‘So I shouldn’t take it personally?’ he asked lightly,
ridiculously relieved at the thought that this might be
the case.
‘Oh, you should most definitely take it personally!
You’re at the top of her list.’
‘I’m guessing it’s not a list of her favourite things?’
Dora plopped the teabags in the mugs and stood with
her arms crossed over her jumper. ‘God knows I love her,
I do. She’s my daughter, but I find her hard to fathom.
I think she likes trouble; it gives her something to focus
on, like casting a stone that puts a ripple in the boredom.
She’s angry.’
‘I had noticed.’
‘Not just with you, Nick, with the whole world.’
‘What’s she so angry about?’
Dora sighed and looked up at the ceiling, as if sorting
her mental list into some kind of order. ‘The fact that her
dad got sick, the fact that her sister died, the fact I sold
her childhood home. Plus, she feels that life has passed her
by, jealous of all good things that happen to people; she
is overweight and doesn’t do anything to change it; and
now she’s angry with you about the whole Beverly thing.’
He felt his face colour. These words from Kerry’s mum!
The woman who had made their wedding cake when he
was no more than a teen, and she knew he had snogged
Beverly Clark. He felt the stranglehold of mortification.
‘What … What do you think about that?’ He tapped
his fingers lightly on the pine tabletop and his leg jumped
beneath the table.
Again, Dora sighed, as if these thoughts were another
burden to bear.
‘Truthfully? I think life can be hard, too hard some-
times. And I think you’re young. Only in your early thirties
181
Amanda Prowse
with a whole lot of living ahead of you, God willing,’
she added the caveat, ‘and I think you have to make a life
yourself. You didn’t put a foot wrong for our Kerry. And
I know that your relationship, like many others, had its
ups and downs.’ She held his eye, this enough to tell him
she was, like him, thinking of the time he sat in front of
her several years ago and poured out his heart.
‘It’s not only the money, Dora, money we haven’t got! But there are rumours she’s been seeing Rod Newberry, hanging out with him. I don’t know … I don’t know what to do…’
‘You’ll get through this love. If you want to, ’ had been her sage advice.
Her words again drew his attention. ‘You cared for
her for a long, long time and it was tough, and you loved
her and I will forever be grateful for that.’ She swallowed
the crack in her voice. ‘I wish…’ She paused. ‘I wish we
weren’t having this conversation. I wish it was Kerry sit-
ting there mithering me about something. I wish a lot of
things … But this is where we are and this is what life is:
a series of hurdles, some harder to get over than others,
with pockets of joy in between. I look at Bill and how he
arrived at old age in the blink of an eye, and that’s how
it works. I’ve seen it. And I wake every day and have to
remind myself that it wasn’t just some horrible dream;
he and Kerry have really gone.’ Dora drew breath. ‘You
have to make the most of every day, every month, every
year. You, more than most, are aware that we never know
what is around the corner. I know you do right by Olly
and I know you always will. You were a good husband
and you’re a bloody good dad, and for the record, Beverly
Clark is a good lass.’
Nick felt a tingling in his nose and the prick of tears,
a sensation that was becoming less familiar, but right now
182
The Light in the Hallway
this emotion felt more than appropriate. Dora placed the
mug of tea in front of him and handed him a piece of
kitchen roll.
‘Now, what are we going to do about that grandson
of mine?’ She sat down opposite him and sipped her tea.
1992
Alex knelt on the concrete floor of the garage and dipped
the old flannel into the bucket of water, which foamed
with a dash of Fairy Liquid. Nick watched as he pulled
a section taut over his finger and began rubbing it over
the frame of Half Bike, paying particular attention to the
front forks where mud liked to gather. Cleaning the bike
was as much a preoccupation as riding it, but not nearly
half as thrilling.
‘How fast do you think I went down Cobb Lane last
night?’ Nick pictured himself hurtling along, recalling
the feel of the light bike beneath him, slightly skittish
as the narrow wheels glanced the road surface, rushing
along the lane that was a steep hill with trees and water
ditches either side that led to the Old Dairy Shed. It had
been exhilarating and scary in equal measure. He might
have sat steadily in the saddle, but his heart raced at the
fact that he was ever so slightly out of control.
‘’Bout ten miles an hour?’ Alex suggested.
Nick put down the bicycle pump he had been toy-
ing with, firing jets of air close range at a paper cup to
make it move along his dad’s workbench. His tone was
offended. ‘Ten miles an hour? No way! Loads more than
that! I think nearer twenty or thirty!’
‘Really?’ Alex stopped cleaning and looked at his
friend.
‘Yes! Really! I was zooming.’
183
Amanda Prowse
‘You were zooming, but thirty miles an hour is a lot.’
‘I know it’s a lot, Alex, it was me that was on Half
Bike thinking that if I fell off I’d be dead as a Dodo!’
Alex shrugged and turned his attention back to wip-
ing down the frame. Like anyone who spent a lot of time
together, the boys knew when an argument was worth
pursuing and when it would go round and round in circles
only ending when one of them caved in. This was one
of those times.
‘Now then.’ Eric sloped into the garage. Instead of
going immediately to Half Bike and getting stuck in as
was his way, he slumped down in the corner, sitting on
one of the canvas fishing stools with his back against the
tatty door-less dresser, where Nick’s dad kept old bottles
of mentholated spirits, turpentine, a green rusted oil can
with a thumb lever, small tin buckets with various paint
brushes poking out of the of the top, a funnel or two and
empty Lyles’ Golden Syrup pots, some with rusted seams,
all holding a variety of screws, odd and ends, and in one,
picture wire coiled into lengths.
‘What’s up?’ Nick put the pump down, bored now of
the ‘trying to make the paper cup move’ game.
Eric leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
‘I saw my Mum.’
‘No way! Is she back?’ This was big news.
‘No.’ Eric looked at his mate. ‘Not really. Not for
good. But she was there when I got home last night. She
> didn’t stay long.’
‘Was Dave The Milk with her?’ Alex asked with a
glint in his eyes, no doubt like Nick imagining the argy-
bargy that might have taken place between Eric’s dad and
the milkman.
Eric shook his head.
184
The Light in the Hallway
‘Oh.’ Alex sounded more than a little disappointed.
‘She only stayed about an hour and she sat on the sofa
like a visitor. She seemed different. It was horrible. She
kept looking at the clock on the fireplace like she had to
be getting on, and I didn’t know what to say to her even
though I have lots I want to say. I couldn’t think of any-
thing. I thought of it all after she’d gone. I told her about Half Bike, though, and she said be careful on the roads.’
Nick tried to imagine his mum like a guest in the
lounge, unable to potter in the kitchen and instead sit-
ting on the sofa with her knees together and her bag on
the floor like his Auntie Margaret when she visited. He
couldn’t imagine it, not at all, and even the thought was
enough to make him feel sad.
‘What did your dad say?’ Alex sounded concerned, as
if the fight he hadn’t witnessed was the worry for him.
‘Not much. He stayed in the kitchen, staring out the
back window. When I got in he told me to go in the
lounge, but he didn’t look at me, just stood there. So I
went in and there was my mum. And when she’d gone I
went back into the kitchen and he was in the same spot.
Hadn’t moved.’
‘What did your mum say?’ Alex whispered.
Eric took his time responding. ‘She asked me to go
to Derby to go and stay with her and Dave The Milk,
although he’s not on the milk round anymore; he’s work-
ing as a delivery driver, so I guess we should just call him
Dave.’
Nick and Alex nodded; this made sense.
‘Does she want you to go and stay for the rest of the
holiday?’ Nick couldn’t hide his note of disapproval, self-
ishly aware that it was only when the three of them were
together that they had the most fun. One of them rode
185
Amanda Prowse
Half Bike while the other two ran to catch up, or they
chatted as they idled their way to the rendezvous point.
If there were only two of them, then it would mean one
of them on Half Bike and one running to catch up alone.
No fun at all.
Eric shook his head. ‘No, she means go and stay with her. Go for good. Move there.’
Nick’s stomach flipped with unease and he stared at
Eric, trying to process this concept. ‘Move there?’
‘Yep. And go to a new school – there’s one not far
from where they live now.’
‘A new school,’ Nick repeated, trying to picture walk-
ing into Burstonbridge Middle School and sitting in a
classroom with an Eric Pickard-shaped hole in it. ‘You’d
have to get new mates.’
‘Yep. I suppose so.’ Eric kept his eyes on the floor. ‘So
would you,’ he countered.
‘Well, no, cos I’d still have Alex.’
Alex nodded from the floor at this indisputable fact.
‘What did your dad say about you going to Derby?’
Eric looked at him. ‘He said nothing while she was
there, but when she’d gone he said it was up to me, but
he’d rather I stayed in Burston with him.’ He swallowed.
‘So what are you going to do?’ Nick wanted to be
put out of his agony.
Eric shrugged in the way he did. ‘I don’t know. My
mum said if I went to stay with her and Dave The … just
Dave, then they’d get me a Sega Mega Drive and a Sonic
the Hedgehog game for it and she said I could have it in
my room so I could play it whenever I wanted.’
Nick silently cursed Eric’s mum. This was a very
tempting offer.
186
The Light in the Hallway
‘Well, you’d have to give up your half of the half of
Half Bike,’ he stated.
‘Do I get his half of a half?’ Alex asked excitedly.
‘Yep.’ Nick spoke clearly, wanting in some way to
punish his best friend who he felt was abandoning him.
His stance was confident, hoping his tone might belie
the utter desolation he felt at the prospect of Eric leav-
ing Burstonbridge – unable to imagine a life at school,
at home, anywhere in fact without his lanky mate close
by. ‘Or we could let someone else have his share.’ He
addressed Alex directly.
‘Like who?’ Eric asked indignantly.
‘I don’t know.’ Nick mentally scanned all the boys in
his class. ‘Someone like Will Pearce…’
‘Will Pearce?’ Eric snorted. ‘Don’t be ridiculous! He’s
a wimp! He wet himself in Nursery – you’d have to put
a plastic bag on’t seat every time he rode it in case he did
it again.’
‘So? What would you care? You’d be in Derby. Which
I’ve heard is rubbish!’ Nick hated the wobble to his voice.
‘How do you know it’s rubbish? You don’t even know
where it is!’ Eric retorted.
‘So!’
‘So!’ Eric stood opposite his mate and the two stared
at each other with chests barrelled, two little boys imi-
tating the men they would become, trying to contain
the swirl of emotions that fought for control. Nick felt
the inexplicable urge to cry and screwed his face up to
defeat the tears.
It was Alex who broke the silence. ‘I don’t think
Will’s wet himself for a while now. He goes to football
with my next-door neighbour and he has never said that
187
Amanda Prowse
he’s seen Will wet himself on the pitch. And I think he
would have told me. I mean that’s something people
would definitely talk about.’
Nick started to laugh.
‘Listen to yourself, Marjorie!’ Eric chortled, and laugh-
ter provided the balm to soothe the stinging cut of hurt
left by his revelation, the news that he might be leaving.
‘What shall we do now?’ Nick asked, wanting to do
anything other than stay in the garage and feel this way,
staring at the walls where Eric’s words bounced around
like cluster bombs, ready to explode the world, as they
knew it, wide open.
‘We could go and see if your mum’s got any breakfast?’
Eric suggested.
The boys tried to put the impending loss of Eric to
Derby, wherever that might be, to the back of their minds.
But it wasn’t easy. Even taking turns to hurtle down Cobb
Lane on Half Bike lost some of its magic with Nick aware
of the fact that they were on a countdown; this might be
the hundredth last time they did this as a trio, the ninety-
ninth, the ninety-eighth…
* * *
Eric climbed into the makeshift bed on the floor of Nick’s
bedroom and Nick settled into his bed, pulling his duvet
up over his shoulders. The end of August was fast ap-
proaching and the weather
had taken a bit of a downturn.
It was a little too chilly to sit in the paddling pool and
his mum had tipped the murky water over her flower-
bed. The pool itself had been upended and now rested
on its sagging rim against the side of the shed, trying to
dry out before it got deflated and stuffed back inside the
188
The Light in the Hallway
cardboard box in which it hibernated during the winter
months. Nick found the dark, damp circle on the lawn
where the grass had all but disappeared quite depressing.
A reminder that once they went back to school, this was
all that would remain, a fading circle of summer that had
at its high point been absolutely brilliant.
Nick clicked off the bedside lamp. It was easier to
talk in the dark.
‘You reckon you’ll go to Derby then?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘Do you think you’ll get a new best friend?’ he asked
quietly, his fingers coiled beneath the cover.
Eric sighed. ‘I don’t think you can plan things like
best friends. I think they just happen; you start off with
an okay friend and they turn out to be a best one.’
Nick nodded, despite the darkness; yes, this was kind
of how it had happened with them.
‘Half Bike has been the best thing this summer, hasn’t
it, Eric?’
His friend took his time in replying. ‘Half Bike has
been ace, but I think the best thing has been staying at
your house.’
‘Really?’ Nick was surprised; knowing the situation
would not have occurred had his mum not gone off with
Dave The … just Dave.
‘Yep. I like it here. Your house is always warm and your
mum always cooks your tea and gets you breakfast. It’s nice.’
Nick considered for the first time that this might not
be the case in Eric’s house and he wondered what it would
be like for his mate in Derby if his dad wasn’t there to
make things better.
‘I saw a film once about these two boys who were
best friends—’
189
Amanda Prowse
‘Like us.’ Nick interrupted.
‘Yes, like us and they became blood brothers.’
‘What’s blood brothers?’
Eric sat up. ‘It’s where you both make a cut on your
finger or your thumb and you push the cuts together so
you get each other’s blood and then even if you’re sep-
arated then you’re still brothers because you have each
The Light in the Hallway (ARC) Page 21