The looks on the faces of the other adults at the table said no one was sure who to feel worse for, their kids or their father.
Deep sorrow colored their dad’s expression. “You know that Grandma Elaine and I are getting married in a few months, right?”
“Right. So?” Cole was undeterred, as if that bit of news held no relevance whatsoever in the matter of selling the house.
He glanced at Elaine, and the sympathy in her eyes was clear to everyone at the table. Then he turned back to Cole. “Grandma Elaine and I are going to get our own house. Somewhere closer to the university and the hospital.”
“But you have lots of room for her here.” Cole gave Elaine a sheepish grin, probably worried that he’d overstepped his bounds somehow. “Right? There’s room here, right?”
Peter cleared his throat. “That’s enough, guys. Why don’t you take your seats.”
“It’s time for a change.” Ryan leaned his forearms on the table, his tone marked by the same sadness they were all feeling. “Sometimes that happens.”
Maddie sat down, but Cole hesitated. “You must be so sad, Papa. Because we have a katrillion memories here. And Devin never even got to look for tadpoles in the creek or anything.”
“I am sad.” Ashley’s dad put his hand over Cole’s. “But we’ll be sure to buy a house with a new creek. So that’ll give us more to explore.” He turned and gazed deep into Elaine’s eyes. “Uncle Ryan’s right. It was time for a change.”
When Cole finally sat down, he looked at Landon. “Does that mean strangers are gonna buy it? And take over?”
“New people, yes.”
Around the table, conversations broke out. Overall the feeling was one of sadness and an overriding inevitability. Katy talked about how her parents had sold their family home in Chicago when their health deteriorated and how difficult that time was for all of them.
At the same time, Landon continued the quiet dialogue with Cole.
“What if me and Maddie and Jessie put all our allowance and birthday money together?” Cole kept his voice to an urgent whisper. “Then could we buy it?”
“No.” Landon shot a sad smile at Cole. “It wouldn’t be enough. Now shh. Aunt Katy’s talking.”
Ashley stayed quiet while the children talked about the egg hunts and campouts and endless games of tag they’d played on the Baxter property. The noises around her blurred, and Ashley wasn’t picturing the young cousins playing on the acreage outside. Rather she was picturing Brooke and Kari and Erin hunting for fireflies near the trees that bordered their property, Luke shooting baskets out front on a summer night, and herself seated behind an easel trying to capture the fading sunset as it sprayed oranges and blues across the fields adjacent to the house. She was seeing her mother tending to her rose garden out back and her dad coming home from the hospital and sitting in the porch swing next to her when the gardening was done.
Devin pounded on his high chair tray. “More cawwots, peas. . . . More cawwots!”
Ashley turned to her younger son. “Okay, baby . . . just a minute.” She put three carrot slices on his tray and cut them in fourths, glad for the reason to turn her back to the others. Not because she had nothing to add to the conversation about the house and all it had meant to them over the years and why it would be sad to bid it good-bye.
But because she didn’t want Cole to see her tears.
Dinner was over and the guys were finishing up the dishes, talking about the Super Bowl and whether the Patriots would be back.
“Don’t rule out the Colts.” Landon grinned. “They’re always in the top few teams, and now with Jim Flanigan on the sidelines, next year could be their best ever.”
“You got that right.” Ryan raised his eyebrows. “They’ll be strong for a while.”
“Which reminds me.” Peter was scooping leftover salad from the bowl and placing it in a Ziploc bag. “We need to get to some home games next season. With Erin and Sam moving here, we could make up a pretty decent tailgate party.”
“Jim tells me he can get us seats, so maybe if we plan early . . .”
Landon was drying a pan, ready to agree about heading to Indianapolis for a few games when he realized he hadn’t seen Ashley in a while. Devin had been fussy after dinner, and Ashley had taken him from his high chair, cleaned him up, and swung him onto her hip. She’d muttered something about Devin being tired and that she was going to take him upstairs to walk him until he fell asleep. But her smile had stopped short of her eyes.
Now Landon dried his hands and moved toward the doorway. “Save me the counters. I’m gonna check on Ash.”
Everyone could see that Ashley hadn’t been the same since the conversation about the Baxter house, but Landon had a feeling there was something else going on. She hadn’t been herself lately, more distracted and nowhere near as connected to him and the boys. He was at the stairs when his phone vibrated in his back pocket.
He was on call at the fire station, so he pulled it out and checked the caller ID. It was his mom. She and his dad had moved to Wisconsin a few months ago to be closer to her aging parents. Landon and Ashley and the boys were planning to visit at the end of summer for a reunion on his mom’s side of the family. Usually Landon didn’t talk to his mother more than once in a weekend, so he had a feeling the news wouldn’t be good. He opened the phone and held it to his ear. “Hey, Mom.”
“Landon . . .” Her voice cracked, and for a few seconds she didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry. It’s your grandpa. He isn’t doing well.”
“What?” Landon moved down the hallway where it was quieter. “I thought you took him out for ice cream the other day.”
“We did.” She sniffed. “He had a heart attack after church. He’s in intensive care.” There was another pause and the sound of her muffled crying. “Pray for us.”
“Do you want me to come?” Landon had flown out months earlier when his grandma died after a long illness. Ashley had still been physically recovering from Sarah’s birth, so she and the boys stayed home. But she was sorry she’d missed that time with him, and if Landon had to leave tonight, he knew Ashley would give him her blessing. “I can be there by morning.”
“No. He’s unconscious.” She uttered a ragged breath. “Just pray.”
“I will. I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll look into a flight.” The call ended, and Landon turned toward the wall. He raised his arm and rested his forehead in the crook of his elbow. Be with my mom and give her peace, God, and be with Grandpa Westra. If it’s time to bring him home, please . . . let it happen peacefully the way it did with Grandma.
No audible response moved across his soul, but Landon felt a peace deep within. Peace and sorrow in equal parts. The relationship Cole shared with John Baxter was much like the one Landon had shared with Grandpa Andrew Westra.
Landon wasn’t ready to see Ashley or the others just yet. He needed to process the news. He stepped outside through the back door and was met by a blast of cold air as he walked around the covered porch to the swing out front. The old chains creaked as he sat down and set the swing in soft, subtle motion. He sighed, and his breath formed a white cloud that hung in the air a moment before fading.
Landon gripped the swing chains and gazed at the starry sky. The full moon reflected against the snow made the night far brighter than usual. Old Grandpa Westra. The man was something else, one of a kind. The legacy he would leave behind was one Landon hoped to leave decades down the road. He pictured his grandparents Andrew and Effie. Until Effie’s death, it was impossible to see the two of them apart. In Effie’s final years, she couldn’t see as well as before, and his grandpa’s hearing was going. And so, to the end, they completed each other, and no wonder. They’d begun dating when they were teenagers and were married seventy-six years before Effie died.
Seventy-six years.
A breeze blew across the snowy ground, and Landon wished he had his coat. If his grandpa didn’t pull through, then his death would come just months after losing hi
s beloved wife.
Grandpa Westra had always been there, a rock of a man. Back when he was a boy, Landon enjoyed climbing on his lap and hearing stories about the old days. He remembered his grandparents driving their homemade cheese to the dairy, setting off for another afternoon of visiting the sick and shut-in from their community and church, and singing together as they drove. Somehow Landon’s memories of his grandparents always included singing. As if all of life was one beautiful song for two people with such strong love for the Lord and each other.
“We have it so good, don’t we, Pa?” his grandma would say.
And the response was always the same. “Yes, we do. Yes, we sure do.”
But not until his grandma died did Landon truly understand the deep faith and love of family that made up Andrew and Effie Westra’s marriage and life, the rich heritage they had passed on to their six children, twenty-one grandchildren, fifty-four great-grandchildren, and one great-great-grandson.
Stories told at Effie’s funeral would stay with Landon forever. How in her final weeks, Andrew asked her, “Are you afraid to die?”
Effie merely shook her head and even in her weakened state began to sing “Have Thine Own Way, Lord!”
The story that stayed with Landon most was how his grandparents spent their final day together. The end in sight, Andrew asked one of the family members who’d come by that day if he could carry Effie up to their room so they could sleep in the same bed one last time.
Landon remembered the way his grandfather had looked dressed in a suit at his wife’s funeral. His eyes were distant, as if he were seeing it all happen again, every wonderful one of the seventy-six years they spent together. Anyone watching Andrew Westra that day could see that his heart was broken. Small wonder he’d suffered a heart attack—the toll of living without his dear Effie was that great.
Another sigh filtered across Landon’s lips and hung in the air. He stared at the moon, the subtle definition that made up the distant surface. The loss of people like Andrew and Effie couldn’t really be measured. People who stood for faith and family, hard work and helping others. But with God’s help, he and Ashley could live their lives in a way that would’ve made his grandparents proud.
There was a sound of a door opening, and Landon turned toward it.
Ashley stepped out through the front entry. “I thought you might be here.” She was wearing her coat and carrying his.
“Come here.” He slid to one side of the swing and watched her, the gentle way she had about her. He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been crazy about her, and tonight was no exception.
As she reached him, their eyes held. “Devin’s asleep.” She handed him his coat. “Ryan said you were looking for me.”
“I got a phone call.” He patted the empty spot on the swing. “Sit with me. Please.”
She settled in beside him. “The station?”
“No.” He pursed his lips, his sorrow as strong as it had been when the phone call came in. “My mom. Grandpa Westra had a heart attack. He’s in ICU. It doesn’t look good.”
Ashley’s expression fell. “I’m sorry.” She folded her arms across her chest and looked out at the moonlit snow. “He couldn’t live without her.”
“No.” He and Ashley had shared many precious visits with his grandparents. She knew the details of their love and marriage. Now Ashley clearly felt the sadness as sharply as Landon did.
“Should we go?”
“Not tonight.” Landon thought for a moment. “Eventually. I told my mom I’d look into flights.” He hesitated. “He’s unconscious right now, so he wouldn’t know we were there. And my parents are surrounded by family.” He narrowed his eyes, imagining the Westra gang supporting each other, gathering at a few houses and talking about all Andrew meant to them. All he would leave behind if this was his time to go. He drew a deep breath. “Mom just wanted me to know.”
“Losing your grandpa . . . it’ll be like the end of an era.” Ashley slid a little closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.
For a minute or so, they were quiet. Landon took Ashley’s hand and slowly eased his fingers between hers. He never tired of the sensation of her skin against his. He set the swing in motion again, and at the far edge of the property, two deer sprang through the snow and disappeared into the woods that lined the creek.
“Beautiful.” Ashley sat up straight again. “I always loved that about living here, being so close to town but seeing wildlife right outside our windows.” Her tone was even sadder than before. “I can’t believe he’s really going to sell it.”
Landon had thought of every possible way to make the house their own, but there was none. “I’d buy it for you if I could.” He softly kissed her temple. “You know that.”
“Of course.” With her free hand she pulled her coat more tightly around her. She turned to him, and her expression filled with something that was maybe a mix of fear and guilt. “Landon—” she swallowed, and her voice fell a notch—“I came out here for a reason.”
A flash of concern brought his attention into clear focus. Usually when Ashley used that tone, the situation was serious.
She stood and leaned against the porch railing. “I should’ve told you a long time ago, and I’m sorry I waited.” She lifted her hands and let them fall to her sides. “I just . . . I was too afraid to bring it up.”
Landon brought the swing to a stop. Whatever she was talking about sounded ominous, and he fought the sudden panic building inside him. Things were fine with the two of them. They’d come through so much together and with every ordeal they’d become stronger. Even after losing Sarah. So what could make Ashley so afraid that she had kept some news from him? Her health or something wrong with one of the boys? “I don’t . . . Where’s this going?”
She came to him and took his hands in hers. Her eyes were wild with a desperate fear Landon had never seen in her before. “I’m pregnant.” She didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Three months or more, but I didn’t take the test until last week and . . .”
Awe and disbelief and confusion spread through him. And frustration because she should’ve told him when she first suspected. But all of that paled compared to his concern for her. He stood and circled his arms around her waist, searching her eyes. “You were afraid to tell me that?”
“No. I mean, yes . . .” Tears filled her eyes. Emotion seemed to overcome her, and she choked on her explanation. “I was afraid if I told you, then . . . then it would be real.” Her tears spilled onto her cheeks. “I’m afraid for me and for you. For the baby.” She pressed her forehead against his chest and clung to him. “I’m scared to death because it can’t . . .” Her voice became quiet, gut-wrenching sobs. “It can’t . . .”
“Shh. Sweetie, it’s okay.” Landon sheltered her, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other holding her steady against him. He was about to reassure her that of course what had happened to Sarah wouldn’t happen again. But there were no guarantees.
Ashley trembled in his arms, but gradually she began to calm down.
Landon thought about the road ahead of them, and as he did, the reality of what she’d just told him finally hit. “You’re serious?” he whispered close to her face, but he couldn’t contain his joy. “You’re pregnant?”
She sniffed and drew back. “I can’t go through it again. It took everything I had.”
“God knows that.” He ran his thumb gently across her cheek. “A baby isn’t a reason to cry. We have to believe the best.”
Ashley lifted her chin, something she’d done in the face of trials as long as he’d known her. She closed her eyes for a moment, and another breeze blew over them, drying the tears on her cheeks. When she opened her eyes she looked slightly stronger than before. “My first appointment is this week.”
Landon’s mind raced. Were they really about to take this ride again? Allowing their hearts to soar with possibilities and then taking the tests and waiting for the results? He steadied him
self. “They’ll do an ultrasound?”
“It’ll be too soon to see anything but the heartbeat.” She took a few quick breaths, still finding her composure. “We’ll find out more sometime in April. Whether . . . whether . . .”
Landon understood. His heart hurt for his wife, for the fear she’d been handling by herself. “If this baby’s healthy or not.”
Ashley blinked. “Yes.” She held his gaze a little longer; then she closed the slight distance between them once more.
They stayed that way awhile, clinging to each other.
Ashley broke the silence first. She straightened, and the fear in her expression was replaced completely with a deep remorse. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”
Landon brushed the side of his face against hers. “We could’ve talked about it.” He loved everything about her, even this—the impetuous, independent Ashley who sometimes had to find her own way back to the place where once more she could trust him. “I hate that you’ve been dealing with it by yourself.”
“I know. Forgive me.”
He looked deep into her eyes, to the frightened corners of her heart. Of course he forgave her. But rather than tell her, slowly he brought his lips to hers. The kiss grew and became something more, Landon’s way of telling her his feelings. His way of assuring her that together they would survive whatever lay ahead and that they’d grow stronger as a result. They would love God and each other and pave the way for their kids.
The way his grandparents had done.
He drew back, breathless from the kiss and the cold air and the mix of feelings pressing at the seams of his heart. “Have you heard the old hymn ‘Have Thine Own Way, Lord’?” His voice was quiet, and the sound of it blended with the breeze. “It was kind of my grandparents’ life theme.”
A hint of a smile colored her eyes. “It was one of Irvel’s favorites.”
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