I nod, relieved and touched she likes the dog, even though he did knock her flying.
“Who’s with the dogs now?” she asks.
“Izzy took them home and Mrs. Lyttle is looking after them.” Mrs. Lyttle is an older woman who volunteers at the Ark occasionally. She lives only five minutes from my house, and she always looks after the dogs if I’m away.
“I am glad you’re okay,” I tell Nicola.
She looks up into my eyes. “Thank you for taking me to the hospital. Especially on such an important day.”
“It’s the least I could do when my dog knocked you out.”
“Is that the only reason?”
Our gazes lock. Her eyes hold a smile and a hint of hope. I think of how her lips felt beneath mine.
It’s the first time we’ve ever come close to discussing our feelings for each other. I’ve suspected she likes me, even though she’s never openly said as much. We work well together, and she teases me sometimes, like a big brother, which I like, even if I don’t return it. But I wasn’t certain she felt anything more.
Her eyes, and her words, tell me she does.
Fuck.
“You’re my PA,” I reply. “And you’re very good at it. I have selfish reasons for wanting to make sure your brain remains in good working order.”
As usual, I attempt humor to divert our conversation from turning intimate, but for once it’s unsuccessful.
“If I didn’t work at the Ark,” she says softly, “would there be more between us?”
I can’t look away from her eyes. They’re gray—so light they’re almost silver around the pupil, with a darker gray ring around the edge. Even with her smudged mascara, they’re beautiful.
My heart bangs on my ribs. “Maybe.”
We study each other for a long time.
The taxi pulls into the airport and parks in front of the buildings. I pay the driver, get out and collect the bag, and after checking I’m clear to take off, we cross to where my helicopter is waiting for us.
I open the passenger door, but she doesn’t climb in. She hesitates, then turns to me, and I know what we said in the taxi is whirling around in her head as much as it is in mine.
“The thing is,” she whispers, “I love my job.”
“I know,” I reply.
I look away, across the airfield. It’s quiet, as it’s a small airport and the next plane isn’t due in for another two hours. It’s a beautiful clear May evening with a light breeze—we’re going to have a gorgeous view of the Bay of Islands as we fly back.
“It’s a great job, Leon,” she continues, and I bring my gaze back to her. “I’ve made a lot of friends. I’m happy there, and I like to think I’m good at it.”
“You are,” I confirm with feeling.
She smiles, and I smile back. “We’re not kids, are we?” she asks. “We can be honest with each other?”
I nod.
“I like you,” she states. “A lot. I always have. I find you attractive, and sometimes it’s been hard working for you. But I love my job. And I don’t know that I want to give it up for a… I don’t know… a fling, I guess, that probably won’t last.”
I want to tell her that it wouldn’t be a fling, but I can’t give that guarantee. I have no experience of long relationships, and to my knowledge neither has she. Just because we work well together and we’re attracted to one another, it doesn’t mean we’re a perfect match. She recognizes this, which is why she’s not willing to gamble her job on what could be.
“I don’t want you to leave,” I tell her truthfully. “I’d miss seeing you every day. You’re an excellent PA, and an invaluable asset for the Ark.”
She nods slowly. I study her face, her beautiful eyes, the gentle curve of her mouth. I want to kiss her again. But she’s not mine, and she never will be, so I’m going to have to learn to live with the ache in my belly that never goes away.
“So, it’s business as usual then,” she says.
“I guess so.”
She smiles, turns, and climbs up into the passenger seat.
I close the door and walk around to the pilot’s side. It’s the right decision. Nothing can happen between us while we work together, and neither of us wants her to leave. We’ll continue as we are, as if the kiss never happened, and everything’s going to be fine.
So why do I feel such an overwhelming sense of disappointment and regret?
Chapter Five
Nix
I try on Leon’s headphones to see if I feel comfortable in them—they don’t touch the wound on the back of my head, but my right ear and my neck are a little tender. Still, it’s not too bad and I’m happy to keep them on. Once Leon finishes his safety checks, we’re good to go.
He flies us back as the sun sets over the green peaks and forested hills of the Northland, while to the east the Pacific turns the color of Merlot. It’s only the second time I’ve been in a helicopter, and the first time I’ve been lucid. The view is breathtaking, and I spend most of my time staring out of the window, drinking it in.
It also means I don’t have to look at him. I can talk to him, but it’s hard to have an intimate conversation above the roar of the blades, even with the intercom, and we don’t say much.
So, that’s it. Nothing’s going to happen between us; it’s clear to me now. If things were different, he might have asked me out, and who knows what our relationship would have developed into? But there are no guarantees where love is concerned. His track record isn’t great and, to be fair, neither is mine. I could leave the Ark, we could go on a few dates, and then we might realize we’re not suited at all. I’ve always hoped that if I got to know him better, he’d be affectionate and warm beneath his stiff, grumpy exterior, but maybe that’s not the case. The hug he gave Izzy this morning suggests he is, but it doesn’t mean he’d be that way with me. I have a feeling a woman has hurt him in the past, and he shuts himself off from anyone he thinks he might get close to. I don’t want to have to beg a man to show me affection.
When I asked if there would be more between us if I left, he didn’t say definitely, or absolutely, or even yes, he said maybe. It does imply he finds me attractive, but that’s not enough for me. Just like with his kiss, there was no vehemence, no heartfelt feeling. I don’t know what’s in his heart, and it’s too much of a risk, a gamble I’m not willing to take. Why should I sacrifice a job I love for a glimmer of something that might turn out to be as insubstantial as a rainbow? I don’t want to have to choose between him and my career. I know he can’t leave—he’s a director of the Ark, and it’s out of the question. It would have to be me that went.
I know I’m only a PA, but I love the Ark, and I want to stay. So I’ll keep my job, and I’ll put any thought of being with him to the back of my mind, and we’ll stay as colleagues.
That’s fine. I’m okay with that. It’s not a problem at all.
I rest my sore head on the back of the seat, feeling a wave of despondency. It’s the accident, the exhaustion, the shock, I tell myself. But deep down, I know that’s not all it is. I had a chance to have him, and I chickened out. I should have said I’d get another job and grabbed him with both hands. I should have thrown my arms around his neck and kissed him properly. But I said no, and now I’ve lost him. Now I have to work with him every day, knowing I had that chance and threw it away.
“Are you feeling all right?” His voice sounds in my ears as if he’s in my head, deep and husky, sending tremors through me.
I turn to look at him. He glances across, but I can’t read his expression behind his sunglasses.
“I’m fine, thank you,” I say. “It’s a beautiful view.”
“It’s always a great time to fly.”
“And of course it’s an amazing place.”
“Oh, the bay is definitely the best part of New Zealand.”
We’re polite as strangers. There’s no sign at all that only this afternoon he touched his lips to mine, not once but twice.
&nb
sp; We don’t say anything more for the rest of the flight. It’s not long before I see the Ark beneath us, the big cross in the field behind the buildings marking where he needs to land. He puts the helicopter down on top of it and turns off the engine. Then he climbs out and comes around to offer his hand to help me down.
I let him, feeling his warm fingers close around mine, and sadness overwhelms me at the thought that this is the only place we’ll ever touch; we’ll never be more intimate than this. I’ll never get to slide my hands beneath his shirt, or slip them into his hair. That privilege will be reserved for some other woman in the future.
To my surprise, he doesn’t let go of my hand and continues to hold it as he locks the helicopter and leads me around the buildings to the car park. I don’t complain, even though I’m puzzled. The Ark is quiet, the veterinary center and the offices all locked for the night, the only lights from the hotel where the staff will be giving recovering animals their bedtime snack before putting them to bed.
Leon takes me over to his F-TYPE Jag, unlocks it, and opens the passenger door. As I slide in, he places a hand over the pad on the back of my head, making sure I don’t knock it.
I settle in and watch him close the door and walk around to the driver’s side. It’s a beautiful car. I hadn’t been working here long when he first let me drive it. I was terrified I’d reverse into a wall or something, but he wanted me to pick something up in town and casually threw me the keys. He may have money, but he’s certainly not precious with it. I’ve seen the accounts—I know how much he, Hal, Albie, and Noah have invested in the Ark.
But tonight he drives, and he heads toward the house I share with Albie and Remy, our roommate who joined us a few months ago.
He doesn’t speak on the journey, and neither do I.
He pulls up behind Hal’s Mitsubishi—Hal and Izzy must be here, waiting for me. We get out, and walk up the drive.
Halfway up, I stop and glance around me. For a moment, I thought a person was standing in the shadows, but it’s just a tree, a black shape in the darkness. I shiver and press my hand to my brow. Am I going to start seeing things now?
“Nicola?” Leon stops, concerned, but I just shake my head and walk on.
Before I reach the door, it opens, and Izzy runs out and throws her arms carefully around me.
“I’ve been so worried,” she whispers in my ear. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, just tired.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Come in.” She takes my hand and leads me inside where the others are waiting for me.
Hal gives me a hug, then Albie, and Remy kisses me on the cheek. Izzy leads me through to the living room, and I sink onto the sofa beside her, nodding to accept Remy’s offer of a cup of tea. Hal’s dog, Miss Daisy, comes up and pushes her nose into my hand, and I smile and rub her ears.
The three cousins stand before me, similar and yet so different. They’re all gorgeous in their own way. Hal is boy-next-door, warm and friendly; Albie is a year or two younger, irreverent, mischievous, and the most outspoken of the three; Leon is classically tall, dark, and handsome, somewhat austere, like a Regency hero, my very own Mr. Darcy.
Except he’s not mine. And never will be.
“Take as much time off as you need,” he says now. “You mustn’t come back until you feel better.”
“Okay.” I’m the sort of person who gets bored at home on my own, and I’d rather be working, but I don’t argue with him.
“She needs someone to stay with her for the next forty-eight hours,” Leon says to the others. “To look out for any changes in personality or confusion, that sort of thing.”
“That’s okay.” Albie slides his hands into his pockets. “I’ll keep an eye on her.” He meets Leon’s gaze steadily. Leon frowns.
I frown too. What’s this about?
“Go on,” Albie says. “I’ve emailed you a report of what happened with the PM today. We’re debriefing tomorrow with Noah at ten a.m. You might as well get home, and I’ll put Nix to bed.”
Wait, what? My eyes widen. Leon and Albie are now studying each other, and all of a sudden it feels as if there are two stags in the room, butting antlers. What the hell? Albie’s not interested in me. We’re good friends, but neither of us has ever been interested in taking it further than that.
Albie raises his eyebrows. Leon holds his gaze for a moment longer, then looks at me. I have no idea what’s going on, so I just blink at him.
“Right,” he says. “I’ll be off, then.” He doesn’t look at Albie again. “I’ll call you tomorrow and find out how you are,” he tells me. “You know where I am if you need me.”
“Thank you for everything, Leon.”
He nods. He hesitates as if he wants to say more, but everyone’s watching us, so eventually he turns and walks out. I hear his footsteps going down to Remy in the kitchen, and their voices murmuring. After a minute or two, he walks to the front door, and it closes behind him.
I look at Albie. “What the fuck?”
He just shakes his head. “I’ll see how Remy’s doing with the tea.” He walks out.
My gaze slides to Hal, who’s still standing. I can’t tell from his face if he’s in on this. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve no idea,” he says. “Don’t worry about it. How are you doing?”
“Okay.” I feel edgy and emotional. “I need to take some more painkillers, I think. I’m all right. I just need some sleep.”
“Of course,” Izzy says. “How did everything else go?” She looks hopeful. She’s asking what happened with Leon, after she’d said, “He definitely has feelings for you.”
“We had a quick talk about it,” I tell them. “He admitted that if we weren’t working together, it’s possible something might have happened between us. But I don’t want to leave the Ark.”
Izzy glances at Hal, who purses his lips. “Of course not,” Izzy says. “None of us wants that. Is that how you left it?”
“Yeah. We’ll carry on as we are, and everything will go back to normal. I’ll just have to get used to the fact that he’s not the one for me, Izz. And that’s fine. It doesn’t matter. Everything’s going to be great.”
I promptly burst into tears.
Izzy sighs and pulls me into her arms. I sob into her T-shirt for a minute, conscious that Albie and Remy have come back into the room and are talking in low voices to Hal.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to Izzy. “It’s just the accident and all the painkillers. I’m a bit woozy.”
“It’s all right, everything will be fine,” she murmurs, rubbing my back. “You’ve had a terrible shock; you’re bound to be all over the place.”
“He kissed me,” I mumble, resting my cheek on her shoulder.
“What?” Izzy moves back a little to look at my face.
“To stop me talking,” I add. “It wasn’t… you know… tongues and everything. But he did kiss me twice.”
The others all look at each other, and I huff a sigh as I wipe my face. “What is going on? You’re all being weird.”
“We’re just worried about you,” Remy says in her strong French accent.
“We should go now,” Izzy says, nodding at Hal. “Let you get some sleep.”
“You’re not putting me to bed,” I tell Albie, who just grins.
“I’ll keep an eye on her,” Remy tells the others. “I’ll let you know if there are any problems.”
“All right.” Izzy stands, then bends to kiss my cheek. Hal does the same. “I’ll call tomorrow,” Izzy says, and then they leave, Miss Daisy trotting along behind them.
“Right,” Remy says, “bed. I’ll bring your tea.”
I get to my feet, too tired to argue. “Goodnight,” I say to Albie.
He comes up and gives me a hug. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he murmurs. “We were all very worried about you. Sleep well.” He lets me go.
I nod and follow Remy out of the living room and down the corridor to my bedroom. It’s a beautiful room, and I l
ove it. It looks out over the grounds—they’re too big to be a garden. Albie’s no gardener, but he hires a firm to keep it nice, and it has a neat lawn, lots of lemon and mandarin trees, a stepping-stone path to a pond at the bottom, and a garden bench where I sometimes sit and read. It’s dark now, and I can see the Milky Way to the south, a bright band across the night sky.
I should get my own place really, but I’ve enjoyed the camaraderie of living with others, and even though Izzy’s gone now and I miss her, Remy’s fun, and she and Albie have an interesting relationship—they spark all the time. I thought they’d end up having a thing, but there’s no sign of it yet. Guys are weird. I’m sure Albie likes her, but he obviously hasn’t made a move on her.
“Get your PJ’s on,” Remy instructs, “and I’ll turn the bed down.”
I do as she bids, put on my pajamas, take my hair out of its messy braids, brush it, and tie it back up in a loose ponytail. I brush my teeth, then go back into the bedroom.
“In you get,” she says, and I slide under the duvet.
She hands me my tea and perches on the edge of the bed. “I’m going to be checking on you several times in the night,” she says.
“You needn’t—”
She holds up a hand. “Leon gave me strict instructions.”
I roll my eyes. He’s not even here and he’s bossing me around.
“Drink your tea,” she says. “I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on you.”
“You really don’t have to bother.”
“Yeah, yeah. Leon will have my guts for garters if I don’t do as he says.”
That makes me laugh—she uses the most interesting idioms.
She goes out, and I sip my tea, then lie back and look out at the stars.
Within minutes, I’m asleep.
Chapter Six
Leon
The next morning, I ring Nicola to see how she’s feeling. I surprise myself by being oddly nervous as I call. I’m just worried she’s had a bad night, I tell myself.
My Boss, the Billionaire (The Billionaire Kings Book 2) Page 4