feel like he didn’t belong but he burned all the brighter because of it.
My gaze slipped lower and I remembered where we were as I noticed his bare chest. The only thing separating our bodies was the thin material of my robe and heat clawed at my cheeks as I realised I was perched in his lap.
I shifted away from him and he released me instantly, seeming to know that I would.
I moved to sit on the bench beside him, curling my fingers over the edge of the wooden seat beneath the water until I felt my fingernails digging into it.
“Thank you,” I breathed, knowing it didn’t come close to expressing how I felt about what he’d just done for me.
“It’s the least I could do,” he murmured, but he was wrong about that. I’d had many masters before I’d been abandoned to the dark and none of them had seen me the way he had. He hadn’t just seen the power, he’d seen the girl who wielded it too. And without him I was sure I would have been lost entirely.
We sat in silence for several mi
nutes and I watched the water running down the length of my dark hair before splashing gently into the water.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re upset?” I asked eventually.
“Upset? Pfft, I dunno what you’re talking about,” Aladdin replied dismissively. He’d leaned his head back against the wall and his eyes were closed, so it was hard to gauge his mood.
“I’m talking about the way you stormed off on us and came to cry in the bathhouse alone,” I replied, my eyes widening with surprise as I realised how rude I’d just been.
He’ll put you back in the lamp if you’re not careful.
Aladdin snorted a laugh and the tension eased from my gut instantly.
“So I wish for you to have ownership of your emotions and the first thing you decide to do with your newfound powers is call me out on my bullshit?” he teased.
“Apparently so,” I agreed. I began to lower my head but something stopped me. I’d never been the type to back away from a fight before I’d been cursed so why should I now? I turned to meet Aladdin’s gaze and he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Why do I feel like this newly empowered Kyra is likely to rip me a new one if I cross her?” he joked.
I smirked at him. “Well if you don’t want to talk about your feelings then why don’t you let me cheer you up the old fashioned way?”
“And what’s that?” he asked, showing no interest in playing along with me.
“We have fun,” I explained as if I was talking to a toddler. “So are you in?”
“For what?”
“It’s a surprise. You’ll have to trust me.” I smiled at him encouragingly and he slowly responded with a smile of his own.
“I doubt I’ll hear the end of it if I don’t agree. So where are we going?”
“You’ll see. Get dressed and meet me outside.” I leapt to my feet and hurried out of the water before he could reconsider his answer.
It didn’t take me a moment to redress myself magically and rearrange my hair into perfect curls which hung down my back. I switched my dress for a matching red top and pants which left my stomach exposed and would be much more practical for what I had in mind. The serving girl looked at me in surprise as I left but I decided not commenting on my completely new outfit was probably better than trying to explain it.
I waited outside for Aladdin for what seemed like ages and when he finally reappeared, I snatched his hand in mine and started dragging him through the gardens. The sun was dipping low already, the brawls having taken up most of the afternoon
He tried to pull his hand back but I refused to release him, throwing a grin over my shoulder as I began jogging and he was forced to keep up.
“Where are we going?” he asked with a soft laugh that set my heart alight. It was working already, I was cheering him up and I hadn’t even gotten to the good bit yet.
“Keep up!” I urged, ignoring his question.
“But I don’t even know where-”
“Shhh!” I ran faster, making him match my pace and we soon approached the royal guards’ barracks which were adjacent to the palace.
We wound our way through the huge, open courtyard where men were being drilled in various exercises and I ignored the looks we got as we went. No one questioned us; Aladdin was a Count and could easily be the next Emperor which gave us something of a free pass to explore.
On the far side of the courtyard lay a set of wooden steps which reached up to the palace walls. It was meant to give the guards access so that they could do their patrols up there but I had other ideas in mind.
This is either going to go terribly or brilliantly.
“I know,” I whispered in reply.
Aladdin hesitated at the foot of the stairs and I yanked on him again. “Come on.”
He was smiling more already, caught up in the intrigue of what we were doing.
I led the way up the stairs which climbed six floors to the wall which ran along the top of the castle. A few of the patrolling guards frowned at us in confusion as we ran between them but they recognised Aladdin and left us to our game.
We kept going until we reached a set of fat chimneys which wafted smoke into the air despite the heat of the day.
“If you wanted to go to the kitchens, we could have done so from inside the building,” Aladdin commented.
“We aren’t going to the kitchens. Or anywhere inside,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
“Then what are we doing?”
I grinned, pulling him towards the low wall which ran around the edge of the palace roof so that he could look down with me. Below us was the courtyard which sat outside the kitchens. A few hopeful chickens were digging at the grooves between the cobbles, looking for a dropped crumb or two.
I spotted what I was looking for to our right and dragged Aladdin over to stand before it.
I leaned forward so far that Aladdin’s grip tightened on my hand in panic.
“What are you doing?” he hissed.
“Jumping. Are you coming?”
“What? That’s six floors, we’ll be plastered all over the concrete!”
“Not if we land in there.” I let go of him and pointed down.
Aladdin followed the line of my arm to look too. Below us was the wide pool of water they used to keep the palace well hydrated. A thin stream ran all the way back through the gardens to the River Carlell and they’d set up a small dam system so that they could control how much or little water was sent to this pool depending on demand.
“You’re insane,” Aladdin breathed.
“I know,” I replied with a smirk. “Do you like it?” I stepped up onto the wall and tilted my head back as a cool breeze streamed through my hair.
“I think I do,” Aladdin murmured and I could feel his gaze roaming over me.
“Then what are you waiting for?” I teased, offering him my hand again.
Aladdin snorted a laugh. “Are you suggesting I’m afraid?” he asked cockily.
“I guess you must be. As you’re still down there and I’m up here.”
He shook his head in denial and hopped up beside me before taking my outstretched hand.
“Are you sure this won’t kill us?” he asked doubtfully.
“Well you could always wish for me to keep you safe,” I said with a shrug.
Aladdin opened his mouth to say the words but I spoke again before he could.
“But if you do, that would kinda take the thrill out of it. Don’t you think?” I asked.
Aladdin cocked an eyebrow at me and I could see him fighting off the urge to wish for his safety.
“Screw it then,” he muttered. “On three?”
I grinned as my heart thrummed with anticipation, tightening my grip on his hand. The feeling of his skin against mine made my heart patter in the most exciting way and I wondered if the thrill of it was even greater than that of what we were about to do.
“Three!” I leapt off of the roof and he was forced to jump with me.
A scream escaped my lips as air rushed through my hair and my stomach soared as I plummeted. Aladdin let out a whoop of laughter as we fell, his hand holding mine tightly.
We plunged into the water feet-first and sank several meters beneath the surface. The force of our descent made me release Aladdin’s hand. My heart raced with adrenaline and more laughter left me in a stream of bubbles.
I kicked my way back to the surface and found Aladdin waiting for me. His eyes blazed with excitement and he grinned in triumph as he looked back up at the top of the palace far above where a few guards were looking down at us in surprise.
“Okay, Kyra, you might be onto something here. Being crazy definitely has its perks.”
The door to the kitchens opened and an angry cook stormed out, shouting at us over dirtying the drinking water.
Aladdin snatched my hand again, dragging me after him as he swam towards the opposite bank.
“You ready to try something I’m good at now?” he asked as he clambered up, pulling me be
hind him.
“What’s that?” I asked, my palm tingling as he failed to release me.
“We run.”
The cook screamed even louder as we tore away from her and our laughter drowned her out. The last rays of the sun were blazing down on us and with both of us smiling my mind felt like my own at last, I was beginning to think that just maybe, I was real after all.
I searched through rune after rune in a dusty book, concealed in the shadowy alcove of the magical section of the library. I gazed up at the large dome that covered the huge room, the sun beginning to set and leaving the space dim. I'd found a candle and was working beneath the light of it, looking up the runes on the finger bone Aladdin had stolen from Gothel.
Aladdin won the fight.
I turned another page.
Aladdin could beat Kahn.
Another page flip.
Aladdin might marry the Princess.
Page.
I have to let it happen because it means she'll get the throne.
Page.
And I have to stop these raging feelings before they drive me mad.
Page page page.
She's going to screw him.
I slammed my fist down on the book with a loud bang, clamping my eyes shut as I tried to quiet my furious heart.
I was an Osarian guard; it was in my blood, even if it wasn't my title anymore. I was one brick in a towering wall, my sole purpose to hold up every other brick above me. And if I broke, the wall would remain. The perfect design.
Marik's words rang in my head. “Dependable and expendable. Say it!” We'd chanted it with every pull-up we did, hanging from an aqueduct in the city. If you fell, you died. And some had.
I didn't have a right to want anything above my station. Even now, I was bound by my training. It was drilled into me, chiselled into my heart in bloody letters. A wound which would never heal.
I was and would always be a single cog in a wheel. My emotions had never gotten the better of me. Until now.
Forbidden Fairytales- The Complete Series Page 43